Derpy Meets The Doctor

by Heavyhauler75622

Chapter Ten: The Doctor's Apprentice

Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance decided to walk back to Ponyville and talk.

“So, has that all happened today, Twi? You’ve had a busy day so far, and it’s only half over,” Cadance said, impressed.

“I know. First came ‘John’ and that machine, a ride in Luna’s coach, meeting with my friends about that nutty space stallion from Croupwich, wherever that is, followed by teleporting to Fluttershy’s home, and then an informal advisory meeting for a draft mutual defense treaty…I used to think the hardest thing I had to do was that ‘Trade Judge’ thing…that, and smiling and waving.”

Cadance chuckled. “And you were worried nopony thought you, or what you did, important. See what happens? You start ruminating over your role in life, and then life drops something like this into it. I’ve been reading about this philosophy; how the energy you impart into life is reflected in how your life changes. You felt you have no real role; so life up and gives you a real serious one.”

“Interesting concept,” Twilight said, bemused.

“I think it’s more about positive thinking than anything else, Lil’ Sis, but if it’s true, you may want to be a little more optimistic about your circumstances. Who knows what’s lurking out there to suddenly surprise you?” Cadance pointed out.

“I suppose,” Twilight sighed. They walked on a bit more before Twilight spoke up again.

“What do you think about all this, Cadance?”

“I think we’re going to be busy for awhile. It’s not all that bad an idea to put a plan like this into place, Twilight. Celestia has teased me a bit about ‘What Ifs’ off and on for two years, even though the most sinister thing that has raised its head around the Crystal Empire after Sombra and the Heart has been if we’ll have adequate bathrooms for everypony during the Games.”

The two of them laughed, and then continued the discussion, now focused on the Equestrian Games…

---

“So, what was your take on that?” ‘John’ asked Derpy, as they walked into Derpy’s home. He saw the hooks on the wall where Derpy had hung her hat. He decided to put his next to hers.

“I don’t quite know yet. I suppose it’s a good idea to get some ideas down and delegate some responsibilities, but the generalities are a little; what is it you say? ‘Dodgy?’”

She sighed. “‘John’, I’d really like to see Dinky. I need to hold my little touchstone of my life for a bit, ground myself. Too many heady things too fast. Please, let’s go see my little filly.” Derpy said, pleading starting to seep out of her face.

“Of course, luv. Mares first. Happy to help,” he said warmly, as they went to the back door.

---

A few minutes later, they opened the doors of the TARDIS on the Palace Labyrinth. Derpy stood and watched slightly anxiously as ‘John’ locked it up.

“There. Who should we seek out to ask?” ‘John’ posed.

“I have no idea. We could try the Princesses, unless we got here first. And I don’t know how much visiting they were planning to do at Fluttershy’s, though I think they were coming right back. If they used magic, they might already be here. If they are flying, it takes twenty-three minutes, depending on winds,” Derpy said, “…though I believe the Princesses can transit the distance a bit faster than that.”

“Lionheart told me about a Steward around here that helps run things. He said if I needed to talk to him, that’s who to see. If he can find Lionheart, he should also know how to find out where the children are. Care to try him first?” ‘John’ asked helpfully.

“That appears to be the first logical choice, rather than my speculation. Most of the Castle is unlimited access, but it would make sense to have an information cart or booth near the entrance for visitor assistance. Even if it was unoccupied self-service, there should be information on brochures or flyers with useable contact information. Next logical would be to ask the Guard, who would have procedures in place to deal with lost guests. Either option should prove adequate.”

‘John’ looked at her in astonishment. Cute and giggly and adorable she may be, but there was an incredible mind working behind those endearing, silly eyes. Her logic was thorough, and impeccable.

“Sounds good. Let’s try it,” he said, grinning.

“That was an interesting conclusion set you came up with,” he added, as they started walking.

“Oh, that. I’m sure you and I could re-trace our steps straight to the Throne Room, actually, but we’re unescorted, and we’d be intercepted. Now, depending on the bureaucracy, we’d have to wait one to several hours until we were identified and released. And we aren’t here to see them, anyway, so I really don’t see that as a solution. We could ask for the Princesses, if they’re even here, but there would still be delays to meet them, and it’s still an oblique way of going about it.”

“Now, if we contact the bureaucracy through its usual functions, we would still have delays; but we have built in shortcuts to use.”

They arrived at the information booth, which was occupied by a nice, helpful mare.

