WarMech: on new grounds

by spawnzillafinalwars

Chapter two: welcome to Equestria, stranger.

Twilight Sparkle was in the middle of reading a science fiction novel, when suddenly she heard knocking on the door. She sighed, closed the book, and proceeded to the door. when she opened the door, she was greeted by the presence of an urgently faced AppleJack, and nauseated Spike. Twilight was confused, and concerned at what was going on.

"What's wrong, AppleJack?", she asked.

"Twilight, ya gotta come quick. The princesses have sent a message requesting our utmost attention", AppleJack said, a serious tone in her face.

Twilight was even more confused, but understood the urgency. The princess's are requesting our immediate presence.

"AppleJack, go get the other's ready. Spike...",

Twilight looked down at the sickened dragon. He was on the ground, moaning and turning.

"...you go get some rest. the girls and I will go on."

Twilight looked to where Canterlot was, far behind the mountain's.

'I wonder what is it the princess's are dealing with to ask for our presence', Twilight thought to herself.

As Celestia was studying the enchanted globe that represented the world of Equestria, her eyes were following a strange object that was currently passing through the planet's upper atmosphere. Princess Luna was pacing back and forth through the hall. many thoughts had gone through her mind, trying to make any sense of what was going on.

'What was that thing that's currently going through the planets atmosphere? Is it some kind of meteor? an asteroid, perhaps? or is it...something else entirely?'

she pondered on the subject for sometime, growing increasingly worried. either way could end drastically for the Equestrian populace. Thankfully, according to Celestia's calculations, the object not would be hitting any populated area's. Still though, one cannot be to certain, she thought to herself, as she took her place beside her elder sister.

As Twilight and her friend's were boarding the train, she had a growing sense of worry and discomfort. Her thoughts were only more troubled her friend rainbow dash asked,

"why did the princesses ask for us at a time like this? isn't it peaceful around here lately?"

"Ah don't know, Rainbow, neither of us do. Ah reckon' though that whatever it is, its very important", AppleJack replied.

"Well, it may be some kind of special event in Canterlot. something she didn't want us to miss, perhaps?",said Rarity.

"A special event!? like some big, superfantasticultracoolamazingfun party!?!", Pinkie Pie said, jumping up and down erratically, before blasting off in the air. "I LOVE PARTIES!!!!!!".

The rest of the main six just rolled their eye's at Pinkies antics. as they boarded the train, though, Twilight just couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong, like something is out of place.

"It's probably nothing, Twilight. like your friend's said, its probably some special event", Twilight whispered to herself.

The train revved up, and started moving towards Canterlot, but not before leaving Pinkie Pie behind, as she land's and finds the train station completely devoid.

"Aww, gumdrops!!! I wanted to be at that big, superfantasticultracoolfun party!!!", a fumed Pinkie Pie grumbled.

As Celestia and Luna continued to inspect the globe, a guardspony appeared. the princesses turned to face him.

"Your highnesses, princess Twilight and her friend's are here now, as you ordered", he said.

"Good, bring them in, I have an audience with them", Celestia said.

"As you wish, your Highness", he replied.

ten seconds later Twilight and her friend's have appeared before the celestial diarchy. all of her friends have been accounted for, except Pinkie Pie.

"Twilight, where is your friend, Pinkie Pie?", Celestia asked.

Twilight, realizing that Pinkie wasn't with the group, was frantically searching for her, when the main door opened. in the entryway, was Pinkie Pie.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND!??!", Pinkie exclaimed.

"Well, now that everypony is accounted for, let's begin, shall we?", Celestia stated.

As Celestia and Luna walked off, the main six trailed behind her. they were led to a vast part of the Canterlot archives, and in the center of the chamber was a large globe.

"This room, my little ponies, is reserved for high status ponies, but an exception is made. this object is known as the Miniature World of Equestria, and it shows what is currently happening in Equestria. take a close look here", celestial pointed at an area above the stratosphere.

"...What in Equestria is that?", Twilight asked.

"We do not know, Twilight Sparkle, but whatever it is, it will crash somewhere in this region", princess Luna replied, pointing up to the northern region.

We do not know the time in which it will land, but it may be approximately five or six hours", Celestia said.

"We would want you to go to this place after it has crashed, learn what you can from it, and report back to us", Luna followed up.

As the princesses went on with the task procedures, Fluttershy saw some...thing, moving itself off from the object.

"Umm...g-girls? t-there's something coming off of that other thing", she spoke quietly.

Much to her surprise, they actually heard her, and all sixteen eyes were on the globe. indeed there was something coming off the object, but what it was is a complete mystery.

"...Twilight, there has been a change of plans. Luna and l will investigate the first object. you six will head to where this object will be", Celestia decided.

"But, where will it end up?" Twilight questioned.

"Judging by it's current course, it will end up somewhere in the Everfree swamp's", Luna stated.

"Oh no, not that place again", Twilight groaned, remembering the hydra incident.

Abdel Hassan woke up and found himself, and ATARIUM, inside their mech, and drifting in space. he rose from his seat, and looked down from the visor of the mech. at first, he thought that he was staring at Earth. then he realized that this world was noticeably smaller than Earth. another was that the continent he was eyeing was unlike any continent he'd ever seen.

"Where the hell am I?", He muttered.

"We appear to be in the presense of some unknown world, sir", ATARIUM replied.

"The last thing I remember was being sucked in whatever that thing was. and I'm guessing it took us to this place", Wheel stated.

"Sir, I have made an extensive study of this world, and we should make landfall in this area. oh, and the oxygen level in this world is more than sufficient", ATARIUM said.

"Alright, ATARIUM, we'll head to this...swamp?", Wheel said, looking at the picture in front of him.

"Yes, sir, this is the most compatible for landing", ATARIUM stated.

