There must be a backup of everything, so there must be a backup to the elements of harmony. And who are those ponies?
Comment please? More like critique? Fluttershy be sad without critique.
Jk... Just leave a critique please! So I can improve! thank you!
Edit: Ps: first.
this is a seriously original idea! Gotta read now!
Interesting. The only thing is...
The grammar is atrocious. You need a prereader or something.
But other than that, everything seems good.
The worst backup plan ever.
Doctor Hooves is ussualy considered to be the 6th main background pony, not Golden Harvest/Carrot Top.
>>601480601480 This backup has a backup. The description of this story said EVERYTHING has a backup, so the backups need to have backups as well. The backups that backup the original backups also have backups. AND SO ON. A thing has infinite backups if everything has backups.
You have fantastic potential here. I didn't really notice much about the grammer or spelling, but I wasn't really looking. Anyways, just remember not to make the characters flat and perfect. From what I understand (and NOT from first hand experience) That was the flaw behind the first generation of MLP. Make sure they have flaws you can exploit for the plot or for simple humor so we readers can laugh and enjoy them as we do with the Mane 6.
I am really looking forward to this story. Can't wait for the next update.
An interesting and somewhat original idea. It's definitely got potential.
There is a lack of detail (decryption of surroundings, what characters are feeling, etc) which I believe could make the story much more appealing to readers. Also, your use of punctuation, such as commas, full stops, and semi-colons (or lack of) needs attention.
Get a pre-reader and this story could be quite popular
well, that idea is original, let's see how it develops... tracking
First thing that comes to mind, "The B Team!".
I like it so far. This is gonna be gooooooood.........
Carrot Top? Not Doctor Whooves?
Oh well. Can't win 'em all.
Wow, really captures my personality! Must fave and thumbs up NOW! Ummm...may I be a pre-reader of your next story? Or the pre-reader of your next chapter? That would make me SO happy! I bet it will be muffintastic!
You forgot to insert Carrot Top to the Main Character List.
Keep it up your doing well :3
Tracking. Y U NO DO FLUTTERSHY AND TWILIGHT?!?
It's got potential, and looks good so far. While not a major problem, the sentence structure seemed a bit odd in some places. It's likely just my opinion, so take it in stride.
Okay, I haven't read this just yet but I am tracking.
I just need to know - is Lyra going to represent the Element of Magic? One of my own stories involves some... events... that take place and Lyra finds herself in that role. Because of this, I just had to check this story out.
Good start, as some have already said before me, you gotta work hard on your gramatic, (I know I do too)
keep up the good work.
btw. Is Bonbon going to be the element of magic? as well as Derpy being of Beauty? That would be such a Doozy.
lol jk..... or am I?
Um... I'll be tracking for the concept, but, like someone else pointed out, your grammar is ... uh, to put it lightly, sub par. You should get a prereader or something, because you seriously need it. One of the errors in there is the lack of semicolons. Using commas instead of semicolons when semicolons are called for is bad. Another is just sentence structure in general. Many of your sentences come across as somewhat awkward, and they are written somewhat oddly. Just something to consider.
Of course, there are quite a few other things wrong with it, but I'm not going to pester you with all the minute details.
Anyway, moving away from grammar, the idea is different, and I'm curious as to where this will go. Unlike some people, I support C-Top being there instead of Doctor Whooves, mainly because C-Top is a mare, and the original Elements are all mares. It would make some sense for the backup to be at least somewhat simliar to the original, at least in my opinion.
Sounds *very* interesting. I cant give you feedback yet, because I dont read fics untill theyre marked complete. (I hate suspense)
But I look forward very much to this one.
Okay, before I even read the story, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess the ponies' elements.
Ditzy Doo = Laughter (course')
Vinyl Scratch = Loyalty (she seems the type)
Carrot Top = Honesty (farmers have to be honest, right?)
Octavia = Generosity (go watch epic wub time [I still cry every time ])
Lyra = Magic or Friendship (she's the one that'd bring them together)
Bon Bon = Kindness (I ran out of characters okay? )
Pinkie acted nothing like her Discorded self on the show. I guess she may have eventually turned out like that the longer it went on. Nice first chapter.
