I Loathe Having to Make My Literary Work Meet the Public's Taste

by McDronePone

Four Princesses Fighting A Muffin

Usually the office floor for the “Equestrian Tall Tales” leaflet were abuzz, especially since they were about to start publishing their next issue tomorrow. But today was just a bit different. Today all the ponies who work there quickly ducked under desks, hid behind print presses, or just outright left work. All because not too long ago one of the employees burst through the doors, ranting and raving that “he” was coming. In that moment, the entire floor went awry and became of mess of half finished work and papers strewn about everywhere. Scared and restless, they hid in terror.

Soon enough the doors opened again and a voice came through.

“Hello,” it called out, perplexed at the sudden lack of movement. “Is anypony here?”

No response.

He made his way in, looking and wondering just why the floor seemed so empty. “I’m here for Mr. Print,” he asked. Usually a secretary would have to check to see if said pony was busy, but she seemed to be gone for the moment. “Uhm, I’ll just see myself if he’s in, if anypony can hear this.”

The door to Print's office slowly creaked open, echoing into the seemingly empty room. The pony stepped in, scanning the room. From somewhere, he could faintly hear the subtle tone of whimpering. Investigating more closely, he discovered it was coming from under Mr. Print’s desk.

“Mr. Print, are you under the desk,” the voice asked.

With a groan, Print slowly emerged from his desk, knowing it just couldn’t be possible to hide from this pony.

“Give me a sec,” he said, going to the door and calling out to everypony. “He knows were here. You can come out now.”

Like clockwork, all the ponies who were hiding emerged and went back to work, hoping that this would be the last time they had to do something as ridiculous as that.

Turning back to face the intruder, Print finally got a good look at him.

Short Quill looked completely haggard. His mane and fur were all in ruffles. Bags had formed under his eyes and it seemed he had suddenly grown some unkempt stubble on his chin. He spoke in a ragged way now, dropping all sense that he was fully awake.

“Mr. Print, I finally have it. I finally got the story you wanted.”

“Quill,” Print began, eyeing him up down with shocked eyes. “By the Sun, what happened to you? You look you haven’t slept—”

“Since I left the office, I know,” he finished his thought. “But I know it’ll be worth it when you see this.”

“Since when did you start growing a beard,” Print asked, dumbfounded his sudden existence of one.

“Not important,” Quill said quickly, handing him his newest draft with his magic. “Just please read.”

A very disturbing smile crossed his face as Print carefully reached for the parchment Quill had given him. While he continued to give him the creepy smile, Print began to read his latest insanity.

---

Four Princesses Fighting a Muffin
by Short Quill

The Four Princesses of Equestria sat in a monster muffin outside of Canterlot Castle while Equesrtria itself lay outside, ablaze in delicious turmoil. As the royal heirs of their once tasty kingdom, they were called for a meeting on how to end the pastry war between the Ice Cream Confederacy and the Cupcake Inquisition. Yet as they sat there in that baked muffin; in that chewy core; below its blue berry heart; at that circular table, their bicker and banter never ended with a conclusion.

“We should have all the Ice Cream attack this muffin as the Cupcakes distract it,” raved the Moon Princess, Luna.

“No, I believe we must merge the Cupcakes and the Ice Creams to form a ‘CupCream’ giant to fight this muffin,” suggested the Sun Princess, Celestia.

“That’s too risky. I say we welcome our new Muffin overlord to Equestria,” pleaded the Princess of Love, Mi Amore Cadenza.

“You’re all not thinking logically. I say we give the muffin books and educate it so that it sees we’re not a threat to its existence,” reasoned the Princess who bore the Magic Element of Harmony, Twilight Sparkle.

Back and forth; round and round; on and on the endless resolutions, suggestions, and bargaining continued amongst the four princesses, all the while the sound of splattering sweets outside grew tastier to them. The muffin itself grew angrier and angrier as sweets splattered against it. It would soon rise up and engulf everything in sight. Sooner or later the princesses would have to make a decision. Otherwise, they will all be eaten by the giant evil snack.

“Enough of this,” Luna yelled, lifting a spoon in her magic. “I say we finally show this muffin who the rightful heirs of Equestria are!”

“Stay your magic, sister,” cautioned Celestia as she lifted a fork with her own magical field, “for I’ll be the one to start this Muffin vs. Pony vs. Cupcakes and Ice Cream front.”

