I saw the description and thought "Intriguing..."

Then I saw the wordcount and the incomplete tag.

Definitely going to have to read this.

24k words off the starting line?  Commitment detected!

DAMN! 24k words huh? I'm definantly going to have to give this a look...

Holy cow.

That's a doozy of a word count.  

Defiantly reading this when I have the time.

Intriguing description.  

This'll be good.

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/191/809/me_gusta_mucho_by_megustamuchoplz-d416uqk.png?1319690633

-Republican

-Catholic

-Pro Military

-Proud to be American

. . . . your husband is a lucky man. (I'm VERY jelly!)

Damn... and this is incomplete? I wasn't sure about this when I saw the summary but I thought what the hell and gave it a shot. You've crafted a one hell of a character, melded our words together in way I really haven't seen before. You've made both sides... for lack of a better word and no insult, human. The ponies aren't perfect, and the humans aren't raving monsters. The tests DJ had to endure makes sense, even the conflict with her birth family, which was more or less resolved perfectly because Celestia and Sweetie Belle were right (and Celestia, I think, had ever right to be ticked at the Bearers), it would have torn Equestria apart. I wonder were you will go with this, will Rarity "man" up and acknowledge her daughter and grandchildren? Will DJ deiced to see Equestria once again? Will we find out how we made contact with Equestria?

Oh and one thing it should be TakaraTomy-Hasbro

In the Name of Her Serene Majesty Celestia Everfree

Celestia's Paladin: For Honor and Duty, For the Sun and Moon

>>570374570374

Actually, I know about the Takara/Tomy merger; I just figure that the US subsidiary would be simplified.  After all, we're not calling the current company Hassenfeld Bros. anymore.  Also, it was explained how they found our world: Twilight and Pinkie went fourth wall spelunking.

Amazing. Simply... amazing! This is perhaps one of the best fics I've read since MLP became as popular as it has. And I mean that through ALL the genres of fics I've ever read. The word count and header attracted me, but now that I finished it... this is a spectacular story! YOU have some excellent writing skills, my friend! Great job! and if at all possible, I'd LOVE to hear some more about the life and times of Daisy Jo Martinez!

A couple things:

When DJ is quoting a pony, you missed a few instances of their 'dialect.'  Inhuman -> Inequine, that sort of thing.

Did you use Equestriani to differentiate from equestrian sport?  It's a little jarring.

I can't imagine Rarity being as cruel and heartless as she is for so long.  I understand her doing anything to get her Sandalwood back, but when she fails, I'd think she'd want to be involved in whatever small way she could.  Rarity isn't intolerant, she just cares very much for appearances and proper behaviour.    Things that, you know, are choices for an individual to make.  She could very easily fall prey to that motherhood complex, but I can't see her disowning her first-born.

Applejack, in my eyes, would be the one more likely to hold on to stubborn, intolerant views.  Remember Bridle Gossip?  Perhaps Rainbow Dash as well, until somebody/pony explained to her that DJ was being loyal to the only family she knew.

I still enjoyed the story, though.

Okay then. I shall read this for the 24K chapters.

*applause* VERY well done! My one complaint (aside from the standard occasional typo) is that you used the term "Equestriani". Why not just Equestrian? Also, when DJ was meeting other ponies for the first time I was reminded rather strongly of the end of My Little Dashie. I saw in the A/N that you had not read it until you had written this... hm. Oh yes, and the alternate MLP history was very intriguing, even if it doesn't make much sense.

>>570412570412

DJ's relating things from her point of view, and since she was essentially raised as a human, so human standards apply.

I used Equestriani, because to me it seems more like a demonym than Equestrian.  Equestrian (and thus Equestria) means horse RIDER, so Equestria means Land of the Horse Riders.  I know most people use the other version, but to me the change seems more realistic.

Exactly why I chose Rarity.  She prefers things in their proper place, and a pony is a pony is a pony, regardless.  but for any/everyone (any/everypony?) there's always a bridge too far.  Rarity chose the easier option; she's done that before as well.  Only later on will we see if she actually changes her ways.

>>570383570383

I guess that would work, TakaraTomy is just know as Takara here.

Leave it to Pinkie Pie.. wait Twilight? Did she try to figure out how Pinkie works again?

>>570433570433

Actually, there's a historical precedent for the MLP pause.  In the late 70s, Hasbro had an expensive horse toy (that my wife had) called My Pretty Pony.  Needless to say, it didn't sell well, except for the smaller "baby pony" versions.  Well, it went away for a few years, and when it came back, the baby ponies were renamed My Little Pony...and thus history was made.

After reading, I really liked this. This was incredibly unique and it was written in a very nice style. The humor was pretty good as well. All-in-all, one of the better stories I've read here. And it's marked incomplete as well? Where, pray tell, are you planning on taking this? In my eyes, it seems just fine the way it is. The ending is very well done, and it wraps everything up quite nicely. I assume it will be about the other ponies on Earth?

In any case, I want to reiterate that this was a refreshingly nice read. I don't see creativity and well done writing put together as often as I would wish.

dat wordcount

*throws into read later pile*

>>570460570460 Ah, what I was referring to was the fact that G4 was not made. Obviously that had to be the case so that you weren't forced into the stereotypical human reaction, but at the same time if G4 didn't exist on Earth then why would it... er... well, do you see what I'm getting at here? It's kind of hard to put it into words without sounding stupid...

And on the topic of Equestrian vs. Equestriani, I see no reason for -ni to be used. Is there a real life example of a country name with similar structure? I'm afraid my geography is a bit rusty, and none come to mind...

>>570548570548

G4 MLP in the story is not Equestria.  the MLP toyline in that universe probably follows the same marketing pattern as Transformers, where they release the same characters in a new style repeatedly - imagine DJ having to be a spokeswoman for the new G4 "Pretty Pink" Firefly toy set.

>>570581570581 Yes, I got that. My thinking is that, well, the G4 we know and love never existed there, so why should it have contact? I can't really put it into words, but something just feels off to me about that.

Alternate reality where equines came to prominence instead of primates.  Think of it this way: Narnia exists in the fictional universe its in, but there's no ties to the real world there.  Something happened to spur that; in this case, it was the magic lightning bolt that teleported Sandalwood/DJ between worlds.  Twilight and Pinkie spent 15 years looking for Rarity's lost foal because she was family and there was a small chance she was somewhere out there - if there's any chance at all of finding a missing child, you take it.  When they discovered the world DJ was on had a government and some civilization, what better way to find a missing child than to contact the local authorities for assistance?  (NB: I know this doesn't always work in the real world.)

Send this to Equestria Daily.  Now.

Me: I've been thinking of writing a story where instead of a human getting transported to equestria, a pony gets transported to earth!

*sees this*

Probably one of the most thorough fanfics I've read in a long time. It actually had meaning! Many tears were shed :rarity cry: I absolutely LOVED this. I cannot tell you how excellent this was. A few grammar errors, but over 20,000 words. AND INCOMPLETE. You my friend, better be ready for the onslaught of favorites and likes. If it doesn't happen immediately, send this to Equestria Daily. I'm more than sure they will accept this. I felt so bad during the part with the court. I didn't know whose side to take. It was a very hard part to read because of the conflicting emotions. I commend you my friend. You have a new favorite.

>>570760570760

Done, and done.

>>570776570776

Give it a shot.  My Little Dashie did it before me, and you can happily follow.  Your tale might be way different from mine as mine was different from MLD.

Umm... Wow. I mean really. That was incredibly emotional and deep. I don't actually think I can come up with  the proper words to describe this... Just wow. I seriously look forward to the next instalment.

This needs to be featured on EQD.

This fic was responsible for me not approving more earlier. I got caught in it! A Republican, Catholic, Pony that is more human in mentality than pony... I had to do more than skim it... and poof. Other fics, ignored... I should learn to simply save it for later, but hey, I really enjoyed it!

That was an extremely cool story to read. Great job, I can actually imagine it happening.

This is rather well written. Good job.

it was ... nice.  very well thought out and with characters that have depth and, uh, character ...

but, uhm, i can't see Rarity acting anything like this, bigotry or no.  i'm sorry but i just can't.  even as a prima dona and drama queen, i can't see Rarity, uhm, well, doing this.  most of the others i can kinda see aligning in the way you describe but, i don't know.  Rarity sticks out a great deal to me.

the way it is written, as a pure interview, puts me off a bit.  uhm, i mean, i can see why you'd chose this style (35 odd years of back story to write, yikes) but i've never liked, uh, plot dumps?  i'm not sure how to describe why, i'm sorry.  still, it was really well written and the dislike of interviews is a personal preference that detracts only from my personal enjoyment of it.  when i stopped reading it as an interview and started to read it more as an outline, i enjoyed it more.

i'm not like the protagonist but i don't dislike her.  that's pretty rare in the fandom, it seems.  she's a fairly well-rounded person with some flaws.

i liked it, some bits aside, and give it a thumb up.  i, uhm, can't really say very much more.  sorry if that wasn't as far-reaching as it could be.

edit: going back over some of the story, i realize that ... your pony has no glaring flaws but no glaring strengths either.  she's ... normal.  and therein lies a bit of the strength of this story.  she's not some lost alicorn or super mage or massively strong earth pony.  shes an average human in a pony body.  those characters are rare in this fandom and i think that's one of the reasons i like this.  a normal person with some extraordinary things that happened to her just trying to live her life.

>>571098571098

No, comments are more than welcome and very much appreciated.  I don't think the later portions will be interviews, because I just don't see this happening forever.

>>570776570776

Let me guess....

*reads this*

Was I right?

STORY! Y U NO ADD TO FAVORI.... oh, nvm.

This is bloody amazing! Seriously, one of THE BEST stories I have EVER read. You have talent.

It's a good thing I found this early, otherwise, I'd be up waaayyy too late to be able to function tomorrow.

Image: http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/057/f/a/princess_luna_approved_by_ambris-d4r3ibw.png

Woah... this is really good. My only complaint was Rarity seemed off-character.