Now this is originality! Finally something new and fresh. I like the concept of the Elements having a back up and the characters you picked were perfect! *Is happy Lyra and Bon Bon are in this* My only complaint which isn't your fault. Is that Derpy is the only Pegasus in this group although that can't be helped since we don't have a popular background character who is a one in the show yet. However Derpy is Derpy so I could care less.
I can't wait to see how this turns out! *turns on tracking button*
To all the Ones asking about Dr Whooves, I WAS thinking about the idea of putting him in, but I have never watched before Dr Who, so I really don't want to try my luck in unknown fields.
Also the grammar, my keyboard is on the fritz, so when I do type something, it doesn't come out and I didn't notice it. Bleh
sad derpy is sad
Too many friends, too few lovers. But hilarious as heck.
I am seriously writing something almost exactly like this. I already had around 3.5k words in it.
I'm going to have to agree with previous statements in terms of your grammar; it is rather sub-par, and a proof-reader would be good for you to find.
The plot is certainly original, and I'm rather interested in it, so I'll be keeping an eye on this.
>>604481604481 I'm sorry!
This is altogether very clever, although the discord bit seemed shoehorned in.
*glances at story* Agh! I'm drowning in potential!
No seriously, I'm tracking this one... *click*
>>618454618454 really? Nopony's done this before?
Hey, I'm the one who said I was making something similar to this earlier. You wouldn't mind me posting it, would you?
>>620970620970 nope not at all!
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It is for a shipper like me.
no thumbs down (at the moment *knocks on wood*) Niiiice! Great story, tracking and waiting for more!
>>646945646945 Thank you!
*finishes first chapter* *goes to check updates* NEW CHAPTER! (right after I finished the first)
that Scootaloo was actually a chicken/Pegasus hybrid
thats cold but great story :P
>>647006647006 Yeah, thanks too!
It didn't seem that cold at the time of writing....
Yeah short but good!
MOAR NAOW... Nah you write at your own pace. Great story so far. Have a like and and a fave/track (still not sure how it works...). Oh and a moustache mustn't forget the moustache...
Oh and congrats on the feature =)
This reminds me of a shirt I saw once. It said "Mane six? Too mane stream" and had a picture of six backround ponies on it.
>>647022647022 Oh thanks!
here are some Pinkies for you!
I like it. No wonder why they are in the favorites!
>>647031647031 I think I saw that too! But I saw it on Mylittlebrony.com
Whoa man, I read this before it was featured. Does this make me a hipster?
>>647054647054 Does it?
Oh yeah it does!
Haha, looking forward to the next chapter. Backup plan to the rescue!
Ain't read yet, was in the middle of My Little Avengers when this featured. That being said... you broke the 2/2/2 balance of the elements.
Oh. Hell. Yes! Dear sir, this is the kind of fic that I've been looking for! It's a very desirable and interesting story line.
WHAT JUST HAPPENED THEY DONE GOT TELEPORTALED
No but seriously, you've written this quite well. I like your take on all these characters' personalities. The little events you set up to show what element each of them will represent is really what has made the story for me so far. Of course, Derpy and muffins is a sure-win strategy at all times!
I hope you continue to write this and continue to enjoy it!
Good story so far, keep it up.
>>647087647087 There are not much famous background pegasi
I took so long to find one of them, which was raindrops. But she looked exactly like Derpy, so no can do.
Well, this is certainly shaping up to be interesting. Inb4 Derpy saves the day with her brilliance.
>>647112647112>>647121647121 Thank you!
>>647112647112 You'll know in the next chapter DUN DUN DUUUUUN
>>647137647137 Spitfire oh oh! I know! SNOWFLAKE!!
>>647187647187 Spitfire is a wonderbolt! Won't she busy with wonderbolt things?
When I searched snowflake, I was expecting a girl, but that YEAH pegasus came up and scared me.
"The cream mare sighed, they may be cute"
"she found them; it was a earth colt"
one ... while the other
In general, some of the phrasing was awkward.
Let's see, what can I say about this one...?
OMIGOSH, why would you take Derpy from her muffins?!
Yo dawg, so I herd you liek empty lines at the end of your story.
If I had a dollar for every , , and I had reading this...
