Interim
“You seriously intend to alter past events?” Celestia asked, a slight frown visible on her face.
The princess was bound in place by a sticky green resinous substance that the changelings had produced, immobilising her at her hooves, and encasing her horn, preventing her from performing magic.
“Indeed,” Chitin stated dismissively, looking down at the Elements of harmony. All six of them lay before her, spread out on a white cotton sheet. They were still grey and stony, inactive.
“And how do the Elements of Harmony factor into this?” Celestia queried, perking an ear.
“I intend to use them as foci, to increase the range of the time magic. It has been many years,” Chitin replied calmly.
Celestia nodded gently. “Indeed it has. Many years have passed.”
Chitin didn’t respond, looking down at the elements, and then dragging a book closer to herself, reading from the pages.
“You understand that time magic is a dangerous thing, yes?” Celestia asked, a note of worry in her tone.
“I understand the risks,” Chitin said with a wave of a hoof.
“And yet you would still risk your life for Chrysalis?” Celestia asked, frowning deeply.
“I will rectify her mistake. And we will be together again as Queen and Servant,” Chitin stated calmly. “Testing my conviction is pointless.”
“But why now?” Celestia asked after a moment. “When you have had the elements in your possession for so long?”
“I did not have your library at my disposal, and I intend for you to help me, princess,” Chitin replied with an eerie grin.
Celestia snorted, shaking her head. “I will not help you in this.”
“I’m afraid you don’t have much choice,” Chitin responded calmly. “If you help me go back... then much of what has transpired between our two races can be erased.”
“The past is not to be meddled with,” Celestia stated flatly. “Good rarely comes of it.”
“I’m afraid that that is not up to you,” Chitin scowled, waving her hoof again. She tapped her hoof rather firmly against the floor, calling out, “Spike! Come!”
Celestia turned to the door, her eyes narrowing, watching as the young dragon ambled through and into the room, making his way over towards the changeling queen, casting a single furtive look toward Celestia.
“Spike...” Celestia murmured, her ears splaying.
“My Queen?” Spike asked, bowing slightly.
He had grown much since Celestia had last seen him. He was now as tall as a regular pony, but he should have been much larger.
“Activate the elements, if you will,” Chitin said, motioning towards the orbs.
Spike nodded, stepping past Chitin and stroking each orb in turn, causing it to glow and then shift, beginning to shine.
“Ahhh, so you use Spike to overcome the problem of the bearers. How clever,” Celestia stated.
Chitin gave a smug smile. “I believe that he has spent enough time around their previous bearers that he is capable of handling them.”
“Don’t attempt this, Chitin,” Celestia implored, shaking her head slowly. “I do not wish to see you hurt yourself.”
Chitin scowled, baring her teeth a moment. “Do not lie so brazenly to me, Celestia. I have the upper hoof here.”
“I am not lying,” Celestia rebuked, eyes narrowing on the Changeling Queen. “I wish for our two races to co-exist, if it is possible.”
“We will never co-exist when your kind views us as a parasite! Or an influence to be removed,” Chitin growled, waving her hoof dismissively. “Quiet your overactive mouth princess, I must concentrate.”
Celestia sighed and shook her head, looking up at Spike and Chitin, before laying her head on her bound hooves and closing her eyes, contenting herself to wait.
Stardancer was long gone by the time her cell door was opened. It had taken careful planning, or, as it were with her, careful forethought. Her first tool was a hairpin, pilfered from a guard as he slept after ‘accidentally’ slipping on a splat of saliva that had ‘somehow’ made it onto the floor where he was walking.
With a few careful twists, Stardancer was able to fashion the hairpin into exactly the right shape to hide along her windowsill, and with a few more quick twists, made it into an effective pressure tool. It took but a single twist and press to pop the window open, and allow her to squeeze out and into the cool afternoon air.
