Featured In7

More Stories37

  • E Letting Your Mane Down

    Twilight Sparkle hates manecuts--but why?
    9,888 words · 5,202 views  ·  549  ·  16
  • E Edited By

    Twilight, reduced to bashing her head against a table to ease the feeling of literary inadequacy over an unwritable essay, turns to Spike for some more practical advice on finishing her essay--and why she should write it in the first place.
    3,838 words · 2,815 views  ·  243  ·  5
  • E A filly's Foray with Fireworks

    A young Twilight Sparkle learns the magic of pyrotechnics
    2,604 words · 3,118 views  ·  183  ·  5
  • E Hot Plot

    Applejack doesn't like airplanes.
    3,310 words · 1,423 views  ·  121  ·  3
  • E Wheels: Not to be Trusted

    The Great and Powerful Trixie does not trust wheels.
    2,731 words · 4,174 views  ·  231  ·  9
  • E The Way it Was Meant to be Played

    It's almost like a cello wasn't meant to be played with hooves in the first place!
    4,003 words · 2,595 views  ·  193  ·  7
  • E Moments Worth Sharing

    Celestia studies the sunset sadly.
    3,981 words · 2,378 views  ·  162  ·  6
  • E Image and Impact

    Athazagoraphobia--the fear of being forgotten.
    9,380 words · 2,608 views  ·  190  ·  8

Blog Posts111

  • 3w, 4d
    Rockabye Bandy

    I'd like to take a moment to share a song with you. It's a nice song. It's happy. It helps.


    Happy Wednesday.

    0 comments · 26 views
  • 9w, 21h
    Bandy Goes to College, Vol. 1

    No, I didn't drink the kool-aid. I've just gone to college! Moving in and starting classes and having those little panic attacks where you don't know whether or not you're throwing your life away over a useless degree have been somewhat taxing, but I've been able to find time to write in between dying on the inside and finding ways to excuse not eating to save money.

    I present an Acreuballian amount of vernacular, all set to the bop on the top stylings of John Coltrane.

    Jazz Lounge

    This will be loosely connected to the cannon of a larger, future project. Stay tuned!


    Happy Sunday, and go Bulldogs!

    8 comments · 51 views
  • 13w, 5d
    Birthday day

    Happy Wednesday to me!




























































    Hai ball.






















































    7 comments · 69 views
  • 20w, 13h
    On Regraduationing

    It happened, probably by accident. I passed my calculus class by four percentage points, and I got my diploma. Before I prostrate myself before the mighty gods of Student Loans and prepare myself for the inevitable kick in the financial testicles, I'd like to look back and briefly (thank God) reflect. Grab a drink, kiddies, and let uncle Patrick serenade you with my anticlimactic, if not cathartic, not-horse-words.

    You guys all know me as a writer. I identify as a writer. That's awfully cool. Writing has helped me get through the tougher parts of these years. Shame I didn't discover it sooner. Two and a half years after starting my first fanfiction about an OC alicorn with a mysterious and tragic past, I'm editing a real-life honest to goodness novel that might even become a book one day. I've gotten a lot better since I started, and I view it as my greatest accomplishment to date. That, and not drowning when I was two. Thanks for the tips and tricks (and for my aunt, who dragged me out of the pool).

    I was gonna write a lot more sappy crappy emotional stuff about how grateful I am and how much you all mean to me, but then I realized how silly that would be. The best way to show my appreciation would be to continue writing. That's how I know you as: readers. And friends.

    See you around, and happy Monday.

    4 comments · 67 views
  • 25w, 1d
    Popcorn: An erotic fantasty tour de force by TheBandBrony

    Set the scene!


    He pushed me onto the bed. My legs trembled as he leered over me, grinning his same salacious grin he had worn for the past hour. He could smell me, and he made no effort to hide the effect the scent of my arousal had on him. The carpet, already stained with a previous bout of lovemaking, would be sullied even more. The stench would linger in the shag for years. And, for once, I was absolutely okay with that.

    "I want you," I spoke, my voice quivering as much as the throbbing pulse between my legs. "Today was utter garbage. I just need to relax and get you in my lap. Warm me up from the inside out, and the outside in. If you know what I mean."

    He knew exactly what I meant. If you know what I mean.

    "IMMA FUCK U GOOD BEYOTCH U GONA B SORE" he replied. His primal growl resonated deep within the cockles of my soul. It popped and fizzled, like a tone-deaf harp player with Parkinson's.

