I used to not watch MLP much, but after reading fics on this site, I had to write my own. Today, I'm a passionate fan with few complete fics, but a firm desire to finish all of my fics.
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Cover art credit to NASA JPL
On Earth, man had finally found an energy source greater than cold fusion. All it takes is antimatter and a micro black hole.
On Equus, ponies have discovered how to harness dimensional bridges for incredible energy.
It's too bad both experiments were conducted at the exact same moment. Now a cycle of events have been set in motion that will change the future of both worlds. This is the beginning of how it happened.
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I'm disappointed in you Dolphy.
5641134 And why is that?
5641134
Whoa, that's a little extreme for a first comment, isn't it?
I've a few problems with the story to the point where I had to really debate my vote. I ended up giving it an up-vote anyway because I like ponies in the real world that aren't conversion bureau related. But, I figure I should mention my issues:
Lewis' Humiliation Conga feels awkward and unnecessary.
Many advances of science come from odd things happening when they weren't expected, to the point where there is a word for it: serendipity. Here an inexplicable event happened that wasn't predicted (and indeed couldn't be predicted because it involved magic and a simultaneous action from another party) should have boosted his career and perhaps spawned an obsession to trying to figure out where the presumptions went wrong.
Instead, he is a laughing stock (despite being one of the few people in the world who could try and figure out what happened), his fiancee leaves him, and he just takes it and prepares to fade into the background because he really liked the praise and, you know, not the unknown science aspect of it.
I just find it unbelievable on many levels. Especially that the praise means so much to him when someone like that would have to be incredibly self-driven to get to where he is.
His fainting strikes me as the same as Twilight Sparkle fainting upon meeting a human for the first time. Not expected from a prodigy of science as he is claimed to be.
My other issue is the fact that this is a one-shot. It doesn't feel like a one-shot. One-shots are supposed to be self-contained, this one doesn't feel like self-contained at all. Frankly, too much information about Lewis is present for me to accept it as a one shot. What it does feel like is a prologue, and kind of an awkward one for how much focus Lewis gets that isn't related to trying to explain what happened or discovery (except at the very, very end), but rather trying to elaborate on Lewis' character when that's not what is needed here. It'd be more acceptable in a second chapter of a longer story, really. Or have the one-shot be longer.
5641302 I think I'll take this into account. This story was supposed to lead up into another one, but I guess I could change it from a one-shot to a larger story. I guess one-shots really aren't my thing, after all.
5641302 Okay, some things have been edited, (probably not entirely the way you'd have hoped), but this is now just a first chapter instead of a one-shot. I'll have to do some brainstorming now for chapter 2, especially since I hadn't planned on putting what happens next until Volume 2.
Once again, your stories never stop entertaining me, keep up the good work Dolphy Blue
Thanks! This fic's just what I need to get back to writing and I'm happy that Twilight and Lyra get their wishes granted.
5641635 Thanks! It's people like you who give me motivation to keep going. (Constructive) criticism is important to grow and all that, but seeing people like my work really drives me to write more! Who knows? Maybe I'll find the motivation to continue my fics that are on hiatus one of these days!
5641734 I'm happy to be an inspiration to someone. I've never been told that anyone's found my work inspiring before, so I'm very, very touched. Now, I get what you meant by Lyra getting her wish, but what wish did I just grant for Twilight in this chapter? (Sorry, I'm just seriously drawing a blank on that one. Forgive me for missing it if it's something obvious that slipped my mind. I've been sick lately, and my memory keeps clouding up from time to time. I'm almost better, though.)
5641948 If Lyra's wish is to meet humans, then Twilight's wish is to expand her knowledge... of everything. Seriously, though. If Twilight wasn't the Princess of Friendship, she would be the Princess of Books and Peaches.
5642005 Oh. Right.
How could I forget that? Now she has more stuff to study, so I should probably write a lot of that into the future chapters. Now I have more of an idea of what to write next, so thanks for the help!
This is a really awesome concept, but the way you handle it feels too small. Lewis isn't a bad character, but let's be honest; we don't care about him. There are bigger things going on here. The tripling of the planet's surface area is not something you should be hearing on the back end of a TV news report. The repercussions of this event are immense, but the story doesn't even hint at them. (It's not even clear what dimensional effect has actually occurred, on either planet.)
This opening chapter should really set up the stakes and set everything in motion for both worlds, and it doesn't feel like it has.
5642193 Notice how it's the first volume for a series of fics? Other fics will delve into other characters more than this one, but I will show the whole new planet at some point in this one. This volume actually is Lewis' story for the most part, but I left a lot of room for expansion so that I can do a lot with this concept.
5641239 You know why, you silly bastard.
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5648053 It had been a one-shot. Then I was told it would be better off with more chapters, so it no longer is one. It used to not say "Chapter 1", but just "The Beginning".
5648587
still, it is very silly to have something that says I'm volume one, of this greater story universe with a name, and I have a specific name for my story and my chapter name is The Beginning... and then call it a one-shot.
5649220 Well, it was supposed to be a one-shot to kick off an expanded universe. Expanded AUs have one-shots in them all the time, so I thought I'd try to be unique and make the first story one chapter (that's the definition of one-shot the people who kept pestering me to try to do a one-shot used, even if that's not an actual definition for the term). But you're right. It is silly. The number of words doesn't make a one-shot, nor does the number of chapters. In pretty much all forms of media, a one-shot is a stand-alone story, regardless of length. Some people on this site don't know that, so I was going by their definition. Technically, a one chapter story that's an offshoot of an expanded AU can't be a one-shot, since it requires the main canon of the expanded universe to help with its own world building.
Anyway, yes, I was being absolutely moronic by using the term "one-shot" like that, and for that, I apologize. Someone must've replaced one of my daily medications with stupid pills. Nah. I was just being dumb.
5649406
Oh, I thought it was funny, but I guess it was moronic.
Despite not having been proofread, there weren't a whole lot of mistakes here, the primary one being this:
Always make sure you spell out numbers unless they are part of a name, or in special circumstances like a written document being portrayed, or you are establishing the date/time and setting in a "cinematic" style like you did here at the very beginning of the chapter.
In my personal opinion, I don't see Lewis Knight being of the Mormon faith as either unusual, or significant to the story in any meaningful way, unless you plan to have religion or faith in general be a major theme later on in the story.
Instead of that whole section this chapter involving the irritatingly vague exchange between him and the equines over a subset of human religion, a more detailed description of Knight's physical appearance beyond the fact that he wore glasses would have actually enriched the story up to this point.
5693762 Well, for him to be a BYU professor, he'd have to be Mormon, or be one of about three who obtained special permission to teach there without being of the faith. No matter what, I'd have to go into it, since BYU is a real university. Plus, I never said that there wouldn't be plot points involving his faith in the future, so there very well may be. I haven't written for a while because I'm having trouble with my medical situation at the moment, and until it's in order, i can't think well enough to write a third chapter.
Now, as for why I didn't go into his image much, I've been criticized for going overboard on details such as appearance in the past, so i tried to avoid such criticism by minimizing details. Apparently, i went to far in the other direction. Please accept my apologies.