Red Bomber
Joined 23rd May, 2012 ·
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Figured you needed a thumb-up :)
5663178
Thank you.
5663202 More?
5663596
Don't worry they'll be more. I'm pretty sure this might be the first multipart story I might complete. Because I have to. :|
Anyway, I'm glad that you liked it, what did you like the most about this chapter?
5663879 Him epically failing to help
5663952
The Luna wing thing? Yeah that was pretty funny. ^^
Human from another universe capable of destroying Barriers?
This sounds like a bullshit Deus ex Machina, and an unnecessary one at that.
5668591
I guess that's how it was for the other world and while it's still on its way of solving the barrier problem, there's a whole lot of other problems from using the solution that was discovered from him. It'll be explained in the next chapter why that method is dangerous in the first place and why the characters of Spectrum wouldn't use it.
Just finished reading this. Battles are good, descriptions are good, prose is good. Especial liking for the FEAR reference and the general style. Intriguing concept as well. Looking forward to seeing more :-)
5668715
Thank you. I'm looking forward to working on it more. ^^
5668664
Good.
I... honestly don't know what to feel about this side story.
I mean, I like the action here, but I feel a distinct lack of connection with the characters. Plus, the actual Equus troops seem a bit faceless and out of focus.
Your protagonist's introduction paragraph is a bit clunky. Show, don't tell. Show what he does for a living that earned him the hero and great dimensional traveler titles.
5671249
This isn't good as the characters will become more out of focus when Jarél gets more involved in battles. I'll take what you said into consideration, to give the side characters better actions and impression in future chapters
5671313
I notices that you only describes the Ponies, Griffons, Changeling in the group but what about the Reindeers, Minotaurs, Zebras, Buffalos?
5675808
He didn't see them, but don't worry they'll get their day in the limelight in the next chapter.