Chapter Twenty-Two: Can't Move On, So Much Untold
“This is for me?” DJ looked at the brand-new 2028 candy-apple red Ford Mustang that sat in her family’s driveway. Okay, it wasn’t “new”-new; while it had just come off the dealership lot, it was also one of the last 2028 models they had, as they were clearing them out for the 2029 editions. Still, the car had less than a hundred miles on it, it definitely had that new car smell, and it gleamed like a radiant star in the sunlight.
“Eyup, it’s all yers,” Applejack said with a nod, trying to ignore the chafing of the shirt collar at the back of her neck. This was her first visit to “Human-Earth” – she never quite understood why humans called it that; with earth ponies like her, they at least had a reason to call their world Earth, though now the term “Alter-Earth” seemed to be sticking – and while she wanted to make a good impression on her niece’s adopted family, she also had to admit that wearing clothing on a regular basis was annoying, and standing upright even more so. But those were the rules that Celestia had insisted on while ponies started to visit the alternate dimension – when in Roam, do as the Roamans do, after all – and the former farmmare had to see the look on her niece’s face to change her mind on the whole thing.
That being said, she did not plan to make this a regular visit, even if DJ lived in apple country. However, she did know some relatives, fellow Apples, who might be willing to make a regular visit to the human world….
From their vantage point on the sundeck while he watched his daughter bounce to and fro while checking out her new car, Matt sighed. “This is going to be interesting.”
“How so?” Twilight asked the man. “She’s sixteen and from what I read up on human teenagers, at that age in this part of the world, they start to operate motor vehicles, don’t they? Besides, the girls and I wanted to spoil her a bit – she is our niece, after all – and when she said she got her driver’s license, Pinkie, Applejack and I decided on a car that would remind her of her roots, and I did overhear someone call this a ‘pony car’.”
At that point, Anna broke out in sudden laughter, to the point that Pinkie, usually the one who could understand the humor in any situation, struggled to comprehend. “Did I miss something?” she asked. At the moment, she was seated on a nearby bench, wearing a light-blue t-shirt and blue jeans. Not too surprisingly, she seemed to feel completely at home in them. “I don’t get what’s so funny – and usually I do. I guess it’s a cultural kind of thing? Maybe I should come up with a pony one so that we can all laugh!”
“No, no,” Anna replied, coming down from her moment. “A ‘pony car’ is also known as a ‘muscle car’ or a ‘performance car’.”
“So it’s meant to perform?” Pinkie looked at the wheeled form of metal and paint that DJ was giddy over and Applejack was confused about. The gift wrap and ribbons that Pinkie had somehow inexplicably tied the entire car in were still strewn around the front yard, as neighbors watched with slight interest. “What does it do? Make animal balloons? Oh, I know, I know! It’s like my Welcome Wagon and bakes a cake and shoots confetti, right?” When both humans looked at her, mystified, she added, “I guess not, then.”
“Uh, no. What it means is that it’s a car designed for racing. Think of it this way: you have your regular pegasi, like Fluttershy or such, then you have those…Thunderbolts?”
“Wonderbolts,” Twilight supplied, before the analogy suddenly kicked in. “So, it’s the difference between piloting an airship and an airskiff?”
“I’m not really familiar with either, but I’m going to guess that’s the same.” From the sudden look of dismay on the unicorn’s face, Anna said, “I think you’ve got the point.”
“Plus, you just handed a sports car – another term for that kind of car – to a teen in the midst of her prime sense of irresponsibility,” Matt replied. “I remember having a Porsche 911 when I was her age – my parents weren’t exactly thinking clearly either – and I’d racked up several speeding tickets before my parents took away the keys. Hopefully, DJ will be more circumspect about it.”
The four then watched as DJ got into the car, followed by a very cautious Applejack. DJ showed her aunt how to buckle up, then as she turned the ignition, the engine roared like a beast. Applejack, Twilight, and Pinkie stared in shock as DJ gunned the engine, then backed up and started her first solo drive…which was best described as the teen slamming the gas while going in reverse, skidding on the brakes to a stop, then gunning it down the road. A second later, Emily Marbury, the state police officer who lived in the house across the street, poked her head out just in time to see DJ turn the corner. While the officer was too far away for either Matt or Anna to see, they were willing to bet that the other woman was likely rolling her eyes right now.
“What in Celestia’s name have I done?” Twilight whispered, the look on her face despondent.
“Whee!” Pinkie swooned. “Can I go next?”
Both Matt and Anna simultaneously facepalmed.
The look on Sarah’s face was crestfallen. “And we can’t tell anyone else, Mom?”
Faust looked at her youngest daughter, sympathizing. “No, sweetie, you can’t. I didn’t even want to tell you or Jon until you were both old enough.” The catch on her words indicated she was angry; while Sarah knew she wasn’t the source of that ire, it still wasn’t anything fun.
“But Betty McDaniels keeps talking about the fact that her uncle plays for the Indians and she makes a big deal about that,” the preteen replied. “And I can’t tell her I’m a princess? A real princess?”
“It’s…complicated,” Faust said, now regretting having told her younger half-human children about who and what she really was. She could have come up with any number of valid lies about Screwball and Screw Loose, a few of which they might have actually believed until they were old enough to know the truth. But she’d grown tired of the lies and though he’d never said anything, she knew Greg wasn’t happy about them either. Now the cat was out of the bag, and for better or for worse, they would have to deal with it.
Thankfully, both of acolytes of chaos were now behaving themselves – or as much as they could be considered behaving. However, given how violently ill Screwball became when trying to be normal or focused, the great alicorn wondered if it was a good idea at all having them over. Still, both of them knew how important her family was to her, so they’d hopefully try to tone down their usual insanity.
It also helped that Greg went to work, probably so he could keep a normal semblance of reality, the alicorn mused. Maybe I can drop things down to a dull roar by the time he gets back.
“Hey, Mom?” Jon called from the other room. “Um…Ms. Loose wants to see you.” But before Faust could go out there, Screw Loose came into the kitchen.
“Yes, Screw Loose?” Faust said.
The pony, currently in her human disguise as an old matron, blinked twice in seeming incomprehension before speaking: “I suppose I should be asking what assistance I may be able to proffer, dear.” The pony’s voice was mellifluous, calm, and with a clear received pronunciation as though she was practicing her BBC English for a role on British television. In fact, she seemed as though she was a deranged version of Mrs. Doubtfire.
“I, uh….” For one of the rare moments in her life, Faust was at a loss for words.
“Oh, no need for that, your majesty,” Screw Loose said, a soft smile on her face that seemed homey and pleasant. “From what I gathered, I should probably put a spot of tea on for the guests that I’m presuming you’ll have shortly.” As Faust suddenly looked at the pony-in-human-form as though she’d grown a second head, Screw Loose laughed. “And now I suppose I’ll have to explain my…change, as it were.”
Not trusting herself to say anything further, Faust simply nodded.
“I was this way before Lord Discord blessed me with his anarchic grace,” the gray-haired woman told the redhead. “I had a husband and two foals. I also did not have the cutie mark I did, nor even my name. But during his brief sojourn into Ponyville, he saw me and knew I had the spark to be his follower. So he took me aside and…changed me.” Seeing the look on Faust’s face, Screw Loose added, “Oh, it was entirely voluntary, I assure you.”
Yes, yes it was, Discord rang in Faust’s mind. His tone was oddly nostalgic.
Ignoring him, Faust asked, “But what about your husband and foals?”
Screw Loose smiled. “I am still with them – Lord Discord duplicated me and sent my old form to remain with my family. Or maybe I am the duplicate and the original Skylark is still with her family. It matters little in the end,” she shrugged. “I serve my lord faithfully and he has asked me to serve you for the nonce, and so I shall.”
“Then why…?”
“Because the chaos and anarchy we sow is for the adult mind, not the impressionable ones of youth,” she explained. “Young minds are corruptible, and sometimes chaos does not beget chaos, but instead evil and madness – the two are different, you understand. Thus, I will temporarily be my old self while I am of service to you here. And please, don’t worry; I will keep Screwball to a minimum. Unlike myself, she is a being of pure chaos and thus it’s much harder for her to rein herself in.”
“I…see.”
Toldja they’d be of use to you, Discord replied in her mind. No need to thank me; praise and poetry is all I need.
Faust facepalmed.
The black disappeared, replaced by light, and when everything settled, the scene had changed to something a little more familiar and comforting: a bench by the Shakad¬ō Pass. It was a part of Kamakura that wasn’t frequented by foreigners like herself, so whenever she went to the town alone it was a nice place to sit and have lunch and generally not be bothered save for the occasional person who wanted to know about umajin – to which she had to confusingly explain her particular situation.
The hybrid pointed to a small bench to the right of the pass’ mouth. “Have a seat – we always used to when we lived in Japan, after all. Well, you still do. For me…it’s been a while.”
DJ looked the hybrid across the way from herself. In a sense, it was everything she wanted: hands, feet, a human body, and with the exception of the fur, pony head and tail, just a normal woman. But at the same time, it would be a betrayal of everything her parents had given her, she knew. A beautiful idol was still a false one, after all, and a temptation was just the beginning of the fall.