Now that I have that out of my system, I must make sure that you know how fan-*bleep*ing-tastic that was! If I could write half as well as you, I'd give Stephen King a run for his money...
I enjoy how each of these characters almost perfectly mirror a member of the mane 6. Kudos to you, my good sir, kudos to you!
>>647255647255 I like empty lines, they like to be empty.
>>647253647253 Sorry for that! I'll go have a change -see
>>647248647248 You kidding?! Two seasons and the Elements have only been used TWICE! Easiest gig EVER! man! Plus poor Snowflake is so under appreciated... and he tries so very, VERY hard too.
>>647277647277 Also, Spitfire is not much of a background character, right? don't kill me! (more of an important minor pony)
Also Snowflake is underappreciated but...
i don't know where to go with this.
so here's a troll:
He's a male...
71 likes? No dislikes? Keep this up, and you'll be featured in VERY soon!
>>647300647300 >>647416647416 I always felt that all female elements was not very "balanced" or "harmonious".
"That further eases my suspicions, Discord is out." -bad
"That further reinforces/confirms/supports my suspicions, Discord is out." -good
Opposite concept is opposite!
>>650166650166 *whistles and goes change the error*
I knew something was wrong but couldn't put my hoof on it ^^
0 dislikes? That's the first I've seen a story surpass 50 thumbs up and get 0 thumbs downs!
>>646963646963 What he said...
>>688292688292 I don't like Derpy.
It's probably because she's often paired with Derpy/Ditzy just as how Vinyl is paired with Octavia and Lyra is paired with Bon-Bon.
True that Derpy/Ditzy is often paired with Doctor Whooves as well, but he already has an important status of being a Time Lord.
>>688302688302 Okay... But you never read the story? Ah well. Haters be hating, I guess.
>>688328688328 ANY STORY WITH A DERPY CHARACTER TAG GETS NO READS FROM ME.
>>688351688351 I hate Derpy so much because she's cute and cuddly.
Also the reason I LOOOOOVE Foal Abuse Fics.
>>688361688361 You practically hate everypony then? They are all cute :3
>>688369688369 NO. DERPY IS CUTE. TWILIGHT IS LOVEABLE. RD IS AWESOME. RARITY IS A BITCH. FLUTTERSHY IS ADORABLE. PINKIE IS HILARIOUS. AJ IS...Meh.
>>688385688385 ... Isn't adorable the same as cute?
>>688399688399 I think I'm done here.
ok then..well SkylerM another good job, hopeing to see which element they are!
>>688414688414 looking forward to more, although you might want to put the breaks on a bit. the story is moving really fast.
also, good job dealing with that troll. he wasn't a very good one, but a troll nonetheless.
>>688461688461 Yes the story is moving quite fast, but I am still at the prologue. But the good part hasn't come yet!
Adventure is out there!
And yes, thanks to another website, I have a way with dealing with trolls.
If you think About it, We have the seventh Element... Or thirteen, Actually....
Doctor Whooves: Element of Badassery.... Okay, No.
I just lawl'd at Lyra's so "meme Attitude", Wantind to be a biped, having Human action Figures, blah blah blah. Nice work, and Congratulations on getting to the Featured Box
I... Actually... I've never read a Derpy/Carrot Top fic before ._. But yeah, Actually, One could say that the Lyra/Bon Bon, Vinyl/Octavia (Kind of) and Derpy/Whooves are the most "Canon" Pairings of the series. Almost none fic (I've seen) Pairs them with Another Pony.
>>688466688466 I'll get the lemons if you'll get the lighter...
>>688471688471 Thank you! And yes, I guess I did write Lyra's extra line about action figures by accident. Oh well. I keep hearing that a lot from tv shows.
>>688472688472 Oh, I can't. I'm not allowed to play with fire. It's a no-no.
>>688476688476 then you get the lemons, and I'll get the lighter. combustible lemons make every story better!
Here you go, Derpy touched it and they somehow caught fire, you don't mind?
Lemons Became 20% Cooler in Ten Secons Flat just by Watching that Pic.
>>688489688489 Glad you like it!
Even zheir burning is graceful!
Yay update! (reads chapter)...
Damn you cliffhangers!