I really want to like this story more than I do. It did get a thumbs-up from me, so, no, I'm not all that down on it... it just ended up feeling very... incomplete. There's a strange inconsistency in some parts... particularly the scene with Luna. That scene just doesn't gel with the later events of the story. She's got an awful lot of venom for ponykind at that point of the story and, though the why for that follows shortly with the foalnapping incident, it's for the most part broken down by Twilight, AJ, Pinkie, Sweetie and eventually most every pony aside from Rarity and her immediate family. And, as for Rarity... yeah, count me among those who don't quite buy her getting this bad without some really, really much better reasons... but honestly, I read around it for the sake of concept. Going back to the Luna scene... it also foreshadows something that never happens... which was incredibly disappointing since that business card is burning a hole in my brain currently.

Oh well, still a fairly unique story. Never thought I see the Hague Convention being used in a pony fanfic.

Just found it to be fundamentally incomplete at this point... so I'd say my actual opinion is pending for now.

~Lammy

that was amazing

to featured

Heh, I considered writing a story like this, a pony on earth story where the pony is Happily Adopted and fully integrated into human society... but then I remembered I can't write. At all. So instead I just kinda sat back and hoped someone else would write what I could not write myself. And then you did, and here we are!

I thought this story is excellent, and I will definitely be keeping an eye out for future updates. Actually, I kind of hope to see spin-offs of this fic. I much prefer the fictional universe you have created to certain others where humanity and ponykind interact.... Ahem.

Anyway.....

Loved the story, love the fact that it's marked "Incomplete", will add to favorites/tracked.

Holy. Crap. I mean this sincerely when I say, cool story, bro. This really makes me think about how we interact with each other. I love the character you've created, and the story you've written. Please continue, you have a gift. I'm interested in hearing more about DJ, and I definitely want more of this story. Keep it up!

Hey, that was interesting - really good too - but predominately interesting. Let's watch how this continues.

Hmmm, interesting.  I'm pleased especially that the parents here did the right thing-- i.e. fighting for their daughter right to the bitter end-- instead of going, "well you have prior claim so HERE YOU GO, PONIES!  MINDWIPE / TAKE BACK MY KID!"

I'm a bit puzzled as to where you might go with it from here, though.

The feels. So very many feels. I can't handle it! This story is just byond... things... It's... It's... wow.

This is the only fic her I've favorited before finishing the first chapter. It's just... oh god that was so fantastic I don't have any words. The description sounded ridiculous. If it weren't for the upvotes and the word count I would have just ignored it as another one of the many weird and crappy things that are posted here, but god... this whole thing. All of it. It was so good I can almost forgive you for what you did to Derpy, though I don't subscribe to the whole 'Derpy's other daughter' thing too often. But this story! This fic! This story of a fic! I will shout your name to the heavens Shinzakura! I will declare you to be the greatest fanfiction writer in all the ponynet! And you could end it here, you could stop now and all would be fine, but it's marked as incomplete, and that's fantastic!  

I should actually say something about it. A good fic deserves true comments, it's the crappy sellout ones that get the cheer squads and back patting. Yet I am just at a loss for words. You committed so many crimes that would have lost the mere mortals that are other writers points. "She's a catholic and republican you say? References to otaku and japanese culture? Is this one of those ungodly bad self-inserts? Oh god is this writer from deviantart or something? Is this one of those people who drove me insane long ago in my high school Latin class? Whose obsessions make me feel normal still today?" Neigh I say now! We have before us a writer who has broken all the rules and come out victorious! Succeeding where all others have failed you painted both worlds, human and pony, as equals! The humans are not violent and horrible monster and the ponies are not naive! Though in their own imperfection they see each other as such, as beautiful parodies of the many lesser writers that choose to bring them together. They are both good and with their flaws, yet still remaining different in so many ways.

Begone TCB fics you worthless bunch of misanthropes! Begone HIE with your mary-sues, self-inserts, and childish crossovers! We are in the presence of the true and good that all you should have been!  For long have I searched your kind for one such as this and when at last I find it it is not from among you! When at last I found her she was not the young foal that had long escaped me but someone new, as if from another world entirely! And it is through her that we have seen what we all failed to be. I accept her for what she is rather than what I wish her to be, for the truth is so much greater than fiction!

Obviously I am too overwhelmed by this story to properly or fairly say anything for or against it. Enjoy this moment of overwhelming praise because I hope to find it in me to give it the proper critique all great stories deserve. If I ever settle down from this. Oh no! I hope I don't set the bar too high that I hit my head on the next chapter!

>>571285571285

You're right that it feels incomplete, but you might notice it's marked as such. It seems there's more to come!

>>571690571690 I'm presuming, perhaps in error, that this bit is being considered a standalone piece based on length and the fact that the author's note ends with the statement that "Ultimately, public reaction will decide if I write the sequel." If this is indeed the case, then I stand by my feelings of this standalone piece not standing alone quite as well as it perhaps ought to.

~Lammy

Color me impressed. I really do approve of this story. You have smart writing and deal with concrete human (or pony) issues. A large part of what seperates silly stories from those that actually make an impact on a reader is the believability and, for lack of a better word, humanity of the characters. For all intents and purposes, DJ is a real person that I could easily imagine meeting and having a conversation with.

