This story is a sequel to Putting on a Silver Robe and Wizard Hat
The former human known as Silver has attempted to throw his life away, but neither Luna nor his wife, Night Watch will tolerate this. He claims it was an impulse, but they will cure him of the deep breaks even if it means reassembling him from parts.
His life in Equestria has been full of ups and downs. He has two foals on the way, but has lost as many wives, and many more friends have moved on or away. He has been beaten, burned, and generally abused, sometimes at no fault of his own, and sometimes entirely at his discretion.
Savior of Canterlot, yet feared by many of its people, will Silver Lining find true happiness in this magic world of equines? Stripped of his diplomat status and declared a ward of Luna until such time as she proclaims him cured, he has little choice but the trust in her love, and hope it can fix the breaks within him, without destroying who he is.
Part of the Silver Verse.
ok wow just is not fitting here this story just really took a turn.
I can see this story is going to be based on more mystery as now Silver Stars has a hole new life as a unicorn(not really sure on the race) as thestral does not fit the new race.
David Silver we need a name froe the new race. ??
I am happy that one think cared over for night but I promised to not talk about it so I will stop there..
Harts Fire
5786337 If the Pegasi are separated out into solar and lunar variations, would not he be a lunar unicorn? Welcome to the new story!
an other permanent transformation for silver, that makes three, four now?
He is now the primogenitor of a new pony sub-species. So the story is finally going more toward adventure type, I am looking forward to that.
5786373 Luna is writing this story, and she's fairly tired of that wishy-washy stuff. Let's get things done.
5786350 this sounds right to me.
here is a real chaligon we need art work of Silver Stars now.
5786443 On the way!
I see 'mature' as a qualifier. If you put blatant sex scenes in this afterwards...
I accepted the previous because they were only implied, not shown. I even liked the previous stories because you let me perceive a different Equestria than the ones I never bothered to create or think about, but I don't want it ruined.
5786774 Oh fine, downgraded to teen+sex instead of mature.
5786798 img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140611014217/warhammer40kfanon/images/2/2d/2837453-good_good.jpg
Thank you.
"Relation" should be "relationship" here.
As a stylistic choice, shouldn't that be "moon goddess"?
Shouldn't that end with a question mark?
Insofar as the repetition goes, having the first subject (Luna) be its own sentence, and the second one (Night Watch) be part of the statement made with regards to both of them seems a bit awkward. I'd change that to "Luna loved him. Night Watch loved him. He would protect them both."
Okay...but she's a changeling queen now, and will be administering to her entire swarm, not to mention laying eggs en masse, so that really seems like you're splitting hairs, Luna.
The "she" in the second sentence seems to be a different pony than the "she" in the first sentence, and it's making it confusing, all the more so for "the mother" sounds rather awkward. I'd change that second sentence to "Night Watch will be the mother of the new lunar tribe, as she has already consented."
How many "foals" does she plan for her to make, rather.
He will "visit" more than one? What does that mean? More than one what? This sounds like Luna's saying he'll have multiple wives, which we were sort of taking for granted, but the phrasing is very odd here.
I think he means, "what of the foals" inside her. This should also end with a question mark.
Also, this question is ambiguous. I'm pretty sure Silver is bringing up that Night's current foal(s) were conceived before Luna's "blessing," and so he's not sure if they'll be lunar ponies. However, if that's the case, that's not coming through.
5786923 Fixes applied, except one case of awkward Luna phrasing. I like awkward Luna phrasing.
If one of Night's foals was/will be a unicorn, it will be lunar. If they are earth, solar. If pegasus, lunar. Lunar Earth hasn't been 'done' yet, though Luna suggests that could happen in the future.
I eagerly await your view of things as they unfold.
5786923 Fixed!
The new story starts out with a bang, but in doing so its reach exceeds its grasp. (This review is written before I read chapter two.)
The events of this chapter set out to rectify the low point that the previous story ended on. That's an understandable goal, and a laudable one, but it's one that's far and away more than can be adequately dealt with in a single chapter. The operative word here being "adequately." Silver's fall from grace, and literal fall from the parapets, was brought on by three stories' worth of stress, pain, and loss. To have him bounce back from all of that in the course of one chapter, with a literal deus ex machina courtesy of Luna, does his character a disservice.