“I do not wish for violence,” pleaded Cadence as she wearily brought out a butter knife, “but it would seem this muffin has to go now.”

“Fine, if this is what all of you want,” Twilight Sparkle stated and floated over a cooking book, “then let’s show this muffin whose boss!”

And so they tore right out of the muffin, cutlery and cooking knowledge at the ready. The great muffin soon sprouted legs and stood up, dwarfing the Canterlot Castle and soon all of Cnaterlot itself. The princesses quickly went to work, slashing and thrashing about at the baked beast. Celestia used her radiant magic to blind the monster. Luna employed hit-and-run tactics, closing in for a swipe, landing, the blow, then quickly ascending to deliver another one. Cadance used her on magic to tie the beast down to the ground as it struggled to break free. Twilight Sparkle read all the knowledge of baking from the cook book, each detail disorientating the muffin’s giant brain.

But soon it began to resist all these attacks and used a magical mind blast spell to force the princesses to the ground. Now it grew arms and began tear apart the castle and began to slowly eat it.

“What do we do,” Twilight asked Celestia.

Pondering for a moment, the Sun Princess soon made her decision. “Call in the royal guard, the Cupcakes, the Ice Creams, everypony to Canterlot at once. This beast must fall today! And we shall assist.”

“My magic is yours, sister,” Luna proclaimed.

“And my compassion,” announced Cadance.

“And my knowledge,” deemed Twilight.

“All for sun and sun for all,” they proudly bellowed to the heavens, and soon ponies and pastries from Manehatten; from Hoofington from Blatimare; from Filly Delphia all flocked to Canterlot at the call of the princesses. United they stood and united they fell upon the evil muffin, tearing it asunder with magic, hooves, wings, and sprinkles.

The monster fought back with ferocity and viciousness unlike which they have ever seen. Battle cries and shouts of encouragement ran back and forth between the fighters.

“Don’t let up, it’s almost down.”

“Keep at it, we will win!”

“Don’t give it a moments rest!”

“I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!”

“This is the most delicious battle I have ever fought in!”

The battle raged on and on until finally the great beast blew up in a shower of blue berries. When the smoke cleared and the populace looked upon Canterlot, they saw that it had become rubble in the ensuing fight. Tears began to shed and hearts were beginning to weep. Then the blue berries that fell from the monster started to sprout magnificent buildings that were made of pure crystal. Soon the once gorgeous view of Canterlot became even more gorgeous by the sight of such a sparkling city.

As it is and as it will be, Canterlot was rebuilt.

The war was over. The pastries were granted citizenship and a seat on the royal council. The city of Canterlot was now named Crystanterlot. And all was right in the world.

Four princesses were fighting a muffin and it changed things for better.

THE END

---

It was at least half an hour—five minutes of that spent just reading the story—before Print finally looked up from his paper at Quill, who stood there this whole time patiently.

“Quill, this is…” The words could barely come out of his head. The bafflement he felt was astounding. “This… is the greatest thing I have ever read in my life.”

Quill took a moment to register what Print said. “Excuse me?”

“It has over-the-top action, its short, and it ends on a light note. It’s the perfect story for us to use!”

“Really,” Quill squeaked out.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but consider this in the leaflet right now.”

Without a seconds thought, Print yelled out to the rest of the ponies who patiently waited outside his office, anxious over what was happening inside.

“Everypony, I’m gonna need you to work double time to get this story in out next issue. I don’t how you squeeze it in, but just do it. It has to be in there before tomorrow.”

Startled yet understanding of their boss’ excitement, the rushed to see what Quill had written down and quickly set to work writing it into the leaflet.

Print looked back to Quill, a beaming smile on his face. “Quill, my boy, you wanted this story to get recognized across Equestria, and now that wish is sure to be true come tomorrow.”

Quill said nothing, but looked out onto the floor of ponies busily working on getting his story into the leaflet’s latest issue.

The story of Four Princesses Fighting a Muffin was soon on everypony’s muzzle in many parts of Equestria. Ponies living in cities where the leaflet was issued talked and raved about. Then they talked about it some more to ponies traveling out of those cities. Then those traveling ponies told ponies living in other places. Soon, most everypony knew about this tale.