“Pardon me, Miss…my name is Derpy Doo, and this is, um, ‘John Smith’” she said with a bright smile. “My daughter is here with some friends for Gamer Night with Princess Luna, and, well, I need to see her. Princess Luna’s personal Guard Nightwing Threstral Lionheart told us to contact the Steward here. Could you help us out?”

The mare’s eyes widened. “Please, would you both wait a moment? I have to talk to the Guard about it.”

She stood up from her cushion, walked to a nearby Guard on his post. She engaged him in animated conversation for a few seconds, as he looked at the two visitors waiting at the booth.

The Guard departed as the mare returned. “The Guard has gone to bring the Steward, who can help you with that. Would you like to read a brochure in the meantime? He should be here in a moment.”

“Thanks. I’ll take these here,” ‘John’ decided, picking up a few to look at. He continued, sotto voce to Derpy.

“Is there a word better than brilliant? I have to find one. Brilliant isn’t good enough for you, you lovely thing,” he said with a chuckle.

“I’m afraid I’m not entirely straight up regarding this either, actually. Ponies like to help each other. I’ll go further and say ponies want to help each other. I traded a bit on my appearance, the ‘dumb blonde’ thing, to help nudge this effort along. As well as interpreting reaching and speaking to the Steward being useful for more than just contacting Lionheart. Normally I try to stay away from it, not indulging stereotypes, but I’m having an interesting weekend, and I’m off-balance a bit emotionally. It’s about Dinky. Sue me.”

“Not enough solicitors to pull that off, luv. You’re too clever by half,” he said admiringly, as he leafed through his pamphlets. There were all sorts of things about tapestries, artwork, and all the usual things found in castles. He even sifted through the armory information. He did find it interesting that almost all the arms inside were very old, and not in use for almost a thousand years. He was sure that there were more modern takes on arms than the things in the brochure, especially where magic was concerned. Still, most of the Guard he had seen had stuck with basic pole arms, halberds now being the most issued, though they still wore antique patterned armor barding. He took that to meaning missile weapons probably weren’t in wide use, much less firearms. Unicorns would be at an immediate, possibly devastating advantage the very second enough of those less concerned about the horrific destruction they would be causing suddenly decided to overthrow the government while using the bow and arrow.

The Canterlot Castle Grounds themselves were much larger than what could be seen from the Ponyville side. The faerie tale Castle perched on the side of a mountain was extraordinarily dramatic, with the waterfalls and the tunnels for the train and such, but not all that big, really. In reality, Canterlot was actually much larger, if you knew it extended over the table-like opposite side away from that dramatic pose, with bridges crossing over the extraordinarily deep canyon between the two peaks. The Canterlot Canton was fairly good sized, a small, compact city with most of the amenities, including a University. The roadway from the farmland below ran up that normally unseen side, with graceful switchbacks for those ahoof. The rest were like those Princess Luna employed early this morning…flying ponies.

He was interrupted in his musings by an older but trim pony with a decidedly military bearing about him and a dark blue and white shortcoat uniform jacket, without insignia, that ‘John’ had seen on a few ponies in charge around the castle. He was moving with innate authority right to them.

He leaned over to whisper to Derpy. “Bet that one was a Brigadier around here.”

Derpy laughed, ran up and into the waiting forelegs of the older stallion. “Wilfred Lance! It’s SO GOOD to see you!” she said, laughing like a schoolgirl.

“Miss Derpy! I couldn’t wait to get here when they told me you were here! How are you?” he said, delighted.

‘John’ felt his cheeks get hot. Jealousy? No! Yes? No. Well…yes.

He looked at the two of them again, felt his blood pressure increase. Welll…

“I’m just wonderful. How come you’re not stalking around here smoking up the troops? Where’s your Royal Guard uniform?” Derpy asked, puzzled.

“Derpy, hun, I’m retired!” Lance said, laughing. “How many centuries do you think I should put into this? I got my thirty, was thinking going Civil Service into the mail like you and On Time, when the Princesses buttonholed me and set me to work here running the joint. Besides, it’s safer, even with changelings. Speaking of the old war horse, how’s On Time these days?”

“His leg gets sore when a low pressure area cycles through and makes him a little grouchy, but other than that, he’s the same big fella he always is.”

A small sound, as ‘John’ cleared his throat.

