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  • E Nightmare Night and Nyx

    Nyx's first Nightmare Night
    117,629 words · 22,655 views  ·  1,651  ·  92
  • E Cheerilee's Class

    A new student arrives at Ponyville Elementary
    29,579 words · 15,431 views  ·  1,493  ·  85
  • E Nyx's Family

    A prequel to "Nightmare Night and Nyx."
    140,318 words · 25,919 views  ·  2,566  ·  181
  • E The Great Alicorn Hunt

    The mane 6 are sent out to find more alicorns.
    108,959 words · 16,368 views  ·  1,172  ·  77
  • E Parting Words

    A really really really short vignette, that grew.
    12,766 words · 13,738 views  ·  877  ·  60
  • T The Rise of Darth Vulcan

    A Human arrives in Equestria, and ends up on the wrong side of everybody.
    109,419 words · 12,133 views  ·  1,648  ·  125
  • E Alicornundrum

    Twilight becomes an alicorn princess-- much to Nyx's surprise.
    110,263 words · 13,843 views  ·  1,469  ·  114
  • T Fanfic Is Crapsack

    Equestria faces its greatest peril: rampant fanfiction.
    26,063 words · 3,936 views  ·  222  ·  38 · sex · gore

Blog Posts118

  • 3w, 13h
    Halt, criminal scum.

    I'd noted several authors posting tip jars on their pages. Tempting. But, timorous about the legality of it, I inquired on a free legal website: "Are tip jars for fanfiction legal?"

    The consensus was 100% from all the lawyers who answered: The very act of writing and posting fanfiction is a violation of current copyright law, whether or not you make any money.  Tip jars, commissions, etc only increase the likelihood that the copyright holder will be motivated to litigate.

    Translation: Yes, your fanfiction is illegal, and all of us would happily sue you if someone asked.

    I recommend taking down the tip jars, fellas. Don't give them a hint of an excuse.

    No, this isn't about paranoia, and no, it's not just a technicality. This is cold, cruel, stupid legal reality, and this is me pointing out you might want to think twice before posting paypal links on your stories.

    It doesn't matter that corporations actually benefit from fan art and activity. Corporations are assholes. We live in a world where Disney sues nursery schools for painting Mickey Mouse murals on the walls of their school, and a girl who downloaded "happy birthday" was sued for literally millions of dollars by the RIAA. A roomful of lawyers just told you that what we do is already illegal and that the only reason they're not suing is because it's not worth the money--- yet.

    Unpleasant, unfair and even unlikely as it is, take it as the caution to tread lightly that it is meant to be, because a Cease and Desist order here could ruin everyone's day.

    75 comments · 1,607 views
  • 3w, 21h
    Writing tips: OLDE ENGLISHE


    Thou at the start of a sentence (thou silly person).

    Thee at the end of a sentence or in a preposition (of thee, by thee, for thee, unto thee, etc.)

    Thou ART= you are.

    Ye= you (plural) (God rest ye merry gentlemen)

    Thy= your (thy carriage awaits)

    Thine=yours (the carriage is thine.)

    eth=s  (taketh=takes, giveth=gives, learneth= learns.)

    did= past tense. (he did say=said, did walk=walked.)

    Mine=my (mine own good time.)

    Using EST is trickier, use sparingly.

    Compiled from forty three years of reading the King James bible. ;)

    46 comments · 589 views
  • 3w, 4d
    Story groups: Please ask my permission first.

    It seems my haters have been creating new groups with insulting or even vulgar themes and adding my stories to them en masse in order to--- I dunno. Invoke my wrath? Make me a sad brony? Maybe they hope I'll start crying and run away. Whatever.

    Bad oversight in the design of the system: it should require the author's approval to add a story to a group list. Hopefully the admins will quickly fix that-- and add a system so the author can REMOVE their stories from groups and lists. As it stands, I would currently have to go through all these lists and contact their creators individually, requesting they remove my stories from their group.... a bunch of people I would sooner spray down with Lysol than talk to.

    No, not because they're (insert Precious Snowflake Politically Protected Class here)-- because they're just that skeazy. People who do this sort of thing (barely literate and badly designed hate pages, oh, what a blazing ingenious web attack, there, Anonymous) are somewhere on the species classification system between slime mold, neckbeards and spam.  

    Giving attention to attention whores gives you nothing but attention syphilis. I have reported a few of the obvious hate groups; we shall see how our illustrious admins respond. Otherwise, I shall ignore them. Hell, I already was until today.