I think you nailed all of the ponies spot on. I agree with Twilight's reaction, but also completely understand Rarity's side as well. Even though the characters in the show never deal with anything as polarizing as inter-dimension child custody battles, what matters is that you achieved a scenario that is plausible and within reason. Which, if I were to read an outline of a story such as this, might have been difficult to imagine. I'm glad that most of the ponies were able to see the light and apologize.

One thing that I think you could've gone a bit further with was the public response to Equestria suddenly becoming a part of Earth. I realize that this story is a personal account of DJ and that most of the mass confusion would've happened while she was in court, but it still would've been nice to hear a little bit about that.

Overall, I think you leave a really interesting path for additional chapters. You've made good use of the 14th, so it stands to reason that if DJ can move to Equestria, ponies from Equestria could move to this rendition of Earth, were humans aren't "monstrous, diabolical, warmongering beasts."

I got the impression that there were more ponies on Earth since the embassy opened up and whatnot, and in a continuation it'd be nice to see how they mesh with everyday life. And since you've pulled it off so well, people (and ponies) would react believably too. And entertainingly. That's the important one. :)

There's a lot about people going to Equestria, so if you keep this up, it'll be great to see ponies coming to Earth. PM me with questions if you have any!

PS:

It's 01:00

All I can say is awesome work, keep it up!

Heh, maybe I've been reading too many TCB fics, but when I saw bureau I honestly thought this was gonna be another one. But instead you've made a unique, sad, and interesting tale.

>>571817571817

When that word appeared I was terrified at the turn I thought it would take.

i give you my thanks for this amusing story and it is and piece i will hold dear and remember and use it to teach my kids when i get some the true meaning of tolerance and accepting those who are different.....

This story is magnificent.

It is expertly written has an interesting premise,and conveys emotion and feelings startlingly well, and that word count is a doozy!

This is one of the best if not the best fanfictions I have ever had the pleasure of reading, and I commend you for crafting this brilliant piece of literature.

You bloody bastard.

Now I fell horrendously inadequate.

And now I must compensate for my inadequacy.

And now I'll be up all bloody night.

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRRRRGGGGHH!!!

>>571736571736

You're right in that it was originally meant to be self-contained, but I wanted to leave a few spots open in case another chapter was desired.   And so far, I'm thinking that's what people want.  So, I'm guessing I'll have to get on that.

This seems like one of the more inventive of PoE/MLD genre stories.  I like it.  (And I did my own brief twist on MLD with a My Little Twilight story, by the way.)  I also agree that the "humans are monsters and Earth is a pit" theme carried by so many other stories gets old.

The "hoofspace" idea is clever and would explain a lot, and yet I find myself not liking it.  It makes things too easy.  Not having hands -- or a direct equivalent -- is part of what makes ponies interesting.  It's also a bit surprising that DJ is able to spend so much time standing upright without pain and complications.

I have some doubt about DJ's interpretation of cutie marks.  Granted.... Despite all the focus on them in the show, their workings remain pretty mysterious.  Rarity's cutie mark didn't force her to become a miner, and many others are very obscure in their meaning.

> Applejack refused to back down, insisting on believing that the birth parents I didn’t know was what was best for me.

I tried to parse that sentence, but it's just not working for me.

> "It’s not often that I hear prayers to Another in my realm."

Well, that's irksome.  I personally dislike any intepretation of Celestia and Luna as deities, and I'm not sure why so many authors spin them that way.  It doesn't seem necessary for this story line.  (But I'm a die-hard atheist anyhow, so maybe that colors my view of such things.)

Holy dingles that was a long one, and it ain't even finished yet.

I can't really properly articulate what I liked about this story. It was just... great. All around. (Although, strangely, some little part of me was expecting Phoenix Wright to show up during the court scene. Weird.)

I hope you don't have carpel tunnel, cause I think a lot of people want to see more, myself included.

Reading this I'm reminded of the words of British MEP Daniel Hannan, "Anglosphere nations have a civic rather than an ethnic sense of nationhood." DJ is a classic example of that quote. She wasn't born an American -- heck, she wasn't even born a human -- but she grew up as an American and has embraced the American lifestyle as her own to the exclusion of all others. She truly is an example of an All-American Girl.

That said, I firmly believe that honest criticism is better than blind adoration, so here's some criticisms.

The first is that the hoofspace idea, while plausible for MLP ponies, is probably worse than the idea that pony hands act like this here gripper. For those who didn't click the link, it's a video showing a  robotic gripper made out of a balloon and some coffee grounds, when air is evacuated from the balloon the grounds conform to the shape of the object without applying much pressure. When the gripper needs to let go pressure is allowed to equalize slightly, and it releases the held object. Something like that, only biological and with better capabilities, is likely the way that ponies pick up objects. Not a lot of people know about that though so it could just be me nitpicking.

