A Visitor From Manehattan

by ILIKEBOOKS

Chapter 1 A Friend And an Assistant

The Carousel Boutique known for housing a proper and sophisticated unicorn was in complete disarray, dresses and gems were scattered throughout the building as a white blur would grab them than throw them back to the ground. The term "organized chaos" wouldn't even cover this anarchy. In the middle of the once clean room was a small purple dragon whom was covered head to toe in cloth and ribbon. He shook his head then he pulled the cloth off of himself.

"Rarity is this really necessary I mean it's just an order for Princess Cadence," Spike said. The white blur stopped in mid air and dashed straight to the poor drake.

"Just an order?, JUST AN ORDER!" Rarity yelled just inches from his face. He backed away a little.

"Uhh, Yes?" Spike backed away more but he stumbled over his tail and fell. She stood over him a stared directly into his eyes. Her stare was enough to make the drake's heart cold.

"Spike this is an order for a princess do you not know this means!" Rarity said. Spike mouth went dry.

"No?" Spike said. Rarity growled.

"It means if I mess up for royalty I would become a laughing stock nopony would want to buy my dresses, so that's why I invited Coco Pommel to come here assist with the dresses," Rarity realized how she looked and how the boutique looked. "Oh dear, I did make a mess if myself didn't I," Rarity looked down at Spike and climbed off of him. "Sorry Spike I went too far," Rarity said.

"Yeah, you did but Coco Pommel is going to be your assistant. Wasn't she from Manehattan?" Spike asked. Rarity nodded while cleaning up the room. "So what about me?" Spike asked. Rarity walked up to him.

"Don't worry Spike you can help as well, besides Coco is barely just a mare and she is talented but I'm sure she would appreciate your help," Rarity nuzzled him. Which caused him to blush slightly.

"Okay Rarity I would like to help you with the order and besides I can also show Coco Pommel around town so she can feel comfortable," Spike suggested.

"Spike that a divine idea, you're such a good friend," Rarity gave him a hug.

"Yeah I try,"

In Manehattan.

Coco Pommel was fixing her mane in a mirror. She had a slight flow of confidence that usually didn't show due to her shy nature. She brushed her mane in her usual straight style. "I can't believe it, Rarity wants me to go to Ponyville to make help make dresses for Princess Cadence!," She said excitedly. "This is such a honor out of all the ponies she could of chosen she chose me!," she walked out of her bathroom and walked outside to the balcony of her apartment.

Below her were the bustling streets of
Manehattan. She took a deep breath and let it out. "Goodbye Manehattan, hello Ponyville!" She walked back into her room and grabbed her saddle bag. She exited the room and walked down a hallway to an elevator. She walked into the elevator and pushed the lobby button. The elevator descended and she felt a familiar churn in her stomach. After a few seconds the twin doors opened she walked to the main entrance and exited.

"Hello Coco where you off to now?" The doorman asked.

"I'm off to Ponyville for a project," She said.

"Good luck with that!" He said. She waved goodbye and walked down the concrete sidewalk. She waved her front leg in the air.

"Taxi!" Coco yelled. After a few seconds a stallion pulling a taxi wagon stopped in front of her. She climbed up the wagon.

"Where to miss?" the gruff stallion asked.

"To the train station," She said before dropping bits into the slot.

"No problem miss," the stallion said before taking the wagon through town.

The trip to the station was uneventful but also slow. The taxi pulled up to the station."Here ya go," the stallion said. She hopped of of the yellow wagon and walked to booth where a young mare was selling the tickets.

"Hello miss where to?" The mare asked. Coco placed a few bits on the counter.

"I want your next available train to Ponyville," she said.

"It's your lucky day the next train to Ponyville arrives in three minutes," the mare said. Coco smiled and walked to the platform where a couple dozen ponies were. The train slowly stopped in front of the platform. Stallions opened the doors and ponies walked in after giving the stallions their tickets. Coco gave her ticket to a teenage colt and entered the train. She found a a booth and placed her luggage in a overhead shelf. She sat at the table and looked out the window.

"Here we go," Coco said to herself as the train began gaining speed. "I hope everypony likes me," Coco let her insecurities get to her mind. "No Coco don't worry you met Rarity and her friends and they seemed to like you so there is no reason to worry,"

Coco pulled out a mirror and looked at herself. She was beautiful but her shyness and insecurities would cause her to drive off most stallions. She didn't worry much about that though she barely made it to marehood and she was still considered very young so she didn't have a reason to worry about romance. She looked out the window and she saw that Celestia's sun was starting to hang low. She yawned. The train wouldn't arrive to Ponyville until the morning so she decided to catch some sleep. She slowly closed her eyes as she drifted onto sleep.

