Jobs? Give me a List of Names, and Some Darts
It was like the Temple of the Shadows had come alive overnight. Everywhere Ted walked, ponies talked excitedly to one another, sharing the dreams they'd had the night before. Some spoke of memories of home, others of hopes of adventure. Some even dreamed of finding that special somepony they'd spend the rest of their lives with. All in all, the ponies were ecstatic. All but one, and he made sure Ted knew about it.
"Your darkness, what madness is this?" Shadow Weaver raved, rushing up to Ted on his way to breakfast. Yes breakfast in bed was nice, but so was being around other people after being locked in armor. Ted turned to the cultist, confusion written across his face.
"Is there a problem, Shadow?" The alicorn asked.
Slowing to keep pace with Ted, Shadow Weaver was fuming. "Dreams! We had dreams last night!"
"And the problem is?" Ted asked leadingly.
"Dreams! Where are the nightmares? Where are the wails of despair carrying through the night? Why are ponies not cowering under their beds? Why do they laugh and converse about their dreams?"
The dark alicorn turned to the unicorn. "Shadow, the ponies here are running on fumes, if you didn't notice. As fun as it would be to torment everyone here, I would like to recover in relative comfort. Sowing nightmares amongst my followers would be like stabbing your own hoof because you thought it would be fun."
The two arrived at the dining hall and Ted, rather than waiting for a server to bring him breakfast, headed to the meager breakfast bar, much to the shock of the dining ponies. Gathering a plate and adding a few pancakes and some of the fruits that were gathered the previous day, he made his way to the throne. It wasn't that it was where he wanted to sit, but it was the only seat in the hall big enough for his flank. about half-way to the dais, he stopped, sleepily looking out at the cultists that stared at him.
"You think I want to wait for my breakfast? Screw that." Walking up to his chair, he sat down heavily, absentmindedly spreading some fresh jam on his pancakes. Some of the cultists hid smiles in their hoods, others chuckled, despite their best efforts to keeps straight faces.
"But sir, the tales told of-"
"Weaver, what have I told you of legends?" Ted asked, turning to the persistent pony. "Speaking of followers, who's in charge of staffing?"
"T-that would be me, sir." Shadow said, caught flat-hooved by the sudden change of topic.
"Good, I'd like to see what jobs you have everyone assigned to later on. Who is the quartermaster?"
"The what sir?"
"Quartermaster? The one in charge of supplies?"
"Uh, Slop is in charge of rations, but other than that we really don't..."
The alicorn sighed. "Weaver, how many ponies are in the temple?"
"Uh, I believe about twenty six?"
"Weaver, there are thirty three ponies in this room, including you and I." Ted countered, staring uninterestedly at the pony. "I want you to either do this yourself, or find someone who is good at this sort of thing. I want you to get an individual in charge of general supplies, and I want a list of everything we have that may be useful, even if it's a bed. If we don't have enough beds find out if someone's good at woodcarving or basic craftsmanship. Do we have a... what's the term, war-room?"
The cultist's ears perked up at the question. "Oh, yes sir, based on the one in the Castle of the Two Sisters!"
"Good, when you find the pony, bring them there, along with Trauma and Slop. I will also want you to send any books on construction. This is our home right now, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be stuck living in a hole in the ground."
"But sir, why not just attack Equestria?"
"I already tried that, Weaver, do you know how well that turned out? Not well at all. A new strategy is needed. We will fortify here, recruit who we can, and learn of our enemies and their weaknesses" 'If there's one thing I know, it's never rush in blindly. Not only does that never end well in most cases, Nightmare already tried that, and ended up getting its shadowy butt kicked.' Noticing the unicorn was still hesitating, he refocused on the cultist. "Any other questions, Shadow?"
"I, why do you care which pony does what? I've always just picked a pony at random. They do the job, we move on."
"What is this?" Ted asked, holding up a fork.
"Uh, a fork, sir?"
"Yes, a fork. Do you eat soup with a fork, Weaver?"