“Oh, hey, Wilf, I want you to meet…”

“Well, hello, Doctor, how are you today? Things going okay with you? I haven’t seen you for what, four years or so?” Wilfred Lance said heartily, pumping the chestnut pony’s hoof.

“Hullo, Lance. Good to see you, too. Things are just fine, mate,” he said, concealing his surprise well, as Derpy tried to work through her confusion.

“Listen, mate…Derpy’s looking for her daughter Dinky. Happen to know about it?” ‘John’ asked smoothly.

“Know? I walked the kids to their rooms myself. The colt managed to throw himself into vertigo because of one of those hoofheld game machines moments after they arrived; Princess Luna was showing off, did a high-performance landing in the outer courtyard. Picked his head up just as she had them start decent, next thing you know, he hurls his Trixies and apple juice; thank the Princesses it was OUTSIDE the carriage. That velvet is hard to get clean. And hey, Derps, that filly of yours is a charmer; got more smarts than the rest put together. Other than that, I’ve been putting all my time in on the Cutie Mark Crusaders.” He rolled his eyes in an exaggerated way. “Those three are more single-minded than a platoon of EUP Sea Marines on liberty call in their pursuits.”

“Pursuits of what?” asked Derpy innocently.

“Nevermind, not important now,” said ‘John’, jumping in quickly. “She wants to drop in and say hi to her girl, mate. Can you take us?”

“Sure, this way,” he said, gesturing with a hoof. “Why didn’t you come by earlier? I figured you two would have at least stopped by to chase down an old Sergeant Major, but you came and went so fast, and the next minute, even the Princesses had gone. The Secretariat of State was a little miffed. Another one of those STFU missions of yours, Doc?” Wilf Lance asked conspiratorially.

“Sort of,” said ‘John’, smiling brightly.

“Well, that factors in. Princess Luna made a stop at the secure vault just before they pulled their little disappearing act. The kids are just ahead in the guest dormitory. Hey Derps…are you still flying solo nowadays?”

“You can be so nosey, Wilfred Lance…a complete buttinski, like Mom says.”

“That being ‘yes’, huh, Doc. Don’t matter now, I can always spoil your kid, Derps,” Lance said. His wife had left him recently, being far more erratic than what he understood at the time when they got married thirty-plus years ago. His foals were grown, and those with the smarts stayed away from her, (and through proximity, him, since it was expected that they would visit both parents), and those without any brains, (yet), were busy being strangled by apron strings. It was a particular sore spot with him.

They passed through the archway just outside the dorm, then a pair of good sized doors. The dormitory had a large-sized reception area/dayroom, and a pair of monitors, one male, one female. They stood up and became attentive when they saw the Steward.

“Artemis, Janus, stand down. This is Miss Derpy. She’s Miss Dinky’s mother, and would like to visit with her a bit. Artemis, please ask Miss Dinky to come to the dayroom, but don’t mention her mother, she deserves the surprise. And then check Miss Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle again, and ask if their Squires require anything. When she comes back from her walkthrough, Janus, you do the same for Master Mash and his attendant. I’ll be available shortly to collect the group for the Castle Tour, so please make sure they are prepared.”

The two “Sir’s” came back to him, as he turned back to his own little group. Derpy was looking at him with amusement, merriment in her eyes.

“What?” asked Steward Lance, perplexed.

“You. As far as I ever knew, you only had three volume settings on your voice. Threatening whisper, very loud, and even louder. Normal and reasonable was never a factor. The incongruity is sorta funny, Wilf.”

He chuckled. “Different kind of troop, Derps. Soldiers expect and respond to the Sar-Major bellowing orders at them. They appreciate that. As Steward, I’m speaking with the voice and authority of the Princesses when I give an order. Nopony takes it well when the Diarchy is screaming at them.”

They were interrupted by a wonderful bellow of “MOM!!” from a pale violet Unicorn coming down the hall in a joyful clattering gallop, in front of a smiling monitor.

Derpy sat down, gathered up the giggling, wriggling, smooching filly in her forelegs with a fierce hug.

Lance laid a foreleg over ‘John’s’ shoulders.

“Doc, that’s what you miss the most. They still love you and care for you when they’re older, but you still wish they were eight, sometimes,” he said, with a tear in his eye and a catch in his throat.

‘John’ watched with sadness, as he felt knives twisting in his chest.

He envied her. Envied both her and Lance, as he watched an animated Dinky talking nonstop to her Mom, in the forelegs of her loving mother.