Ten hours later

Coco Pommel opened her eyes and stretched. She got off of her small bunk bed and walked to her booth. She grabbed her mirror and brushed her mane, then she added some eyeliner. She stared out the window as the sun just rose and was still low in the sky. A young unicorn mare with a light blue coat and blond curls walked up to Coco.

"Hello miss my name is Vienna what would you like for breakfast this morning," She asked as she levitated Coco a menu. Coco grabbed the menu from Vienna's golden magical aura. Coco Pommel overlooked the menu. She saw a nice meal and ordered.

"I'd like the prench toast with orange juice, Vienna," Coco said.

"A fine choice miss, your beverage arrive shortly," Vienna said. Coco smiled as Vienna walked away. Coco sat at her table and looked at the rolling hills that they passed by. She came back with her beverage and levitated the drink down to her table.

"Thank you, Vienna," Coco said and Vienna simply smiled and walked away. Coco Pommel sipped the orange juice with a straw. She thought of what she could do with her new duty. She wondered who will show her around town. "I hope there's some cute stallions,"

"I hope so too," Coco turned around and saw Vienna with her meal. Coco blushed.

"You heard that?" Coco said. Vienna placed her meal on the table and sat across from her.

"So looking for a coltfriend huh?," Vienna said. Coco turned away.

"Well not looking for one but having somepony to be with does sound nice," Coco said.

"I hear ya sister, but due to my good looks I do attract alot of attention but not always from the right stallion, I had a bad relationship before and let me tell ya honey, don't let one bad egg ruin you perception of all stallions," Vienna said.

"I suppose you're right but somepony as pretty as you, must be easy to get a coltfriend," Coco Pommel said. Vienna put her hoof on hers.

"Miss don't worry you're very pretty just be careful with who you date," Vienna said. Coco smiled.

"Thanks, my name is Coco Pommel," She said.

"Vienna Keystone," she said as they shook hooves.

"Maybe we can hang out sometime I live in Manehattan," Coco said.

"Yeah, I live in Manehattan too maybe we can go shopping sometime," Vienna said.

"I'd like that," Coco said. Vienna stood up.

"Well got to serve other customers have a good morning okay?" Vienna said. Coco smiled. Vienna walked away. Coco looked at her meal she wasted no time eating it properly instead she just ate the syrup covered bread like a cookie. She sat back and sighed.

"That was good," Coco said while laying back.

"Wow Coco only five minutes and that plate is completely empty," Vienna said while levitating the dirty plate with her magic and placing it on a tray. Coco blushed slightly.

"So, How much do I owe you?," Coco asked.

"Nine bits for the meal and two bits for the orange juice so eleven bits," Vienna said. Coco pulled out her purse and placed the bits on the table. Vienna used her magic to take the currency.

"Thank you very much, have a nice morning," Vienna said as she walked away. Coco Pommel stared out the window and Ponyville could be seen.

"Will be arriving in Ponyville in five minutes," A voice over the loud speaker could be heard. Coco sat up and walked to her bunk cart. She grabbed her saddle bag and made her way to the exit.

Meanwhile

Six ponies and one dragon where making their way to the train station.

"Oh my gosh a new pony in Ponyville I have to show her around!" Pinkie Pie said while skipping.

"Pinkie chill it's just Coco Pommel you met her before remember?" Rainbow Dash said hovering in front of her.

"I know that silly, but she's never been in Ponyville, I think I should throw a welcome party!" Pinkie said.

"I, don't think that is the best idea Pinkie, Coco Pommel is shy," Rarity said.

"I agree maybe a loud party might not be the best idea," Fluttershy said quietly.

"Oh, I suppose you're right, but it's okay I'm sure we'll still be good friends!," Pinkie said halfheartedly but her smile grew.

"So who's going to show her around town?," Twilight asked.

"Yeah who's it gonna be?," Applejack asked.

"Spike actually volunteered to show her around town, isn't he just the nicest," Rarity said nuzzling Spike.

"Yeah I guess I'm pretty nice huh," Spike said. They all nodded and entered the train platform. Ponies were there to pick up their friend or to leave. The train became visible as it made its way to the station. It slowed down and it stopped in front of the group of friends. The doors opened and ponies walked out.

"Anypony see her?" Twilight asked. They scanned the area, but she couldn't be seen by the crowd blocking their view. Spike saw a young mare and walked up to her. The mane six didn't see him leave. Spike walked up to her and tapped her shoulder.

"Are you Coco Pommel?," Spike asked. Coco turned around and saw a dragon who was a inch shorter than her.

"Umm, yes I am and who are you?," Coco asked.

"The names Spike I assist Rarity and I think we might of met," Spike said.

"Oh sorry I don't think we have because I would of remembered meeting a dragon," Coco said.

"Yeah well I guess I should show you to the girls," Spike said. Coco smiled.

"Yes let's go shall we," Coco said. Spike and Coco made their way to the group. Pinkie Pie was the first to see them and ran straight to Coco. Nearly tackling the poor mare.

"Hello welcome to Ponyville!," Pinkie shouted. Coco fell back to the ground from being surprised.

"Oops, sorry," Spike grabbed her hoof to pick her up and while doing so their eyes met which caused both of them to blush. Coco looked away from him to hide her face in an effort not to be embarrassed. Spike paid attention to the ground which seemed very interesting for some reason. Rarity saw the scene play out and she felt a weird coldness in her heart.

"Hello Coco, sorry about Pinkie Pie she's just well.. spirited is all," Rarity said.

"It's alright, so ready to go?," Coco said.

"Actually Spike here volunteered to show you around town," at the mention of Spike's name Rarity swore she saw Coco blush. Spike walked up to Coco.

"So ready to go?," Spike said. Coco smiled.

"Let's go,"

Comments

[Texus]

Spike saw Coco and walked up to her. The mane six didn't see him leave. Spike walked up to her and tapped her shoulder.

"Are you Coco Pommel?," Spike asked. Coco turned around and saw a dragon who was a inch shorter than her.

Spike saw a yyoung Mare, would be probably better, since it looks like he is not sure if that is actually Coco, and i don´t know if he got a picture. (i think he was not in Manehatten with the others or was he?)

Rarity saw the scene play out and she felt a weird coldness in her heart

Rarity, don´t be jealous, you don´t want to be jealous because of Spike Yeaaahhh while i am not his greatest fan, i like the idea with him and Coco.

I think i keep track of the story, i want to read more, that means good work.

[Geoice]

I like this it's such a rare ship. Like the rare ship I did.

[ILIKEBOOKS]

5716916 I thought it was pretty rare too so that's why I'm gonna do it.

[ILIKEBOOKS]

Sorry it takes so long for me to post a new chapter college is giving so much work my girlfriend wants more attention, my friends want to play call of duty too, I hate having a social life

[Geoice]

5718942 I did a rare one too. It got a lot of likes

[Animated Rarity]

5718987 bro to solve all those problems just sleep its fixes everything

[Geoice]

Ah put this in a bunch of groups for ya.

[Aura Zero]

Grammar needs work bad. There was so many mistakes here.

First, you had quite a bit of walls of text. Split some of your paragraphs more. Preferably after a change in conversation or action. They don't have to all be in one paragraph. Makes it easier for the readers.

Next is the fact that you seem to put commas in places they shouldn't be. Most needed to be periods, and others needed to be removed completely; most of them being after dialogue. You don't need to add commas after exclamation points at the end of their dialogue. It makes no sense. An example:

"Are you Coco Pommel?," Spike asked.

The question mark is the only needed quotation here. The comma is useless here. There should never be two quotations after each other like this in dialogue.

Yeah, you did but Coco Pommel is going to be your assistant,

A period should be here, not a comma. End the sentence and make another. I saw quite a few of these run on sentences.

Third, here are some grammar mistakes I noticed:

She had a slight flow of confidence that usually didn't show do to

Due*

A fine choice miss, you're beverage arrive shortly,

Your*
Also add 'will' between 'beverage' and 'arrive'.

It slowed down ad it stopped in front of the group of friends.

And*
That's the ones I remember seeing. There might be more, but I don't want to look all over again sorry.
Also the whole Spike and Coco blushing came from way out of left field. There wasn't any indicators or interest before he helped her up. It seemed like that whole paragraph was shoe-horned in the story. Needs a little more incentive so that there could be a more smooth transfer into their relationship. Plus Rarity suddenly getting a cold feeling was random as well. Just my opinion.

[Eonflare]

Love at first sight huh? Cliche.

[Yosh-E-O]

What a wonderful start to a story. It gets everything in place, gives Coco some genuine background, and sets up for what is likely to come between her and Spike.

You can actually hear the theme song starting as this chapter ends. Great job!

[Fluffy_Wing]

I got a sudden burst of idea that, wait, what if spike got with coco pommel? So here I am lmao