grats on story ten, mine winged friend. now, off to read!

Edit: well, this seems like it will be going into a good direction. good luck ^.^

Now to read.

Yeaahhhh!

woot!

AMAZALING!

>>563069563069

In the story, Celestia says: "The elements have not had bearers for nearly a decade now."

Apparently, all of them died. I don't know if Rarity was the first or last to go, but either way, they are all dead.

Now, Anonymous, tell me you are not planning something ridiculous as the new elements being the old ones descendents. That's not fun at all, man!

But I'll admit, this one is a bit different from Transcend, it lacks something. Some parts were put out of order. For example, you could've used the spell as a means to reinforce Celestia's argument that Raindrop's a changeling right after she starts to deny it herself. And the part about using the elements of harmony, the first mention of her plan kinda takes the impact of her sudden decision at the end. In all, good, but you are better, I know it. Keep it up =)

Great story but ...Wouldn't spike still be alive ?

He could make a great source of information for teardrop .

Well, I smell adventure. i can't wait till the quest to find the new elements begins. Who knows maybe we'll see the descendents of some familiar faces.

Hey a sequel to Transcend I hope it's as good as-

Shine was sitting up in bed, forehooves on the mattress and eyes narrowed at her. He looked tired, but determined, and was scowling at her.

“You’re a monster,” he repeated, shaking his head at her. “A demon.”

Subtle as a brick to the forehead. Could you make him any more two-dimensional? I mean where's the denial? Raindrop fought tooth and nail against what Celestia said and here Shine is dropping her like that? What the hell?! He's not even listening! Fantastic racism from the left field!

a compainion story oto transcend i love it 10 mustashios

and a scootaloo

>>563355563355

Not that I know what the author is thinking but it would be resonable to suggest that throughout the chapter the author has pointed out that Shine started to feel drained physically and emotionally.  Drained of the normally present love it would be conceivable that Shine when confronted would have a non-emotional or even hateful response that may not be indicative of his true personality.

Me Gusta

I wonder if Spike will make an appearance as an adult Dragon since Dragons are known to live like damn near forever. It'd be pretty neat to see him play a role in finding bearers to replace his lost friends.

Well now, here I was hoping for a more... I don't know, like the sequel to start after the last chapter? (Before the Epilogue I mean.) Not that this is bad! No, this is great! I just thought you could have done a lot there, what with her getting pregnant, not knowing about morning sickness, or anything like that, ect. ect. Oh well...

Still! SEQUEL! I WILL LIKE THIS...

Image: http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132407437134.png

Pinkie Pie isn't dad, nor is Spike in my opinion.

Spike lives for a damn long time  being a dragon and all.

Pinkie Pie breaks the laws of physics and time/space, she's likely just in our world doing her usual.

A sequal?! All is good in the world!

Well, I guess that shows what kind of a coltfriend he is, really.

Perfect premise for a sequel.

I'd like to weigh in on Shine as well, though. To be honest, it reminded me a lot of the scene in "Transcendence" When Chrysalis killed the shopkeeper. A dishonest pony makes the transformation into a rapist? Even though he was "encouraged" by Chrysalis, she still comes out morally on top.

With Shine, we don't have much to go on before he pulls what he does (first chapter, natch). While I agree with reader interpretation that Shine lashed out partially because of his condition (an understandable reaction), this really cheapens their relationship. You mentioned it was a "whirlwind romance", but the fact remains that there just wasn't that much development.

It's suspiciously convenient, kinda breaks suspension of disbelief. It allows the plot to move forward while keeping your characters' hooves clean (good thing the Elements of Harmony purged Chrysalis of the guilt of exterminating her own race!). Either that, or your interpretation of Equestria is a little darker than  most would expect. Your characterization of Celestia implies such to me, at least.

That said, both your stories are brilliant and I am very impressed with how fast you've pumped them out. Pony on!

>>570132570132

You'd prefer them to have more of an argument? I kinda set out since the start to make Shine weary of life in general. He's sapped and constantly depressed, and finding out that it's from the mare he loves that's doing it...Well, it's liable to make anyone suddenly just snap. Especially after he gets past the moment.