Steward Lance glanced out of the corner of his eye…and was thoroughly confused.

The Doctor looked like he had been eviscerated; like whatever held him up inside had suddenly disappeared. He’d always seen the stallion holding up his end heroically, with tremendous courage.

Poor guy, he thought. Hard to stay calm and strong when your heart was tearing out.

He sympathized.

“We’re going on our tour soon, Derpy. Would you want to come? You and Doc here? No trouble to bring you along,” Wilf said kindly.

“No, I just needed a bit,” she said with a smile, ruffling Dinky’s mane.” Just nervous mother stuff. The Doctor and I have some other things to do, and I don’t want to push myself into her fun, right, Dink? I’m so bad at video games, I’d embarrass everyone.” She gave the little filly a kiss.

“I’ll be waiting by our ride,” she said to ‘John’, as she winged her way out of the castle.

Wilf Lance frowned. “Hey, Doc. You two have something going on?”

“Eh? Like what, mate?” ‘John’ replied quietly, as he watched the grey form winging out of the castle wistfully. He turned to the little unicorn filly.

“Dinky; you’re the best. I mean that. If I had a daughter…if I had a daughter, I’d hope she’d be as wonderful as you…” he said a little sadly, as he turned to leave.

Steward Lance stared with surprise at the chestnut stallion as he walked away. Then he sat down.

“Maybe I’ll hang out here, and try to puzzle this out instead…” he said, bewildered.

---

“John’ walked toward the gate out of the castle slowly, all his usual mania gone. Wilf wasn’t the only pony looking at the odd chestnut pony askance. The way he was shuffling along, head down, made him look a few days older than just those seven hundred weighty years bearing down on his back.

Alone.

There were several hundred ponies here, and of those, tens within his sight. Yet, he felt he was sitting above the galaxy in his TARDIS, watching the imperceptible turning of the starry arms from the open door, with nothing but the open space around him.

Alone.

He liked his life, for the most part. Unencumbered. Flip a switch, pull a lever, and off to a new adventure. Oh, certainly, there were all those Companions that traveled too, for a time. Stalwart friends, most. That stewardess had been an annoyance; but even then, she had been company for a time. The wild girl. The very clever boy.

Sarah Jane.
Romana.
Rose.

He sat down heavily on a vacant bench just inside the inner courtyard.

“Damn you, Wilf. Rubbish. Talk about a family. Never needed one. I’ve an entire cosmos…what do I need of a family? I’m The Wizard of the Traveling Box, I am. Go anywhere, do anything! Off on a whim to save the entire universe. That’s me.”

Alone?

‘John’ shook his head to clear it. Enough. He stood back up, squared himself, and found enough inside his shell to tack on a smile. Maybe some old-fashioned work would settle him.

He pushed the feelings down, stuffed them into a handy box for the time being. They’d sneak back out of their own accord in time, but for the now they were quiet. And the now was what he needed.

Determinedly, he once more set off for the TARDIS. And except for the one little line between his eyes and a tiny, scant lowering of his brows, apparently unencumbered again.

---

A short time later, he arrived back at the TARDIS. True to her word, Derpy was waiting just outside.

She was somewhat concerned after she saw his face. She wasn’t all the way in tune with his various moods, but she could see the tiny frown of uncertainty.

“‘John’, is something bothering you?” she asked, troubled by the change in him. The smile wasn’t fooling her a bit.

“Eh? Oh, nothing, luv. Thinking about something. Pay it no nevermind. Now, then, let’s have a look at your little machine, ‘gizmo’ you called it? Not a bad name. Not at all…” he said, but the distraction remained just under the surface.

He opened the door, followed her inside…

---

A short time later, Derpy and ‘John’ were scrutinizing her ‘gizmo’, as she called it.

“How come Wilf knows who you are?” Derpy asked, as she lifted another panel up.

Still frowning a tiny bit, ‘John’ answered, “I’ve a problem as a Time Charger with non-linearity. Ponies or people. Events in the future appearing in the past. Somewhere along, I’ll meet Wilf in his past a few years back, in my future. Can be tricky, but usually, you go along a bit. Twilight’s trip into hers points it up. Try too hard, and the future can influence the past, which influences the future, which further influences the past. Can get completely lost if you aren’t careful.”

“Oh. Okay, I got it. Minimize impacting the past so the future isn’t affected.” She stuck her head inside.

“That’s the ticket. Be happy, but vague. Try to let the past be itself,” he went on, as he dipped into another open panel, looking at the various components inside.

‘John’ became more and more impressed as they fiddled with it. The concern he had carried faded away as they worked.

“Where’s the dimension lock?” he asked, pulling out his head to look at her.

Derpy, her head still buried inside the device up to her shoulders, pointed vaguely to another open panel. He stuck his head into it.

“Is that your oscillation overthruster?” He poked around a bit. “Oi, that’s brilliant! I know humans at the Banzai Institute that would toss in their entire development budget and a slightly used Jet Car to see how you did that.”

“Why’s that, ‘John’? And what’s a ‘Jet Car’?” came her voice from inside the machine.

“Well, they’re trying to tie their dimensional sifter to the…never mind, this is a better design anyway.” He pulled his head back out.

“This thing is inspired, luv. From what I’ve seen so far, it should have done exactly what you designed it to do. If the briode nebulizer was primed properly…” he muttered.

Derpy suddenly pulled out and stuck a blonde head up. “A what?”

“Briode nebulizer.”

She stared at him, confused.

“Oh, hold on a tick, I’ll show you…” he said, putting his head back in and looking…

He pulled his head back out, excited. “Oi! That explains it! There’s no field bias in this thing! Derpy. Have you ever heard of a briode nebulizer?” ‘John’ asked excitedly.

“Well there was that Doctor that stopped by two months ago…” she said peevishly.

“Don’t be cheeky. Time machines need to be primed with symbiotic cells from a Time Lord to function properly. Otherwise time travel breaks down the individual experiencing it, if it manages to work at all.”

“And how did the first machine coming on-line as a travel device work properly until one of you time-travelers could figure out what you needed to prime it with?” she asked reasonably.

He froze, mouth wide open. She snickered.

“Not quite so clever are you, clever boy.”

“Well…”

“This is an easy one, if you ever picked up books other than engineering and physics,” she went on, still smug about it.

He glared at her. “And?” he asked, irritably.

“Chiral. Molecular handedness?” she asked confidently, forelegs folded over each other.

He continued to stare, not comprehending.

“Molecular handedness. You know…organic chemistry? Circular light polarization. Amino acids make up proteins, like in our bodies. They are chirals, mirror reflections of one another. Plane polarized light passing through the molecule picks up a rotation; turning right is considered dextrorotatory after it travels through the molecule. Its enantiomer is a mirrored chiral, exactly the same molecule chemically, with levorotatory, a left turning light property. And almost all life uses the levorotary amino acid molecules.”

“And so?”

“I’ll bet you your TARDIS that if we introduced a small field bias in my gizmo…” she said, as she pulled open another panel and stuck her head in, “…rather than the neutral field I worked very hard to achieve…” as three small circuit boards appeared, tossed out of the open panel by her onto the floor, “…and running the field normally…” she continued as her head popped out, her hoof reaching into a bin of parts, grabbing some edge connectors, some other odd bits, and a good sized bundle of jumper wires, then stuffing themselves all back inside the open panel.

“Em…” she temporalized. Then she thought of something as she levered a forehoof out.

“Gimmie,” she said in a slightly muffled voice from inside the machine, her hoof gesturing.

“What?” he asked, perplexed.

“That Screwdriver gadget of yours…” she replied, the hoof gesturing again.

“You’ve no idea how to use it, luv!” ‘John’ said, agitated.

“How hard could it be? You manage.” There was a fat chuckle as she laughed at her little joke. “Gimmie; I have to place and hold these jumpers and things while connecting them.”

“No. Just…no. It’s not like…”

“‘John’, have a little faith. Trust me,” she said confidently.

He pulled it out of his coat; put it in the proffered hoof. “If you blow it up, I’ll be MOST unhappy,” he growled.

She laughed, as she pulled her hoof into the open door, the little tool with it. There was a quiet buzzing…

“Okay then…isolator set ‘A’ to position one…now isolator ‘B’ to position two…master control to…okay…primary feedback…sensitivity…and negative loop…positive loop…bias detection sensor…”

“And done,” she said as she popped back out; she started to hand the tool back to him, as he stared in bewilderment, while reaching up to close the panel. And hesitated.