    And for those of you doing this? Do go on. Your impotent rage only makes me stronger, and your tears are delicious.

    Of note: the genuine conservative groups were polite, respectful and asked my permission before adding my stories. As always, the "hatemonger" right is more civilized and better behaved than the free-loving ever compassionate enlightened crowd. But what else did anyone expect?

    168 comments · 2,098 views
  • 3w, 6d
    Flash Sentry bashers....

    ...You make me want to write a fanfic where Flash Sentry appears in your basement room, bangs your favorite Waifu in front of you, and then takes a dump in your computer tower.

    99 comments · 1,121 views
  • 4w, 3d
    "...And she's the Militant one!"

    I've seen a lot of stories portraying Luna as being the more militant of the two sisters, more skilled in strategy and tactics and battle to the point that Celestia defaults to her whenever a military related crisis comes up. But really, folks, think:

    1) If Luna is so much better a soldier and general, how did poor, less-soldierly Celestia kick her butt when she was Nightmare Moon? Celestia was holding back; Luna wasn't. If Luna really was the better fighter and tactician, Elements or no, Celestia would have been screwed.

    2)If Celestia is such a poor military leader, how has Equestria survived ten centuries without Luna's military guidance? Let's not even assume that they've had a millennia of peace. Even one war every fifty to one hundred years would have eventually tattered Equestria to rags. Consider the Pax Romana. One does not oversee a thriving nation for 1,000 years by being militarily weak.

    People mistake her stern demeanor and lack of an indoor voice for being of tougher stuff than Celestia. What they're missing is that Luna is still, and always will be, the younger sister. A younger sister who has always look up to and envied the respect and authority of her (now much) older sister. Ever seen a child trying to act more like an adult? When she gets all stern and militant, it's because she's trying to ape what she thinks of as mature, Royal, adult behavior. Sternness, bombast, a scowling authoritarian expression... Of course the irony is that this couldn't be further from Celestia's gentler maternal demeanor. But mistaking either performance for the Princess's actual competence to lead and rule, or for their actual inner personalities, would be a serious mistake (Especially for Equestria's rivals or enemies.)

    It would be very interesting to see what Celestia and Luna are REALLY like when they allow themselves to forget how "royal" they're supposed to act...

    68 comments · 926 views
  • ...

Originally something of a short writing exercise. This Human In Equestria story skipped over a lot of the common events and went straight for the meat of the story--- the brony's first audience with Celestia. However, it gained a life of its own and developed-- gasp!--- a plot!

First Published
7th May 2012
Last Modified
26th Jun 2014
#1 · 128w, 1d ago · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

I loved every second i spent reading this fic, having a brony explain the TV show and us humans to Celestia is just awsome!

As a rabid fan of "humans in equestria" fics i must admit that in practicly all fanfics i have read my favorite part have always been when said human meets Princess Celestia, and in this fic you skipped how he ended up meeting Twillight and the gang and went straight to the meeting with the avatar of the sun, and i really liked that.  

I do hope there will be more to this fic, also, i just LOVED how he told Celestia how they should act if humans ever ended up in Equestria.

#2 · 128w, 23h ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

Interesting take on the genre, I tried to skip over the whole (Holy Crap I'm In Equestria) part when writing my story "Coming Attractions" due to it being just a bit repetitive, and it's always better when done properly to get to the meat of the story right away!

#3 · 128w, 22h ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

I think this is the first Brony in Equestria story in a long time that hasn't made my spleen try to exit my body at high velocity :rainbowdetermined2:.

I see this as a deconstruction more than a story. It picks a specific issue that tends to get overlooked and goes into it in detail. Very good detail I may add. I'm not sure if I'd want to see this as an actual story though. I'm not sure where you'd go with it and I have to admit I'm so incredibly skeptical of there being any more good 'brony in Equestria' stories at this point. The good ideas, for the most part, have been/are being done and the rest tend to be awful self-inserts.

You are 100% on target with this particular thing though, the explanation of "YOU ARE COLORFUL TOY PONIES WHERE I COME FROM," tends to get glossed over. You need to check your spelling and formatting in a couple of places but the grammar is fairly solid. Overall it's a good piece.

#4 · 128w, 9h ago · 8 · · Chapter 2 ·

Judging by the social effects of globalization and the current trend towards the development of an empathic civilization, if the ponies delay the inevitable meeting long enough there should be no problem. Of course, we need significantly more time at our current rate of progress, but we're on our way. I dislike the solution of potentially militarizing the ponies to the same level in some way. They seem to have largely achieved the peaceful civilization we are currently still striving for, and so it would seem to be a step backward somehow. Here's hoping the solution your character comes up with is a peaceful one worthy of the civilization he intends to use it to protect.