"No sir."
"Then why would you make a pony that loves sneaking around take care of the alchemy lab, when you need scouting done?"
Shadow Weaver started to respond several times, before Ted put an end to his floundering before returning to his own meal. "Get yourself some breakfast, Shadow, and then get these things done."
The pony begrudgingly left, mind a whirlwind of confusion. The Nightmare was supposed to be an unmatched horror, what had changed?
<-(0)->
Ted walked into the war room, levitating a plethora of scrolls, maps, and tomes, as well as his own notes, behind him. The war room was spacious, with a large table in the middle that had a map of equestrian currently displayed across it, complete with markers on several larger cities. Making sure nothing was being done with it currently, he swept the map and markers off the table, holding the markers for a moment and rolling the map up for storage. Waving his hoof in front of him to dispel the dust that had come off the map, he placed the map of the Kharazi jungle on the table, before placing a large marker on the Temple of the Shadows. He placed smaller markers to the south and east of the temple, a cross by the healing spring and a wheat sprig by the glade. Then, pulling two troop markers out, he placed them in two locations. As far as he could tell, they were the locations the other dreams had been. One was actually within an couple hours walking distance to the east, just north of the glade, if he translated the dream realm distances correctly. That was the one he wanted to check first, as there seemed to be an injured individual there as well. The others were near the location described in the note, so it seemed most had arrived at the meeting place, besides the unfortunate individual that had run afoul of the giant snake.
Just as he was familiarizing himself with the local area, Shadow Weaver, Head Trauma, and a pegasus wearing a chefs hat walked in. 'Slop, if my I had to guess, though where the hell did he find a chefs hat here, and why is it the cleanest thing around?' "I assume this is Slop? Nice to finally meet the one responsible for that fantastic brisket last night. I was worried you wouldn't be able to work with meat, being an herbivore."
The heavy purple Pegasus smiled widely at the praise "It was truly a challenge, sir! Never before have I had the pleasure of working with such an exotic ingredient. Meats of all kinds are banned in Equestria, and they lean heavily on any country that does not comply with their own standards. It has put them at odds with most of the carnivorous races, as you can imagine, but the queen wields enough power that she tends to walk over any who cause problems."
Ted was confused by the revelation. 'She won't let carnivores eat meat? What kind of idiot are we dealing with here? Alright, she's on my shit-list. You don't deny someone bacon.' He paused a moment. 'Are pigs sapient here? Damn, I don't think I could eat something that could ask me how my day was... even if it was bacon.' "I take it you're here as the provisions quartermaster, and Trauma is the medical quartermaster. Shadow, do you know anyone who would be good with staffing and equipment?"
"Yes sir, I told her to come here as soon as she was able to."
As Ted was about the ask who it was, there was a thunderous approach from the hallway, followed by a muffled "I'm first! I win!" Pulling the door open with his magic, he found four foals outside the door, a breathless Gleam running after them.
"I'm sorry sir, I came as soon as I heard you needed to talk to me, but the foals have just been bouncing off the walls this morning."
"There he is!" the alicorns legs were suddenly besieged by the foals, all four looking up at him, Rose actually trying to climb up his back to get closer to him.
"It was so cool! You said to have pleasant dreams, and we all had dreams! I've never had a dream before!" Rose said. Her energy was reflected in the other foals, as well, a colt and two other fillies.
"Neither have I, I dreamed I was in a pool of ice-cream!"
"Was it chocolate?"
"Ew, no, strawberry is better!"
"Is not!"
Levitating Rose off his back, he lifted the other three with her, and looking at all four he addressed them. "I'm glad you're all having a blast, but we're busy here. I need you to let us work for a bit, ok?" He put the four foals in a corner of the room with a few pony figurines and house markers, leaving them to play for a while. Turning back to the gathered adults, he looked at Gleam.
"I'm glad you want to help, Gleam, but if you're going to do this, try to find someone to help you with them. Head Trauma, do you keep a running tally of medical supplies?"
