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Joined November 2011
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With each others help, Spike and Gilda fight to find their place in a world that will not accept them.
Credit: Larince, Newer, Varanus, DPV, and Mad Brochacho
A more classical approach to the noir genre, Mad Brochacho's "On the Docks": http://www.fimfiction.net/story/6590/On-the-Docks
Heralded as the greatest Twilestia around and more, Varanus' "Composure": http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5623/Composure
Thank you to all my readers.
Well It's official Spike's been shipped with everything in show. That being said I will say that this was very well done, the grammar is good, the plot interesting and oddly enough while Spike acts slightly out of character his interactions with Gilda seem natural as they are both essentially outcast from their respective groups and find solace in each other. You actually care about the characters in relation to each other. The only thing that bothered me was Tyrant Celestia. Other than that it was really good story with some interesting elements thrown into it. Keep pumping out gold like this.
Peace Out.
I like this story a lot, compelling and interesting. It felt a little rushed in how their relationship started, but it makes sense, Spike has been alone for awhile, so has Gilda. I can't wait to see where this will be heading towards, also I love the back story you've written. Keep up the great work!
OH GOD.
WRITE MORE NOW.
I'm serious. You have got a great story going here. There's only one or two things I am nitpicky about: 1. Fluttershy (to me,) appears to over-react to seeing Spike eat some animal. Why? Because she massages bears regularly! She would know that there are creatures in the Everfree that eat meat, and that Spike (as a dragon,) would soon eat meat too. She should know that Spike would have self control, and that if he hadn't, there would have been a pony feast already. 2. The transition from jerk Gilda to nice Gilda seems a litte fast. Other than that, you did perfectly!
You better write more.... 
Or else. 
1. You have a good point here, but I used Fluttershy's dragon fears as a basis for her 'overreaction'.
2. Was it really? I dunno. I think I wrote this making her more as a less of a jerk and more as having an aggressive personality. Is she still a bit of a jerk? Yeah. But I think that 'jerk' side is more of a side effect of that aggressive personality. Right now, she's found someone she can get along with in Spike. Obviously she did not find those traits in Pinkie Pie, and lashed out at her.
Thank you very much for the compliment, the comment, AND the read. I'll see what I can do about a chapter 3.
this is fantastic! Oh ,my god, when I first saw this my thoughts on this were low, but now, I an happy as hell that I read this! I only favorite finished stories, but this is going on the list done or not. I cant wait for the next chapter! keep up the great work!!
>>31583 Look dude, cut the writer some slack, cut all the writers some slack. I hate people who insist that Celestia should be some cookie-cutter Mary Sue Empress. She isn't, not even in canon. Sometimes a story calls for a character to be more mature and do some morally ambiguous things, there is no problem with that as long as it's not overdone, or it is intentionally overdone for the sake of parody. Celestia is leaning towards the gray, but she has hardly been oppressive or tyranical yet. Stop jumping to conclusions, and let us have our fanon.
I want to yell ate you for not letting me have more to read, I want to think you for giving me what you have,
I think I am going crazy. and all because of your story! I love this. Its so new, and different! please keep it up.
Man pore spike the 2 caves they took from him, he has to be getting mad by now.
Can't wait for the next chapter!!! 
This story is quite thrilling indeed :-bd
I am definitely interested if Spike will eventually go back to Ponyville, hopefully with Gilda. Will be very interesting to see how the characters changed, and if any of them hooked up or something
Keep writing!!!
The growing - hoard relationship is a survival trait for all dragons that allow them to not be eaten (in a world that is crawling with ursa majors/manticores/hydras/whatever else we haven't seen as soon as they depart from their parents.
As we can see, as soon as Spike hatched he was a baby. He had obviously grown since then. Natural growth comes with wings, while swift survival growth gives them the bare necessities until they are 'grown' enough to survive without such instinctual traits.
That's why Spike wanted to hoard so much - it's survival instinct.