    "Say it," I groaned. I would have begged in an instant, if only to hear his buttery voice echoing in my ears once more. "Say your name."

    "MY NAMES ORVILLE REDENBACKER BITCH"

    And then we fucked like rabbits. Except the rabbits were made of popcorn. Satellites orbiting overhead detected the obnoxious crackling sound of our raunchiness intimacy.

    The stench never came out of the carpets.

    Happy Sunday.

    3 comments · 94 views
  • ...
 83
 4,922
Source

The simple affair of Twilight's breakfast takes a turn for the crazy as she and Pinkie Pie find out just how hard it is to open a banana.

Art by AspergerGoodness.

Now featuring a Polish Translation by the fabulous aTOM for The Polish Writers Society!

First Published
18th May 2012
Last Modified
5th Jun 2013
#1 · 127w, 6d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

I'd like to thank Starfall and MaskedFerret for basically making this story possible. Infinite hugs to the both of you!

#2 · 127w, 6d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

I think we can all agree that this fic really is the top banana.

#3 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Well, at least now she has an answer for Trollestia's age-old question.

#4 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

:trollestia: : "Progress report."

:moustache: : "Operation B.A.N.A.N.A. is a success, your Highness."

:trollestia: : "Excellent!" *evil cackle*

#5 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

so you like bananas? :trollestia:

#6 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Twilight hated them... but she couldn't stop.  All it had taken was one, just one of the devil fruits to get her hooked.  No matter how many books were ruined, no matter how much pain and suffering she went through every time, she had to have more.  There, in the darkened alley, trembling and eyes twitching from near-withdrawal, she met with her new supplier for the first time.  The pony's body was rather large, with a pale pink mane and body showing between the seems of the tattered dark coat and hat.

"Soooooo," said the mystery mare in a sweet, almost familiar voice, drawing open a portion of her coat to reveal the objects of Twilight's addiction.  "I got one question for you.  Do you like..mmmmmm... bananas?"  :trollestia:

#7 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

I can really imagine Twilight going mad over something like this. You got yourself a fav and a like.

#8 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

:facehoof:

#9 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Brace yourselves, mmmmm banana jokes are coming.

EDIT: Too late.

#10 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

I'd like to make a banana-joke but all the good ones are taken. :pinkiegasp:

#11 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

:twilightangry2::pinkiehappy:

#12 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

:rainbowlaugh:

You know, if you start at the other end of the banana, opposite the stem, it's usually easier to peel.

#13 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Alternatively, you could use a knife to cut the skin off, rather than struggle with peeling it.

Not that I've ever eaten a banana, they tend to disagree with my kind of dragon. Nor do they grow anywhere near my mountains...

But I do have claws, very sharp, good for opening things like bananas - should I ever come across one.

Great story, very funny and gave me a cheerful start to my day!

Frostwyrm

#14 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

"an inferno of mild annoyance" Delightfully said :moustache: this really made me lol.

"blasted me with projectile fruit" I know that feel, filly.

"I hate bananas" It couldn't have ended more perfectly!

Loved how Pinkie Pie became obsessed with bending the banana's physical traits to her will. Apparently, that pony becomes nuts when things doesn't do as she wants them to :pinkiecrazy: Very funny story. Simple, but enjoyable. :twilightsmile:

#15 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Poor Twi'...

I told her she shoulda just stick with apples...:ajsleepy:

#16 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

This was the best fanfic I've ever read. I easily saw it episode-like! Whoo! All the hugs, Dashiefaces, and Mustaches in the world for you! :rainbowkiss: :moustache: :rainbowkiss: :moustache:

#17 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

This is absolutely hilarious. I half-expected Pinkie to go full-on Pinkamena on the poor banana.

#18 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Do you like Bananas? :pinkiecrazy:

#19 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

I lold

#20 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Bananas are hard enough to open with hands, especially when they are either unripe, ripe or overripe. I really can't imagine how a pony would open it. A combination of magic, teeth, a knife and some careful hoofwork could work, I guess.

Well, I suppose that's why that merchant was so eager to get rid of his stock.

Zay
#21 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

"So you're a ***** that doesn't like bananas?" Oh man epilogue pls.

#22 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Why didn't she use her teeth, or magic I wonder. Oh yeah, being sleepy. That ussually messes it all up. Wonder what Pinkie was doing up so early in the morning.