"Course Ah do, sir! Got a spare list here!" The Earth stallion pulled a list out of one of his bags. The list was dismally small, considering how many were in the temple by his estimate, and the number could be higher. Some bandages, a few doses of antibiotic, and the plants he got the day before. Oh, and his leeches. A list of all his leeches. Individually accounted for.
By name.
Barely suppressing a shudder, he turned to Slop. "How is the pantry doing?"
"Not as terribly as it was yesterday, sir, but the gatherers are supplying all of us for 3 meals a day, so we will need another supply run in two days at the latest. With more supplies coming in, I've been able to relax the ration Shadow Weaver had in place, but we're still not doing all that well."
"Has there been any activity, like enemy patrols?" Ted asked.
"No, sir, not that we've seen. I assume the ponies that tried to follow us met a terrible fate, as have several of our own." Shadow answered.
Nodding, the ruler started leafing through a book on basic infrastructure. "Can we clear out the area directly around the temple?" At the unsure looks of the ponies around him, he asked. "What? What's the matter? We need room for buildings. We can't all live here for ever, and we'll need crops. Foraging is well and good but it only works for so long."
Shadow answered him. "Sir, the forest here, it's like the everfree. It's terrifying, honestly."
Ted quirked a questioning eyebrow.
"Sir, the forest, the clouds, the animals, they all move about by themselves. This land, it's not something ponies can survive in, it can't be beaten. We've pulled plants out of the temple, only to find them growing back a week later! The clouds outside? Nopony is moving them, they drift as they please!"
The alicorn sighed heavily to himself. This is something that scared them? If he was honest with himself, the world Shadow just described was not only scary in its own right, it was downright boring. Who the hell had the free time to move clouds and control grass? "Weaver, let me tell you a story. There is a world out there, an entire planet that is like this jungle." At the horrified looks of the cultist, he rolled his eyes. "From deserts, to oceans, to tundras, to jungles, no one creature can exert anything but physical or mental influence on another, as there is no magic. On this planet, there are creatures as smart as you and I. They don't have fangs, or claws, or scales, or shells or anything like that, and yet they managed to dominate the entire planet. There is almost nowhere on that planet you can go that will not have a few of these creatures scraping a life out of whatever they can manage. They have nothing but their intelligence and a stubborn refusal to die. If they can conquer a planet that's done its damnedest to wipe them from history, we, with magic and some ingenuity, can figure out how to survive in the jungle." Facing the others in turn, he addressed them once more.
"We are not as bad off as you seem to think. For one, we have no political enemies near us, none that would bring an army to our doorstep, at least, so we can direct all of our attention to the wildlife. I'll be going out later with a group to start clearing the area around the entrance so that there will be no ambushes there, and I want someone to organize an inventory of all the supplies we have. As I told Weaver, I don't care what it is, if we can use it for something, it gets added to the list. While we're clearing the area, we'll see if there's anything else edible nearby, too. No need to waste food when we're so short. Weaver, you're good at spells, I know that for certain. Are there any wards that you know that you can use to keep out enemies? Even an early warning system would be nice." Ted chewed his lip, thinking. "Anyone else have any ideas?"
At Trauma's raised hoof, Ted clarified "Something that doesn't have to do with leeches?" Trauma's grin fell, as did his hoof.
With no ideas being put forward by his ponies, Ted dismissed them, before turning back to the map. It would be best for all involved if he had a chance to memorize the local area. Sparing a quick glance at Head Trauma as he departed, He found himself humming an old tune.
"...In the Temple of the Shadows he's the finest doc by far. He got his degree by watching House and Scrubs and E.R...." He chuckled to himself. Yes, the first chance he got, that guy was going to be placed under someone who knew what they were doing. If he could find someone like that in the middle of this god-forsaken jungle, at least.
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Top fic m8
i r8 8\8 m8
Lovely update as always.
Ted is best Nightmare.