There ya go. There's my answer. Story is still fine. Please continue reading.
Huh, I guess that explanation makes sense. But as for the story, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE US WITH A CLIFFHANGER LIKE THAT!?! AND WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING POOR SPIKE THROUGH!?! Don't get me wrong, it was good, dark, but good, but c'mon. That is no way to torture us with uncertainty. Love the story, keep it up, hope you update real soon, I eagerly await the next chapter.
Well, that got... Oedipal. And bloody. Time for a suspiciously well-timed griffon!
Also, your theory on dragon growth pretty much exactly matches the one I have. Size is determined by hoard, giving dragons in resource-rich areas the power to defend themselves and carve out a territory and allowing those in poor areas to get by on less. Maturity comes with time, and wings are a facet of that, used to travel to a new territory once experienced enough to survive alone, and assisting in the possible search for a mate. Mixing evolutionary theory with magic is fun!
Let me make one thing clear for everyone.
I find gore stories ridiculous. Any gore you find in THIS story is merely a way to enhance the story. I needed a way to show the reader why Spike hadn't gone back to Ponyville yet, and I thought a little insight into one of his waking nightmares would show why he felt the way he did about nearly everything (hunting at the most).
I would like to apologize if chapter 5 upsets you. I myself questioned whether to keep it in, but in the end I feel it gets the point across in the most engaging and interesting manner.
Once again thank you for reading.
But of course, many instances of fan explanation bring up more questions and more complications to what was being explained. For example; Is there a cut off point when the size of the hoard stops increasing the unnatural growth, does natural physical and mental development still happen alongside these "hoard spurts", if there is a point in life when the hoard growth begins, is there a point when hoard growth no longer happens, why does the hoard decrease mental capacity, etc. etc. If you don't want this discussion here, look for it in the Tvtropes Headscratchers page.
OMG I FOUND IT!!!
Sorry, let me calm down for a second...
Anyways, I've been following this story since chapter one, but I made my account after this chapter. 
I couldn't remember where I found this story, because I just kept stumbling onto it with every new chapter. 
But now, here's the fifth instalment, and I can now track it for as long as you're making these!
Okay, sorry about the fangasm. Let me start over.
I've got to honestly say that this is one of the bestshippings I've read thus far. there are only two stories that I can claim are better than this, and that's saying something because I've been reading a LOT of fics, and I usually don't put them up for competition unless they are 5 star material. The best part about this ship? You haven't even made it into a ship yet! That just shows that you're taking good care of the relationship and keeping your fans waiting patiently. Yes, I know, you've taken a lot of advice from people posting things on your chapters, but in the end it's your story and you've been developing it perfectly. Plus, it isn't just a ship, there's an actual story, so I absolutely love it! You've got a talent and you should keep at this. Thank you for writin this, and I hope the beginning to this message didn't creap you out too much.
Now onward to the next chapter!
Also, for anyone wondering why this chapter took two whole weeks to come out, I went through three phases with this particular chapter, rewriting it three separate times.
I also have finals coming up...
But after that, should be rather fine and back to your usual schedule.
That was...AWESOME! I never would have believed to have seen such a scene in a MLP fanfic before today! (or maybe I just avoid the fics that have them...)
I won't lie, I was getting upset when the dream started turning into a nightmare, but I kept reading through. I knew either you would end it in a dream, or the story was going to go a whole new direction that...honestly I don't know if I could follow by then. Good way to end the chapter too. Of course we all know what's about to happen (or maybe something other than Gilda will save him, because otherwise there wouldn't be a story!), but it was still better for you to continue than to have ended with Spike waking from his nightmare.
To be honest though, I thought you were going to end it with the nightmare (right before he woke up). I mean, let's be honest, that would have been one HELL of a cliff hanger, lol!
