Twilight's twenty-first birthday is coming up and the girls celebrate in Canterlot's vibrant bars and clubs, Luna is invited too, although she is not entirely familiar with such activities. Alcohol fuelled adventures abound!
Oooh i hope the romance tag is for twiluna. Otherwise, liking the look of the story so far, looks to be setting up for some really good comedic elements.
The name for the morning meeting sounds much more like pinkie pie than applejack IMO, but enjoyable none the less
I like the light-hearted way in which this fiction is written. I can feel the cheer and bright colors of the show in your writing. Good stuff! I'll be following this I'd be interested to see how this will develop, seeing as how you mentionned alcohol Just one tiny thing though, I'm pretty sure "interestedly" is not a word. Might be wrong, but I never heard it before myself
Thank you! Light-hearted is what I aimed for, so I'm very pleased that shone through.
Dictionary.com said it was a word, that's enough for me.
Hope you enjoy the rest!
>>10925181092518 I see. Well that's what I get for looking it up on google translate :] Plus I'm not a native english speaker so... yeah
Oh really? Your English is great! Better than most natives to be honest.
>>10925471092547 Why thank you haha
I have yet to encounter a bad fanfic involving drunken ponies.
*Sees Romance tag*
*Sees Twilight and Luna*
Am I expecting great things out of this story?
Eeeeep. Pressure's on now!
Nice start to the story. Gonna have to keep my eye on this one.
I Really like this! I'm not much of a fic reader but this one i like.
I love this. I love this so much.
WHOOO DRUNK LUNA!!!!! Lets hear the Royal Caps lock in ACTION when she's drunk!
Alcohol fuelled adventures abound? Those are the best kinds! 8D *Clicks on the chapter to start reading*
>>10932601093260 willst thou be using the the royal we for when luna gets drunk?
great first chapter! fortunately/unfortunately i don't have any critique for you, nothing caught my eye, but that only means that the flow was great!
Huzzah! I do so enjoy Twiluna and most fics where Twilight and Luna end up in the same general area. Odd things always happen when those two get together. I shall await to see where this story does head in the future.
Another Huzzah for the cover pic being the same as my avatar. I'm kinda surprised I haven't seen it on other Twiluna fics yet. Before you ask, no I didn't make the pic and honestly I can't even recall where I found it.
This is really good, and apparently includes one of my favourite shippings.
Looking forward to the update.
Sounds promising. One question: why is it cold out? According to the show Twilight's birthday is a short time after the Summer Sun Celebration.
The dialogue in this felt spot-on, like an episode of the show itself!
I am crazy amounts of excited to read the next chapter.
Sounds promising, I shall follow it.
Found an error:
"Well, I didn't know that," said the white mare, "can we go inside now? I'm getting rather chilly stood out here."
^ standing instead of stood, perhaps?
This is gonna be great!
Getting drunk for your 21st birthday, eh?
"Sounds like a blast!"
"I wouldn't drink enough to lose control. Last thing I'd wanna do is wake up in some random pony's bed."
None of us would...hopefully.
"I've still got a while to go until I'm 21, but once I'm there, we'll see if it involves bars and nightclubs."
I think it'd be fun. Not much of a nightclub person though, mostly go there for the drinks and music, never really t' dance.
"Ohh, Steel, out on the dance floor with all the teenagers! I can just imagine the embarassment..."
Not cool, Rarity. Not cool at all...
"Oh, come now, dear. You know I pick on you like I do with Rainbow."
"I'd outclass him on the dance floor anyway!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Huh? Oh, sounded like you were challenging me to a dance-off.
"You think I'm not?"
*Steel turns around to face Rainbow, raising an eyebrow.*
You've got a death wish, kid.
"Then you've got no problem taking the challenge."
*The two lean towards each other, foreheads touching, two pairs of eyes boring into each other.*
Time and place...
"Vinyl's place in Manehatten, 9 PM. Today."
