ShadowsInTheDark
Joined 30th Jan, 2014 ·
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10/10 more plz
6440582 Okay I'm working on it.
more
6693260 lol
I'll try to get to reading this....once i get through all the other stories in my read later list.
6710196 np take your time.
Oh shit mate! Skaven!
You need an editor. BADLY!
6801831 I know.
6801685 To true. Run for the hills.
6801961 By the way do you play Vermintide?
6801967 No but it looks fun ^^
6802107 It's a fun game.
You need an editor. DO IT!
Also I would have found it cooler if he used the arm blades used by the Skaven Assassin's.
6810359 I was trying to stay away from copying anything that could be linked to the Skaven really. XP
6810532 Skaven are superior. Admit it.
6810637 they live in filth and garbage, his rat men are way better.
6812892 Skaven are better. Insert Lenny face here.
Wow. Great minds think alike. My characters name was Ragnarok...
6814881 I guess it a good thing I changed it to be his last name then ^^
A lot of promise, but the consistent problem of the whole first chapter is that you really could use a lot more punctuation!
This
should be, at least in my opinion
this
You might find that the impact is greatly increased when writing in such a style.
6819672 I'll think about it.
AHAHAHAHAHA! That Keep lord tricked his ass! Hahaaha!
6819760 oh yes big time.
I think you should go back through the chapters you've already published to do some self editing.
The story is good, but the grammar needs work, there's a lot of errors and issues that mess with the story. Secondly the pacing could also be better. The adventure could easily be expanded to provide more character and scenery development.
It's a great story, but it could be better. As in it has the telling of being a great story.
6821511 Alright I'll look into it.
Inland?
Do you mean island, because 'inland' doesn't fit on how you are using the word?
6837405 Right XP
"Darn servants of Thor… Getting drunk and causing trouble…” .
That line killed me. XD
A skaven Displaced? that's a new one...
Holy Throne, that was intense!
6861358 Not a displaced I think?
It's like all I can say is "EDITOR, EDITOR!"
Can't stop reading lol
Yooooo! MA boy Talion is getting horns!
6873664 lol I'll look into that the guy who edits for me is just really busy.
Huh? A riot. Might as well go feed on their souls while Noone is looking. Tell Talion I said thanks. I will have it wiped from existence quickly.
You really need an editor. Other than that the story's pretty good, just the only part that bugs me is the sheer amount of grammar and spelling issues that are dwelling within this story. Only thing that I hate more than grammar and spelling? Spiders, giant spiders that scream death and horror.
Hehehe! The slaver king will die a slow and painful death for this!
6901833
Agreed.
Great story so far, and I'm looking forward to more.
One thing, though, you sometimes use Misty when you should be using Lily.
7120808 I know, I've been ,meaning to fix that when can.
Will other races from fantasy Warhammer appear in this story?
7190972 I didn't plan on it , I was only going to use the skaven as a base and build up from there.
6801960 It's good but it needs an editor....
7191256 I know.
You need to improve the grammar. Good story, otherwise.
i get the feeling that he is on the LOST island
with the towers that move the island
the "black rock" ship that isn't near the water
and mentions of a tower that holds up the island
i bet there is like a giant statues foot somewhere in the story
7271495 Who knows.
why not Ratnarok?
.....i cant tell if the grammar problems from you lacking an editor/proof reader, or from the rat people being utter idiots and not being able to speak properly, making the errors intentional.....