“Yes, I am you. I am your future,” the humanized DJ – far more humanized than the behooved version ever imagined – said.
“Yeah, right,” DJ said to the hybrid claiming to be her. “You know what else is in my future? Double cheeseburger, heavy on the bacon. And some chili cheese fries, too. Chocolate-peanut butter malt if I can get that in as well.”
The DJ-hybrid smiled. “You know, you’re going to make us fat if you keep that up. You might not take the hit with that earth pony metabolism of yours, but….” She looked down at her toned, human body; despite the fur, DJ could see the rippling, human-like muscles on the other being’s frame. “I can assure you that things do change.”
“There’s that ‘we’ again, and I’m going to assume you’re not speaking French,” the humanized pony snarked. “Or at least you think you’re me.”
A playful smile came onto the creature’s face as she delicately tapped her muzzle with a finger, something DJ always did with an extensory. “Let’s see: favorite color is true purple, your favorite song is ‘Be Human’ by Scott Matthews, your favorite videogame is Star Wars: The Jedi Legacy, your fav—”
DJ rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you mastered Ello. Yay, let me pour one out for you. Meanwhile, your point is?”
The hybrid’s smile became wolfish. “The first night of your honeymoon, you had to calm Mike down because in all the rush, he completely forgot to buy condoms and was freaking that he got you pregnant when you two weren’t ready. That’s when you reminded him about genetic differences and that he was welcome to use you as his own personal little sperm conta—”
“HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?” DJ screamed.
The hybrid looked at DJ with sympathy. “Just admit that it wasn’t one of our better moments. Honeymoon plus hormones do not equal the most clear of minds?”
The look on DJ’s face at that point could best be described as apoplectic. “How the h—” She immediately shook her head. “Aw fuck no! This has to be telepathy. You’re probably using some sort of spell, and got that out of my mind or something.”
The hybrid shook her head. “Nope, doesn’t work that way. Hasn’t worked that way since the dawn of time, hasn’t worked that way in all my centuries of life.”
DJ just stared at the other hybrid. “One, you’re wasting my time. And two, ‘centuries’? Spare me the bull – you know as well as I do that earth ponies are supposed to live to, at most, 110, give or take…but given that my diet has been far more human than the average pony, I’m probably going to live slightly less than that, closer to that of my husband. And I’m fine with that. Besides, if you were really me…you know I wouldn’t want to outlive Mike. Or my boys.”
“But we did.” The look on the hybrid’s face got strangely sad. “And truth be told…it wasn’t easy. At least I have Ritty and Heather to keep me company.”
“Who?”
“Our daughter, who we named after our biological mother; and our granddaughter, who’s Rarity’s only child. Needless to say, neither of them has been born yet.” The hybrid grinned. “Well, as far as you’re concerned, that is.”
“You’re saying that I’m going to have a daughter and I’m going to name her after Rarity, instead of my mom or Mike’s mother? Now I know you’re lying.”
“Believe it or not; your call. In any case, you still have five more years to go before Ritty – it’s what’s most people call her – is born.” She then sat down on the other side of the bench, holding out a palm; a second later, a couple of bento boxes and two Japanese cans of Coke appeared in a soft blue glow. “Lunch? I haven’t eaten yet.”
“Uh…no. You have magic?”
“Yes, but believe me…I’d rather not have it.” The hybrid banished the second meal away, then opened up the remaining bento box and took out an onigiri. “Look, you’re not going to believe anything I say, but that’s not germane to why I suspect you’re here. In the end, this is but one possibility out of millions. You could say that you’re in a possible future…or maybe you’re just imagining it all.”
“I’ll take ‘Bullshit Answers’ for $400, Craig,” DJ drawled, not believing a single word of it.
“Be that as it may, there is still a certain truth about it. The fact is that you will be facing hard times soon, harder than you’ll ever know, and you may do things that you hadn’t expected to do. They may be things you don’t want to do, but may be forced to, if the future – not just mine, any positive one – is going to come.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Hope you like being lunch for changelings.”
The world vanished into black once more….
“Fuuuuuuuuck….” DJ moaned as she came to. “Did anyone get the number of that Death Star?” she muttered. As she looked up, she saw several people staring down at her. “Wh-what the hell happened?” she murmured.
Lyra was the one to answer. “Sorry, I’m going to have to have a talk with Twilight on this one: you touched a chargesphere.” To those not in the know – which was everyone in the room save for herself – she said, “Think of a cross between a crystal ball and a battery. Basically like that New Age infusion crystal bullshit that existed on Human-Earth before ponies came around. Mages use it for long-term power storage, and likely Twilight had left one down her for her parents in case of some kind of magical emergency. Foals know not to touch them without protection, but obviously you didn’t grow up in Equestria, DJ, so that’s not your fault. Still, Twi shouldn’t have left something like that around.”
“You okay, furball?” Anna asked, looking at her daughter with worry.
DJ gently waved her mother’s ministrations off. “Yeah, Mom, I’m fine. Just…ugh.”
“You sure you okay, DJ?” Lyra asked. “Occasionally, earth ponies have been known to hallucinate while touching a chargesphere while unprepared….”
The humanized pony gave her friend a weak smile. “Well that explains that….”
“Explains what?”
“Let’s just say that that time I had a dream where I was a human police officer and everyone else I knew that was a pony were actually human teenagers attending a high school in Redding – that one was hella weird; this one by comparison, was outright psychedelic, and that’s all I’m saying about that,” DJ replied. “Look, let’s just walk around the house again one last time and make sure we got photos so Mike will be able to see the house. I don’t want him to miss any of this.”
Footsteps crunched on the ground as the pair entered the Everfree. Star Swirl entered first, wearing protective gear that seemed oddly reminiscent of old-fashioned barding. Behind her, Rumble walked in, gun held at the ready. Because he wasn’t on duty, he couldn’t use his field gear and had to convince Star to gen up some acceptable replacements; at the moment, he was decked in “hunting attire” reminiscent of the US Marine Corps’ MARPAT uniform and was armed with a Ruger SR-556P with the secondary shot modification and an HS Produkt HS2000E as a backup weapon – she had no idea what he was describing, but thankfully he had his smartphone with him to show pics. He’d also insisted that she carry something as well, but she looked at him and replied that she had everything she needed this time, thanks.
It wasn’t until her cape moved just so that Rumble noticed the magical sword at her side, radiating with enough power to be a uranium rod. “You know how to use that?” he asked.
She grinned cockily. “Yeah. Sweetie taught me, obviously; plus, I went through a phase where I got interested in Japanese drama cartoons – anime, if you’re familiar with the term – and learned a bit of the Japanese sword style. I’ve found that while sparring with ponies who are rigidly used to the Equestriani, Grifonican, and Zebrabawean styles, that it comes in handy. I’ve been meaning to spar with an Inarijin onmyōji to see how similar the styles are to Japanese, but I haven’t really had the chance.”
“I see,” he said, a grin on his face. “How far until we’re there?”
“About another quarter mile. You sure you going to handle it walking upright like that?” Star inquired. “That looks painful, if you ask me.” The two went on a little more before Star continued. “I know we’re supposed to go upright while on Earth, but there’s walking on flat ground and then there’s traipsing through the Everfree.”
Rumble just smiled. “We train with the humans in all their styles and in all their methods, which includes running for miles. This might sound hard to believe, but at their peak, humans can run longer distances than we can.”
“Really?”
The pegasus nodded. “It surprised me. I mean, yeah, they’re way more technologically advanced than ponydom is, and that’s what the average pony knows about humans, but it was seeing their endurance while I was attending their special warfare training that I saw that they can be pretty tough. I’ll admit that it inspired me since I’m obviously not an earth pony and most special forces are either that or heavily-trained unicorns, so it made me push harder and work my way to my current sp—” He suddenly paused and held up a hoof in front of his mouth. Then, the extensories of his hoof began moving and wiggling in some sort of strange code that she had no idea the meaning of.
“What are you—” she began before he clamped a hoof over her mouth.
“Heard something, one-fife-oh mikes out,” he whispered to her. “Can you create a magical communication circuit?” She nodded and he let go.
«Okay, what the hell is going on?» Star asked, sending her response over the mental link.
«Heard something one-fi…I mean, 150 meters, out,» Rumble explained; when she stared at him with incomprehension, he amended to, «Uh, that’s about 160 yards or so. In any case, whatever it is, it’s big enough to rustle the whole of the area. You’ll want to be careful.»
«Careful of what?»
With a grim look on his face, Rumble brought the carbine to bear; Star could barely hear the slide of the safety coming off. «Careful that you can identify it as safe before I put a bullet through its eyes,» he replied starkly.
She looked at him like he was insane. She practically shouted, «That is not how we do things here!» He rolled his eyes and she glared at him. «You are soooo lucky that you’re a friend of Sweetie’s, or else I’d turn you into a newt right now.»
«Involuntary shapeshifting is a violation of Crown Statutes and the Quaggaton Treaty Regarding Magic Uses,» he replied blithely. She glared at him again, and the two continued on in silence for a while longer.