FanTastic. that is the only word I can use to describe this story. this is not a fic, this is a 100% true Story
I thought the Dream with Twilight may have happened at first. But I am really glad it didn't. If anyone started griping about Gore Ignore them, this is not Gore this is a Drama filled chanted that Needed violence in to to express the feeling of what is going on and you did a grate job, you did no go over bored and you did not use to little and sugar cote it,
Now I want to yell at you for that Cliff you through at us, But I can see why you did it. But GOD! I want to read more soo badly. your work is like a drug I cant get enough of it. I have already read this whole thing 4 times today!... I am the Twilight of Fan fiction .
I know I have said this before and I will say it again and again. Thank you, thank you for taki ng your time go give us this amazing story!
Now I give you Rainbow Dash
And Twilight Sparkle. 
And they are going to kiss. 
Dont acted like you 2 have never done it before.
Dwaaaaa
Fantastic! Also, don't mind if I copy/paste your explanation of draconic growth in relation to the most recent episode around so that I may further validate other Spike-growing-up related fanfictions. And dat cliff-hangar. Gilda swoops in and saves the day! ...Or so I would imagine.
A few notes on general style.
1) Thoughts, inner monologues can be written as simple italics. Quotation marks are unnecessary and can even cause momentary confusion as to whether someone is thinking or speaking.
2) Google how to write English dialog tags, it's not all that complicated and ~5 minutes of reading will eliminate 95% of future mistakes. As it stands you've got things like:
‘Now remember Spike.’ Twilight said softly...
— which is bad.
Characterization is generally good, though Gilda's is somewhat shaky during the first few chapters. Spike seems pretty spot-on.
Descriptions could use some work, particularly during dialog scenes. A large chunk of the first chapter, for instance, consists of disembodied dialog between Spike and Gilda. This is fine for short bits of character-centric dialog, but not all that appropriate for the opening scenes of a story. Other than that your story is rather easy to visualize and your descriptions never get in the way.
Pacing feels a little off at the moment, depends on where you take the story from here. Unless Spike/Gilda return to Ponyville, and endure the ensuing shenanigans, I'm gonna go ahead and the fic feels lopsided.
Solid work, otherwise. Unique ship is unique.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHY!!! WHY DID YOU STOP IT THERE!!! Oh my god!!! How am I going to get any sleep with all that hanging over my head!!!!
This story is mind blowing! it blow my fucking brain out my ears!! GA!!! I cant even think strait!
But the preening had my laughing, and laughing hard.
Once I realized I needed a picture to go along with the fic, I googled 'spirit' to see if I could find some generic white blob or something nice.
Then this came up. I really liked it, the red being Gilda, the green being Spike and how they are sort of meshed together. Even the flame sizes are respectable to both characters.
In actuality, I believe it is a piece of artwork depicting the 'Burning Bush' from the Bible. Still, I quite like it. Apparently some people find it ugly, but oh well. Better than a random picture of Gilda or Spike.
Still, if any of you aspiring artists want to do cover art, I wouldn't complain!
But as for now, I am content.
Some thoughts:
I quite like this story. It's one of my favorite MLP fanfictions. Know that this is extremely high praise coming from me. I can't read most fanfictions because they make me want to pull my hair out. I can't get through Fallout: Equestria, the fanfic everyone and his dog loves, because its prose feels bloated and sloppy. This story makes me smile. So, nice job. I hope you continue writing this story.
It's interesting to see how your writing style has improved since chapter one. Both characters are consistent, believable, and well-written with a few (very minor) slip-ups. Spike used to be the standout character but by now you've achieved a good balance between the two. Your OC character, Skrillok, actually has some depth, to the point where I wouldn't mind seeing her make a reappearance later in the story.
I like how you avoid the dumb, shipping-standard narrative bits, which always look something like this:
Gilda fell into Spike's gaze and got lost in his eyes and they were limpid pools of green radiance and it was amazing and oh my god this is a long sentence, it must be sentimental.
No, wait! He's just some stupid dragon from Ponyville, thought Gilda.