Some called a genius reimagining of the adventure genre.

Others called it a bizarre trip into the mind of a crazy pony, and that they would read it again and again.

Whatever the opinion was, everypony certainly enjoyed it and such a thought boosted the number of readers the “Equestrian Tale Tales” had. Even the princesses themselves would sometimes read it aloud during public events whenever somepony suggested it.

It would seem that this story was an, albeit odd, runaway success.

Yet Short Quill was not happy about it.

In fact, after giving it thought, he despised what the story was. For many, it was a fun and famous little tale, but to him it was a butchery of what he originally wrote. He was so blinded by a chance for fame that he never did consider what he had to give in order to get it. Now he couldn’t care less if the story was successful or not, he just wanted what he had originally written posted in the leaflet on that day. But he knows that no matter how much he wants that, it just won’t happen. All because he had meet a certain standard.

As he lies in bed each night after that infernal story was published, he mutters to his self every night the same phrase.

“I loathe having to make my literary work meet the public’s taste.”

Comments

[Normal]

Best.
Story.
EVER.

Don't you change a thing. Unless it's for grammar but I didn't see many things there that needed fixing. Just the occasional comma r in one case it used the word he to refer to Luna.

[Estee]

5789051

I get the feeling suggesting edits would only lead to one thing: Chapter 5.

( So go for it.)

[Vic Viper]

...Im oddly hungry for muffins at this current point in time.

[KillerRobotQuote]

Let's get this shit featured.

[dragonjek]

“This… is the greatest thing I have ever read in my life.”

[Estee]

5789559

In order to increase the odds, we might need a Chapter 5 where Short Quill gives up on Equestrian Tall Tales entirely and rewrites for an adult magazine.

I'm thinking Four Princesses Doing Unspeakable Things With A Muffin.

[ErrorDisplayingUsername]

“Fne, if this is what all of you want,” Twilight Sparkle stated and floated over a cooking book, “then let’s show this muffin whose boss!”

Fine.

[ErrorDisplayingUsername]

5789614 All my yes has been tranfered to your account.

[dragontyron]

Ridiculous and amusing, yet tying up at the very end with what appears to be a rather important little note.

I love it.

[A Follower]

This story is beautiful. Absolutely brilliant.

[Iron Sky]

I almost dismissed this story for sounding too meta, but I'm glad I read it. it was great.

And now I wonder how much of this I'm guilty of, as a reader.

[Minds Eye]

I shall now write a story about the mane 6 merging into one body, and the cheerful--yet abominable--nature of the creature will terrify all the residents of Ponyville.

Thank you for inspiring me.

[re- Yamsmos]

You should send this to EQD.

Screencap their reactions.

[Scribblestick]

I really enjoyed this.

[Whinifree]

All I can say is .

[Mr Good Guy]

Wow, this really makes me think, kinda reminds me of the "Wizards or Waverly" episode, where the artist guy has so much trouble trying not to be "an organ-grinder's monkey" or something...

[Bookish Delight]

I took a chance, chuckled mightily.

Only thing I would change is the title, really. I mean, not only does it contain negative finesse or subtlety, it gives everything away.

[Dark Avenger]

Wow...

Subtle... really subtle...

Then again, considering the environment as of late, I have nothing against very thinly veiled "fuck yous" to both the audience and the "professional critics" out there.

Have a like!

[Mr Good Guy]

You know, it has to be a compromise of sorts when you write stories, if you don't write stuff people want to read, then you won't make much headway, and if you don't write stuff you're happy with, you won't be satisfied either, so you could always write down the original, and then when you're famous and possibly rich enough, that people will want to read your work, because of your reputation and so on, you can publish the original then.... Or the guy could've just made the princesses fight against the four ponies in the room, or their forces or something like that...

[Level Dasher]

This has been sitting in my 'Read Later' list for a little while, and I finally got to it. It was really funny and I can only imagine deathly accurate by today's standards in publishing. It got a good laugh out of me. Kudos!
Unfortunately, as an editor, I have to tell you that there are so many spelling and grammar mistakes in here that it almost made me cringe. Frankly, if the story hadn't made me laugh, I would have downvoted it. If you'd had a proper editor, you probably would have gotten a fave from me, but as it stands, you'll have to settle for an upvote.