Amber Hearts

by Blondlionezel

Amber Hearts

Amber Hearts

Spike had just finished cleaning the bathrooms, using a special mop. He had just got to Twilight Sparkle to get his next assignment. Being Twilight Sparkles assistant, he would do chores and errands for her. Though he didn’t know it, today would be interesting.

“What’s my next task?” Spike asked Twilight Sparkle. He never knew what task he would be assigned.

“I need you to get some Burning Tongue herbs near the Dragon Lands” Twilight Sparkle told Spike. Burning Tongue herbs are only really used to cure a burn wound.

“Who do you need it for?” Spike asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Pinkie Pie burned herself while cooking” Twilight Sparkle informed Spike, “Do you think you can get it?”

Spike knew where the Dragon Lands were, because he had been there before. He had met some male dragons who were jerks, to say the least. But he knew how to get there, and how to avoid any further trouble with dragons.

“I’ll be back soon!” Spike told Twilight Sparkle, exiting through the door. It was only about an hour or two away from their house.

Spike looked around the trail, seeing different flowers that were common during the fall. The leaves were turning orange, red, and yellow. The wild pumpkins and squash were plump, filled with delicious seeds and flesh. When the wind kicked up a little, leaves were flown, making look as if fire was in the sky.

“Today sure is beautiful...” Spike thought to himself as he walked down the path, hearing scurrying sounds along the way. He didn’t think much of those noises, as he had known that animals were fattening up before the winter when they would hibernate.

As soon as he reached a small group of pebbles and sticks. There was also the smell of warm lava, in which dragons would bathe. He looked around and saw a small, orange plant. He recognized it as the Burning Tongue Herb.

“Alright!” Spike thought as he reached for the Burning Tongue Herb. Suddenly, a small figure jumped on Spike, forcing him to the ground. It was wearing a small, brown cloak.

“Who are you?!” The figure yelled.

“I’m Spike!” Spike responded, trying to break free.

“Spike?” The figure asked, “Are you a dragon?”

“Yes!” Spike answered. The figure then hugged him, revealing itself to be a young female dragon.

“You are adorable!” The female dragon cooed, kissing him on the cheek, causing him to blush.

“Uh...thanks” Spike blushed.

“Me name is Amber!” The Amber introduced herself to Spike, “Do you want to come back to my den?”

“Well...” Spike thought to himself. He didn’t know whether he should go or not, as he needed to get some Burning Tongue herbs.

“Sure, but I need to get some-”

“Burning Tongue herbs?” Amber interrupted Spike, “I have a bunch I can give!”

“Really? Thanks!” Spike thanked Amber. Amber giggled, as she lead Spike towards her den.

Amber’s den was actually pretty big for such a young dragon.. It had different gems stored in brown boxes. Herbs were sealed in handmade glass tubes and jars.

“What do you think of it so far?” Amber asked Spike.

“I think it’s quite nice...” Spike complimented, “It reminds me of Twilight Sparkles lab...”

“Who is Twilight Sparkle?” Amber asked.

“She’s a pony who-”

“A pony?! You know ponies?!” Amber interrupted.

“Yeah. She was the one who hatched me” Spike told Amber.

“Hatched you? Are you part pony?” Amber asked Spike.

“No, but she is the one who raised me. Now I am her assistant” Spike informed Amber.

“Assistant?” Amber looked confused. She had never thought that dragons and ponies could work together. Considering what the dragons would tell her about ponies, she always thought that ponies were cruel dictators, who had no emotion.

“But even after the dragon killings?” Amber asked Spike.

“Dragon killings?” Spike looked at Amber confused.

“Many years ago, ponies began sensely killing dragons in a crusade of blood and hate...” Amber sighed, trying not to cry, “The reason why we are portrayed by ponies as horrible creatures is because they needed a reason to kill us!”

“Oh...” Spike looked down. Why hadn’t Twilight Sparkle talked to him about this?

“But...at least they have stopped,right?” Amber asked Spike.

“Yes, and I’m proof of that” Spike said, hugging Amber. Spike then pulled back, holding Ambers hands, as they shared a small kiss. They pulled away, looking at each other with bliss in their eyes. Neither had kissed a fellow dragon before. One could say it felt like magic.