I've quoted Thomas Paine here before, but it seems apropos to do it again: "That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly." Simply put, Silver has instantly gotten his groove back, and it doesn't feel at all like he earned it. He hasn't had to actually deal with any of his issues, confront any of his demons, or undergo any sort of personal growth. Instead, he gets a dose of Luna-venom and bam! he's a new-and-improved Silver (new name and all), ready to go out and take on the world, or at least Anugypt. This entire sequence should have been what happened at the end of this new story, being the culmination of a journey of self-discovery and hard-won personal improvement, rather than the kick-off.
That's really a shame too, because I want to like this new transformation. It's exciting and mysterious and even rather sexy for how it opens the door to Silver essentially studding an entire new race into being. I'm not sure how Luna's enchanting a unicorn and an (already-)lunar pegasus is going to bring forth lunar unicorns specifically - she even said that she brought forth the lunar pegasi by using this ritual on a pegasus couple, rather than a mixed-tribe couple - but I can overlook that. Magic and pony biology are both unknown enough that we can say "Luna's enchantment is that any children born from Silver or Night Watch - regardless of whom the other parent is - will be a lunar pony" and have that be good enough. (But how funny would it be then if Silver got it on with a griffon, and ended up fathering a race of lunar hippogriffs?)
I'm also going to show my indulgence for politics in that I do hope we get to hear more about this trade agreement that Luna wants to cement, and how the machinations behind it will affect the economic and political dispositions of both their nations. Be prepared for some epic nerd-pedantry from me on that front!
Those aspects of the story aside, I'm not at all certain if future chapters should try and walk back the issue with Silver's sudden, unearned personality change, or just roll with it. Trying to walk it back gives the story a chance to go back and "get it right," but it also runs the risk of dredging up familiar issues and having them become an anchor around its metaphorical neck if we don't see real character growth from Silver. On the other hoof, ignoring those issues feels disingenuous, but lets us get right to an adventure story without the relative burdens of trying to present Silver "right."
It'll be interesting to see which way things develop.
ok this story is going to be more action I can see that right away.
Silver Starts is defiantly gearing up in the magic department and as you say he is doing what he loves to do making combining new spells.
Harts Fire
She brushed aside "heavy-looking" doors.
There's no need for the comma after "simple."
I know you enjoy Luna's odd way of speaking, so I'm not sure if this is on purpose, but it should be "Silver Stars and I" are coming through.
I'm pretty sure that every instance of "Fast" here should be "Night."
They depart in "two weeks' time."
With "long-range" spells.
It would be "one-way."
There are two spaces between "battle," and "and."
I'd add a "you" after "I will remind," there.
There are two spaces between "bit" and "into."
There's no need to have a comma after "slow firing" there, and it should be hyphenated also.
5787129 Ar, on the way home.
Unencumbered with his previous pathos, Silver starts to prepare for his new lot in life, jotting down new spells and explaining himself to Celestia. But quite a few explanations are still to be had. Luna talked about "the magic of the night" with regard to lunar unicorns, but unless she was being poetic, I don't really see what she means. Insofar as we've been shown, there's no real difference between what Silver could do before and what he can do now. That's not unprecedented; after all, how different are lunar pegasi from solar pegasi, beyond the cosmetic differences? Other than his sight, hearing, and appetite being tweaked a bit, it seems to be mostly a change of attitude and (so far undefined) personal appearance.
It was nice getting some definitions regarding the limits of magic, even as applied to powerful beings like Celestia, but this was largely incidental. Still, world-building is always appreciated.
Beyond that, there wasn't too much here. Silver's new personality is on full display during his conversation with Celestia - to the point of actually flirting with her! (What would Luna say about that, I wonder?) - and I'm still having a hard time connecting who he is now with who he used to be. The sudden injection of confidence is making it feel like I need to get to know the character all over again, and so far I'm cautiously optimistic about how he comes across; I say that because while he seems likeable enough so far, there's still a lot that's unknown about how he'll act now. When he comes across a bad situation, will he continue with the bravado, or will his old doubts and foibles bubble to the surface, threatening to undermine him? Both situations have their appeal, but I confess that I'd like to see Silver have to deal with his past, rather than simply escape it.
Overall, this chapter mostly laid groundwork for future developments with regards to Silver's abilities and personality both.
5787190 Typos burned, and I'm a little surprised you didn't mention how their dynamic, in terms of herd hierarchy, was settled on.
5786798 Then again, I'm not sure what vampire/cannibal sex counts as. To put it another way, where the heck did that come from?
5787236 Ah, damn, I meant to and it slipped my mind - an oversight on my part, there. Let me try to rectify that.
The issue of their altered herd dynamic is one of the larger revelations thrown out in this chapter, though it's subtly done. Specifically, we find out that the various roles have been swapped around, with Luna being the leader of the herd, Night Watch being her first wife, and Silver being the secondary.
This was slightly confusing based on what we knew before, as these roles were presented as being largely defined by gender. The stallion's place in the herd was set, for example, as the one that approved those that the first wife picked - in this new arrangement, I'm unclear if that's still going to be the case, since Silver is still recognized as being stallion of the herd, but doesn't occupy the place of primacy that was previously implicit in that position. Likewise, the changes that go along with Luna being the primary are also unspoken, but the intuitive assumption seems to be that she has some sort of "head of household" role now - that she's the proverbial "first among equals," a position that was previously understood to reside with the stallion. Given that their relationship is a secret now, with apparently even Silver's formal marriage to Night Watch being dissolved, this all seems rather confusing; more than that, it's rapidly becoming unimportant - even the characters seem to agree that the only thing that really matters is that they be together. The specifics of how don't seem to matter very much.
That last part feels very genuine. After the last story (and some of the one before that) had a strong theme of "social barriers to love," it's refreshing to see the characters collectively decide to ignore the politics and just love one another freely, weaving between secrets and technicalities as necessary to ignore the judgments of pony society and take the path of least resistance towards whatever lets them just be together. I just wish we had a greater sense of what the practical impact of what their new dynamic is. For that matter, Luna's pregnancy has been curiously ignored with all the talk of a new race of lunar ponies.
It's also a bit sad to see that Silver has stepped down from the position of leadership of his herd, no matter how ill-defined that position was. I can't help but see that as part of his near-total loss of responsibility from the end of the last story. While it makes complete sense that Luna would be the leader of their new herd - she is the immortal demigoddess, after all - it still feels like Silver has fallen far, even among the familial ranking among their herd. Would it be worthwhile for him to reassert dominance over Night and Luna, or is he simply not cut out to be a leader? Time will tell.
In the context, it seems that you should be emphasizing time rather than space: "space, but time."
extra space
Being peaceful was not the problem. When he did use violence, it just made things worse.
Their original marriage was declared legal and they were never divorced, at least as far as has been shown.
5787426 Tweaks applied! Thanks for the typo reports.
5787334 My mind is a dark and terrible place that you have only peered into the entry lobby, to scurry away at unwholesome sounds and disturbing smells.
Or are you asking thematically?
Yaay the next Arc, really enjoy reading your works <3
5787774 Glad to have you with us!
5787781 Thankies ^-^, i wish i could write. Would love to see my OC Starlit Veil in a fic
5787796 Pfft, as if I can write.
5787812 the Typos write for you I knew it!
5787541 um...both. Seriously though, Luna getting turned on by being eaten? That's a bit of a departure from...everything. I don't even understand what is supposed to be going on.
Random encounter: David Silver's mind.
Party response: Send all replaceable npcs and summons in a full frontal attack and use the distraction to run for the hills.
I want to legally sue the typos, they are offensive to my senses.
Great chapter and the next one with tumble should be good?
What, Silver facing his past doesn't count as a left-field plot twist?
5786798 WHAT? Did I just missed clop? Stupid sleep, why do we even need you...
Other than that I was quite weirder out by the ending of the previous story. Not by the suicide attempt, but by "I own you now. Again." part. Does Luna ever learn? I understand her frustration with Silver's action, but ffs mare, you were in his head. You're supposed to be the one who understands him the most!
Or maybe she do and she does what will actually get stuff done and what Silver himself will never dare to even think consciously. Still intrigued/hyped.
5788138 drinking partner's blood is one of my fetishes.
A good chapter, even if a bit overdue, especially on Tumble's part.
Silver is on the right path now, he is trying to get his life in order and repairing things with old friends.
as to Tumble I have a feeling he is in need of a true true friend and some help from Silver Star.
Harts Fire
5788138 Well, not really eaten, seeing as blood is a liquid. Sorry if I creeped anypony out with this depraved act, but blood magic is typically powerful magic, capable of great and terrible things, and the communal sharing of it is an old tradition of binding.
5788708 The chapter is not edited. You missed nothing except a few typos.
It's part of her name, so the "in" in "Stand in" should be capitalized.
Also, she became a "finely-crafted" unicorn.
Like a "finely-crafted" armor.
From what I can tell "double-door" shouldn't have a hyphen.
