• Member Since 29th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Jan 6th, 2023

DarklordAxel20


Just your average brony, gamer, writer-extraordinaire. I enjoy writing and knowing that others enjoy what I write, so pick a story, grab a seat, and enjoy your stay.

Comments ( 85 )

Goddammit such a good story why would you stop there:raritycry:

5593256
Who said I was stopping, every good story needs planning. I rest assure you I won't stop the story I pinkie promise :pinkiehappy:

5593256
In fact I'm writing the next chapter as we speak

Hmm, it's interesting so far. Though there are some things that needs improving. Maybe spell check your words, fix your grammar, and give some space between paragraphs. Other than that, it seems like its off to a good start. Keep up the good work.

Good story but you need to check you spelling and grammar :twilightsmile:

5594021
I guess i do need to look over my work, I tend to work late at night so there are things i over look, if you want you could point out some of the things i need to fix while i finish up the next chapter. I'd really appreciate it :twilightsmile:

5593976
How big of a spacing to be exact, cause in my first story they told me to space between ponies talking which i did is it not enough?

Alright to those of you who pointed out my grammatical and spelling errors in the prologue i thank you, I probably didn't get all of them but I got most of them from what i could tell, :twilightsheepish: you see i tend to work on my stories late at night so I may make a few error here and there, so I would really appreciate it if you guys and or girls would point some of these errors out to fix them so that everyone can enjoy the story error free, I would really appreciate that :twilightsmile:

5594088 Space between ponies talking is good, keep that up. When you write all of your description into one bunch, people tend to become intimidated, sometimes lose their place when reading, and just leave the story. Trust me, that has happened to me before. I personally have nothing against how you describe things in this fic, it's very good and very detailed so far.

I recommend you separate it into paragraphs, I think each paragraph should have at least 4-5 sentences. After the 5th sentence, you should start a new paragraph. That way, the narrative and description becomes a little easier to read for the viewers. I hope this helps. :twilightsmile:

5594144
Thanks this actually helps a lot, I'll be sure to do that right away, :twilightsmile:

5594163 Cool, and don't forget about character development

5594178
Trust me character development is not something I'll forget to do. I kinda think thats why I've been ignoring the small errors :twilightblush: I uh tend to get so sucked into writing about what's going on in the story and how the characters are in it, that I move past a small thing here or there.

5594185 That explains the many grammar and spelling errors. But it looks like your heading in the right direction, just remember to fix those little mistakes.

5594269
I will thank you :twilightsmile: also the next chapter is up, as for me I'm gonna hit the hay, if you see anything out of place in the chapter point it out and I'll fix it immediately when i wake up.

Umm quick note . The spacing is better then last chapter buuuuuutttt... Please for the love of the moon stop using numbers lol. Write the word out it's not only the right way to use numbers in your story but it also looks better.

Just a helpful suggestion

Mane Medic

Ps: Ima keep reading , so here's a like and fav

5594603
I'll be sure to go through and change the numbers to the written counterparts, and thank you for the like and fav :twilightsmile:

This was awesome hey wat is the reference if there is one or if its ur oc or something.

5596988
Depends on what you mean, I made my OC a few years back by basing him off different generic things in media, unnecessarily large sword, long hair, oblivious to certain things. Just separate traits from different things i guess, other than that not much of a reference unless you can explain what you meant.

5597159 what I meant was is this one of the characters that you made or is it from a game or show

5597170
Oh..woops :twilightblush: well hes actually a character i made up a few years back

5597184 oh ok thank you for telling me:twilightsmile:

5597213
Your welcome :twilightsmile: , and uh sorry about the slight confusion :twilightblush:

5597232 oh its okay im sorry for not replying right away im on a different page aswell reading

5597292
It's alright I'm planning the next chapter out as we speak

5597302
I won't spoil anything about it though it wouldn't be right now would it :moustache:

5597321
I'm sure your not the only one who can't wait

5597332 well just keep at it and keep improving aswell. I can say for most that its really good. one of the best ive read so far.

5597372
why thank you that means a lot to me :twilightsmile:

5597387 let me know when you finish cause I I will stop what I am doing to read it even if im in the middle of class its that good

5597401
It's always nice to see people like you on this site, I'll give you a heads up or just keep in check should be up tomorrow if i get enough sleep.

5597408 ok thanks and stupid autocorrect on my phone

5597419
Your welcome, and don't worry auto correct screws with the best of us

5597431 make sure to get some sleep

5597454 do you have a xbox 360 because I was wandering if you do I could send you a friend request

5597461
I do but my gold is expired at the moment

5597469 I can still friend you and we can talk in private chat if you have a mic or kinect

5597475
Alright, but for now i'm gonna head to bed, I'm dead tired and could use a few hours of sleep before working on the next chapter

5597482 ok good night and same here

To my readers,

I am working on the third chapter right now, the reason its taking so long is cause im also working on art for it. So I won't be much longer cause its just a single picture.

To my readers,

I'm sorry that the next chapter isn't out, but I've had a long day, arguing with ten people at once takes a lot out of you, I'm gonna go to bed and when i wake up whenever whether it be at 5 or 10, I'll continue working on the chapter, again I'm sorry

To answer you authors note since no one else has replied I think he should be paired with Princess Luna and or Princess Celestia. The reason I say this is because it is obvious that he is different from regular ponies so he might catch the attention of some divine beings.

5608681
Interesting idea, I was gonna have the princesses show up in the next chapter so i guess a spark could start, but question is, which princess is better suited for our dark hero

5608694 I'm just going off of speculation since we don't really have a back story for Axle I'm thinking that he has an even in his life that he regrets deeply and maybe him and Princess Luna can have that in common. (I will admit I tend to favor Princess Luna over Princess Celestia so I am a bit biased.)

5608857
Axel's back story will be explained over the span of the story, and yes he does have A lot of regrets so you are right that it could work because of that, although if you compare the twos regrets, Axel would win because his regrets span all the way back to his childhood, but if you want to find out what they are, you just need to keep on reading, the chapter I'm working on is almost ready to be published.

5608879 and I look forward to reading the rest of the story and I hope you decide to put him with Princess Luna but in the end it is your story and you will decide who he is put with

5608967
You might just get your wish, It was either going to be Luna or Rainbow Dash, but then i realized Rainbow Dash was too sporty, and in reality Axel is lazy when there isn't fighting or adventuring to be done

Hmm small critique... The whole travel scene is way to "here, suddenly there, back at the library in the blink of an eye" a soft break with detailed filler helps , yes filler. Just creative details to make it less like there just teleporting (yes I know twilight is there) everywhere. Other then that, a few small errors here and there not really worth mentioning , tis been a decent chapter all in all . I'll be watching and waiting patiently to see how this all unfolds and begins to develops, still having a difficult time connecting with the main character with what little we know about him. Any how, this is Mane Medic logging out.

Mane Medic

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