Finally, as the two reached a point in the forest that Rumble had never been to before during his days as part of the old Guard, he noticed that the whole of the clearing was covered in two things: blood, and webs.
“Oh, this does not look good,” Star whispered, temporarily forgetting about the magical channel she’d set up.
Rumble, however, had not forgotten. «What are we looking at?» he asked, bringing his carbine to the ready. Suddenly, he heard the sound of her gasp, and turned in her direction, ready to fire at a moment’s notice. What he saw surprised him.
Silhouetted by the moonlight were eight giant legs, pointing to the sky, each a spear pointing towards the dark heavens. He didn’t have to ask what that was; he’d read about its kind in the history books.
But Star knew; she’d almost lost her life due to the creature that had now lost its own. “Mesothele….” she whispered, not believing it.
“What?” Rumble asked in kind.
“The queen-mother of the attercops,” Star replied, her voice numb. “She tried to kill me six months ago, and I was suspecting it was her that we were going to have to deal with. But I didn’t think that we’d find her—”
“Like this?” a voice cried out, disembodied seeming to come from everywhere at once. At once, the glade lit up with blinding klieg lights, utterly blinding the pair.
“COUNTERSPELL!” Rumble shouted, knowing that the time for quiet was over. Instead, while his eyes were still completely stinging from the sudden lights, he heard Star’s muffled screams. “STAR!” he turned to move, but instead felt something sink into his shoulder, followed by a sudden numbness and the sharp report of a rifle shot.
“Not your problem, hero,” the voice sounded. “Just sleep and forget about all this.”
Rumble barely snarled out a “Damn you….” before the tranquilizer dart’s payload took full effect.
“Tia, that’s enough—” Luna began as she barged into her sister’s room, ready to face her over this insanity. What she got an eyeful of, instead, was not what she had planned.
Seated outside, watching the afternoon sun, was Celestia, and she was talking to a human, one she identified a second later as DJ’s younger brother, the one that Celestia had picked as a candidate for the revised law enforcement organization. She was seated as normal, while he had taken the time to dress a little more formally than she’d expected.
“So, what do you intend to do with the Guild Investigations grouping?” Celestia asked him, though she waved her sister to come closer.
“Well, I’d thought about giving it a name that fit: the Royal Equestriani Agency for Law, or REAL for short.” He gave the sun alicorn a sly grin, and she smiled at that. “Seriously, I was just going to have it named the Crown Investigations Service.”
“CIS?” Luna asked as she approached. “Sounds too American, if you ask me; I think I like REAL better.”
Sam turned and faced her. “Well, it also has the bonus points of meaning ‘royal’ in Spanish,” he told the night alicorn.
“Nonetheless, the latter would be suited for actual bureaucratic use,” Luna replied.
“Of course, sister,” Celestia replied. “In day-to-day duties, the agency will reporting to you, as part of our realigning of the government. The new agency will be separate from the Ministries of Justice and Defense, though it will still be considered a law enforcement agency.”
“Why separate?” Luna inquired, while at the same time mentally fussing that this was not what she came in here for. She wanted to talk to her sister about her new paramour, not business.
“Because unfortunately, Justice doesn’t have the budget for a national police force, which is why the Guild had it; meanwhile, the military doesn’t want a gendarmerie, which again, is why the Guild has it,” Sam replied, showing an astute observation that both alicorns noted; Luna in particular was surprised at how fast the young man had gotten up to speed on the whole situation. “But unfortunately, the Guild is the wrong location for it. They’re most likely to put nothing but unicorns in, because that’s what the Guild is about, and that’s exactly what REAL…CIS, whatever we’re going to call it – doesn’t need.”
“Sam, would you be willing to explain?” Celestia asked. “Not that we don’t disagree, but we’d like to hear the outsider’s view, specieswise, per se.”
“Oh, that’s easy, Celestia. While ponies are overwhelmingly the species that lives in Equestria, there are dozens from other species that are not only resident, but citizens, and several more that are legal aliens, humans included. But due to their nature as ponies, while dealing with operations and investigations, the current Guild personnel are only going to see things through a pony lens, which might not be to the best interests of non-pony species. For example, ponies have a huge distrust of diamond dogs, do they not? And yet, while having lunch the first day I got here, I stopped at a café that was owned by a diamond dog – he was polite, cultured, and intelligent, all things that many ponies do not consider the average diamond dog to be. If a pony employee embezzles from the diamond dog’s store, are investigators going to believe that the pony was a thief or that the diamond dog lied? And that’s a concern.
“But before you think that I’m just picking on ponies, I’d like to point out that humans have the same problem in our midst. For the longest time, the FBI was known or believed to be hostile to other ethnicities or races. And the US is not the only country; I recall the ongoing lawsuit between a naturalized Canadian who happens to be a gryphon, who is suing the Royal Canadian Mounted Police over an alleged violation of her civil rights.
“I’m hoping by making the force an independent agency that reports to no one save the Crown itself that we can be free of it. I’ve spoken to Potato Chip, and he knows of several other individuals, regardless of species, that may be of assistance. And by doing that, we’ll have a diverse, modern force that will be able to investigate everyone fairly and look over things equally, regardless of species. I admit, it won’t be easy at first – while I’ve been speaking already to the Canterlot sheriff’s office and they’d be happy to have our support, that’s just because they’ve known me and Potato Chip from the outset. Can we say the same thing about other law enforcement agencies around the realm?”
Luna raised a forehoof, then placed her muzzle on it in thought. “You might be right about that. Speaking from personal experience, I know we can count on the sheriffs of Canterlot, Ponyville, Appaloosa, Rainbow Falls, and possibly Dodge Junction if their sheriff hasn’t retired yet, but as for the others, I really cannot say.”
“Don’t forget Empire City’s – they just hired a gryphon to be the head of their sheriff’s office,” Celestia interjected.
“Really? I was not aware of that,” Luna admitted. “In any case, it will take some time to build trust in the…REAL…yes, I think that should stick…but as the princess you’re reporting to, I will wholeheartedly sign off on this.” She turned back to Celestia and said, “If you’ll have the documents sent to me, I’ll sign off on this instantly so you can put it into law.”
“Are you sure? I thought documents took forever to get through your offices?”
“Which is why I said send to me and not to my office,” the moon princess said with a grin.
Sam got up from his chair. “Well, since that solves that, I think I need to get going, ladies. I have a date for tonight.”
“You do?” Luna asked.
“Already getting accustomed to the local social life?” Celestia commented wryly.
Sam grinned again. “Hey, I grew up with an older sister that gave me a rather unique outlook on life, and while I know that DJ’s not exactly the most average of mares – and she’d probably kill me just for calling her that – I’ve met quite a few others, and I can say the mare I’m going to have dinner with tonight is rather special.”
“Well, don’t let us keep you,” Celestia insisted. “We still have affairs of state to work on and then the diurnal shift. So have a nice date, Sam.”
“Thanks, I’ll let her know you said that,” he said with a grin as he departed.
“Well then, sister,” Luna said as she sat down, “so what’s with this new paramour of yours?”
Celestia blushed. “Sister, you have to understand that I fell in love once while you were gone – even though it was long ago, I remember it with melancholy clarity. Argent Lance was his name, and though history barely remembers him now, I will always remember him with love and fondess.”
“What happened?”
“Politics,” the ivory mare replied, “based on ignorance and power mongering. Argent ultimately exiled himself from Equestria to save the realm, but it was too high a cost, as far as I felt. The whole ordeal would have left me broken had it not been for Blue and Belle, but when they passed on, that had truly destroyed me in a way I hadn’t felt since your own tragedy. I didn’t start to truly recover until Cadance came into my life.”
“I…see.” Luna wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but she was sure she wasn’t going to like it. Granted, she had long gotten over her fears that others didn’t love her; the fact that she had a family now, with nieces and nephews to care for, proved that. But she always had care for whenever Celestia marched off on a verbal tangent that Luna was unfamiliar with. As cryptic as the older alicorn tended to be, well, she might have learned that from their mother, for all Luna knew.
“And then when I saw you with Robin, I saw you so happy, and it is to my eternal shame that I broke the two of you up. I should have never have done that.”
“No, you shouldn’t have, but I’ve gotten over it. No doubt Robin’s gotten over me now.” Luna of course knew that was a lie, but with the vastly different lives the two had, there would never be a chance to permanently tie together. And Luna knew that, restrictions barred, she would accept a life permanently with the man she loved.
“Luna?” Celestia said. “I know…I know you can’t marry him. Your lives are too different. But what about a long distance relationship? I know you see him from afar, every time you take a vaca—”
Luna was stunned. “How?”
Celestia smiled softly. “Didn’t you ever notice that you got massive discounts at the vegetarian place over on 3rd Street? Technically, it’s owned via the Crown through a holding company and the manager was specifically told to give Selene De Lune free food.” When Luna’s jaw dropped, Celestia smiled. “What do you think I’ve been doing on my small vacations? Investing in the human world is a good way for us to tie the two together. I got that advice from the British Crown, who sold us a nice apartment complex in Detroit.”
Luna fought every urge to facehoof at that point. “Tia, please don’t tell me that you’re doing all of this for me. I mean, really, I appreciate it, but I…I mean, he and I broke up because of our responsibilities. And if you’re telling that was never necessary, I’m not sure I’m going to take that very well.”
Celestia went over and put a wing around her sister. “Go to him. I’m sure he loves you still, and I know you love him. I will forever regret that I broke you two up when I shouldn’t have; that’s something that I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life. But now I have a chance to fix it…and you have a chance to spend your life with him.” The sun alicorn gave her sister a tender kiss on the forehead. “Go to him.”
“Are you sure about this?”
Celestia’s smile was wide. “I can handle things for a while.”
“Even with everything that we have going on? The country was just attacked, we have no idea where Chrysalis or Nightmare Moon are and even if those two issues hadn’t reared their ugly heads, we still have the issue with DJ and Rarity.” Luna shook her head. “No, I shan’t do this. Please don’t tempt me like this, Tia. I realize that you have a special somepony of your own now, and I hope someday to meet him or her. But I am a proud princess of Equestria and I cannot shirk my duties when my ponies need me.”
Celestia nodded softly, but pointed out, “There is, dearest sister, another alicorn, as well as several minor princesses and princes. I think we can handle things.”
“But isn’t Cadance taking a break from her own duties to care for her son?”
“Yes, but it wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve run the realm single-hooved. Besides, we have talented ponies to assist us, sister, and it’s not like in the old days. There are methods available for you to handle your duties remotely while you’re visiting him.”
“But what about REAL—”
“I’m sure Sam would be more than appreciative for the extra time to plan the organization as well as recruit some of the critical personnel that he’ll require. Afterwards, you can contact him indirectly for any initial reports. I’m sure Robin wouldn’t even mind if you built a portal between his home and your personal apartments.”
Luna sat there, both digesting her sister’s line of thought and trying not to succumb to the temptation. Was Celestia testing her in some way? Or was her sister sincere? It was a temptation beyond compare, the night alicorn had to admit, and her heart still beat for the man she fell in love with so many years ago. And yet at the same time, he could never break free from his commitments, and she was the crown princess of a vitally important nation to both worlds.
Would either have time for love?
She looked at her sister, who had loved during Luna’s exile and had to choose duty over happiness…but it had been a choice from which Celestia had never seemed to quite recover. Now the sun alicorn had found someone to love once again, but had she found a final balance? Was this the lesson that elder wished to pass on to younger?
Luna looked at the unused fireplace, as if trying to discern the answer from its depths. She loved Robin and she ached to be with him. She loved her sister and had already had a lifetime full of regrets from what had come between them and the monstrosity that had consumed her for over a millennium. Luna would do everything to change the course of what had come before, but she could not. She could only change what was to come.
Luna’s turquoise eyes locked onto Celestia’s lilac ones. “Promise me this is true, sister mine: that you will let me find my true love, even as I hope that you have finally found yours.”
“I do not know if I’ve found mine,” Celestia said softly, “but I can only hope that the path I’m taking will lead me to that, Lulu. But you deserve to have a chance at happiness, even if I cannot have that for myself…not that I’m saying I won’t so much as I’m saying that you are entitled to it.”
Luna nodded. She still had a feeling that Celestia was up to something, but the temptation was too great. Even still, she couldn’t leave quite yet. “Sister, I will take my leave once the girls are safe. Twilight has a plan to rectify what has happened to them, and while I feel ill at ease about leaving the country during its trials, I will not abandon family when they need us.”
Celestia leaned forward and nuzzled her sister. “I never expected you to.”
Emmé looked at Screw Loose in her human form, then back to Faust. Then to Screwball, who was currently standing on the ceiling, pulling flowers out of the air, whereupon she would throw them against the surface of the ceiling, turning into colorful splotches that sang out with pleasant notes as they hit. Below the chaos-pony in teen form, both of Faust’s kids watched in wonder, both held back from school today for no other reason than the fact that the alicorn queen did not want to leave her new guests alone.
“You ponies are weird,” the human sorceress muttered before taking a swig of her tea.
“What would give you that idea, O Queen of the Sorcerers and Queen of the Fey – even though fairies don’t exist?” Faust snarked.
“Oh, trust me, fairies exist,” Emmé said sardonically.
Faust lifted an eyebrow. “News to me.”
“You’re just not paying attention,” the French blonde cooed. “Let’s just say that when the term ‘fairy’ is used in a derogatory manner? It was kinda true back then. Fairies weren’t these Barbie doll-sized elves with butterfly wings, they were basically hippies and flower children back when people didn’t care about that kinda thing. The orgies were especially fun.”
Faust stared. “Emmé? Kids?” She nodded her head in the direction of her children, who were now entertained by Screwball’s turning herself into a Lego set and constantly rebuilding herself in arcane and weird shapes.
“Sorry,” the sorceress replied. “And besides, that’s all in my past, you know that. I’m a far different person now. Besides, I’m your kids’ godmother, right? Far be it from me to set a bad example.”
“We are all forgiven our transgressions, I’m sure,” Screw Loose replied, “though I must admit in my case, I am bid by Lord Discord to cause them instead of forgive them, per se.”
“See? Weird.”
Faust couldn’t help but smirk at that. “Anyway, Emmé, so what’s up?”
The smile fell from the Frenchwoman’s face. “I thought you wanted to tell your kids about what happened to Kuzu, and I thought you’d want me here for that, a shoulder to cry on or something. Honestly, I think I’m going to need one myself.”
“I think we should wait until Greg comes home from work. At least then we’ll have a reasonable adult in the house – no offense, Screw Loose – in case we need to sojourn to a bar to commiserate. How’s the Convocation taking it?”
“The Convocation really doesn’t know how to take it, to be honest,” Emmé replied. “They’ve always been wary of non-humans like you and her, but at the same time they knew you two could be trusted. If anything, they see it as losing a valuable ally, though they’ll never come right out and say it.”
Faust sighed. The Convocation was a fickle group, loyal to their fellow humans on Earth, but so used to fighting inhuman monsters that they were very much blindsided when “monsters” sympathetic to their cause appeared. While some members had adjusted quickly, unfortunately the majority had not, leaving both Faust and Kuzu mostly independent, much to the Convocation’s chagrin.
But now with Kuzu gone, maybe those bastards will appreciate everything we did for humanity. Faust admitted that she was more than a little angry over how the Convocation had treated her and Kuzu, but there was little that could be done now. A war was brewing, one on the level that would scatter the strongest of human mages like chaff, much moreso the otherwise incredible technologies that mankind had at its disposal. She had long since lost count of the centuries she had been here on this world and the alicorn of imagination had grown to love this place as much as the one she once ruled.
Besides, she thought to herself, fondly looking at her children as Emmé rose from her chair to play with the kids, I have a stake in what happens here now. Equestria is Celestia’s concern…. She smiled as her children laughed while trying to survive a tickle attack from their Auntie Emmy. But the lives of Jon and Sarah, as well as that of my husband, are mine.
“I see the brilliant light of order that Lord Discord knew so,” Screw Loose replied.
“Faust, what now?” Emmé commented. “You know I’ll back your plan no matter what.”
It was that point that Screwball walked up to her and exploded into dozens of cards. As the dozens of scraps fell to the ground, Emmé instinctively caught one and turned to her friend. “Does, she, uh, do this often?”
Faust nodded. “More times than I like. What card did you catch?”
The blonde looked at the card. “Temperance.”
The alicorn queen smiled. “Somehow, I’m not surprised.”
“Hey, Skipper, mind coming here for a second?” Sable Loam called out to Mike.
“Yeah, what’s up, XO?” he said as he walked over to the pony. At the moment, his CSAU unit was getting a tour of a long-decommissioned changeling hive. It had been under control of the Equestriani military for a couple of decades now, but had been left almost virtually untouched so that intelligence and research personnel could study the base. And now that NATO allies were being made aware of ponydom’s most notorious enemy, humanity now had its first view of a genuinely hostile species. And in Mike’s opinion, it reminded him of the old Alien movie series – but that this was real life.
As Mike approached, Sable said in a lower tone, “Wanted to know what you thought of all this. I mean, I was just a kid when the changelings hit Canterlot. Kinda embarrassed to admit it, but I was one of those foals who believed there were changelings under the bed out to get me.”
“No shame there about that,” the human admitted. “This place kinda gives me the creeps as well. Kinda freaky to realize that we’re up against some kind of sapient insectoid creature – one that has the ability to apparently to imitate as well as mate with practically any being it sees. I can think about all the horror films of the past, and nothing about them has it on reality.”
“Commander, are you ready to see the rest of this?” a pony from REA intelligence asked. “We have some magical mockups of changeling populations. We obviously don’t have the real ones on-hoof, as that might be a little too dangerous.”
“I would imagine so,” Mike responded, thinking briefly about how he was starting to regret having his family remain here in Equestria while these things ran around. In any case, it was too late to think about it and even if he could spare DJ and his children from this, her extended family was still under the gun – and he was too close to them now to let them be under fire once more. He’d read up the intelligence after-action reports on the Canterlot attack decades ago, and in a normal world, decades would make things irrelevant. But in a world where all-powerful immortals were members of your own family, it also meant that there were beings as powerful as the alicorns out there…and with decidedly less sterling senses of morality and duty.