The difference between solar and lunar unicorn "foal-making."
Tumble is a "barely-stallion."
His makeup is "poorly-applied."
Also, his "yea" needs an "h" on the end.
Tumble is "suddenly-wailing."
5789025 Tweaks applied! I am curious for your thought on this chapter of confrontations.
5789033 This chapter was excellent! The events here not only felt like they reconnected to Silver's past, both recent and distant, but did so in a way that came across as incredibly natural and believable. The result was immensely satisfying to read about, and elevated the level that the story is operating at.
Silver's nightmare did a good job reminding him that he hasn't made a clean break from his past, which is what the previous chapters felt like they were trying to do. That Silver then decided to deal with it head-on was brilliant - I call it "brilliant" not only because it felt like a huge step forward for Silver as a character, but because this changes the nature of the transformation he underwent at the beginning of this story. Before, it felt like Silver's new-found confidence was unearned, something artificially bestowed on him by Luna. Now, though, it feels like what I suspect it was always meant to be - a helping hoof, letting him borrow enough strength to do what he needed to do, and then in turn building on that confidence by persevering in the face of his past.
Needless to say, this radically re-characterizes the events of the last two chapters, for the better. It now feels less like Luna was trying to reinvent Silver to help him escape from his problems, and instead give him the help he'd need to face them himself. The results are profound. I especially liked that Silver did this by facing both a recently-lost friend, and a long-lost one.
I was a little surprised that he was repairing ties with Fast, but I'm having a hard time finding anything wrong with it. While it does fly in the face of how final their goodbye was, especially in light of Stand In's previously testifying that repeatedly being with Fast would damage and eventually kill Silver, it also subtly brings up a good point - that they can be together on periodic, infrequent occasions so as not to damage him. Moreover, that bite on her neck was an interesting point...a lunar changeling, perhaps? Or maybe something else...Fast is a unicorn, after all, and it doesn't seem likely that she could have changed her essential nature so completely so quickly. Is she still wearing her heart crystal? Possibilities abound here, and it makes me excited for the idea that Fast might not be so far gone as Silver initially thought. I should note that Silver's having sex with her is technically him having an affair...but at the same time, it feels right that that technicality be ignored. A major theme in this story is that the characters aren't going to let labels and propriety keep them from loving each other, and this felt absolutely in that spirit (such that Luna didn't disapprove of his being with Fast). Though the idea that Night will be there is a bit odd, since again: draining a pregnant mare seems like it could harm her. Then again, what if she bites Fast too? Hm...
It was also very satisfying to see Silver finally address the stallion that he'd left behind so long ago. Tumble was always a tragic character, dumped on by everyone around him. Even Silver abandoned him, inviting him into his herd on an extremely tenuous probation, only to throw him out when Tumble predictably failed to live up to the standard that had been set. Given how much Tumble loved him, and the idea that he was thrown aside so easily after getting a glimpse at a better life is heartbreaking. All the more so for the fact that he seems to be so confused and unhappy now - his living situation does not suggest that Tumble got the help he needed, despite what Silver was told before. It's a shame that the story has immediately ruled out that Silver and Tumble will necessarily be lovers (particularly since Celine teased Silver as having been curious about that, even if only idly), but this is still a major step in the right direction. Be friends first, and let the future take care of itself.
Overall, this is one of my favorite chapters, as Silver is finally reclaiming much of his past, and with it, himself.
5789086 Well! Now I feel like a happy pony. I'm glad I've found a good direction to go in.
Silver's life really really isn't as bad as it sometimes feels. He was blessed as a human, he remains so as a pony.
I am really felling bad for Tumble he really needs to find that special some pony to complete his life.
as to the new human female I am going to jump right out on this cliff and say not going to happen Silver Stars is deducted to his herd.
hum but he is the only lunar unicorn and Luna told him he is the start of the new pony race. hum human crossed lunar unicorn. after all he has at lest 2 little ones on the way now so he is defiantly vary fertile.
Harts Fire
There are two spaces between "do" and "now."
I'd add an ellipsis after the word "roommate," since it's meant to be a leading question.
I'd delete that first "something."
Silver is already "knee-deep" in family life.
Put an "h" on that "yea."
The dish is "cheesy-looking."
He means "love-wise."
It really feels like there should be a hyphen in "herdsisters."
Technically, "bible" should be capitalized.