What isn't nitpicking is that when DJ met Celestia for the first time she seemed a bit too . . . awed? There should have been a line that explained that while she knew how some ponies could believe that Celestia was a goddess she didn't believe that. Which is true, we've seen in the show, on-screen, Celestia get tricked and defeated, she's no goddess. Yet, by that same token we've seen ponies use her name in the context that we would use the Lord's name, so it stands to reason that the citizens of Equestria worship her.

Also, the writing seemed a bit off when it wasn't focusing on the interview. It's hard to describe, but I think it was the tense. I'm not sure, but I think there's not enough past tense or it should be in present tense. Like I said, there's something off about it, but it's hard to pin down. Maybe some rewriting can fix whatever problem(s) it has.

Others have said that Rarity is out of character in this story, and to a certain extent that's true, but people can change a lot in a few years. In a universe where humans are bogeymen, her daughter had been missing for years, and she'd spent a year imagining what her daughter would be like having lived in the human world would have created an environment where Rarity could very well be a bigot. From the discussion with Luna though it sounds like Rarity is rethinking some of her decisions.

Also, given that most of her family is currently or formally in the military I'm surprised that there wasn't a mention of the wars that are sure to happen over the next 35 years. Perhaps it's because speculating on future wars is considered a fool's errand (I seriously doubt there were people in the 70s thinking about being on the brink of war with Iran, but here we are, and I could be wrong), but it's still a bit odd to never even mention war when the protagonist's husband and parents are military.

All that said, I really hope this is continued. This is a truly unique story, with a truly great execution, and it deserves to be shown to the world. Which is to say that, yeah, I agree that you should send this tale to Equestria Daily.

This is how a HiE should be done.  

('')

NO!!!!!! NOT DERPY/DITZY!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD SHE'S DEAD!!!!!

>>573013573013

Oh, I wish I'd known about the gripper.  That seems far more plausible.

Thanks for the explanation regarding Rarity.  I was hoping someone would pick up on that, and I probably should have explained that earlier myself.

Oh, and there's a reason why DJ was awed when she saw Celestia back then, but not Luna.  I'll explain that later in the next chapter.

Lastly, with a whole new world on the scene and several new international players, I'm very sure the political landscape of the world has probably changed.  Mike's ship may be headed out on the typical WESTPAC, or it might be steaming towards the Gulf.  We shall see.  

>>572194572194

I think the divine angle is brought up due to the fact that the sun and moon are presumably moved by the princesses (note, other than the story, there's no actual indicator in the show that they do this, save for the Summer Sun Celebration, and that might be just a timed illusion on Celestia's part.)  Whether it's true or not, it's clear that they're worshiped in the same way the Japanese emperor once was.

I should also note that DJ took from Twilight's words and came up with her own opinion.  How much of that is her going off-piste and how much is Twilight's bad explanation (she can screw things up at times) is up for discussion.

Quick question about the story:

Do the humans have an embassy there, like the ponies have them here? Also, the regards to a new embassy in a new 'country', military units would be posted to guard the base. Maybe Marines, maybe Master at Arms, depending.

Cause that's how it works to my knowledge.

All in all, I enjoyed it and can't wait for Chapter 2.

(24,000 words...wut)

>>574285574285

In order . . .

Well, the explanation DJ gave was pretty sort. You could go back and replace the magic field explanation with a gripper explanation pretty easily.

Again, it's never too late to edit an explanation in (this time into the author's notes), though I am quite surprised no-one's caught onto the "people change" explanation for Rarity's behavior. It seems really simple.

Err, perhaps I worded that wrong. I wasn't concerned that DJ got awed by Celestia but not Luna, but that she got awed at all. She doesn't really seem like the kind of person to start associating egomanical rulers (her implication, not mine) with Jesus. I mean, yeah, Celestia puts on a lightshow every once and a while, but she's hardly the sort of character to just immediately inspire divine awe in people, especially not someone who's experiences with ponies have generally been on the bad side of things.

WESTPAC? Isn't that a bank in Australia and New Zealand? Australian bank's pirate fleet pillages the high seas. Now there's a future war scenario no-one saw coming.

More seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if by then there was war brewing with North China, or the remnants of the EU, or Argentina, or some country in the Middle East, but going back to the Gulf of Tonkin is good too. There's certainly no shortage of places for battles to be waged in the future.

>>574434574434

A nation that has dealings with another usually has an embassy (and if the nation's large enough, consulates in major cities.)  There are exceptions, such as when a nation doesn't deal with another, but instead assigns a different nation to act on its behalf (e.g. in Iran, the embassy of Finland acts on behalf of the United States when it comes to US/Iranian issues that don't directly require the intervention of the US government.)

Two decades in, Equestria has probably either established embassies or assigned nations to act on its behalf.  As you can see, they at least have an embassy in Japan, and they likely have one in the US as well.

Hope that helps.

As for the guards, well, I have that planned.

>>574462574462

Thinking about it, both the grip and the explanation.

Re: Celestia: you have a point there.  I'll have to change that.

Maybe we can have the French fight themselves over the ownership of New Caledonia.  

Is there going to be another chapter?

>>574705574705

Already posted a sneak peek on my blog.