And I didn't intend for Chrysalis to come out morally on top in that encounter. I wanted to brutally underline the fact that Chrysalis is a Changeling. And Changelings don't have the same issues of morality and such that a normal pony would.

She saw an obstacle, and decided that killing said obstacle was a perfectly reasonable route to clearing said obstacle.

I intend to rewrite the entire last chapter of Transcend to make it more....I dunno. Believable? Like a moment when Chrysalis realises that she's not a changeling any more, after destroying her entire race.

In spite of how I might act, I'm definitely open to suggestions/criticisms on the storylines. If a part doesn't feel right, I CAN change it.

>>570258570258

I'd prefer to have more context on the nature of their relationship, but if you intend to have Shine forgotten within a couple chapters, this is probably unnecessary. I think I desire context because I was spoiled with whole chapters of development in "Transcendance" whereas here we get a few paragraphs. Easy for new readers but a bit jarring right after finishing the previous story.

It's a tough business, trying to write a character who both does bad things and is sympathetic. This works against you in those kinds of scenes, because any sympathy you built up will allow many readers to justify atrocious behavior (especially with female characters), but you also don't want the character's behavior to be so atrocious that the character is written off entirely. If you've got some good editors/prereaders and you want to experiment with it, try rewriting the scene with killing him more brutally or perhaps with her toying with him longer (her feeding off of his desire could make for an incredibly creepy experience). Send it to them and see what they think (send em to me if you want, I'll read it!)

I said that Chrysalis forgetting about her subjects (presumably as part of being cleansed by Harmony) was convenient. That doesn't make it bad (we all know that the Elements are story-breaking convenient, anyway). I think you're fine as-is on that subject. Touching it (even mentioning it more) opens up a whole new can of worms, as it were.

Haven't read enough of the comments to get a read on "how you act", but if my own experience is anything to go by, I've liked discussing this story and if reader input makes it better than power to you!

>>570624570624 I'll have to have a look-see after I'm done with my trip to the big smoke. Currently there ATM.

Should be putting out more chapters when I get home!

Dalek voice: IT BEGINS!!!

Evergreen had an accent, and Cee later did as well.

Wouldn't Raindrop have one too?

updates? u usually have plenty...

\m/    \m/

I literally just finished transcend like just about a min or two ago and I'm gonna start reading this ....please update :D

>>576669576669

Not if he's from a different area. That and this is 2 generations later.

Shine you racist!

How could no one gave told her?!

?? mind reforming that?

She better hide the new elements after she finds and uses them. Or Celestia may want to raise the recently deceased....

Sequel?

So much for catching up on my backlog of fics!

Mucho Me Gusta

... The end made me shed a tear. Bastard.

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/225/400/sweetie%20belle%20that%20is%20beautiful.jpg

>>600740600740 Hey! You're mother is a monster! Let's go back to our everyday life! Imagine how that conversation would go. They assumed that the changeling gene would not show up again, hence them not seeing a "Need" to tell her. It would most likely be very bad.

>>604627604627

Dude what?? Im just telling the author to reform the sentence cuz when i read it, it didnt make sense

>>604627604627 I'm going out on a limb here and assuming he meant to fix the typo.

oh, and this story is coming along well. I await the next chapter with joy in my heart.

>>564551564551

That's what I figured. Also presuming the phrasing is a callback to the first fic when Evergreen first finds out, of course, this time it's the usual reaction, not "Yer a demon, but ah still love yeh!"

>>565445565445

heheheheh, there's an interesting thought I haven't seen in another fic.

It seems it's only Dash and Twilight that anybody ever writes about dying of old age...I guess since they had the most amount of ambition in their lives.

Be funny to see Pinkie die of old age, and then her 'heaven' is waking up in our world. And THAT Pinkie's heaven would be to reawaken in Equestria.

Why the cyclical heavens? Because her entire reason for living is to make everyone else happy, no matter where they're at!

You ever see some 90 year old lady who can still boogie like a teenager? That's her, ayup!

DUN DUN DUUUUN! "How could this happen?"

I loved Transcend, so I know I'm going to love this.

WOO!