“Wait a second…” she said, as an idea hit her. ‘John’ could have swore he actually saw the little light bulb over her head, with the small pull chain, as it clicked on…

“Why does this thing need biasing? This gizmo should have worked right out of the box. If you have to put a bias on, something it works with has to have…”

Her eyes closed. And she started to write. In the air before her. ‘John’ watched, fascinated, as Derpy started writing statements in front of her. Functions. Constants. He had to concentrate a bit, he was seeing them as if he was looking at them from behind a glass board she was writing on with an eraseable whiteboard pen. Completely reversed.

The calculus ramped up quickly. Theoretical Physics. Impressive Theoretical Physics. She rubbed out one section with a hoof, jotted new expressions into the imaginary space. His mind clicked as the new figures enlivened an entire section of math on the imaginary board. She almost had it…the ‘handedness’ of the entire universe, the edge the machine used to run itself, paired with the handedness of molecular biology to protect what was inside…

“AHA!!” she crowed, rubbing all over the ethereal plane she was scribbling on, pulling out one equation set, and boldly, triumphantly stroking the fictitious pen across the make-believe surface, all the way to almost breaking the fantasy writing implement as she victoriously closed the last set of parenthesis.

“GOT YOU!!” she laughed, as she stuck her head back in the machine, and the Sonic Screwdriver buzzed in counterpoint…

“Okay…now I’m done!” she chuckled, handing the tool back to him as he stared at her in now total astonishment, as she reached for the panel door once more.

“Wait. Just wait. I’ve a need to…”

“Oh, just go ahead and look. I need the bathroom, anyway,” she grumbled, leaving the panel open and stalking off, tail held high in the air as he watched.

“Oh, fine,” he said mockingly, as she walked out of the room, turned the corner. He stuck his head into the open panel…

Two edge connectors were neatly inserted into a pair of the original card slots; the new wiring had been carefully trimmed to size and efficiently routed to the proper points amongst connectors, components, and other devices, then carefully sealed. The two feedback loops had their delicate chips carefully rewired by jumpers and some tiny bridging surface mounted sockets with new components installed. And in their midst, a revised control card built from discreet components now nestled snugly in the third card slot, right alongside the fourth card, which was still in its original spot, though a few of the new wires now bridged to it.

She had done the job effortlessly. In many ways, better than he would have.

He pulled his head out, stared at the doorway with narrowed eyes as he deliberated. He thought about the delicate, faerie-like components knitted by hoof into a pair of new field bias detector/generators, the incredibly small pieces put into service…by the same mare that wrote all over her books with the same delicate skill and care. She had fearlessly pulled the useless c-cards without hesitation, dived in with what to him was useless junk, and within three minutes, revised the machine to make it work correctly, without schematic or flow chart. The imaginary air board mathematics he’d just witnessed was even more amazing. Even with a Sonic Screwdriver, it was no mean feat.

Then, he started to relax, the toothy grin finding its accustomed place on his face. He reached up, closed the panel door.

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion it works perfectly fine now? he thought.

She came back to the room a few moments later, a nonplussed look on her face. She sat down next to ‘John’, and stared at her machine, her eyes wide.

“Feel better now?” he asked conversationally.

She looked at him, bewildered.

“That…has to be the strangest, most complicated plumbing setup I have ever been involved with…”

“Err…sorry about that, luv. Guest lavatory. The normal one is the door opposite. I really should have helped…”

“Oh, thank you, no,” she said pointedly, holding up a hoof. “Having instructions as to use barked at me by a speaker in a half-dozen strange languages was bad enough. Listening to you suggesting helpful comments through the door…and that one thing, with all the various probes, right where you had to look at it…”

“Uh, that wasn’t for your species; you didn’t use it, did you?” he asked, concerned…and a bit jealous.

“If I had, I think I would need to get married again, seriously. I found an approximately useful seat after about three minutes, though the acrobatics of it were annoying, since it was mounted on the wall, six feet above the floor! There aren’t sentient giraffes somewhere, are there? And what the hay were the three seashells for?”

He started to reply…

She shook her head. “Never mind, I do not want to know,” she said as she tapped a forehoof fretfully on the floor.

Derpy went on. “I hope that sheet of The Guardian I had to use doesn’t end up stopping up your works. Your Montgomery Ward’s catalog was out of pages. If you want, I could take you shopping at the store for normal, soft, gentle toilet paper. I have a coupon for ‘Soft Cloud’ to save you some bits. ‘Preferred two to one by Pegasi'.”

She looked at him significantly.

‘John’ took the hint. He spread his forelegs wide in surrender, hooves held up. “When do you want to go?”