And I don’t think I could look DJ in the eyes if I told her that I didn’t do my utmost to protect Twilight and the others.
Mike nodded briefly to Sable, then turned to the intelligence officer. “Lead the way, Captain,” he said. “Best to get this over with.”
In an apartment in Manhattan, two males sat across from one another; one was soberly serious, while the other was disconsolate. Spike, having arrived in New York just the day prior, made his first imperative to visit the grieving Antiquity. He wasn’t worried about whatever documents Apple Cobbler had in her possession at home prior to her murder; a stallion he knew was hurting and he had to do something.
“I…I still can’t feel it,” Antiquity told him. “They said she….” Tears slid down the stallion’s muzzle. “She died instantly, so there was no pain. But there’s no murderer, either. DSS agents believed that the murderer was killed in the explosion down the road and they’re still investigating.” The look on his face was broken. “I feel…her around the house, Spike. I wish it had been me that had been killed, not her. She was the important one – I’m a nopony.”
The dragon shook his head. “Don’t say that. She loved you and you were somepony to her. And she would never want you to say otherwise. She knew that there was a possibility that this would happen, and yet she still did her job for the Crown. As a representative of the Crown, I can say that there is no finer calling. But as somepony from Ponyville just like you and her…she will be missed. And she will be remembered. I can promise that.”
“Thanks, Spike,” Antiquity said in a broken voice. “That means more than I can say.”
“What are your plans now? I’ll be here until an official replacement can be chosen, but I’ll be staying at the Waldorf. Nopony’s expecting you to move out anytime soon.”
“Thanks, but after the funeral, I’ll be returning here to Human-Earth. The job I have here is too important and it’s a cultural asset to both worlds. However…I won’t be staying in New York. I turned down a job last year to work at the Smithsonian in Washington DC, and now that I’m unaccompanied….” He wiped tears from his eyes, looking at the apartment that just days earlier had been the loving home he’d shared with his wife. “I need to get away from here. This place reminds me too much of her. Everything reminds me of her.”
“I understand,” Spike replied.
“No, you don’t. You never will. And if you by any chance ever find somepony to settle down with, I pray to Celestia that you never will.” Antiquity rose from his chair, a bleak look on his face. “I…need to get something to drink. I’ll be right back.” Without waiting for an answer or acknowledgement, the dragon watched as the stallion stumbled off, in search of something on the alcoholic side.
A shudder passed through Spike. He was only here to fulfill the duties because Celestia needed him to. It was something he hadn’t intended to do. He didn’t even want to come so early, but he had to represent not only the Crown, but his family as well. Apple Cobbler was an Apple, and Apples were a part of what made Equestria great. He dreaded having to briefly head back to Ponyville for the funeral, only to have to return here. He dreaded seeing the looks on the faces of Bloomie and Big Mac – AJ, with her current hospitalization, would be thankfully spared the whole ordeal. He dreaded seeing the pain on the faces of those who knew AC and celebrated her as another local filly having hit the big time. He hated the fact that so much of both worlds were in disarray because of Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon and their attempts to destroy all. He hated that Chrysalis had violated his older brother, and that Shining’s legacy was being dragged through the mud thanks to the monster that was the changeling queen. But most of all…
…he hated that he couldn’t do a damn thing to stop any of it.
The first thing Rumble realized when he came to was that he was unarmed…in the middle of the afternoon in the middle of the Everfree – this was definitely not the safest location for him to be right now, the pegasus realized as he got back to his hindlegs, standing erect and looking around at the area for any signs of motion.
The next thing he noticed was the signs of the struggle that had occurred while he’d been put down: they’d taken Star, as well as the attercop corpses. Based on that and several indentations on the ground that weren’t made by hooves, feet or anything he was familiar with, Rumble was convinced that a new group of attercops had come in and taken Star. How he had survived, he wasn’t sure, but he was more than willing to bet somepony had placed a defensive shield around him, keeping the titanic arachnids from harming him. Unfortunately, he couldn’t say the same for her – which meant that she’d been the target and he was simply a case of “in the wrong place at the wrong time”.
Unfurling his wings, he moved to a position where he could hover a few feet off the ground. He needed to find her, and fast; there would be no time to fly out of the Everfree and find assistance, as if somepony was willing to make these steps and attack them, then they would have no qualms about having Star taken out while keeping their hooves clean. Unfortunately, for them, they’d make a mistake.
They didn’t take me out of the equation – that’s the biggest mistake they made.
His eyes narrowed.
The last mistake they’ll ever make.
Noticing what seemed to be the signs of a path taken deeper into the forest, he followed it, while through his mind he tried to remember all the particular tricks that a pegasus had naturally at his disposal and how it was going to work into rescuing Star. If he didn’t figure it out, she was as good as dead, and not only would that blow his chances with Sweetie, he also had to admit that a cute mare like Star didn’t deserve that kind of fate.
“Cute.” Yeah, just keep it up moron, he chided himself. Focus on the mission, not the tail.
He followed the path for nearly an hour before he came across the tell-tale signs of webs, thick as ropes, as well as piles of bones from several creatures. This was the home of the attercops, undoubtedly. The place was thick with magic and darkness in a way he hadn’t felt in a while, and going in there unarmed would be suicide – he’d have no way to generate winds or use sonic boom strikes, as he wouldn’t be able to pick up speed in what was likely a relatively small warren.
Fortunately, there were some weapons here that he could use. Digging through the bones, he found a surprisingly well-tended sword – being buried under countless skeletons must’ve protected it from the elements – as well as some functional throwing knives and an old Guard pike. While, unfortunately, there were no modern weapons he could use, at least the aged, antiquated weapons of his youth were in far better shape than he’d hoped.
Too bad it took the loss of some fine Guardsponies to get them here, he mourned silently as he saw the jawline of a pony skull sticking out of the pile. I’ll rescue Star and come back for you all, he vowed. The Guard doesn’t leave its own behind…nor does the Fleet. Pausing briefly to salute the fallen, he attached the sword and the knives to his web belt, then held the pike at the ready and marched in. The moment he did, he saw an attercop the size of an elephant, standing there on its web, looking both completely alien and completely bored.
Perfect.
Rumble, without a seeming care in the world, walked in, then swung the pike across the giant spider’s eyes. Ichor spilled as the magically-sharp blade sliced through compound eyes like a hot knife through butter. As the creature screamed a metallic cry of pain, Rumble jabbed the blade through its fangs, then pulled up, slicing through the head entirely. The creature fell to the ground, dead, though it took Rumble a few precious seconds to pull the pike free – seconds during which he heard the chittering of attercops rushing towards the scene.
Taking to wing, he blasted forward, pulling the knives from his belt and throwing as he rushed over the tops of ones on the ground; thankfully they’d made an iron grip on the idiot ball – Someday I’m going to have to ask one of the guys back at Coronado what the fuck that means – and they weren’t trying to climb the walls and ceilings to capture him. That turned out to be a minor miracle, as after he’d thrown the last of his knives, he noticed an overly-large attercop coming straight towards him, sizeable enough that he couldn’t easily outmaneuver. Instead, Rumble charged straight through, pike at the ready, and as the massive attercop jumped towards him to take him down, Rumble thrust forward, burying the pike right through the body of the monster before him. Even still, Rumble had to practically scrape the ceiling, almost running into the webs that would have ensnared him and spelled utter disaster for him and Star. Even still, he pressed onwards, glad that his pegasus eyes adjusted quickly to the dark.
As he dived down, he was swallowed up by utter darkness as the tunnel opened up to a gaping cavern that must have been the warren’s auditorium, with strobing flashes as the bottom. As he drew closer, he soon noted that the pulses had been one white sphere, dotted with several jags of red, as though a visual symphony of battle was ongoing. Quickly figuring out that it was likely where Star was, he made a beeline for the light, dove down even as he felt a leg reach out towards him. With lightning-fast reflexes, he unsheathed the saber and swung in an arc as he spun, severing the leg instantly. Ignoring his roaring opponent, he continued his dive, seeing the demonic arachnids being illuminated by Star’s spell as she desperately poured power into it.
It was then that he saw a moment of unparalleled amazement. Despite her exhausted state, Star continued to pour power into her shield, even as she threw blast after blast at her attackers. The fact that her horn blazed ivory, the shaped aura of her spell creating countless micronized galaxies and nebulae as she kept the spell strong enough to withstand the repeated ramming by the giant spiders was amazing enough, but the fact that she was casting attack spells – through her forehooves, no less! – was unimaginable. The fact that her name was Star Swirl hinted at her power, but the fact that she was so versatile…none of the troops he’d served with before had that level of power and utility at their hooftips.
He found himself enthralled by grace of her spells, fighting against incredible odds where he knew those physically stronger than her would have succumbed by now. It was as though he was watching Celestia herself in battle against dark hosts, horn erupting mightily with power and without a fear in the world that her cause was anything less than just. Something within him stirred, something unexpected – and it surprised him utterly.