Great fic, silly laughs, good pinkieness, rageparkle... yeah, this is good :D

#23 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>607481 Congratulations, you're the first person to get the meaning of that little snippet. Have a muffin!

#24 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

1.  Acquire bananas

2.  Pull really super-duper hard

3.  ???

4.  Profit :pinkiehappy:

#25 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

This was featured?!?

Well... congratulations!

Happy for you, dude!

#26 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

And I lol. Well done!:pinkiehappy:

#27 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

You are an mmm-beyetch, that likes mmm-bananas.

#28 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Great story, made me lol and keep loling, I nearly died of asphyxiation due to being unable to breath for long enough :rainbowderp:

Anywho I loved it, like a lot, and I would love to see more of awesomeness like this :pinkiehappy:

Maybe a sequel with Rainbow Dash who can open them perfectly using her wings but doesn't like the taste :rainbowwild:

Keep writing and making me want to keep reading! :coolphoto:

wat
#29 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Bananas! The secret to getting featured!

#30 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>606891 WOW, FUKIN', EGORAPTOR MUCH!?

I like the part where pinkie's like :pinkiehappy: and twilight's like :twilightoops: and then pinkie is still like :pinkiehappy: and now twilight's all like :facehoof: and when twilight's all like :twilightangry2: pinkie finally gets it and she's like :pinkiegasp: and then she's STILL like :pinkiehappy: 'cause it made me all like:rainbowlaugh: and :facehoof: at the same time.

#31 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?  Ba-na-na-na! (to the tune of the first 4 notes of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony)

I share this because I heard the chapter title to that tune.  I'm not sure if that was your intent, but that's what happened.

Also, I feel like ponies could possibly get bananas open fairly easily.  Squeeze the bottom end (the end opposite the stem).  This splits open the bud (or whatever you call that brown bit), providing an opening which a pony could probably expand with the edge of a hoof.  Problem solved.

#32 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Handy tip: Instead of wrestling with the stem to get a Banana open, just simply pinch the bottom of it to open it. There's a reason why monkeys do it this way.

#33 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>606891

Iv'e been around here for a while and i have been to embarrassed to ask. How do you "track" a story, without favoriting? Can you?

>>608937

Great story. It's not made of ponies is it? The muffin:twilightsheepish: I mean.

#34 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>608937 I got it...

This story was hilarious, outrageous, and silly, three of my favorite things. So kudos, author. Spike would have an even easier time than the average human, seeing as he can just slice the skin with his claws.

...I love bananas. :ajsmug:

#35 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Funny, with some great one-liners, but I find myself wondering where Spike got the idea that the banana needed to be peeled in the first place. Banana peels are totally edible, and neither a pony nor a dragon should have difficulty biting through it. Also, weren't there bananas on Angel's special salad from the Iron Will episode?

#36 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Fun fact: Approximately 70% of Equestria's R&D budget goes towards creating a fruit salad.

#37 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Banananana!

"Inferno of mild annoyance" is a great turn of phrase. :rainbowlaugh:

#39 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Wow. I never considered what kind of fruits ponies couldn't eat. lol.

#40 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4f9m4OYkCY

that is all.

:trollestia: :do you like mmmmmm bananas?

#41 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>609902

You used to be able to, but now the favourite and track systems are basically one and the same.

#42 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>609902 Starfall is right, with the update from ~2 months ago the "tracking" and "favorite" buttons basically fused together.

I usually still track/fav stories when they're one shots, as a compliment to the author and for easy reference may I ever want to check it out again.

#43 · 126w, 3d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>609841

HELL YEAH!

I wish you could attach a sound clip to .gif files. Would make the message even better.

#44 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Very amusing fic, good for a quick read.  :twilightsmile:

#45 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>609902

No, it's a banana muffin.

>>607007

This is a true fact.

#46 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>609721 Yet I still can't seem to get featured on this site...

>>609902 Yes. It's made of ponies.

#47 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

Bananas? Delicious? AHHHAHAHAHAHA!:rainbowlaugh:

Sorry, but I don't understand how anyone else could like them. With me, they taste like cold liquid plastic (That's how I'd describe it) and activate my gag reflex. :ajbemused:

#48 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>611868 I eat at least two every day. So... yeah.

#49 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·

>>611871 Everyones got different tastes :applejackunsure:

But mines are better :trollestia:

#50 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Ba-na-nana ·
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