*Lightning seems to jump between as they grit their teeth, trying to psyche the other out.*
"And it's gone from a story about my drunken birthday, to Steel and Rainbow having a dance-off...Well, Miss Scratch, I hope you're prepared. You've never really seen anyone dance like Steel..."
"I pray for the souls of all those poor children stuck in the same room as those two. Probably going to get smashed before hitting the floor..."
Me? Get smashed before dancing? You know it. I wouldn't be caught dead going dancing while being sober!
Sees Twilight and Luna tags.
Sees romance tag.
Sees cover art.
Obviously, the stories great by default. That it's well written is just another plus
I'm going to follow this and see where it goes... But the writing is awkward, and you're having a rough time narrating in between sections of dialogue, and you're telling, not showing. Also, it was hard to understand some of the lines. Re-reading something five times is frustrating.
Hope you improve by next chapter.
So far, This has been
The mods are trolls, I swear. This showed up in the feature box RIGHT next to "Inner Demons".
EDIT: Have read now. Twi, methinks Celestia would be fine with hitting the bars. And challenging the particularly belligerent and obnoxious patrons to drinking contests to pay them out. Oh, and is this Twiluna or Twilunestia?
Just felt like writing this one in winter. I'm sorry if it conflicts with your head canon at all.
>>10958911095891 Not at all. Merely curious. Let the show continue!
Wow I got the feeling this is going to be awesome
........................... Who am I kidding its got Luna in it of course it going to be awesome
And props for using masticated correctly in a story I don't see many stories with it correctly used
This fic is going to ope all kinds of cans of awesome.
I have very high expectations for it.
Well that was awesome.
I love how two of the featued stories at the top are about Twilight turning 21, and that they're right next to each other
Coincedance? I think not
Sounds promising though.
*Sees it's not a clopfic*
"Straight from t'oven"
"I doubt Princess Celestia would want to go out to bars, Applejack. Luna might though, I'll ask."
Oh right nice one Twilight, completely deny that Celestia needs to have a little fun once in a while to get away from the demanding and stressful job of diarch and instead choose her sister. If you're so sure that she wouldn't want to go, you could've asked so she wouldn't feel ignored. For shame Twilight, for shame.
WHERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER?!?!? I'm hooked more than a fish on a fishing line! Okay that was cheesey but seriously I need more of this story! Keep up the good work!
You should write in Celestia going with them anyways. I mean seriously, drunk Celestia is best Celestia and besides you can always get a +1 for comedy
aww that Picutre is just adorable. Hopefully being TwiLuna you have follower
Has potential, but please get someone to proofread it. I noticed several grammar errors and some sentences/descriptions that don't work;
For example: Luna, the book and the dessert, why it's that holding both didn't work?
Leaving aside that somepony like Twi or Rare, can hold several different things in her dweomers at the same time and with good control, which follows that Luna should be able too. You lost a chance for some small comedy, like adding that she got them mixed up and started munching on the book absentmindedly .
Finally it feels a little rushed at times, pace yourself.
Hope to see it improve and waiting for more
okay, let's see how it goes
Hmm, good job keeping the characters in character :). I'll definitely be watching this one to see how it goes
You have a point with the magic. And that would've been funny.
My style is generally short, sweet and to the point, which does appear rushed to some people, but I have now spent six weeks on this and still haven't finished. My point is, I don't rush. Short. Sweet. Concise. Yummy. Just like an episode in fact.
Because I love you all so much, here's chapter two early!
I cannot express how much all your support and kind words mean to me.
I sincerely hope you enjoy the rest of the story, an fyi for anyone interested, it'll be under 20k, and as most of my work is, it's short and sweet, don't expect anything epic or stuff. I'll also upload every 3-4 days, depending on my amount of free time.
Thank you again, I've been squeeing so much over this.
Heee awesomesauce. Looking forward to shenanigans happening soon.
Well, for having read the first chapter less than five minutes ago, I'm rather pleased. This story is shaping up to be a good one so far. But are you implying that the Doctor is Matt Smith by having him out of custard...?
