Fallout Equestria: Wolf Of The Wastes

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G-man64

G-man64 #1 · Mar 19th, 2015 · · ·

Welcome to the community, and if I may just say best of luck to you.

If you need help, here's a guide that should put you on the right path to making the best addition to the wasteland you can, and if you don't find what you're looking for just ask the forum.

The community's here to help.

Tetragrammaton

Tetragrammaton #2 · Mar 24th, 2015 · · ·

There are quite a few issues with this story's formatting. Nothing that can't be remedied within a few minutes of work.

- capitalization: pay very close attention to this. Capitalization is very easy in the English language and only a few words are capitalized, but nonetheless you should capitalize those words and not-capitalize those that must not be capitalized.
For example:

“Help her Please!!’

whenever i update i really hoped you enjoyed this and love to read this because i enjoyed writing it

Either you missed a full stop or a comma after "her" or it's an instance of wrong capitalization. And for the second one, "i" should be "I". Even if it is "just" the author's note, paying attention to this is important to make you look credible as an auhor.

- "Prologueilisation": This seems to be a spreading disease among FoE stories, although it seemed to go back in the last time. In short: this piece of fiction isn't a prologue, it's a chapter. It has action, the character's point of view, a cliffhanger, a direct connection to the main plot... It's a chapter, not a prologue, and should be named as such.

- formatting/spacing: It's quite easy to get that right and you already did it right half the time: whenever the speaker changes, start a new paragraph. That's it. That's good formatting.

an for the story as a story...
I think every problem in there can be fixed with two doses of working stuff out more.
Everything is too fast paced, resolved without build-up (like the vaccine) and overall not build up at all.

I'll have to wait for how this story continues until I can say more. I didn't downvote the story, because I never downvote anything, but I can't give it an upvote either at its current state.

AlmanacP