And then five paragraphs later the same thing happens, over and over, and then someone blushes, and then they kiss. You skip all that bullshit, which is great. It feels like a real relationship building between these two. I don't need to be told about their connection because I can see it right there, in the text. This is the mark of good writing, as opposed to sloppy, lazy writing.
This story has a compelling plot, which is something far too many shipping stories leave out. There's a good amount of dramatic tension, some action, excitement, and so on, to be found. Is it predictable? Cliffhanger-wise, yes. But that's okay. The little things, such as your OC, who is not just a mindless Gunnery Sgt. Hartman ripoff, make this story intriguing. It holds my interest beyond the dull will-they-won't-they (hint: they will) crap most shipfics peddle in.
Speaking of action, your combat scenes — something fanfiction writers tend to suck at — are very well executed. They feel appropriately chaotic, brutal, hard-hitting and most of all, dangerous. Fighting ain't pretty, and it pisses me off when fictional combat is portrayed as clean wire fu bullshit with no tension or realism. You write like getting punched in the face hurts. So, nice job there.
Is this a perfect story? No, far from it. It is, however, an honest story. It's not something you slapped down on a legal pad during your lunch break because hurr durr what if Gilda and Spike were in a story together. You've put some care into the writing and it shows. I like that.
I have one major suggestion: avoid skipping back and forth between point of view characters whenever possible. Try to have chapters alternate between Gilda and Spike, or split them down the middle for each of the two characters. Switching the point of view character more than twice within the same chapter feels a little jarring, in my opinion. It's nothing serious, but something you might want to consider.
If you ever want a second opinion on future chapters, just PM me. I'd be glad to proofread 'em for you.
I wish I could tell you how much this comment means to me.
Even if that whole post was trashing the fic, I would still be kissing your feet. It tells me exactly what I'm doing right, exactly what I'm doing wrong, and gives me some tips and thoughts to dwell on regarding not only the future of this fic but also my writing overall.
1. I never cared for it either. It works (ironically just like the show itself) as a neat world-building device that allows other writers to expand on it and create their own stories. As a story in itself though? No. It tries to give itself some structure, but in the end only ends up becoming a group of ponies running around doing a bunch of filler. Its ending and the fan's reaction to it should be enough to make that obvious.
2. Hmm. I like Skrillok to. She was mostly put in to show that griffons were normal people (ponies) just like everyone else. Will we be seeing more of her? Maybe? Probably not.
3. I've been in this fandom since the very first episode aired. After having read a countless number of fics like these, I swore to myself I would never become them. Hell, one of my main promises to myself was that I'd make this relationship evolve smoothly. Almost messed that up with the first 2 chapters, but luckily, Celestia had my back.
4. Thanks. Funny fact, this whole story was originally supposed to be four chapters until people started asking me questions. "Wait, you mean you're NOT going to have them go back to Ponyville? WHAT?! BUT WHAT ABOUT BLAH BLAH BLAH" so I continued.
5. Thank you for saying this about my action scenes. No one really comments about them, and hearing that they are at least of acceptable condition is relieving.
6. I actually see this as the next stage of my ever-evolving writing prowess. While working on chapter 8, I've found that I'm sticking with one character's perspective A LOT more instead of skipping between the two. I'll just chock it up to me becoming a better writer.
7. You've proven yourself an intelligent individual. I'll see if I can remember to contact you before I publish a chapter.
Thank you for your comment.
Thank you all for reading.
Wonderful chapter. The interaction between the characters was spot-on, as usual. I'm curious to see how Gilda and Rainbow Dash's relationship works out. Dash seems much more forgiving, but Gilda seems to have not let go of her grudge. The explanation for why the council has so much power is the only thing I didn't like. It felt like a, "Because they need to for the story to go smoothly" kinda deal. I was satisfied with the explanation otherwise.
Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FIRE THE MOAR CANNON!!! 
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