"Alright, you're the expert at this", Abdel replied.

He turned on his thrusters, and the two of them took off into the alien world.

As Twilight and her friend's were heading into the swamp, she grew a sense of foreboding. not only are they in an already dangerous environment, but they also don't know what they were looking for.

"Hey, look! over there in the sky!", Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

All ponies turned to see what Rainbow Dash was talking out. they were surprised to see what it was. falling from the sky was a ball of fire. it flew past them and was heading towards the center of the swamp. they were expecting an earth shattering crash, but it was relatively quiet.

"Ah don't like the looks of this", AppleJack muttered.

All ponies agreed, as they approached the center of the swamp. whatever it was, it was large, larger than anything they had ever seen before. upon arrival of the site, they were not able to find it.

"What's going on here!? where is that thing?! how did it just suddenly disappear!?",Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

"Rainbow, stop yelling! you could be attracting any creatures in the area! the last thing we need is a-",Twilight was cut off by a roar. it was a roar she was all too familiar to, as a four-headed monster appeared from the bogs.

"HYDRA!", they all screamed.

As the hydra emerged from the bog, three others followed suit. the three hydra's backed the ponies into a cliff wall. Twilight looked for anywhere she and her friends could hide, but but found none. the hydra's were approaching them, and were just within reach for a bite to eat. Twilght was thinking of a teleportation spell, but under fear and stress, that may not be the best of idea's. as she looked on with her plans, she noticed something suddenly taking shape behind the hydra's. as it took shape, it's size, to her amazement, was gradually increasing. when it finally reached it's full form, it looked like something out of a future Apocalypse novel. it was a giant metal monster, that easily made the hydra's look like small, frail lizard's.

"What the hay is that!?", AppleJack yelled.

The hydra's looked back at the metallic figure, and, while terrified, roared in defiance. the imposing figure only looked down at the hydra's, as if they were harmless, pathetic creatures. then emanated a sound of some kind of energy buildup. both ponies and hydra's looked at the figure, wondering what it would do. they didn't know that the two constructs coming from it's shoulders were actually weapons that would release concentrated streams of electricity. this was soon realized, as the metal mountain unleashed a volley of electric blast's on the three unfortunate Hydra's. the electric currents coursed through their bodies, as they roared in sheer agony. the ponies watched this unfold with mixed expression's of awe and horror. the blasts were cut off, and the hydra's slumped to the ground, alive, but severely burnt, and unconscious.
the mech turned to the six ponies, who were awestruck by the metal monster.

"What in Equestria is that thing?", Rarity shuddered.

"I don't know, but let's hope it's friendly", Twilight murmured.

They stood there for a few more seconds, still amazed and fearful of the giant, when suddenly they heard the sound of static, and a booming voice trailed behind it.

"Where am I?", it asked.

"...It can talk?!" Twilght exclaimed.

The figure regarded the alicorn for a moment.

"And what on Earth are you supposed to be?" it questioned.

"Um... well, my name is Twilight Sparkle. I am the princess of magic and friendship", Twilight replied.

The giant only looked at her with an unchanging expression. Twilight wasn't sure if it even had facial muscles.

"I'm going to forget the fact that you possess the most ridiculous title I have ever heard", it stated.

"HEY! NOPONY TALKS TO A PRINCESS LIKE THAT!", Rainbow Dash yelled.

"...was that supposed to be some kind horse pun?", it asked.

"Wait, huh?", Twilight said, confused.

"Never mind, just tell me where am I, so I can find a way out of here." it replied.

Twilght just stared at the monstrous figure. this is an opportunity of a lifetime! she couldn't pass up the chance of the discovery of a new species, not without knowing what it is first.

"Well, first, I have a few questions of my own. what are you? and where did you come from? there are so many questions I have that I need them answered", Twilight stated.

The giant considered this, and gave his answer.

"Alright, but I guess I should get out of this mech first. I believe it would be proper if we had a proper introduction."

A metallic, grinding sound was audible, and Twilight spotted a crevice opening up in the abdomen area. soon after, a much smaller metallic creature hovered out, with another following suit.

"I'm not liking this Twilight, we should think of a plan B. I mean, he just took out THREE HYDRAS with one shot", Rainbow Dash muttered.

"Well, if you have a plan B, then you're welcome to share it with us, but for now, let's try NOT to get on his bad side", Twilight retorted.

The two figures landed softly on the ground, the sunlight shimmering off of their armor. one of the creatures took a step forward the group, looking down at them solemnly. Twilight tensed, and she prepared for the worst, when it suddenly reached up for its head. Twilight then heard a faint clicking sound, accompanied by a hiss. she realized that it was a helmet, and as it took it off, it revealed something that Twilight instantly recognized.

"Y-You're a human", Twilight stuttered.

Comments

[Szarekh The Necron Lord]

The story would be decent if it was longer by 2000 words per chapter, and more detailed. However story concept idea Is perfect.

[TZWhite]

Regardless of how good your ideas are and your creativity is, there are problems with this. One some inconsistent formatting. In a most of the paragraphs of the first chapter, you tabbed the paragraphs, but in the second, you don't. This is very visually unappealing. There's also some major grammatical errors and faux pas. "princess's" should be "princesses," for example. As another, "upmost" is yes, in the dictionary, but it's preferable to use the more common and accepted "utmost."

Try reading some well-known fanfiction similar to your idea and setting (such as Fallout: Equestria or Stasis), as well as establishing a set of rules to follow for your aesthetics. An editor/proofreader can resolve your grammatical issues easily, but it's probably more important to learn to make it presentable by yourself.

Also, finally, as the previous commenter said, you should have longer chapters. Your first two chapters could easily be combined in to one with a horizontal rule separating them as sections.