5789339 Damn that Jake. It's all his fault you know. Fixes applied! I hope you are enjoying yourself.
5789349 This chapter did a good job of building on the excellent work in the previous, though it did so in unexpected ways.
I was initially disappointed that the conversation with Tumble didn't really seem to resolve anything, but having gone back and re-read it, I've changed my mind on that point. Silver and Tumble had, for all intents and purposes, a bad break-up. There are still a lot of unresolved feelings between them, mostly on Tumble's end, and it's not something that's going to be quickly or easily fixed. This was a good first step, but that's all it was - just a first step along the road to repairing things between them in general, and helping Tumble repair his life in particular. And make no mistake, Tumble's life is in need of improvement; you don't open a conversation by bursting into tears if everything's going well. The fact that he's cross-dressing makes me wonder if he's still confused about his sense of gender identity, and his roommate doesn't seem like he's going to win any awards either. That and Tumble is doubtlessly lonely...
In short, Tumble is a currently-open plot-line, which is good - hopefully it will be resolved in a way that feels natural, rather than being either rushed or ignored.
Of course, the major bomb is that there's now a third human in Equestria, and it's a woman! This helps to throw more light on the overarching question of what's bringing humans here, but also shunts that into the background in light of the fact that there's now a female of Silver's original race around (I'm glad that the issue of what's bringing humans to Equestria is pushed into the background; this story works better on a more local-scale, with the focus being on Silver rather than on cosmological forces).
The fact that the issue of a woman in Equestria was immediately framed in terms of Silver doing her and possibly impregnating her felt extremely premature, but rather ironically that in-and-of itself felt very true to the characters. At the moment, their relationship is on a massive upswing - to the point where they're all basically on their honeymoon - and so they all have sex on the brain. Though...that makes sense for Silver (for obvious reasons), and even for Night (since she's opening up about her own bisexuality, and possibly becoming more adventurous in general, e.g. doing it with Luna), but for Luna...her encouraging Silver because she knows he would want to be with a female of "his own" race feels like a genuine reason...but I'm also somewhat suspicious. Her total and complete lack of jealousy, combined with how she basically declared that Silver "will visit" other females, seems to advance the idea that she really wants him to stud a new race into being.
That's not insignificant, because Night Watch alone can't be the mother of a new tribe of ponies. Genetic diversity demands that there be several other females in that regard. Even if we presume that Luna and Night will be two, that's not nearly enough. It puts things with Fast, and this new human woman, in a new light...though it makes me wonder if a human would work at all. After all, wouldn't that be pony satyrs, rather than unicorns? Maybe Luna hasn't told them everything, despite her declaration that they'd have no secrets? Or maybe she's not keeping secrets, but rather doesn't know (the full extent of) what's going to happen?
Of course, that's all with regards to the main characters' attitudes. It's going to feel a bit too convenient if the new woman's attitude can be summarized as "nice to meet you, let's have sex!" right off the bat. Sure, Jake said she prefers stallions to guys, but that's Jake talking - he'd probably think that about any woman that wasn't interested in him, which no woman in her right mind would be. It took quite a while before Silver slept with any of his current lovers, because he wants to feel for them before things get that far (as I seem to recall, he restated that when this story began). Hopefully that will be the case if - not when, but if - he and this new woman want a relationship as well (particularly since most humans, particularly women, from twenty-first century Western countries tend not to be big fans of polygamy).
5789487 The meeting will be amazing. I have naught but loose ideas that will congeal into a horrific mass when I get to writing it. The only real question in my mind is, do I go right into this next chapter, or distract them with something else?
Your thoughts run concurrent to my own by and large. In a big way, Luna is keeping up just that little distance between herself and her would-be herd. The fundamental issue(she's immortal, they aren't) hasn't changed. She is fully revelling in the simple joy of it, but that fact remains, lingering like a bad smell in an otherwise pretty room, preventing her from laying eternal claim to Silver and Night. If they were to be hers forever, she would be thinking more of 'them' as a unit, and less about visiting humans, or even new breeds.
5789501 One thing I forgot to mention is that we now have multiple plot-lines open simultaneously, with Tumble, Anugypt, and the human woman all being unresolved issues.
This is a good thing. Having multiple plot-threads is like juggling - if you can attend to each one of them without ignoring any for too long, then it's very impressive that you can keep several in the air at once.
Last night I was thinking "whatever happened to Tumble and Jake". And now I know. And knowing is half the battle.
period instead of comma after measurements.
taken in not taken it.
5790360 Fixed, thanks!