But as he got within feet of the shield, even from this high up, she clearly looked exhausted, and was probably weakened from whatever the original attackers had done to her; sooner or later her shield was going to fall.
Well, if it’s going to fall, it’s going to fall with me being there for her! Rumble decided as he burst forward, plunging into the shield. Somehow, he managed to pass through it unharmed; either she was losing control, or she’d set one specifically for allies to pass through – and how the spell would be able to tell the difference was beyond him.
“Rumble!” she gasped, sounding half-grateful, half-exhausted. “Thank Celestia you’re here!”
Rumble got back to his hindhooves, looking at the various eight-eyed monsters ramming the shield and screaming obscenities and curses. Thankfully they hadn’t used any magic against the shield, but what little he knew about the creatures did include the fact that some of their higher-ranked members had magical skills and sooner or later, one of those was going to show up…and then it would be all over.
“Can you make me another rifle? This time I’m going to need military standard!” he called out to her.
“I can, but to do so I’m going to have to drop the shield!” she cried back. “I’m barely holding on as is.” As if to illustrate the point, one of the attercops leered at the two ponies, and venom dripped from its fangs. The venom slid against the outside of the shield, then sizzled as it made its way inside the barrier. It was going to go soon and once it did, they were as good as dead.
“Okay, then I’ve got a plan. On the count of three, drop the shields and start charging up the most destructive spell you have, even if it makes you black out. I’ll take care of the rest, but you’ve got to trust me.” With that, he pulled her to her hind legs, moving behind her and reaching around her barrel for a snug grasp.
Despite the situation, she grinned. “You know, I usually go through a couple of dates before I let anypony do that to me,” she mock-purred.
He groaned. “We make it through this, fine, dinner’s on me.”
“Dinner at the Polaran Tea House – most expensive restaurant in town,” she insisted.
Rumble rolled his eyes. “Are you trying to…?” He cut himself off, lest he say something stupid. She was Sweetie’s apprentice, after all, and the wrong thing said could eventually turn around and bite him in the flank bigtime.
In the distance there was a roar that seemed to shake through the ponies’ bones. Apparently something had awakened the big guns, and Rumble and Star were out of time.
“One…Two…THREE!” The white shield suddenly sputtered and died, and the moment it did, Rumble pulled her tight– and went from zero to transonic instantly. Granted, it was more of a thing useful to pilots than groundpounders like him, but he’d had the pleasure of growing up with access to history’s greatest flyer, Rainbow Dash. And while it had been Rainbow’s little sister figure Scootaloo that had benefited most from Rainbow’s arsenal of tricks, there was not a single pegasus foal in Ponyville that had not learned one trick or another from the hyper-fast mare.
But the beautiful thing about zero to boom is that all that white noise has to go somewhere once Mach is achieved…and in a confined space like this, you don’t have to worry about the flames of the explosive when it hits – it’s the shockwave that will do you in. By the time the concussive force began to spread around the chamber, Rumble had already cleared the area and was halfway down the entry tunnel, dragging along a massive amount of shock diamonds, as well as the remains of smaller creatures that had been killed directly in the path, not to mention a few attercop corpses from those that he beat.
As he reached the mouth of the warren, he shouted, “Fire your spell!”
“What?”
“JUST DO IT!” he bellowed, as they cleared the hole. As he came out, two attercops were outside, building a massive web intended to catch them. Unfortunately for the pair, they hadn’t counted on pegasi being able to pull literal ninety-degree turns, rocketing straight up. Beneath him, a massive flare of orange blossomed as Star cut loose with Strike of the Eternal Sun, the most powerful of offensive spells. Rumble knew that because he’d once seen Twilight Sparkle herself use it in practice; she’d completely leveled a hill a mile away by accident, and it had taken about three months for the area to cool down afterwards from all the molten rock. From what he could tell, this version of the spell was weaker due to Star’s exhaustion, or perhaps due to her sheer lack of power compared to that of the archmagus, but in any case it was more than enough. The huge blast of orange power flared forward, like a laser fired from the sun itself, straight down the hole.
This is going to hurt, Rumble thought a split-second later as he heard a massive crack below him, followed by a huge pillar of energy and fire racing skyward as the warren became consumed in fire. The concussive force threw both him and a mercifully now-unconscious Star completely out of the Everfree, towards a painful crash against the side of the barn at Sweet Apple Acres. Rumble had just enough time to turn and shield the mare as he collided with the planks.
As he slid off the broken wall of the barn, he looked up into the sky, seeing the burnt-umber mushroom cloud in the distance that was funeral pyre for the attercops that had taken Star. He weakly smiled.
Good.
He barely heard someone – “somepony”; I’m back in Equestria so it’s “somepony”, not “someone” – shout something before he passed out.
“Okay, I just need you to sign here, and here and here,” said the construction pony in a gruff voice as he read his copy of the contract, “and we’ll begin work converting your house over to the…er…human standard.” The stallion looked at her oddly and asked, “You sure about this, lady?”
DJ signed the contract, then looked at him, then crossed her arms. Given that she was sitting as normal instead of how a pony did, she asked, “Look at how I’m dressed, how I’m sitting, how I just signed the documents and then go ahead and ask me again.”
The stallion scratched the back of his head, then looked at the contract. “And…woah, House Shetland is paying for this? That’s some pretty bits there.” Clarity suddenly dawned on the earth pony as he said, “You’re the Lost Foal, arentcha?”
DJ rolled her eyes. “I hate that term. I also hate ‘Alien Girl’, too. I’m just me.”
A weird look came over the construction pony’s face. “I, uh, I guess I should admit that I was one of the ponies who backed Generosity in the War of the Elements. I, uh, thought that the humans didn’t deserve to have a pony.”
DJ’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, because nobody thought to ask me what I thought about the parents who raised me and who I love.” Seeing the suddenly nervous look on the earth pony’s face, she calmed down. “Look, long story short: I love the people who raised me and I consider myself human. I have a human husband and two human-looking children. I’ve loved my aunts, uncles and cousins ever since I met them. But all I have ever known is a human life – I have nothing against ponies, but I wasn’t raised as one, because we didn’t know they existed until I was fifteen. So isn’t it natural that I’d want the comforts of home? I’m already having to move to Equestria to support my husband, and that’s going to take some getting used to.”
The stallion scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, if you put it that way, I guess so. My wife and I wanted kids, but she died of rinderpest before I got around to it. I eventually adopted from the old Crystal Empire, because I could; heh, I bet my wife never expected me to adopt triplets, but I fell in love with the youngest and couldn’t let her older two sisters alone.” He sighed. “They took a long time to get used to things here in regular Equestria, and I really didn’t know what to do, until I finally realized that I needed to make them feel at home, not just give them one.”
“And?”
“Well…let’s just say that you’re right. I took them in as a dad, but it took me a while to realize that I had to be one. I had to give them love so they could experience it, and that was hard for me to do, since I was still trying to get over my wife’s passing.” He grinned. “Since then, my girls want to be singers now that they got their cutie marks. Funny thing is, they don’t know what kind of music to sing.”
DJ couldn’t help but grin. “Oh?”
“Yeah. Adagio’s into dance music, Aria’s into that hard rock stuff, and Sonata likes pop. Glad we have a house big enough for them to have their own rooms; I have no idea what would happen if I heard the cacophony of three fillies trying to make their own styles work.” He laughed. “Well, you don’t have to convince me in either case: You’re the customer and what you want is what we give. Might cost a little more, but hey, we’ve got experience in this department – we’ve renovated houses for minotaurs before – and if we’re billing a bigwig like Twilight Sparkle for everything, well, then, as far as I’m concerned, you don’t have anything to worry about, lady.”
DJ sighed. “I do, sir. Believe me, I do.”
“So you were referred to us by the Crown, Mister…ah, Martinez?” Fenced Yard, Canterlot’s Best Real Estate Agent – it said so on her card! – asked the human in front of her. “That’s rather unusual.”
“Well, I’ll be working for the Crown,” Sam said, “and I’ll b—”
“Wait!” a voice cried from behind as a winded-sounding woman strode in, looking like she’d run a mile. Turning to Sam, she said, “Sorry I’m late, but things were a little hectic at my job.” Sitting down in the seat next to him, she offered her hand to Fenced. “Apologies for the delay.”
The mare laughed. “I get that all the time, Ms….?”
“Einhorn,” the woman said, brushing a strawberry-blonde lock of hair out of her violet-blue eyes. “Celestia Einhorn.”
The mare blinked. “Celestia? Really?”
“Well, Celeste is the more common version of the name back on Human-Earth,” the woman admitted. “I actually just go by Tia. And you wouldn’t believe how much jokes I got in the office when they found out that the princess here has the same name as I do.”
Fenced smiled widely. “Yes, I can imagine. Anyways, do you two have an idea of what you’re looking for?”
Sam and Tia looked at each other briefly before Sam said, “Just a nice brownstone in Central, not too far from the palace. Both Tia and I work there.”
“Sounds reasonable; let me check with my secretary to see what minotaur-convertible homes we have available and we should go from there.”
“Minotaur convertible?” Sam asked.
Tia nodded, “I told you that it’s easier to convert houses with minotaur profiles to the human standards than it is to do it from a pony house.”
Sam looked embarrassed. “Sorry, forgot that. Meeting with the princesses kinda had me absorbed.”
“You work for the princesses?” Fenced asked.
“Yes. Specifically for Princess Luna,” Sam replied.
“And I work with Princess Celestia’s office a lot,” Tia added.
Fenced blanched. Turning towards her secretary’s office, she shouted, “Rainbowdance! Get me the Type M houses, and get the best ones!” Nodding to them briefly, Fenced said, “I’ll be right back,” and with that, practically teleported towards the file room.
Once they were alone, Sam said, “Okay, I hadn’t expected that kind of response.”
“Sorry,” Celestia whispered back. “It all comes with the divinity bit. Many of them think they’re failing their holiest of duties if they anger any of us alicorns. And I wish they wouldn’t think that. It’s not as though I think the worst of my little ponies.”
“Maybe you should think about publicly announcing our relationship?”
She sighed. “That will not go over well, Sam, and you know it. For starters, the populace seems to think that I must be chaste – the scandal my previous relationship centuries ago nearly caused a complete breakdown in pony society. Second and most important, what do you think DJ will do once she finds out?”
He thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I’m dead man, aren’t I?”
“So long as you’re my dead man,” she sighed, putting her head on his shoulder.
“That’s not helping,” he groaned.
“The dead man part or the sigh?”
“Both.”
Her response was to simply give him a mischievous wink then kissing him softly on the lips just before Fenced returned with the list.
“We were lucky that you both suffered few injuries,” the doctor said, “because between the extra acceleration and the magic energy being bandied about, you two could have easily been killed.”
“I’ll say,” a major from the local REA garrison replied. “As it is, I’m sending in a platoon of infantry to sweep for any further attercops. Having any of those eight-legged freaks this close to Ponyville will be a major issue. Thanks for, uh, dealing with the issue, in a matter of speaking, but we’ll take it from here, Mage Star Swirl.”
“Thanks,” she said woozily. She looked at her bed and the unconscious pony still on it. Rumble had taken several blows for her, and though he’d survived most of it, he hadn’t come away completely unscathed: He had a concussion from the crash into the Sweet Apple Acres barn, and was likely going to be down for a few days. She’d already had to explain things to Thunderlane, who seemed to panic about the whole thing. Fortunately, Pinkie was there to calm him down.
And then there was the extra paperwork and reports. She’d already had to brief Caramel; now she was talking to REA and she expected Raspberry Blast to be here first thing tomorrow morning for a report there. It was a minor miracle that Apple bloom had offered to host the CMCs for a sleepover in their clubhouse on the apple farm; the older mare knew that Star was going to need a night alone.
And as she escorted the two stallions out, she wondered exactly how to process what happened: he saved her. Her. Her, a damned soul, one that had sinned countless times and wasn’t worth all the glory and honor of her name. One that wasn’t worth the precious baby dragon that she raised. One that wasn’t worth Sweetie Belle’s friendship, much less the love that she so coveted from her mentor and would-be lover.
One that had been tempted by Nightmare Moon herself, Star thought, but before she could finish, she heard a sound from upstairs. She rushed up to see Rumble gingerly sitting up, trying not to upset his bandages. Well, at least he realizes the situation he’s in, she thought to herself.
“How are you?” she asked, carefully sitting down on the stool next to him.
“I’ve been better,” he said, “but trust me, I’ve been through a lot worse too, Star. Takes more than that to put a Sea Pony out of commission.”
“I guess,” she said with a soft smile. “But…why me? Why save me? It was clear that whomever attacked us meant for me to die, not you. And no, before you ask about that, I’ve no idea,” she replied. “I’ll be talking to the Vicemagus tomorrow about that.”
“Count me in on that; I know that EQMILCOM will want to know about it,” he told her. “And as to why I saved you…well, would you believe it’s because you’re Sweetie’s protégé and if I let you die, that would look really bad for me when I see her again?” he added, though his tone indicated that he was joking.
However, she didn’t take it that way. “Oh,” she said, turning her head away. She felt bad about it, but she couldn’t explain why.
He reached out and turned her muzzle back towards him. “Look: the truth is, I did it because…well…you were incredibly brave and beautiful in that fight. Even as exhausted as you were, I have rarely seen that kind of strength and fortitude outside of my own circles. You were incredible out there, Star. You should be proud.”
“I…did you just say I was beautiful?” she asked, blushing. Did I just blush?
After a second, he nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah, I did. Is that a problem?”
Before she even realized what she was doing, she leaned forward and kissed him, almost as if her own body was rebelling against what she wanted. She wanted Sweetie, body and soul, she knew that. But she couldn’t stop kissing this stallion before her, a friend of Sweetie’s. Was she betraying Sweetie in her heart? Was her body telling her that it was time to move on from the mare she loved and find somepony suitable? Was she looking, subconsciously, for another pony that could be a decent parent for Spines? What was it she was doing? And why couldn’t she stop?
He didn’t seem to want to stop. But as the need to breathe broke their kiss apart, she asked again, but for a different reason, “Why?”
His answer was to kiss her again. “I don’t know,” he said as he broke from the second one. “Maybe…maybe my brain’s just telling me that I should be looking for love somewhere apart from where I have.”
She suddenly initiated, and he joined in. She got off her stool, leaning against the bed on her hindlegs, as her forelegs reached out to him and pulled him closer.
Pinkie’s left ear started itching and her right leg suddenly shot out. Before she could realize it, her tail suddenly began to lift, and it was all she could do to force it down for propriety’s sake – she was in a public location, after all.
She grinned slightly. Her Pinkie Sense was rarely wrong.
Good for you, Rumble, she thought to herself. I just hope that it works out for you.
In a ruined hospital basement, Twilight Sparkle looked at the glimmering sigils in front of her. She then nuzzled her daughter, who smiled at her.
“Mom, what’s up?” Shining Dawn asked.
Twilight Sparkle looked at her sisters, then back to her daughter. “It’s time,” she replied. “They hit us and hit us hard, Shiny. They hit us until we reeled from the blow.”
The unicorn archmagus’ smile brought a thrill of joy to her pepsis daughter’s face.
“Now we bounce back.”
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Okay, wow. Lot of things going on this chapter, holy butts. And there are so many dangling plot threads that I've got no idea what to even expect from this finale. But damn if I'm not already in line for it!
You know, I wondered from the start of the fic how ponies´ spines can endure being forced into the upright position for long periods. Besides unhealthy, the rule is unfair since humans who go to Equestria aren´t expected to go naked and walk on four.
5319727
Yeah, not one of Celestia's better ideas, admittedly.
Another excellent chapter!
Always worth the wait.
It's finally updated!
I'm looking forward to see what you got for the final.
*Sees story updated: Cool it updated.
*Reads chapter: Well . . . That was interesting.
*Re-reads end of chapter: You son of a b****. [ Jk, I'm loving this story. ]
Spiders. It HAD to be giant spiders. Luckily they killed it with fire.
Also. *Takes deep breath* OMGICANTBELIEVEITITUPDATEDYESYESYESYESAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Pinkie must never drive!
5320263
We're too late!
next, the end of book I? Well, that's going to take a while
Gee, with all the cryptic bullshit DJ has been receiving she might have to start charging them per visit.
Oh my God is that a reference to who I think it's a reference to? Because if so you've just made me a very happy guy.
Also, shit's kicking off next chapter! Can't wait to see how it ends (though, something tells me it'll be with an infuriating cliffhanger. It's what I'd do!). I don't remember, did you ever decide whether you were going to write the other two books in separate stories?
5321195
No, I'm going to shove it all in this book because HUEG BOOK.
5321132
Knowing her? She'll just suggest they go visit Rarity instead - she's the one used to stupid shit like this.
The deal with the spiders has me suspicious.
And finale next?
I know how you do finales.
Well, this chapter was quite intriguing, Starswirl and the (formerly?) filly looking colt making up..... AAAAAANNNNND some sexy time
, hopefully for the better, Starswirl is not evil, just misguided.
I'm more curious about the supposed DJ's possible future self. Not sure if what she described will really happen or not, she mentioned it's a possible future, but it's evident something big will go down, and DJ will be the center of it. TOO BAD WILL HAVE TO WAIT AROUND 4 YEARS TO FIND OUT
5322176
Hey, if you want.
Bad guys win
Bad guys push good guys to brink
DJ something something
Good guys win.
The end.
5322188 isn't that something that happens all the time?
5322201
Well, you just found out in less than four years.
I was just thinking about this story the other day and figured it should be about time for it to update soon. Less than a day later and there it is.
I'm gonna have to start all over to remember where we're at
DJ's new daughter will be called Rarity? Prediction, some real stuff will go down
5323201 Good luck in the attempt, it took me WEEKS to catch up IN EACH AAG FIC, and I'm pretty short on time right now
I didn't know what he was describing either, (I prefer using terms like "Pistol" instead of the random assortment of random letters and numbers that make up gun names) so I also looked up some pictures. Strangely, a picture of DJ eating a cheeseburger was one of the top results for the HS2000E.