The second part of her plan was the faint morse code ‘S.O.S’ she had been ‘unconsciously’ tapping out on the floor with her hooves. It didn’t alert anyone to help her, but it did remind a certain orderly of his days in the Foal Scouts. It had made him distracted at home at a crucial moment, and he had seriously insulted his wife. As a kind of apology, he had scheduled a date with her that evening. He was too busy checking his watch and worrying about his coming ‘date’ to notice the faint sounds of Stardancer opening her window and slipping out of the building. And then, Stardancer was free.
By the time the orderlies noticed she was gone, it was far, far too late.
With a careful hiding of one of her tablets, and an afternoon of sheer torture as time itself poked at her brain, Stardancer had a single tablet to sate her insanity with once everything was over. Despite being able to see the future, her own future was muddled. She knew she needed to be at a palace, to modulate what was to come. She needed to be there to ensure that all the key points happened the right way, so that many hundreds of ponies didn’t die in the future she foresaw. But every time she looked ahead, events became impossible to view, because she was a part of them. By viewing her own future, she changed it. Her own future was never certain.
Pinning down her own future was like trying to hold onto a nightmare tentacle. It was constantly writhing and twisting. And no matter how hard she pinned it down, it writhed out of her grip and moved along a different path. By viewing her future, she automatically changed it. The one time she had tried to view her future, the one time she had really concentrated on it, she had blacked out. It had been three days before conscious thought returned to her.
A hard learned lesson.
So Stardancer didn’t try to anticipate this future. She contented herself with being able to steer it, by being there. She wasn’t certain on what would happen with her involvement, but she knew what would happen without it. And that was not something she could allow to happen.
Strange reflections shone all around the four ponies and the single griffon. The torch that Sentinel held cast a strange, flickering light over everything, causing strange shadows and pinpricks of light to dance across the walls of the cavern as the flame’s light bounced off the crystals. It was a surreal place, and strange. None of them had seen anything like it before.
“What do you think they needed all these crystals for?” Firebrand whispered.
“I have no idea,” Remedy admitted, her tone likewise hushed.
Wisp stared up at the pink crystals, glancing from one to the other. “Preeeeetty. Can I keep one? Pleeeease?”
Raindrop frowned a moment, shaking her head back at the griffin. “They’re bigger than your entire body. Don’t be silly.”
“But I’d polish it and love it and everything!” Wisp protested, giving a faint whine.
“The answer is no,” Sentinel said sternly.
Raindrop snuffed a laugh, nudging Sentinel’s neck with her hooves. “You’re going to make a great father one day,” she crooned.
“And you are going to emotionally traumatise any child you spend more than five minutes with,” Sentinel responded immediately, kissing Raindrop on her cheek.
“Awww, you’re just saying that,” Raindrop cooed, nudging the guard once and then pointing ahead with her nose. “I say we just fly over that gap. I’m sure me, you, and Firebrand can support Remedy across the gap.”
“Are you sure Firebrand won’t drop her?” Sentinel muttered, his voice low.
“By accident? No,” Raindrop said confidently, “On purpose though...”
“What’re you two mumbling about?” Remedy asked suddenly.
“We’re pondering on what design would work best to launch you across that chasm,” Raindrop said, pointing ahead. “What with you not having wings and all.”
“Trebuchet, I’d say,” Sentinel affirmed, nodding once. “But Raindrop here is partial to the old-fashioned catapult. I keep trying to tell her that the catapult has too high a flight angle, but will she listen? Noooo.”
“What.” Remedy snorted once, stamping a hoof. “I will not climb into medieval siege weaponry.”
“We’re going to fly you across,” Raindrop corrected with a shake of her head. “Geeze, gullible much?”
Remedy flustered a moment, while Wisp and Firebrand both giggled.
Remedy rounded on Firebrand, staring at her. “Did you just... giggle?”
“I did no such thing,” Firebrand stated with a shake of her head. “I gave a slight chuckle. I am not girly enough to giggle.”
“Enough!” Raindrop said, shaking her head slowly. “Firebrand. You’re not going to drop Remedy, are you?”