#5 · 128w, 4h ago · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

Another great chapter, i really liked the VERY valid point you brought up in the beginning of the fic, that Celestia and Luna kept the newly arrived Human close to themselves.

It is true what you said, not many leaders would keep a brand new intelligent species out of their reach, and in 99,8% of all human in equestria fics all human meetings with celestia goes like this "i will try to find a way to send you back to your home, please unknown creature i don't know, do stay with my most priced pupil whitout any form of security whatsoever."

#6 · 127w, 6d ago · 6 · 5 · Chapter 2 ·


You are aptly named, Humanist. Unfortunately the material evidence contradicts the philosophical theory. More to the point, counting on the inherent goodness of Humankind to surface before making contact would be playing Russian Roulette with an entire planet. While there are powers and nations that would be more or less benevolent and would make important allies, the odds are far more in favor of Equestria first making contact with the equivalent of Al Qaeda, the Nazi Regime, Communist China, Or any one of a thousand tinpot banana republics led by a man with a bad hat and a funny mustache and a penchant for dropping people in woodchippers who displeased them.

Diplomacy is required for dealing with ANY of our race. And diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" while fishing about for a sufficiently large rock. Even Jesus, when sending his disciples out to preach the gospel of love and salvation to the world, warned his disciples to carry a sword, and if they did not have one to sell their robes and buy one, because it was and still is a terrible and dangerous world.

#7 · 127w, 6d ago · · 1 · Chapter 2 ·

When he talks about it being that simple, I'm thinking whenever the portal happens to re-open Celestia goes in and just grabs control of the sun/moon and smashing it into the planet.

#8 · 127w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>564569 CRITICAL HIT: 99,999,999,999 DMG

#9 · 127w, 6d ago · 4 · · Chapter 2 ·

To everyone who's debating this, I hate to break it to you, but given that this is all headcanon, the author's views trump yours...since...you know...his story and all :rainbowlaugh:.

Actually the protagonist really does bring up a good point. Given that the vast, vast majority of leaders of nations both historic and modern are either a-moral or fully socio/psychopathic, if they just said "glass it," without any sort of warning there's little the ponies could do. Any meaningful speculation would be at the "prolonged conflict" stage, but that would also inevitably bring into the fact that the less insane parts of humanity probably wouldn't like killing cute, pastel ponies. Well some of them anyway. Potential civil wars! Revolution!

...I think I just unintentionally came up with an interesting story idea.

Well played though Realitycheck, since that wasn't the point of this chapter at all. The point was exploring someone honestly answering that question from a layman's perspective who wasn't familiar with the pony background. The way you wrote it is pretty much how I saw it happening and everyone's reactions are completely believable. I hope you continue this series, there are so SO many other elements in HiE fics that people don't touch and anything that gets people actually thinking about (and then hopefully writing about) these scenes/issues/ideas is good in my book. :yay:

Edit: REEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY not sure I like seeing religion brought up in context with MLP. That is a minefield to say the least. I'm not even sure I'd trust a religious scholar to do it. :|

#10 · 127w, 6d ago · 1 · 1 · Chapter 3 ·


#11 · 127w, 6d ago · 1 · · Chapter 3 ·

It really shows that you have put a great deal of thought into this great fic, and for that i thank you.

#12 · 127w, 5d ago · 6 · · Chapter 3 ·

So the Hogwarts solution. Clever.

Of course, the problem with such a solution is that it also inevitably limits the ponies' technological advancement. Humanity would not be able to use any of our more advanced technologies, but the ponies would never be able to obtain those technologies for themselves, either.

Also, well... electronics can be hardened against EMP. And besides, humans are creative, we'll find some way to work around it. Even when combined with your character's other ideas, this seems to be a temporary solution at best.

#13 · 127w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·


I agree, I like my idea better.

#14 · 127w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·


The problem with your idea is that it would make the ponies more violent, bloodthirsty and genocidal than the humans by several orders of magnitude. Not only are they clearly NOT like that (and would be horrified by the suggestion alone), but if they WERE like that it would mean that they were WORSE than humanity and that kind of defeats the whole point, I think. They would no longer be the "good guys" by comparison.

What's that quote? "He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

The "Hogwarts Solution" is probably the best solution for the given situation, though admittedly it is only a short-term solution. Hopefully said solution will last long enough for a more permanent solution to be found.