She smiled. “I’ll get a roll out of the house when we’re back for the time being, but next time we’re in town, we’ll pick up some, okay?”

“Perfect. Go ahead and turn it on.”

She frowned. “Really? Do you think…”

‘John’ smiled. “Aren’t you sure?”

Derpy paused, as she thought about it. ‘John’ knew she was reviewing her machine in her mind.

“Power source?” she asked.

‘John’ took the Screwdriver, pointed it at the ‘gizmo’. As he played the buzzing tool over the casing, he smiled warmly.

“Give ‘er a go now. It’s tapped into the Eye at the moment.”

Derpy went over, set the initiator to ‘on’, and the system to ‘standby’. “Countdown to activation?” she asked, excitement creeping into her voice.

‘John Smith’ chuckled. “Ten seconds is traditional, Derpy. Seems like most beings enjoy counting down those to something happening. Hard to ignore tradition, eh?”

She dialed it in. “I’m keeping the original sequence.”

“No problems, luv. Got plenty of room for it.”

She reached for the activation switch, hesitated. “‘John’,” she said…

“It’s time, luv. Time for you to know. Big step. Turn it on.”

She threw it to the ‘on’ position, slowly walked over to him.

“…and five, four, three, two, one…” he said, grinning.

There was a peculiar sound…she turned around to watch at the ‘three’…and saw TWO ‘gizmos’ sitting side-by-side! She stared, heavily shaken. He put a foreleg over her shoulder as he continued counting...

At ‘zero’, the right ‘gizmo’ repeated the odd sound; not the ‘vvorp’ the TARDIS made, but…different…

And disappeared.

The Doctor kept the count, now moving forward, as Derpy slipped to her knees, astonished. At ‘ten’, the machine on the left hummed to a stop.

She stared at it, eyes wide in astonishment, as she shook her head. ‘John’ walked up to it, flicked it off, and disabled the initiator.

He ran a quick scan with the Screwdriver. “Wellll” he drawled, “…not all you could get. Needs a revision circuit; the TARDIS handled the tiny poke in the continuum, but all in all, a competent first try. You’d have found the problem right off once you offloaded the data for analysis.” He scratched a hoof along the back of his neck. “Trachoid time crystals would do…or whatever that brilliant noggin of yours figures out.”

He turned to her, beaming.

“It worked…” Derpy whispered, stunned, staring at the squat ellipsoid that a minute ago turned the universe of dimensional linearity inside out for Equestria.

“Wrong tense, luv. Works. You’ve built the first Equestrian TARDIS.” He bowed to her. “Welcome to the club, Time Charger.”

Her wings pomfed erect. “Woohoo!!” she cried, launching herself into the air, an accomplished set of barrel rolls and figure-eights being executed in the limited space. He watched, his maniacal grin with the teeth in place on his face.

She suddenly sobered, landed near him. “Time Charger? I’m no Time Charger, ‘John’,” she said quietly, head down.

“Well…perhaps not, not quite yet, anyway. Work in progress. Howsabout ‘Apprentice’, eh? That work? I think that works.”

She smiled. “Okay, I’ll go along with that. And thanks.”

“For what, luv?”

“Oh, not letting me forget or forgo a part of me I wanted to bury and ignore. I thought it was just too much to bring this back. Turns out it makes me feel more complete.” She went over, ran a hoof along ‘gizmo’s’ casing. “Just like you feel about yours,” she whispered contentedly.

“Wha’s that, luv?”

“Oh, never mind, just a thought I was having.” She turned back and looked at him. “So, where’s the maintenance and repair book on your machine?” she asked.

“It’s rubbish. I had it holding up a leg on the hat rack for some years. Don’t know where it’s gone off to,” said ‘John’ defensively.

Derpy went over to the hat rack, craned her neck a bit to read the title on the book now propping it up…

“Oh, look…‘Organic Chemistry’. Why am I not surprised?” she said derisively.

He rubbed a hoof on the back of his neck as he avoided her eyes.

“I know who to ask,” she declared, as she marched up to the center console.

“WHAT?” he cried, as she flipped the communication switch on, turned the monitor to look at it.

“Um, TARDIS…this is Derpy. I’m the one that adjusted your torque sensors, and you helped my little ‘gizmo’ just now. The Doctor says there’s a maintenance and repair book for you somewhere in here, but he forgot where he put it. Can you help me find it?” she asked calmly.