“Not on purpose,” Firebrand stated immediately. “...Unless I feel a particularly strong surge of dislike for her. But I tend to be able to control my murderous impulses.”
“Good enough for me,” Raindrop said, turning back to the chasm. “Not afraid of heights, are you, Remedy?”
Remedy snorted and tossed her mane. “I’ve slept on enough clouds in my time.”
“Very good, I’ll get the right, Firebrand can get the left. And Sentinel, you can fly underneath her to catch her if we fall. And if I catch you peeking at her, I’m going to feed you to Chitin myself, understood?” Raindrop asked.
“Yes, mistress,” Sentinel said, saluting with a grin.
The three pegasus moved into position around the earth pony. Remedy looked a little bit unsure about it all.
“Don’t worry, Remedy. It’s just like falling!” Wisp squeaked enthusiastically. “Falling without going anywhere!”
“That is so reassuring!” Remedy growled.
The nurse didn’t have time to say anything else, as Sentinel, Firebrand, and Raindrop all herded her towards the edge of the chasm, leaping out over it and taking hold of the earth pony, supporting her between them all across to the other side.
Wisp watched them go, head tilting to the side slightly.
As they landed on the other side, Raindrop caught Sentinel’s attention, and in a few moments, they had returned to get Wisp, ferrying her to the other side as well.
“Forgot I couldn’t fly, huh?” Wisp accused the two pegasi, casting her one-eyed gaze from one to the other.
Raindrop gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah, kinda. But we’re here now.”
“I was waiting for Raindrop to say something, honest,” Sentinel said with a nod.
Wisp giggled and shook her head, before pointing on ahead. “C’mon! The sooner we get into the castle, the sooner I can find something to blow up!”
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Well... It seems like everyone knows when I'm about to start working on something. it's the fifth time this has happened and in all honesty, I can't control myself around new posts.
To hell with it then, I have some reading to do.
After reading: Completely worth it.
So then, how many times has Remedy been on Cloud Nine?
I'm horrible!
...
Another priceless cliffhanger and comedie. Were is the comic buttom? I want that up in this story.
Keep talking to her, Celestia. Words are the greatest weapons in any war. Chitin's plan still feels kind of retarded. I can respect her devotion for the queen, but there comes a time when you just have to accept that things have changed. Needs more exposition, really. Chrysalis never seemed close to anyone but Evergreen, so how could Chitin care for her to such an extreme?
Interested in seeing how Stardancer is going to fit into this. She's utterly batshit. Still don't know how she's able to function by herself, though. And those orderlies are less than worthless, somepony take them out back and shoot them already. Yeah sure she can see the future, but they are beyond incompetent.
And none of them seem to be particularly good friends yet... Still thinking Celestia calling attention to the fact that they have to be friends was a bad idea. It was better for the original bearers when they were allowed to befriend each other naturally. I will honestly be sort of disappointed if everything turns out perfectly fine regarding this. They're improving, but hardly best friends forever material.
“C’mon! The sooner we get into the castle, the sooner I can find something to blow up!”
That's the spirit!
Dammit Spike, the Mane 6 would be disgusted with you.
Wisp is still the best pony even if she isn't a pony ................................................................................ Yep still the best
Spike must obviously be under a spell because if he is being used as a catalyst for all the elements (loyalty being one of them), then he would never betray the memories of the mane 6 by doing this willingly. That and it mentions him being smaller than he should be so he must be having the love sucked out of him or something.
I'm waiting for explosions. Nuf said.
1248764 'Previously unheard of magic'? Ermh, someone hasn't watched all the episodes of MLP, then, huh? Lemme get you a link.
Huh, the story device I used being shown in the show itself. Who knew?
Firebrand has a 'crow barred' backstory, because, gasp, we haven't seen enough of her to understand more about her yet. That's called character development. It doesn't happen overnight.
Why is lots of dialogue happening? Because that's about the only way I know to explain the whole HOST of things that need explaining. It's called exposition. Google it. It's quite hard to 'show' people that the hive mind being broken has forced many changelings to become more self-aware and develop a stronger sense of self. The only way to do that is, whadda ya know? EXPOSITION.
Celestia isn't trying to kill Chitin because she knows that Chitin would win. she's choosing her battles. And if you paid attention, she's looking for a peaceful outcome. Trying to kill her isn't likely to achieve that now, is it? Or can't you comprehend that not all confrontations end with the protagonists trying to kill eachother?
And why the characters got 'hidden away'? It's called compartmentalization. Google that, too. Ever wondered why stories don't usually feature five separate characters in the same group? Because it's bloody difficult. And I've been trying, I really have. But go look at the conversations inside the cottage. Firebrand speaks all of one line, Wisp gets maybe one, and Remedy only talks when she one-on-one's with Raindrop. The story won't actually end after the confrontation with Chitin. It'll continue to follow the bearers, but in smaller groups, you know, so I can actually show the characters.
So there you go. I'm usually not so much a bastard, but hey, I'm a fanfiction writer. Sorry I'm not an English Major graduating from Standford with a thousand hours of creative writing lessons under his belt. I'm a 24 year old Aussie guy who dropped out of high school. You sir, are a prick. If you think you can write something better (by the tone of your comment, you obviously do), then please, feel free to. And quite frankly, after your comment, I'm rather happy to see you gone. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
1251797 Uhm, I'm sorry? But most of the things you pointed out, I've already been trying to improve. Problems with characters being 'sequestered' away? Yeah, I noticed that. I put them in with the main group, and immediately came across the stumbling block of having too many characters in the same scenes. Which I've been trying to fix (and failing at, BTW).
Every problem you brought up, I told you why it was there. The only one I do need to look at is 'show - don't tell', but seeing as I don't understand the concept too well, I can't really apply it to my stories. I'm waiting for an epiphany moment like I had with apostrophe's while writing an earlier chapter of this, maybe 3 weeks ago. Yeah, that's when I figured out how apostrophe's work for the first time.
Problem is, half the things you raised were about the storyline and characters. You complain about Firebrand's backstory, but as a character, she's unlikely to just come out and tell everyone about her past. It requires character development. Until then, she'll be a bitch in everyone's eyes.
Celestia not attacking Chitin? Already explained it. What was the first thing Celestia did when Chrysalis showed up? She got her ass beat and then defaulted to the Elements of Harmony. In this story, she doesn't have the Element of Magic, and three of the bearers are nowhere to be found.
Yeah, I made an odd choice in bringing Chrysalis back, but I've been intending that for some time, and she's there for more of a reason than 'oh hey, I brought back a character! :D'. But I won't touch on that any more, because it's pertaining to events that will happen AFTER the Chitin confrontation.
So, you leave me 'constructive criticism' and then basically say 'peace out, motherfucker!'
This wasn't 'I hope you make the story better', this was tagging 'and fuck you' onto the end of your comment.
I happen to love constructive criticism. But pointing out things I've already 'fixed' per se, like the characters being removed from play; things that I intend to elaborate on: like Firebrand's backstory; things that you personally don't comprehend: like Chitin and Chrysalis' behavior, or the whole 'time bridge' thing; and then tagging it with a 'fuck you' at the end? I'm sorry, you expected me to smile and nod and say 'I'll do better in the future'?
I'll take constructive criticism from you when you, you know, actually give me some that is relevant to the current state of the story.
Why do I feel like we're approaching the end?
1263073 Actually, the story will continue after the confrontation with chitin. You'll see.
1263183 anticipation squee
12488377
'Keep talking to her, Celestia. Words are the greatest weapons in any war.' your right..that is if you have a tendency to scream those words repeatedly....reminds me of the AJ interrorgation.....cherrychongacherrychongacherrychongacherrychongacherrychongacherrychongacherrychongacherrychonga