“Hey, it’s getting late, I need to go back. Can I have my Burning Tongue herbs please?” Spike asked Amber. Amber nodded, giving him a good amount of Burning Tongue herbs.

“If you ever have the time, make sure to come back, okay?” Amber asked Spike. Spike nodded happily, making his way out. Just before he could get out, Amber kissed Spike on the cheek.

As soon as Spike left the den, he began to run back to Twilight Sparkles house. He didn’t want to get in trouble for being late. About an hour later, he made it back home.

“Welcome back Spike!” Twilight Sparkle greeted Spike, “What took you so long?”

“I had to take a small detour. I couldn’t find any where I looked, so I had to look deeper” Spike lied.

“Well, I’m glad that you brought the Burning Tongue herbs. Now I can make a potion for Pinkie Pies burn. Thank you” Twilight Sparkle thanked Spike as she began to make a potion.

Still, Spike was very happy to finally meet a nice dragon, who also happened to be a girl. Though he actually didn’t know if he would see her again.

The next day, Spike was finished with his second to last chore. He looked at Twilight Sparkle, looking for his last chore.

“Spike, I need you to get me some Blue Tears herb?” Twilight Sparkle asked, “I need some for Rainbow Dash, as she has dry eyes and needs some tears. Can you get some Blue Tears herb for me?”

Spike nodded, knowing that he would see Amber again.

(To Be Continued)

Comments

[Shine]

Haven't read it yet, will when I have the time, but it's marking 'Incomplete' and the description says 'One-Shot'

[DismantledAccount]

Rather a poor read, I hate to say. The most prominent factors that contributed to this were the overall rushed plot and the extremely telly and beige prose.

[Scribblestick]

Hmm. Not the worst story ever, but not something I'd read again. A few pointers:

- Avoid telling us things we already know from watching the show. Things like this:

Being Twilight Sparkles assistant, he would do chores and errands for her

Spike knew where the Dragon Lands were, because he had been there before. He had met some male dragons who were jerks, to say the least.

This is just repeating information your readers already know, and they're not really relevant to the story anyway. We don't need a recap.

- The whole "dragon massacre" thing was just... weird. Not saying it couldn't happen, or that I don't like a dark twist in my ponyfic, but some of the details are hard to accept. For example, you say Amber has heard of ponies as heartless creatures, yet in "Dragon Quest," the adolescent dragons make fun of Spike because "ponies are soft." This wouldn't be a problem if Amber was part of a different dragon group, but you implied earlier in the story that he's traveling near the dragon group he visited in "Dragon Quest," so it's hard to believe that the teens consider ponies "soft" and Amber has only heard of them being "heartless." On top of that, Spike doesn't try to correct her, even though what he's saying clashes with everything he knows about ponies. It doesn't really fit with his character. He needs to have some kind of emotional response to this, at least.

- The romance is rushed. There's really no way around it. It would be one thing if Spike and Amber accidentally kissed, but the way you've written it, that doesn't appear to be the case. They've only just met and had a single conversation about their kind being senselessly murdered - that's not the kind of thing that inspires love to bloom, or even a schoolyard crush.

- It's awful convenient that Twilight's friends are experiencing maladies that can only be cured with specific herbs that come from the Dragon Lands, especially with Zecora in the nearby Everfree Forest. It's also convenient that the Dragon Lands are only a couple hours away, even though "Dragon Quest" implied they were a lot farther than that.

[Blondlionezel]

5786809
5786372

I'll admit it, this was not one of my best works. I didn't think it would turn out this bad though. Thanks for the constructive criticism.

[Scribblestick]

5786858 No problem. We all have stories we're not proud of. Keep writing, and stay positive!

[Fancy Fox]

wow, that escalated quickly!
Looking for herbs --> ambushed --> female dragon ---> kiss ---> end

[beirirangu]

Are all your stories this rushed? I will say that I liked it, but it seemed that you basically condensed a 7-12k story into little over 1k, and it did not help, whatsoever

[mygiveup]

this story could use about 2-3000 more words

[Loganberry]

I know the author of this fic is long gone from the site, but nevertheless I reviewed this story (fairly) recently. There's the basis for a light, fun, romantic adventure here. Unfortunately the breakneck pace means it just doesn't give the reader any time to think.