Also, a stray thought. How many did Shadow start with on this expedition? Because he's the kind of stupid that gets people killed.
Not that most cultists tend to be clever.
Thanks
omg that's fucking evil!
I love this fic!!! This almost reminds me of suddenly being in control over a faction or nation like in an RTS and building up from nothing to a mighty empire and with this fic i can definitely see that happening, well that is how i see it at least.
Anyway, as i have said before, tis a good fic, much awesome, such wow, most pleasant
Thanks for the update!
while i can get where ted is coming from, leeches are actually useful in certain situations.
As are maggots.
The first time I read that as "Trauma's grin fell off, as did his hoof." Obviously I had to read it again, but it was tough 'cause I was laughing too hard.
Good updates, keep them up.
~Brightly coloured pills! They'll cure all your ills! Just so long as you've got Fever or the Chills!~
This is one of the fics I'm actually looking forward to updates from. Love where you're taking it! Can't wait to read more!
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
5940023 He's like a noble in dwarf fortress, which is all I can apparently think about when I read this series.
And then it turns out that in this Equestria, leeches ARE a generally accepted cure-all!
Poor Shadow Weavers only off by 1. 26 ponies +4 crunchy ex-salad cruton foals and reasonably not counting him and Ted = 32. Maybe he can ask Ted for a special nightmare just for him. I'm thinking Mortal Kombat.
Clearly explained but i glossed over it; luna and celestia are imprissoned by some smug queen. Twilight, Sunset Shimmer or maybe Trixie? Its 40 years after NMM so anything could be happening.
Do the diarchs count as Usurpers of Discord or false gods to the cultists?
I am hoping for entertaining character development with Shadow Weaver.
5940340
An apt analogy, if you ask me.
I'm loving how Ted is laying down the foundations for a potentially successful settlement by applying a bit of common sense and delegation.
If Celestia and Luna could see what is going on, I bet it would confuse the heck out of them. Nightmare Ted is not what they would expect.
Meats of all kinds are banned in Equestria,
GODDAMMIT ALREADY.
Every member of the mane six has at least one pet that eats meat. They have GRYPHON CITIZENS, who going by the fact they are half BIRD OF PREY and half LION, are obligate carnivores. They're Ponies, they're HERBIVORES not VEGANS because they're not STUPID.
If this "traitor" is fluttershy.... WTH. She feeds FISH and LIVE WORMS to her animal friends. Really people.
Nightmare was defeated, so a much more dangerous successor had to take over.
Only Human.
Yaay, he managed to tell about the crazy world of Earth, without driving them all into dribbling mindless vegetables by just how psychotic it actually is.
If theres any more of those snakes around, I wonder if calling on Scheider to deal with them would work. Failing that, a couple of grenade gourds down the throat?
He really needs to get those foals into a rotary power unit. Get the drop hammers, bellows, and saws going.
It will make for an interesting scene when Luna has to apologize to "Nightmare Moon."
Also, "Tuna" might have to deal with an assassination attempt at some point. This is not exactly what the cultists signed up for, and one of the ones who REALLY wants an abomination might be so inclined to act. If I were "Tuna," I would be keeping watch and warding.
5940413
*Ahem*
"Meat of all kinds are banned in Equestria..."
This doesn't exactly mean what you're pertaining it to mean. Slop simply stated that meat as he thought of it was banned, and Ted not thinking too deeply into what Slop said took it at face value as you can tell by his thoughts (Ted's). What this could mean is that specialty meats are allowed in Equestria, hunting and eating what you hunted is forbidden.
That's just my take, look at it as you will.
Brightly colored pills,They'll cure all your ills,Just so long as you have a fever or the chills!
All right, I've been picking up on some serious bad juju here. Luna apparently being depowered, Luna lamenting about how the state of the world when a foal says nightmare(the one Luna thinks is there) is the nicest person ever, there's a queen of equestria, they're passive aggressive with other nations, there aren't any DREAMS of all things.