Well...f****uck.

that have to be the biggest let down of her life

Image: http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/epic-jackie-chan-template.png

thats not good

isn't Rarity's mane purple?

>>611239611239 must have been a trick of the light

>>611239611239 um...time worn picture, over the course of ten years it would ware down the coloring on the picture so purple could look like blue <pulling at straws

... You mean she didn't even consider the possibility that they were fake when she saw that they were just lying there, in a grave that was split in half? What, did she think that happened NATURALLY? If this wasn't Equestria, where things like that don't happen as often as here, I'd call her an idiot, but since this IS Equestria... /shutsup.jpg

Well SOB didnt see that coming

.............................................Fuck

I really enjoyed the first fic, and this is shaping up to be a great one too. Good luck on this new endeavor; let's see what Raindrop's future holds on her journey.

ya better be writting the next chapter!

HOLY CRAP

Well then...That sucks.

so, I guess this means eventually she'll be keeping that promise. also, graverobbing. joy.

somepony gonna get a-hurt real bad.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN

A sequel already? Man, I'm a slacker by comparison. Good to see a continuation, though!

I really like how you keep the spoilers waaaay down.

YAY

>>623986623986 Was that sarcasm? I honestly can't tell

>>624046624046

You either? I pride myself on detecting subtle cues in text but on this forum...thing sarcasm is actually really hard to tell.

Anyquack...good job and i think i know where this is going. WELL, i say i think i know, more like i have a pretty good idea. WELL, i say a pretty good idea, it's more like a good idea. WELL, i say a good idea, it's more like a hunch. WELL, i say a hunch, it's more of a random thought that just so happened to cross my mind.

No, not at all. That's a very good idea.

>>624091624091 Oh you think you know...

But when the villain is unveiled, I think more than one person will go

A chrysalis history/family fic?

Image: /Users/indyjones/Desktop/this_gon_b_gud_gif.gif

so you admit that it is SPIKE! A-ha! I knew it

>>624141624141 you gotta read Transcend to really get anything from this story.

This is so good.

Another great chapter. I wonder why Sentinel is being such a douche, and what does his cutie mark entail? If that sh*yay*t's glowing it can't have anything to do with parties.....or can it?

>>624390624390 Hmmm....question is, should I reveal his 'special talent' next chapter, or keep it secret a little bit longer...?

>>611314611314

I think you may need to rewatch some episodes.

That wasn't a grave that was split, it was the 'dumb rock' that Dash's first rainboom split.

>>624433624433 No. You should keep it a secret until the very end, until even after he's used it to accomplish his part in the story. THEN you shall explain it. (Not exactly sarcasm here. Rather, devious hyperbolic ruminations.)

Man, Shine is an ass.

Lemme guess, Sentinel can glow in the dark at will? But anyway, gonna make a guess here, i'm feeling a kind of Transcend vibe.Raindrop and Sentinel hate each other? Cee and Evergreen Herp Derp

>>625530625530 My lips are sealed.

>>625540625540

Indeed good sir and/or madam

>>625646625646

>>625530625530

At the risk of giving some future plot elements away. Let's go theoretical. If it is a romance between Raindrop and Sentinel...wouldn't she be doing the same exact thing she hates her father for?

Also, what does that mean for her and Shine? She's going on a giant quest so they can stay together...and then just turn around and go for another pony entirely? Why would a pony even do that...?

Mark my words. For they shall make sense later.

>>625664625664

But...But...but... I dont have a highlighter

I have a couple of different guesses about Sentinel. Anonymous Pegasus, do you mind speculation in your chapter comments?

>>626752626752 certainly not. Speculate away

>>624498624498 I was talking about the grave in the chapter, not the 'dumb rock' from the show.

Alright, two guesses, about as opposite from each other as can be.

The one I thought of first but now seems least likely to me, Sentinel is the son or grandson of either Shining and Cadence or Twilight and whomever, and because of his family history or his knowledge of events as a member of the guard knows who Raindrop's grandmother is and dislikes her because of the events of the wedding.  Don't really like this one, feels kind of petty unless it has somehow become some sort of family feud, though that seems like it would be hard to maintain a feud if one of the families is all but extinct.