5323861
5324004 Yep
i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa61/chaosdx1/DJSearch_zps6726aa18.png
5324164
Okay, at least five of those images are mine...and two don't even relate to AAG. WTFO?
A lot has happened in this chapter, but I'm a bit confuse about the time period of what's happening so far when this part of the story is done or book or when Twilight reveals her plans to the others. I need a time chart. ^^;
“Complicated” is putting it mildly.
Thankfully, it would be extremely hard for anybody to believe them, even if Sarah began to shout it from the rooftops.
<spittake>
Well, five years from utter hate to love could be enough.
Count me extremely sceptical, though, unless they bond through the war, or Rarity dies saving one of DJ’s boys.
Nice reference to EqG. Also the one about the sirens.
Another possible dark area of Swirly’s character? Or just an idle treat sent at the wrong recipient?
Would this mean that Twilight will reverse the curse, then Luna will step out of Equestria, then the Purehooves will detonate some sort of magical bombs that will disrupt all portals between the two worlds?
Error. Should be ‘jaw’. Besides, it should be ‘a pony’s jawbone’ to ‘pile of bones’, or ‘jaw’ to ‘dirt’. Or simply ‘...as he glimpsed a pony’s skull under some more bones.’
A new ship has sailed!
Considering that she would have normally gone ballistic, I would like to call this a massive improvement!
I believe this little recap here discards Swirly from the race as a possible host to NMM.
And here I would want to insist that you write the three planned books without breaking them into three separate stories.
Just consider the ego side of things: AAG already is inside the Top 20 longest stories in the site; if you write the three books without breaking that, your story will likely be inside the Top 5!
5324204 just goes to show you can find pony everywhere though DJ dos seam to be surrounded by allot of guns
5328758
Maybe, but Sunset Shimmer (from 7DSJ) isn't! So again I raise the WTFO flag.
...finally! No offense, and I get that it's necessary with the metric ton of characters here, but this thing has just gone loooooong.
Oh, boy. Is this a new chapter of All-American Girl?
How classy. Yup. I'm definitely reading All-American Girl.
Seriously though. Most authors would just leave the "embarrassing marital story" to the reader's imagination, and with good reason.
Right. All the criticisms I have aside, I must admit something. This story is good. I know when a story is good--it's (among other things) when the characters become like old friends to me, when I imagine what would I do in their place, when I imagine what would I do if I were there alongside them. This story did all of these to me, and more. Heck, I even feel a bit frustrated that I cannot drop by to visit the characters and say a thing or two to them. I'm not entirely proud of it all, but it's true.
5337436
Noodle Incidents are overused, IMHO. Far better to get one spelled out because it's more "real" that way.
Like, "TMI, DJ. Way TMI."
*Headdesk*
I want to continue reading this story, but I also don't because I just can't stand Daisy Jo most of the time. Maybe she has some character development that makes her tolerable or even likeable to me in the many, many thousands of words that I haven't read yet, but I'd have to read the story to find out...
Gah, so bloody frustrating. It's like Star Trek: DS9 and [CENSORED], [CENSORED] Sisko all over again. Loved the show, never got more than two seasons into it because I couldn't stand the guy. Give me Kirk, Picard, or Janeway any day. Even bloody Archer's better.
Now I must wonder if Book I will crack the big 400k mark in the final stretch. But really, wow! We're finally coming to the end of the first book. Two and a half years of reading, and the ride is just getting warmed up. I look forward to the conclusion.
And that's all she wrote, for now at least. Damn this is a good story, just one thing. DJ is 35, yet she acts like she's 19, and not in a good way. It must be so awkward for her human and pony family to have her around, since she's just such a child in everything she says and does. Aren't we supposed to relate to the 'human' protagonist? By my count she's the second least likeable character so far, after Rarity. Will she ever grow up? Will she stop acting like a total bitch whenever she gets called Sandalwood? Could she even possibly be, as future DJ (or LSDJ as I like to call her) says...dare I say it...badass? I can't wait to find out.
Also, you gave this story the sex tag, and had some characters having sex, but you didn't write the sex down. In fact, in Twilight Sunburn's case you seemed downright squeamish about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes fictional ponies have sex. But you gotta write it down, or you can't use the sex tag. I DEMAND SEX!
This shit is awesome
5352812
You can relate to someone without liking them. And DJ's intentionally not supposed to be completely likable. She's a flawed person who after all these years has still not let go of her past (which you can read in the sidestories and yes, she is different before the Foalnapping Affair), despite everyone's efforts. Rarity is no better.
Every time I read a new chapter of this, Tom Petty gets stuck in my head.
Also, I always have to go back a chapter when this updates, so I can remember what was going on.
I could write paragraph after paragraph about why I am going to stop reading this, but seeing as this is my third story I have removed from my favorites today, stories of which I have been reading for months, I cannot bring myself to do up another full blown critique.
So I'll summarize. This will be brutal. You have been warned.
DJ bitchs way too damn much, sounds like a spoiled white, blond girl from the valley, is smart enough to be an author but acts like a teenager most of the time with how she reacts to everything, and cannot act like a grown adult for more than two seconds. I weep for future people and ponies if her children inherit even half of how much of an asshole she can be.
Her husband, Generic Number 3, is bland as has little development as a character beyond being in the Navy.
Celestia is acting like a hypocritical teen with a case of bottled up horny, has no clue how to handle a war and can't hire people/ponies who can. 'Oh yeah, sure, lets hire Dj's husband so I can have her closer to us so my scheming can come to fruition! What? Were losing? Pfft! Who cares! Dj is within my grasp!'
Why the fuck is all of the worlds governments letting Dictator Nacho take over land, no matter how small it is? Are they just twiddling their thumbs, hoping he dies of old age? Not to mention that with Chrysalis and Nightmare on his side how big of a threat he would be?
Told you it wouldn't be a nice one.
5421258
While I don't necessarily agree with most of what you have to say, I can respect most of it as valid concerns. I do however have to take issue with your statement that "Why the fuck is all of the worlds governments letting Dictator Nacho take over land, no matter how small it is? Are they just twiddling their thumbs, hoping he dies of old age? Not to mention that with Chrysalis and Nightmare on his side how big of a threat he would be?" You seem to be suggesting that this is unrealistic. Quite frankly, the lion's share of similar situations in actual history suggests that this is EXACTLY what the world's governments would do... We have a nasty habit of ignoring obvious dangers until it's almost too late.
5434279 I thank you for approaching this reasonably.
I know that in the past we have ignored, or just didn't know about things going on, but now, with the internet, cameras, video recorders, and most importantly, phones, word travels faster. There would also be countries going all gung-ho about fighting the bad guys here. I also think that the US, being the meddlers that we are, wouldn't let a threat like this go on.
I have nothing else to add that wouldn't just be repeating what I have already stated.
5434610
Then you would think wrong. We had all of that during the 90s, when the US stood by during the Tsutsi-Hutu crisis in Africa. I'm not going to argue as to the whys, hows or validity of standing by and doing nothing, but we stood by and let it all happen.
As to your other comments, I'm going to disagree, but your opinions are your own and shouldn't be invalidated because of how you feel on the story....
...though, no offense, that's hardly the worst criticism I've ever heard regarding one of my stories. You don't even come close.
5434815 Wasn't trying to be harsh, was just stating why I wasn't going to read this story anymore. Most stories, the long winded serious ones anyways, seem to be losing my interest.
I would argue more on this, but no matter what any of us think, no one would know what to do in this type of situation, given its coplexity.
Celestia still pisses me off in how naive she acts towards all of this.
5435106
Didn't think you were, so no worries there.
As to the geopolitical situation, yeah, it's always easy to make the guesses in hindsight, but unless we're on the scene (there or from remote), we really can't make the judgement call without the full information, and not all decisions turn out to be the best. So yeah, I agree.
And there's a reason I've been portraying the alicorns as is. It'll get into Book II, but....
5435282 I've always wondered this, and figure this is a good enough time to ask.
I remember it being mentioned, way back near the beginning, that Twilight looked into other worlds while looking for DJ. Always made me wonder if any of those worlds 'looked back'. Such as a race that has been dimensional 'jumping' for awhile, or one that is just on the verge of figuring it out, ever noticed that they were being looked at? Has the idea of other worlds ever being an issue that you have given any thought to?
Getting real deep into physics here. I made the question as basic as possible without typing out a thesis paper. If you need me to elaborate, let me know. Or don't. Either or.
I have also decided to give it another go at your story. Damn that last sentence.
5435643
I'd actually jotted down a treatment for a side story (over at Be Human) of some of the worlds Project SANDALWOOD had travelled to and which worlds to "lock out" and prevent any visitors coming from. It continually gets shelved because I get other ideas, and I'd actually like to see another author play with it, just to see what worlds they'd unearth, so to speak.
5435766 I so would. Provided I had help, of course. I have an extensive knowledge of how fictional and nonfictional dimensional portals, travel, what have you, would work.
Look what you made me do. This conversation took an odd turn.
You're story a shit
5529443 I fucking love that avatar
i just downloaded this story onto my phone...dear lord what am i getting myself into now