I'm calling it. Twilight went all Sombra up someone's ass.
I think one of the foals disappeared!
That was kinda a bit of a dud chapter. Ted making fun of Shadow Weaver for being an idiot again was sorta funny, but otherwise nothing much of interest really happened. That he's setting himself up for establishing a permanent settlement of sorts is probably pretty important in the long run, but having that be the only thing he does in the entire chapter made it kinda boring to read.
5940494
Besides, fish isn't a kind of meat. Well, that's what the pope says, anyway.
5940539
Or this is a Conversion Bureau Equestria. It could be either.
Head Trauma = Dr. Zed. That is all.
5940567
meat
mēt/Submit
noun
1.
the flesh of an animal (especially a mammal) as food.
Google Def. of meat ^
So fish is in fact meat.
Needs editing, typos everywhere.
Take off your robe... good! Now lets see... Let me grab a leech.... Okay, now do me! ...please?
5940695
joked, joking. verb (used without object)
6.
to speak or act in a playful or merry way:
He was always joking with us.
7.
to say something in fun or teasing rather than in earnest; be facetious:
He didn't really mean it, he was only joking.
obtuse
[uh b-toos, -tyoos]
adjective
1.
not quick or alert in perception, feeling, or intellect; not sensitive or observant; dull.
Huh, i wonder who the queen is?
5940750
...
I don't get it.
Oh god, he is applying common sense, kill the non believing God of our cult! Poor Shadow is too goddamn stupid to realize a certain fact. The dead and broken do not make useful any thing besides fertilizer. Makes me pity him for his position.
5940820
I mocked you by imitating the condescending style of your comment, pointed out that it was a joke and then insulted your intelligence, in that order. No need to thank me, I'm always glad to clarify.
5940871
Ah yes, I understand now, however I never intended for my comment to be condescending, mocking, ridiculing, scorning, taunting, teasing, contemptuous, josh, lampoon, parodize, ersatz and in any way shape or form demeaning, demoralizing or antagonizing.
I sincerely apologize.
5940905
's cool, I just always have to roll my eyes a bit when someone does that silly "quoting a dictionary" thing and just couldn't help myself but use the golden opportunity.
5940927
Be gone foul demon for now I go offline!
HUZZAH!
Short chapter is short, I don't mind waiting a few weeks more for for longer chapters.
Because i wish someone would do it for me,
Anyways, good development, though once again i find myself hungry... but that can't be helped, continue at your own pace
Don't worry Weaver, Nightmare maybe gone but now Ted is here to take care of you all.
Hail Ted the Concerned, Carer of Well Being and winner of the Most Thoughtful Villain Award 2015
5940509 what is that song? Not knowing is killing me ;-;
5941074 Look up more or less any iconic video game theme on youtube,and stick 'with Lyrics' at the end...eventually you'll find one done by a bald guy with a beard named brent.....search his channel for something involving Medicine and Nintendo,and you shall find what you seek.
Enjoying this greatly!
Keep up the good work.
5940716 I know, I saw a few myself after looking over it while driving to work (Stoplights, not while driving =P) I'm surprised no-one's commented on Ted "Everywhere Ted talked, ponies were talking about" Ted wasn't supposed to be talking through the temple. The bed that owned something was probably the worst of it, though. XD
5940827 Something I never understood about evil overlords was the waste of troops/resources. Just because you're evil doesn't mean you have to be a slob.
5940070 I don't think a couple dozen cultists in the middle of nowhere counts as a country, but yea, ok. o.O
5940550 HAHA, I'm so sorry, poor random kid, he poofed!
5940656 I may or may not have allowed my borderlands experience to color my ideas of a crazy medical practitioner. I've already seen Dr. Quickfix in too many other stories.
So... Ted does know he's a girl now right? I think it would kind of confusing to refer to himself as 'he' in the presence of ponies like Luna.
5941417 Have you learned NOTHING!?!
First chapter,
Second chapter: