Why does life always have to be so ironic?
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Noi had a quiet evening planned. Cleaning her room, some homework, and nothing too out of the ordinary for a Sunday afternoon.
Bloo, however, had much different ideas, and Noi wouldn't let down a friend, would she?
Preread by Elric of Melnipony
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Per Obselescence:
i.imgur.com/42WcWIs.png
Also, for anypony wondering, these are Noi and Bloo:
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120219230228/mlp/images/thumb/2/26/Pinkie_Pie_Smile_Song_%22it_doesn%27t_matter_now%22_S2E18.png/640px-Pinkie_Pie_Smile_Song_%22it_doesn%27t_matter_now%22_S2E18.png
--Sweetie Belle
Glad your story got acceptet eventually.
I hope my comment in your forum-thread didn't bother you.
All in all its interesting, what you have done with 100 respectively 1000 words.
However, my critique concerning the lack of description stands still.
But I liked the work for the word-count-challenge accomplished.
5798138
Thanks. And that's all right. The lack of description does bug me, but I couldn't work it in and meet my word goals. I was writing everything in these chunks of 50, 83, and 125 words, and almost every time I wrote more than would fit and had to remove things and minimise it. I really would have liked to have had time to describe Noi and Bloo, at least, so you know which fillies they are, though they are on the cover art.
Twilight Sparkle deserved more time in the story. I'd have liked to have explained how she was ultimately responsible for Bloo getting the map, how everything ended up where it was, and why she sent them. I wouldn't have minded expanding Cheerilee's role, too.
Part of it, too, was every section corresponded to one section of the heroes journey, and I was trying to make them all at least somewhat related. It was fun, but I think next time I write a story, I'll just give it as many words as it needs.
--Sweetie Belle
Mmm.... story hook....
Nice and short, strange... but nice...
Haven't read it yet, but yay! Noi and Bloo! Personally I've always wanted someone to write a story about why they were so upset before the Smile song. This doesn't seem to be that story, but at least someone's written something about them!
(I've featured Noi, and will soon feature Bloo, in a couple of stories. I won't link to them because they're NSFW — though the scenes in which these fillies are involved are entirely innocuous!)
5798494
Yeah, they need more written about them. I'd actually like to read that story, too. Maybe I'll write another story about them some time where I'm not trying to go for an exact word count and can flesh things out more. At least now I have their personalities down a bit more in my head.
A lot of the minor characters that don't have tags could use stories, really.
--Sweetie Belle
Why the cliffhanger? Why?!?!?!?!
5798503 You might be interested in the Nice Round Numbers group.
5798607
That does look like a good group to add it in. Does it matter that the wordcount fimfiction shows for the story is 1124? If you copy the story (first chapter only) without the authors note into a wordcounter, it's exactly 1000 words...
--Sweetie Belle
5798627 No, that's fine. Fimfiction's word counter seems to be extremely generous. I think it might count contractions like "don't" as two words. My word counts usually go up around 10% when putting the story on Fimfiction, so I deliberately aim low, and then make some edits to get it just right.
5798763 5798627
FIMFiction's word counter does in fact do some strange (and incorrect) things — most notably treat contractions as two words. I did a whole bunch of testing here.
As to the story itself, neat little piece of constrained writing. A 100-word Hero's Journey is pretty impressive!
5799148
Oh, it's the contractions? I did have to use them a lot to get away with the word count. I was thinking maybe it was the italics.
Glad you liked it. I actually really like the 100 word version, too. Half the reason the 1000 word version exists is 'cause I wanted it published somewhere. I'm especially happy with:
Which is actually the entire "Ultimate Ordeal" section of the heroes journey in the original.
--Sweetie Belle
Noi is best background filly.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/2/26/255715/thumb.png
I hope you know I only came for one character...
n7ugc.disney.go.com/item/Goofy452/446_2gs11k6Tac8c000015w4x5w0-h-822991-as/Cool%20Bloo__600_450_q50.jpg
I like the shorter version better. Unsure why, probably because it is so spartan.