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Criticul

Joined December 2011
172 followers

Groups

Stories (3)

  • Her Smile
    Luna and Fluttershy spend some time together at the Midnight Star Celebration

    17,600 words · 6,565 views · 217 likes · 14 dislikes
  • Her Majesty Walks
    Luna finds peace with herself
    2,686 words · 1,979 views · 97 likes · 6 dislikes
  • Changeling
    Resolute on absolving herself, the Princess finds it in her duty to prevent the death that she foresees: she cannot allow herself to let the darkness of Chrysalis to reconstruct itself outside Equestrian borders.
    44,160 words · 316 views · 12 likes · 1 dislikes

Blog Posts (66)


The greatest deceit in life is the illusion that all things are true. As Luna finds out, even the most tangible of things can be just a figment lost in time.

Art by White-Pwny on deviantart. They do excellent work, so go check em out there --> http://white-pwny.deviantart.com/

Do it. You know you want to.

First Published
8th May 2012
Last Modified
8th May 2012

Comments ( 29 )

#2 · 116w, 1d ago · · ·

*clap clap clap*

#3 · 116w, 1d ago · · ·

>>559243 I'm guessing you liked it? :P

#4 · 116w, 1d ago · · ·

Maybe...:pinkiehappy:...yes

#5 · 116w, 5h ago · · ·

That was sad, in a good way.

#6 · 116w, 5h ago · · ·

>>563538 that's what I was going for! :D

#7 · 116w, 4h ago · · ·

I see that my comment was removed for spoils.

#8 · 116w, 4h ago · · ·

>>563605 indeed. took me long enough. XP

#9 · 116w, 4h ago · · ·

This is the kind of story where I read it, then I immediately wanted to read it again and try to figure out what was real and what it all meant.  And after reading it a second time, I'm still not totally sure.

#10 · 116w, 4h ago · · ·

>>563618 Ahh, that is the thing though! Who is to say what's real, and what's not? That's probably the main thing I was trying to go for here. "The greatest deceit in life is the illusion that all things are true"

#11 · 116w, 2h ago · · ·

That...was a very good story. It had happy moments, then it turned to sad, I still enjoyed it very well.

#12 · 116w, 1h ago · · ·

Good story and good use or repetition, but would you please add the alternative universe tag?

#13 · 115w, 6d ago · · ·

>>564535 done. :)

#14 · 115w, 5d ago · · ·

:raritycry: Tears have been shed.

#15 · 115w, 1d ago · · ·

Added to read-later queue. How does something with this much promise have fewer than 500 views? Everypony that reads this should be spreading the word, or something.

#16 · 115w, 1d ago · · ·

Well written, powerful emotions. I enjoyed it, bravo! :twilightsmile:

#17 · 115w, 1d ago · · ·

A very enjoyable read! I actually had to stop a moment and notice - how does a 2k word story possess the ability to so move its audience? It would have to be awesome. From setting to structure, circumstance to characters, everything would require a near perfect alignment.

Bravo.

:pinkiehappy:

#18 · 115w, 23h ago · · ·

That was amazing, it was deep, and yeah, it brought up the question asked in the description. Just, yes.

#19 · 115w, 19h ago · · ·

An excellent story my good sir, an excellent story indeed.

#20 · 115w, 18h ago · · ·

By Celestia's Beard!

#21 · 115w, 14h ago · · ·

Very heartwarming, very sad... and simply beautiful

#22 · 115w, 8h ago · · ·

It's heartbreakingly beautiful. The physical contact between the two of them upped the poignancy of the dialogue; coupled with Luna's realization it turned into something so bittersweet.

Have my +fav.

#23 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

The amazing thing is how after the reveal... you can re-read the story and realise that EVERYTHING THEY SAID MAKES SENSE, but the meaning behind the words is so different. The illusion was not just Luna's, but ours as well.

#24 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

I won't deny, the twist at the end is really clever, and I don't know of many fics that depict a dead Celestia alongside a still-living Luna, but...

The biggest problem is that far too much of their emotions are told. Indeed, this story is too sparse. It's in dire need of some fleshing out so we really feel their bond and the issues passing between them.

As touching as their reunion is, it and the twist raise a number of questions that undermine the moment.

If Luna never really went to the moon, why does she have memories of having been there for a thousand years? If she’s been on Equestria, ruling it alone for a thousand years, why is it only now that she has fake memories? It’s one thing to live a lie, it’s a whole other thing to think you’ve been somewhere you clearly know you haven’t for a thousand years.

At first it seemed like Celestia was a hallucination but the ending paragraph states that her spirit is watching over Luna—if she’s a hallucination, why did Luna only see her after a thousand years? If she’s really Celestia, why did she wait a thousand years to absolve herself and talk to Luna?

Speaking of the ending paragraph, I won't harp on that too much as I know why you added it, but, again, this story could really use some fleshing out. Unfortunately, the ending paragraph greatly weakens the poignancy of the repeated opening monologue. Rather than an infodump at the end, more attention should have been placed on gradually revealing and clarifying everything from the moment Luna's maid brought her back to reality.

“but I know that is you’ve always been at heart.” – Missing word.

“My endearing existence” – Are you sure you didn’t mean “enduring”?

#25 · 112w, 1d ago · · ·

Look what you've done! You've gone and made me depressed :( . Excellent little story.

#26 · 111w, 5d ago · · ·

i feel like listening to the game of thrones them in a corner of dark room.

mind Fu****

#27 · 99w, 1d ago · · ·

"since that faithful day" I suspect you mean "fateful"

#28 · 99w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1209888 I can't remember exactly why I picked the word "faithful" instead of "fateful" but I know it was for a reason!

:twistnerd:

#29 · 52w, 6d ago · · ·

I'll be honest, to me it seems a bit excessively pretentious. But I am but one person, and I have no doubt that what appears too pretentious to me looks just right to some.

Celestia knows there are some stories I think a lot of people don't get; I would be a fool to not consider the possibility of others classifying me as one of the ones who fails to get a story.

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