#15 · 127w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Think about it. The "Hogwarts Solution" plus the Poison Joak would throw the entire army out of wack. Twilight's horn went limp, so what happens if a human extremity went limp? That person couldn't do anything.

#16 · 127w, 5d ago · 2 · 1 · Chapter 3 ·


Well that WAS the point. To admit to the existence of the issue, and largely set it aside for the sake of the story--- without diminishing its importance.  Ninety percent of the human race has some sort of religious beliefs, and those would affect how the human in question related to their situation. I myself am a Christian (independent Baptist), and as this is pretty much a self-insert fic, it IS a topic that would come up. And frequently. Arthur's conclusion is my own most likely one (one largely echoed by C.S. Lewis)- that whatever God's relationship is with His creation, the one for humanity and the one for a race of ponies in another entire universe is most likely to have similarities, but also be different in some fundamental fashion. (going off the fact, from Christian theology, that His covenant with the angels  is fundamentally different from the covenant with Humanity while still having points in common, such as morality and ethics.)

But I digress.

#17 · 127w, 5d ago · 3 · 1 · Chapter 3 ·


Too bad the Equestrian solar system is radically different from the Human solar system. First,  the Earth orbits the Sun, and the human Sun is millions of times larger than the Earth. Creatures that can push around a sun and a moon that are only a fraction of the size of their own planet might have trouble shoving around something that size.

Two-- no magic, so no moving the sun, moon or earth anyway.

#18 · 127w, 5d ago · 2 · · Chapter 3 ·


There is nothing I can possibly say that won't either be offensive, easily misconstrue-able, or create a debate that will not only derail all discussion at this point but bring up points a lot of people would rather not see discussed on a MLP forum. So I will simply say you are more well read than I am used to dealing with for people of your particular faith. However I am curious if this is going to become a large part of upcoming chapters because...I'm sorry I just can't see this ending well if it is.

#19 · 127w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·


Yes, But they can't be made completely immune. And can they even be hardened against magic at all? It might be like trying to waterproof against fire.

The development issue has occurred to me, and will be mentioned. But then again-- magic. They can already do things with magic that we can't do with technology, so it's not hard to imagine parallel development in technology that circumvent the anti-tech obstacle. It might be an annoying impediment to certain avenues of research and development, but not much more than that.

#20 · 127w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·


The sheer randomness of the effects would be the biggest havoc inducer. Armies depend on uniformity to a great degree. Even if your soldiers remain functional, how do you handle it when even their clothes no longer fit? To say nothing of the psychological effect.....

#21 · 127w, 5d ago · 2 · · Chapter 3 ·


Judging from your comments about the nature of our universe (that is, no magic), it seems to me that if magic did have an EMP-like effect on electronics Equestria (which seems to be saturated in the stuff) would hardly even need the spell you proposed that would create the whole Hogwarts solution. If magic does not have such an effect on its own, then such a spell would be required. Judging by the versatility of magic, it would likely not be outside the realm of possibility to create a magically-fueled perpetual EMP, given powerful and skilled casters. However, while powered by magic, said pulse would still be electro-magnetic in nature and not magical (that is, the part that actually causes the effect on the electronics in question), and so could be shielded against just like a conventional EMP.

#22 · 127w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Wait what? Is that it?:derpyderp1:

#23 · 127w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

I need more of this fic. Plain and simple. Some minor grammar and typing errors here and there but nothing that makes the story unreadable, I just can't walk away without knowing what Celestia & Luna are up to!.. Though I would hazard a guess that they've been opening portals intentionally, stealing random objects, until they decided to take Arthur here in, and pretended to know nothing until he proved his trustworthy-ness.

#24 · 127w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

I tend to shun HiE fanfics, to the point of never before reading one, but this seems much more thought out than "OMG! I'm in Equestria!" that (I assume) most HiEs consist of. I especially like that the "Hogwarts solution" isn't just having an anti-tech spell (which, it's rightly pointed out, would make life impossible), but focuses in on a particular facet.

I do have to wonder, if this fic ever pits human vs. pony, if the humans won't adopt a "Napolean Solution" that involves using deliberately downgraded (but functioning) technology. Heliographs and biplanes may not exactly be state of the art, but they wouldn't run afoul of EMP either.

#25 · 127w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

I know this is overused, but . . .


This is my favorite part of a HiE fic. The meeting between human and Celestia, the culture shock, the technology shock. It's great!