Also, here's another thought, wouldn't relations between Equestria and America be a bit frosty after The Kidnapping Incident? As an average bloke on the street I'd be pissed if I found out that some upstart nation had invaded our lands, terrorized our people, and tried to take one of our children away from her parents to some alien nation that worships their leaders like a bunch of sycophants. How dare they! That it was unauthorized only deepens the cut, as it means that this "Equestria" can't even control their own troops when they decide to start going commando raids on Anytown, America. Is that what we have on our borders now? A poorly managed totalitarian state full of bigoted barbarian primitives?[/average bloke]

In-universe ranting aside, I do have to ask just why Twilight didn't prep anyone to the news that DJ's parents would be fighting for custody in the months between the decision and the visit to Ponyville.

>>575369575369

Um, actually, no they wouldn't.  Sadly, it's the norm. When I mentioned in the story that the US was working on said issues with Japan and Brazil, that's pulled from real life.  Both of those nations have never signed the Hague Convention and consistently stymie other nations (not just the US) on these issues.  However, since it's a minor sticking point in the day-to-day government issues, I'm sure (like in real life) a politician or two made a few posturing threats, then forgot about it after their soundbite.

That's another thing: One, it's assumed that government is an orderly thing.  While the Elements are the day-to-day reps for the Princesses, they all serve certain roles, and government is compartmentalized - and from years in both the Navy and my current IRL government job, people, even your closest friends, tend to ignore the stuff if it doesn't fit into the cubbyhole of their job.  Second, Twilight may have been looking for the best way to tell Rarity, and rather than get someone who could break it a little better (Fluttershy or one of the Princesses) she probably stewed on it and let it snowball.  She might be better at handling things at age 40 than she was at age 23 (my guess as to her age at the start of FIM), but people do stupid things and sometimes they blow up in their face hard.

It's also (to mention the above) something I may not have explained as well and may have to revisit.

I'm tempted to say DAAAAAAAAAA...

But I'm not going to finish that word, because it's not enough to describe this.

Holy crap, that's a word count.

And it's not continuous gibberish just to fill it either.  That is a bona-fide, deep, and emotional story.

...

My mind is blown.

Excellent story, Shinzakura.  It's definitely one of the more unique takes on the interaction of human and pony societies.

So I just spent the last 3 and a half hours reading this.

I am proud to say this is now favourited and that I can't wait for more :D

This is the first time i've seen something like this, and I love the idea!

So, I shall read other stuff, but as soon as this is updated again, I will download the HTML and read it ASAP.

*Spoiler warning*

The only thing I don't like about this story is that Rarity and those who supported her were instantly portrayed as villains; we didn't even get a chance to like them. I think they could have grown into the roles from their base characters that we all love. But now I'm interested to see if there's resolve with the way it is now.

>>575450575450

Err, perhaps I should have been more clear. I meant relations as in "public relations." Equestria's first public act to the human world was to send soldiers to kidnap an American citizen and assault her family, and whether or not that's true that's the way it will be spun in the press and that's the way Equestriani/American relations will be viewed by the public for years to come as the rumor mill spins out of control and spawns urban legend after urban legend: Equestria kidnaps Americans in the dead of night, and they don't care who stands in their way. At least, that's the way I see it going down; the whole attempted kidnapping thing is probably one of the worst first contact situations possible in the 24 hour news world. It'd actually be an interesting side story to see the situation develop on the ground between the kidnapping attempt and Twilight visiting just to see a quickly developing news cycle.

(The inverse would probably be true as well, though at a much slower rate due to the lack of cable in Equestria.)

All this talk of news cycles brings up a very interesting point though, why weren't there any Earth reporters on the scene for the custody trial? There were obviously Equestrian reporters there considering that the whole country seemed to have been dividing itself up over the issue.

As for the characters . . . Really? That's the excuse? That their time in government changed them into worse people? That's . . . disturbingly likely. I swear, some of the things I've heard . . .

I like this story , but I really dont want to hate Rarity.

>>577981577981

Image: http://chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-living-up-to-her-element.gif

>>577802577802

I didn't want to go into THAT much detail, lest the opening chapter be about the size of a novel.   And as for human reporters - how are they going to even get there?  I'm sure the Equestriani government would have invited some, but being as you've (correctly) described the situation, human reporters probably compare the newly-announced nation to like getting invited to North Korea: at what point is the truth coming out of the theatrics?

I initially passed this story up because the synopsis made me think 'obnoxious self-insert' but now having read it I absolutely love this story! Besides being of huge (not complaining!) length it was well paced, excellently written, and didn't go the TCB mindset of 'Humans all suck, yay ponies!'.

So I'll just repeat what everyone else has said and say it for everyone else who's thought it but deigned to not mention.

Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS5YwltNIm-XlbjjPDJyMjkNrx8MO5byZ20x0nSnkV0BzhpJAxpyw

Please!

Wunderbar einfach wunderbar!

Please continue this story!

When I first saw the summery I thought. Hmmm, a Republican, Catholic, American pony. Who is married to a human. Could be fun, then I saw the word count and I went WHOA DUDE! Big word count is big! Had to put it on my 'to read later list' and come back to it.