“She’ll never answer you. She gets jealous of females,” he said, a defensive tone creeping into his voice.

“Really?” she said, as she turned the screen to face him. An internal map was being displayed with a flashing point showing on it. “Then what’s this?” she asked.

“What?” he asked of no one in particular, stunned.

She walked off for a moment. A minute or two later, she returned, a book in her teeth.

She set it down on the console, looked at the Time Charger. “Why do you have a squash court?”

“What? Oh! I like squash. Good exercise.”

“Well, you need to mop it out; it smells like an old rancid gym in there. You’d propped the door open with this. When was the last time you used it?”

“Er…”

“Thought so. Go get a bucket and clean it out for her.” She addressed the console. “Thank you, dear. Now, give me the top five things you need looking at that I can handle, and a tool. I’ll do my best.”

“Now, see here!” he cried, stamping a hoof.

“‘John’,” she said calmly, laying a gentle hoof against his lips. She started fiddling with his tie. “Doctor,” she smiled, “…I know how much you love this machine. And I’m very sure that there is some sentience within her that reciprocates. And you do your best, really. But she needs a mechanic, an engineer, not a pilot. Somepony that feels the nuts and bolts of things. She has problems. Even if they still work, those parts are stressed, sometimes stressed far more than they should be.” She pulled the knot up into place.

“There.” She smiled warmly. “You’re not going to lose the character of her if I get in and tune her correctly, or fix parts, or even put in better stuff. But it will make her feel so much better. And that’s a good thing for her, right?”

He stared at her balefully, as she stared back innocently. After a minute, her cuteness field had the upper hoof.

“Fine!” he said, tossing his forehooves in the air. “Do what you want!” he started to say…as a gentle grey hoof touched his lips again.

“No, Doctor. Not that way. Team. All of us together; that’s the right way. The torque sensors were one thing that had to be immediate to help her. But this is all three of us. It won’t take hardly any time at all if we work together.”

He wanted to stay upset with her; but those golden-green eyes were just so kind and trusting…and winning.

He managed to hold off another three seconds or so, before he silently nodded assent under that gentle grey hoof. There was a click, followed by a ding, like a kitchen timer would have.

She removed the hoof from his muzzle, reached across the console, where a tool waited in a holder.

“My own little buzzy thing,” she said softly. She smiled as she turned it over in her hooves. “I’ve never had a tool that works by thinking through it. It’s a wonderful idea, by the way.” She patted the console affectionately. “Thank you, sweetheart, this is very kind of you. Now,” she said, flipping through the book, then stopping at a particular page, “…‘John’, TARDIS, if somepony would point me at the ‘sequence stabilizer’ under this platform, I’d like to get a little work in. And ‘John’, before you come help, please, mop out that squash court…it lingers.” She went down the ramp, hooked a right, and disappeared into the maze of conduits and cabling under the platform and time rotor.

He stared after the grey flank with the bubbles on it.

He sighed ponderously. “I wonder if Discord can get me my own maid uniform.” There was a bleep, and a light blinked twice on the console.

“All right, all right!” he said impatiently, as he went down the ramp, and turned left. “You do realize this would be much easier if I still had me hands, you mad old box. And on a mild suspicion, I think you might want to re-configure your rooms to put the janitorial closet closer in. As neat as she keeps her own, I’m dreading that I’m to be spending most times here with a bucket and cleanser…”

Derpy smiled under the platform as she pulled a corroded plug free from a cable, its new twin waiting patiently nearby, listening to the grumbling stallion as he stalked out…

You know, I could get used to this, she idly thought, her fixing Zen full-on for the first time in years, as she used her Sonic Spanner to set the new cable end in place, dropping the old one in the recycling bucket. It’s nice to have somepony else clean for once while I wrench on parts. Yeah, I could really get used to this…

She smiled even brighter. And read books with me. Go shopping with. Talk to…

She pulled off another bad one, put its replacement in place. She fused it on.

Even the running may end up being nice…she thought incongruously.

Comments

[Philosophysics]

He sighed ponderously. “I wonder if Discord can get me my own maid uniform.” There was a bleep, and a light blinked twice on the console.

MAID OUTFITS FOREVER!

[Pinkie13Pie]

MY SHIP IS SAILING!

[SoullessDCLXVI]

"...And what the hay were the three seashells for?”

Ha! Demolition Man reference. Nice.