#26 · 127w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Sorry about the constant fiddle-faddling. I goofed with the editor and posted only part of chapter 4 before it was done.

Hope everyone takes time to read the whole thing again.

#27 · 127w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

We meet again, cliffhanger.

#28 · 127w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

The awsomness has been doubled!!

#29 · 127w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Great story so far,very different form the usual HiE stories that I read, can't wait for another chapter!!

#30 · 126w, 6d ago · · 1 · Chapter 3 ·

I wasn't so sure on the first two chapters, but now I just love this fic.


#31 · 126w, 5d ago · 7 · · Chapter 5 ·

Fanon wins again!

#32 · 126w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

I love this! :pinkiehappy:

#33 · 126w, 5d ago · 1 · · Chapter 5 ·

I think I liked this when it was exploring topics that most fic authors don't touch. Now...it's falling flat pretty hard.

#34 · 126w, 5d ago · 1 · · Chapter 5 ·

Keeping an eye on the young lady, are we?" He blushed a bit, then straightened up like a soldier at review and gave a single no-nonsense nod. "Her Mum asked me to take good care of her little muffin, sir," he said.


cuteness .... overload...... cant type ....... must warn comunity........ (HEAD IMPLODES) :derpytongue2:

#35 · 126w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

Once again my day has been brightend by this masterpiece of a fic.

#36 · 126w, 5d ago · 8 · · Chapter 5 ·


well, they can't ALL be profound.

(eats his banana.)

#37 · 126w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

>>605879 Your gonna have a chapter in the museum right? Im kinda curious as to how they will react.

#38 · 126w, 4d ago · 3 · · Chapter 5 ·

Oh god, I just thought of the worst possible situation at the museum.

"Now this i- … Um, this is what we call an... electric... chair..."

:rainbowhuh: "Why do humans call it that?"

"Uh, how about we pass this. Now this is... a part of..."


"Ok, may I speak with who's in charge of the display placement?"

Ect. With the worst items from humans you can think of XD

#39 · 126w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

dude plz continue this series. this is funny as hell bro! :pinkiehappy:

#40 · 126w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

My sides, you can have all of them!:rainbowlaugh:

#41 · 126w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

Pure awsomness, that's what this fic is!

#42 · 126w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

:rainbowlaugh: Yep, Pinkie works in strange and mysterious ways :pinkiehappy:

Also, Dusty Tomes description sounds really familiar... I can't place my hoove on were... :trixieshiftleft:

Aw well, great chapter, and I can't wait to read about the tour :rainbowkiss:

:twilightangry2: MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRR :flutterrage:

#43 · 126w, 4d ago · 2 · · Chapter 6 ·

Okay...fairly new to this site, and just about as new to the fandom as a whole (sweet irony: it was brought to my attention by a friend who utterly hates it)...and I've been following this piece from the beginning.

And, might I add, loving every minute of it.

What started off as an almost "narrative essay" sort of thing trying to capture nuances of the Earthling-meets-Sugarbowl concept not usually explored in so many other stories I've seen in my browsing, has become a simply enjoyable romp of characterization.  Sometimes insightful, sometimes downright adorable, but consistently entertaining and frequently hilarious.  I don't even care if this is going toward some epic plot twist war story direction or not, I am honestly simply eating up the character interactions and humor and want to see more.

After all, isn't the character depth and comedy what really draws the older (and, well, more mature) audiences to this franchise?

By all means, please keep it up!

By the way.  "Happy 'You Belong In A Museum' Day"?  ...really, Pinkie?


#44 · 126w, 3d ago · 1 · · Chapter 6 ·


Indeed, if I was a lazy bastard of a writer, I could go that route.

#45 · 126w, 3d ago · 7 · · Chapter 6 ·

My god, it's official: Pinkie is the Royal Festivities Planner. No party will ever be the same again. :pinkiecrazy:

#46 · 126w, 3d ago · 5 · · Chapter 6 ·

Coincidentally, everything about lefthandedness in this chapter is quite correct. Google for more info.

#47 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

Harty harty har.

#48 · 126w, 2d ago · 2 · · Chapter 6 ·

(meanwhile back in canterlot castle) :trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

#49 · 126w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>575669 That explains so much! I only saw him get to the toy part and then it ended. When there was nothing else in the next chapter, I had no idea what had happened.

#50 · 125w, 6d ago · 8 · · Chapter 7 ·

........ Well, now Freeman teaches math.

Pip + some form of philosophy = DAWWWWWWWWWW

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