I don't know if you could call this story 'original' but if it's not it comes close enough to see it. You have a wonderful righting style and I didn't find any kinds of errors.

I look forward to the next chapter, favoriting and thumbing up!

Until next time!

Auf Wiedersehen!

>>578248578248

Sir, I've seen chapters that were 50,000 and 60,000 words long before, and I've read them. Believe me, there wouldn't have been a lot of people out there thrown off by such a chapter length. In fact, given the responses shown already, I'd reckon people would have been even more enthusiastic than they are now.

As for the news stations: well, it's a tricky situation. On the one hand they're all probably thinking that their chances of getting "the real story" are slim to none, but on the other hand the story is one of the biggest of the century so they have to get someone in to cover the story . . . Now that I think about they'd probably just send one bloke -- let's call him Coleson -- with a camera to the hearing to record everything. Minimal exposure, everybody gets footage of the second biggest court case of the 21st century, and if shit hits the fan extraction will be a lot easier than if there was a gaggle of three dozen reporters there. Plus, it would project the image that the Earth press cares more about the family's feeling than the swarm of Equestrian reporters clamoring all over the courtroom (absolutely not true, but the press would want to at least attempt to project the image to the rest of America that they're behind their girl 100%), and it would be extremely easy to write into the existing narrative of the story with just two quick lines ("You know, you don't have to go into the court case. Everybody saw it happen live." / "No, I've been sitting on this for 20 years. It's time I finally got it off my chest.").

Of course, all of that's not going into how the Equestrian press will see the case, which you did go into a little bit, but . . . I don't know. How is the Equestiani press viewing the whole parallel Earth thing? I imagine that the revelation that all the weather and animals are uncontrolled would be a shock to them, just as surely as the revelation that the Equestrians control practically everything in their biosphere (and if the Hearth's Warming Eve story is in any way accurate it wasn't always like that, since it was self-sustaining before ponies arrived, so that would pretty much make the ponies the ultimate in invasive species/cultures) was a shock to the Earth press.

Bravo, sir(or possibly madam), bravo!  You've managed to take what seems to be a faulty concept (pony raised by humans) and made a brilliant story.

My only criticism would be the siding of some characters during the court battle. I understand years of desperatly searching for someone could change you, but it just seems off that those not related to DJ would fight so bitterly to keep her somewhere she obviously doesn't want to be. Kjust my two cents though. Keep up the good work, can't wait to see more.

Another question that popped into my head last night: Why didn't DJ go into how the Equestriani ecosystem is totally and completely controlled by the ponies? That seems like a big thing to glance over when she's giving her perspective on Equestria that the weather, the plants, and the animals themselves obey the commands of their equine overlords and can't seem to do anything themselves -- seriously, even the water cycle is dead and gone in Equestria, how the bloody hell does that happen? I mean, even if it's only to say, "Now, as we all know . . ." DJ should have brought it up at some point.

Brilliant

Image: https://whyweprotest.net/asset-proxy/0f646dbd214789c9052e78d1174913bec000f2ed/687474703a2f2f693330342e70686f746f6275636b65742e636f6d2f616c62756d732f6e6e3137312f4e69636b506f74726f736b692f596f752f4252494c4c49414e542e6a7067/http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn171/NickPotroski/You/BRILLIANT.jpg

>>585273585273

Obviously it's because she's a Republican and doesn't care about the environment. Duh!

Kidding. Though it does seem to me that the things she chose to focus on were likely the things that seemed impotant to her. so everything she did or did not mention speaks for her personality.

Or it's all the author's fault for ignoring important details.

>>587317587317

Or maybe the author works for a government agency that deals with stuff like the environment and invasive species and tends to tune that stuff out, as evidenced by the earlier statement made above.  

>>588909588909

So you're saying it's a conspiracy?!

I know why this did not get featured...too long.

>>589541589541

No, I think he's saying that he flat out ignored it as a side effect of years of working for the government. It's not a conspiracy, it's a condition.

>>590138590138

Or, it could be because there's an error in the view counting system that makes every day read as zero.

The thing I love about this is that it takes place in Virginia (where I'm from) and love all the local references. Can't wait for more

>>570548570548

"And on the topic of Equestrian vs. Equestriani, I see no reason for -ni to be used. Is there a real life example of a country name with similar structure? I'm afraid my geography is a bit rusty, and none come to mind..."

Sorry, I just missed this, and meant to answer it.

Anyway, the most obvious of demonyms that end in -i is Pakistani (Pakistan), but there's also Afghani (Afghanistan), and technically all of the "Stans."  Outside of that part of the world, the -i also goes with Iraqi, Qatari, etc.  This article at Wikipedia explains it much better than I.

>>592097592097

Glad you like it.  I've always felt that mentions of local places and shibboleths work to get an accurate feel in the story.  Of course, being a transplant to DC from LA, I don't get everything (still can't wrap my head around a "half-smoke"), but I'm sure you get the idea.