Second, and one that seems more plausible to me at the moment, he is a changeling that somehow came to serve Celestia.  He uses the Princess(es) as a emotional food source and they don't die from it because they are immortal alicorns, etc.  He also knows who Raindrop's grandmother is, and has a grudge against Cee and her descendants because he believes (somewhat rightly) that she betrayed her species.  And his special talents are his shapeshifting abilities.

>>628870628870 Actually, no on both counts! :D I'm thinking I'll reveal exactly what Sentinel is in the next chapter....but I can't figure out why to make him dislike the changelings so much. Plausibly, that is.

Although him being a changeling is interesting, it would ultimately ruin what I have planned later on...I like how you think, though!

>>628954628954 Eh, I can't really claim the changeling guard idea, saw it in a fairly well written oneshot I read in the last week or two.

Looking forward to more!

>>629209629209 New chapter goes up in a minute!

So you'll be able to see for yourself why Sentinel hates the changelings.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH

FIRST

YEAH! SCREW THEM! (Gets out bag of popcorn, eating eagerly.)

he  is  a  bitch

Ahh, I'm going to claim that Sentinel's parents being injured/killed in the wedding attack would have been my third guess had I posted it!

This is gonna be a tragedy, isn't it?

fight the power

>>629362629362 Hmm....I don't see a tragedy tag anywhere!

And your back.

Here I go, reading cautiously.

Wow, what a shallow asshole. Say a black man killed my grandmother. Suddenly all black people are evil hellspawn. I mean, I can understand where he's coming from, but wow. Well, I certainly know who I'm NOT rooting for. He'll obviously come around eventually though. Or not. Maybe. ...Probably.

Well, er, good luck Raindrops.

>>629425629425 Well it's not a black person. It's a changeling. They are literally evil. It would be like the KKK killing your black grandfather, I would say. You have a legitimate reason to hate the KKK as a whole.

>>629435629435

They're more or less evil by nature, though. The KKK chose to be evil. For Changelings it's a biological need. Like orcs, I guess. There's a trope for that.

I dunno, I'm just bass-ackwards and ass-backwards. He certainly enjoys ignoring the fact that the entire point of her quest is to purify herself of her heritage, though. That's less very much justified hate and more a complete unwillingness to see the bigger picture. Like others have said, he's a bitch.

So...Sentinel is one of those blame people "who blames others for the sins of their father" kind of guys. He really needs to get off of the cross, build a bridge and get over it. I agree with shardfff he's a whiny bitch. "You ruined my life, because of reasons that weren't your fault." This chapter should be renamed: The Bitchy Royal Guard because let's face it Raindrops is on the verge of losing everything and this complete asshole is only making it worse. He's smug, arrogant, selfish, hateful and vane; This makes you wonder how did he get into the Royal Guard, were they recruiting at a Madden/Call of Duty tournament or at Nickelback concert? The odd thing is I think the story is going to end up pairing them together.

He's kinda like this guy.

Image: http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/funny-gifs-no-comfort-for-the-old.gif

Peace Out.

>>629463629463

>>629462629462

Oh, but neither of you realise that no one has ever told him that she's not a changeling. No one explained to him. And Raindrop was too busy beating the shit out of him to elaborate on the finer points of her lineage.

Oh, oh. Well then it's just a bastardly dastardly misunderstanding.

>>629477629477

It seems that you turned him into what the writers of Batman in the 90's turned Jason Todd into, you didn't mean for him to become a jerk, but he kinda evolved into one as the story progressed.

>>629497629497 Oh but it will make for some interesting scenes down the line though, right?

Like Sentinel trying to apologize to Raindrop while still retaining his dignity. Celestia explaining to Sentinel exactly what Raindrop is, him feeling bad about it. Etc etc.

Nothing says tension like childhood trauma.

Foalhood trauma. Whatever.

A great opening my friend, you set things up well.

I'm gonna pretend the doctor is a desendent of Photo Finish, and he sounds like Albert Einstein in my head...

And the changlings may live again!!

I'm doubtful of that and i know it is terrible for Raindrop to suffer this fate, but i'm still slightly peeved at Cee for killing off the last of the changlings in Transendence.

>>629586629586

......