Also, I did notice on typo. "...do I lit a fire in the living room for you."
The Doctor is just the Doctor to me, same bloke, different face.
And thanks for pointing that out.
w00t, new chapter...
... Very enjoyable. *Waits patiently for the next chapter*
You seem awfully fond of the phrase "okie doke." There's no problem with that, per se, but I don't think it's something Twilight (or Spike) would say.
I really do enjoy these type of stories, simple, comedy, friendship. Anyway keep doing what you're doing, really looking forward fot the next chapter.
Is...is Luna gay for Twi?
That was excellent.
Well, there is that Romance tag, so I guess the answer is yes.
And look, a J.K Foaling reference has appeared. Love J.K.'s ponified name by the way. But wouldn't Twilight recognize the scene from one of the Harry Trotter books?
So far, so good
No, pleaas ignore the romance tag behind the curtain.
*opens enjoy box*
Looks like this is gonna be gud
*enjoy box contains ice cream ^-^*
One word: Reinsburys
You can't hear it for obvious reasons, but I am APPLAUDING THE SCREEN.
why does Luna strangely remind me of one Albus Dumbledore?
Awwww Celestia declined. She really needs to learn to cut loose now and then. This boring job of hers will get to her eventually.
Doctor Whooves cameo! This was a great chapter.
Well this is shaping up interestingly, and apparently Luna can dream-stalk Twilight if she choses, 'tis wonderful!
...wait...how did you get this transmission to us from behind the lock?
In the moon, not on the moon. *eye twitch*
Very interesting one!
I'd like to read MOAR!!!!!!!!!!
Yes! I love people who update frequently! but seriously celestia should go
All we need now are some fish-fingers.
But in all seriousness, great story. Can't wait for more.
I'm starting to really like this story.
Dream Luna, Yaaaay!!!!! Partying with luna, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Can't wait!!
Sweet. Awesome chapter there, but I'm pretty sure that artifacts is spelt with an 'i' not 'e'.
Applejack handed everypony tea or coffee, Pinkie insisted on both mixed together. After giving the pink party pony a few mildly concerned looks along with her her drink...
What, you've never tried it? Depending on the tea and coffee used, it's actually a delightful beverage.
Hrm... Alcohol fueled adventures... With Twilight AND Luna. This has interested me, can't wait for more! Very well written, by the way.
All you need is an Irish pony.
"I even asked Doctor Whooves, and no custard to be found!"
...(slow smile of realisation)I get that now!
I a wait with baited breath, great 5/5 yays
Great proggression, I'm looking forward to another update
Now, this looks like fun.
JK FOALING? I couldn't stop laughing 10 points to Gryffindor for you! Great story so far!
You get five s
I is intrigued.
I'm really enjoying this story, so I'm going to keep a watch for the next chapter
Huzzah! Let the alcohol-fueled adventures begin!
Really enjoying this so far, can't wait to see more!
Yes! Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
well written seems to be building nicely time to dig through your favorites good writers normally read decent stuff.
I like how you used the episode's air date (December 3rd) as Twilight's birthday. It's nice knowing that she shares a birthday with Ozzy Osborne.
I like this story. It's nice and really cute too
A twiluna? BUCK YEAH.
Really great start though, seriously, looking forward to more. (Favorited!)
Keep up the ggod work!
ooh nice! I havent seen Luna do that before in such a way. great chapter... keep up the good work! tracking this.
Amazing! Well written structure with an active story line. You managed to keep the plot rolling smoothly and in time.
Dream Luna can also solve crimes.
it better be twiluna... i'm watching you! O_O
No fakesies this time, I swear!
regarding chapter 2:
So... to many says "Okie doke" that aren't suppose to say it...
Sometimes it's fine that Celestia hints that twilight and lune should "team up" but sometimes it just feels out of context (the lack of reason to do so)...
and J.K Foaling... really? *facepalm* maybe if you used the name of a decent author i could deal with it...
not sure if trustworthy or just trolling ಠ_ಠ