>>592918592918 I should've clarified. I'm well aware of Pakistani, though I was pretty sure it was Afghan and not Afghani or Afghanistani or whatever. The thing is, all of those countries have -i as the suffix. This is -ni, and I am not aware of any countries that use -ni. I mean, the fic's not called "All-Americani Girl", is it?

>>592969592969

It's actually Afghani.  Got that lecture while I was still in the Navy.  Also, not everything stays the same when it gets converted into a demonym.  Sometimes the changes are as simple as America to American, other times it changes much more (e.g. Cyprus to Cypriot, Monaco to Monegasque).

>>593000593000 Bah, whatever. It's your fic, not mine!

>>593016593016

True, but I love arguments like this.  Means I've succeeded in making people involved.

Something that I brought up on the Spacebattles discussion thread for this fic (which you've almost certainly have read, lurker), and which might help in writing the next chapter is . . . What would have been the long term fallout of the custody case had it been decided in Rarity's favor? I mean, DJ would have been over 15 at the time, and as soon as she hit the Equestriani age of majority she would have been gone, possibly sooner if she argued for emancipation. Ultimately Rarity's family would have gained two or three years to spend with a perpetually hostile/depressed Yankee, the ire of half the nation plus almost the entirety of America and a good chunk of the rest of the Anglosphere, and more grief and anger and disappointment than they could shake a stick at. The only people who could have won in that case were DJ's family had it been decided in their favor, it was a lose/lose for everyone else.

not bad! I actually like this! MAKE A SEQUEL!

a true story form the heart and with lot of love and care in it...... but also grief an sorrow.....sob sob IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL  TT__TT    

                                                                                                                                                                                                /__\

>>573013573013

> Perhaps it's because speculating on future wars is considered a fool's errand (I seriously doubt there were people in the 70s thinking about being on the brink of war with Iran, but here we are, and I could be wrong)

Well, that's ironic.  In 1979 when the Iran Hostage Crisis began, I was too young to really understand it, so I asked my parents what it all meant.  They said, "It means we're going to war against Iran."  Of course that turned out not to be exactly correct, but it was a close thing -- and there were certainly those who thought we should have declared war, and that Carter was a weak-kneed sister for not going there.

>>595534595534

I was thinking of early 70s, should have clarified, I doubt people couldn't fathom a war with Iran at the end of the decade. In fact, it could be argued that we're already in a state of war with Iran given that they invaded sovereign US territory when they took the embassy back in '79. Heck, a state of war probably technically exists between Iran and a lot of countries by now given their activities. The big question is when, not if, a country will start to prosecute their technical war with Iran.

holy shit this is amazing

I like that fic, now it's time for questions!

Does the DJ stance on Cutie mark is due to bad impression or because it's how you choose it works (or a mix of two)?

Tell me if I'm wrong but for me, it seems that Twilight shaped that belief by accident. She isn't the most normal pony when it comes to how cutie mark influence a pony's live and DJ could get the wrong idea ie: that it is the cutie mark and the culture around it that made Twilight 'lonely' and not Twilight herself.

About the Foalnapping: three months seem a little too long. It is a good way to make some interesting conflict between Equestria and USA but I think it would have been more realistic to make it happen earlier after contact. Three month means that they are really willing to negotiate (and how come DJ family never heard of it? It's not even like they don't have high placed friends).

There is also my inner RPer that want to point out that their intervention was badly done. They should have used pegasi to take DJ and put as much as distance possible between them and human before doing anything else.

Now a remark, why Twilight didn't use Spike as a comparison with DJ situation? I'm sure Rarity wouldn't let Spike be taken away even by a well- meaning dragon if Spike didn't want. It bug me because you used him as a motivation for Twilight support to DJ but did't think about using him as a way to explain the situation to Rarity.

>>600532600532

Regarding the cutie marks situation: a lot of what DJ says about cutie marks is her own opinion, really, based on what she gleaned from Twilight.  IF Twilight shaped DJ's thoughts on this, it would be unusual of her; she, like others, worried about her cutie mark when younger and considering how much she cares about DJ, I don't think she'd use the latter as a guinea pig.

For the negotiations, chalk it up to a case of reality being unrealistic.  In the research on international child abductions I did for this story, three months is the average time between side A (the place the kid is from) and side B (where the kid is now).  Oftentimes, it's by B as a stalling tactic (see; Japan, Brazil) to let the kid acclimate more so they want to fight leaving even more, while other times it's a case of simple bureaucracy gone wrong (see: South Africa).  Again, being in he government has given me the luxury of saying it's likely B.

What makes you think that it wasn't brought up at some point (likely not by Twilight, but an intermediary like AJ).  It's very significant that two of the three that saved Spike from the dragons are on the "wrong" side in this.  Both Rainbow and Rarity consider Spike a pony, not really a dragon (Secret of My Excess not withstanding) and it's a classic case of "Yes, you're right, BUT...."  Human blinders (or pony blinders, since they'r not really different) get popped up at lightspeed.

And good for noticing how the foalnapping went, because as you said it should have gone down is pretty much what the plan was: get her out of there, get calm Earth Ponies to stand by on ground and firmly but non-violently explain the situation while the unicorns extract everyone.  However, the problem was when they got "creative."