• Member Since 16th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 14th, 2023

BrightIdea


Comments ( 30 )

Well, it looks like you've got something interesting here. Did you know that there's a Compilation Document of Fallout: Equestria stories like yours? We'd be glad to have you come over and chat with us.

If you haven't already, come on over to the Fallout Equestria Side Stories Compilation Document here! You can post your story and develop your ideas there :twilightsmile:

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As much as appreciate the words of advice which I will now look into. I was curious what you thought of the story too? :coolphoto:

RB_

Seems promising! Precious' personality is PERFECT!
just needs some grammar and punctuation fixes. Here's two major ones:
I sighed rolling my eyes and hoof palming
Facehoof, not hoof palm. :facehoof:
pent up energy for latter…”
later
other than that, I'm liking this so far! keep up the good work!

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The concept of this story is nice. It's suffering from some surface errors, though. The most obvious would be the amount of run-on sentences you have. When you have a moment, familiarize yourself with introductory clauses, appositives, and nonessential phrases. Something else that was quite apparent was a shift from past-tense to present-tense. The majority of your story is written in past-tense, so you should stick to writing that way. Then there was the occasional misspelled word.

Other than that, the story is great. It has a lot of promise. Just be mindful of any errors you could make (like those above) and you should be golden.

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Yes I do have a issue with run on sentances. And comma grammer. I was for this in a self stylized...on a roll where I can just knock out pages of work and immediatly publish it. Now that I can write without the need for time concerns before work I canpre-read more and find some pre-readers to go over it.

lolol :trollestia: first chapter is hilarious

this is fantastic.

some minor spelling/grammar errors but otherwise, see the previous statement.

Is there a second chapter in the works? I would hate to see this fic die on the first chapter...

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There is a second chapter in the works I just keep getting side tracked. I just need to expel one more piece of fiction before I can get back to it.

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Well. Finally I managed to get back to the story. I did not realize how bad errors were until I re-read it! Hopefully, I managed to fix the majority of errors or at least bring some conformity to it. Next chapter will be up soonish.

Because none of the others have said it in the 34 weeks or so you have had your story in here, an late welcome to the Fo:E herd.

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Hah. Thanks. I've been floating around abit. Quite relieved and happy to have Chapter 2 up which I like better then Chapter 1.

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Well it is always nice to see stories come to life again. So I hope that you will get some new readers now that you are added to the Fo:E groups on the site

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Well, I just realized there was one today. I did not know there are more then one!

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If I remember correctly is there actually 3 groups all in all, but you are added to the 2 big ones now :pinkiehappy:

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Aha! Thanks! Precious is quite a different pony to come out of the Stable, different life and motivations then Littlepip or Blackjack. While, all three lived their lives in the Stable without friends their reasons were different, for Littlepip it was due to her being ridiculed for her size and cutie mark, Blackjack for her position in Security, and with Precious it was due to a sense of superiority and...other reasons. How she will make friends...or even if she can make friends will be explored in humor...and horror...and detail~
:twilightsmile:

Excellent work! I will enjoy seeing how this story develops.
Have you considered getting an editor to review your work before posting to check for spelling and grammar errors?

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For editor considerations it is for me a matter of who wants to do it.

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Ah, let me soak in this comment. I love it when someone comments like you did, really expressing what parts they liked. It is what I live for as a writer to see the reactions from folks!

Progress: Oh, yes I am very careful toward how Precious has and will change. She is a quite different protagonist, she is almost a Anti-Hero...but, not quite. Her approach to killing in the Wasteland has been hesitant which is good as if she was as wanton as Pip or Blackjack she would be a different character completely. Over this last chapter she has shown that she can kill when prompted (by revenge), but by no means has shown she will kill a baby for some candy. So far she can be described as a neutral character, only interested in her own goals. I will have fun exploring her inner progress as well as the relationship with the other characters.

Statuette: Oh yes, it is a tad controversial but, I think it is a good test for her character.

Dog Meat: Well, I based him off of Dogmeat who was an exceptionally smart dog and his incarnations knew how and where to find things. I won't say much about Dog Meat other then what I have already said. We have a lone Hellhound that has so far not shown the ability to speak or to wield any kind of weapon and seems to act on animal instinct. We also know from his appearance that his head is heavily scarred with two small wires sticking out of his skull...how he found his way to Short Round Field is so far a mystery. Though, I will say that for Precious he can much like his in-game counterpart sense hostile and non-hostile characters which compensates well for Precious' lack of knowledge about the Eyes Forward Sparkle spell....

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Soonish. Sorting out changes in the plot, being roped into family events, and my recent buying of Dragon Age 2 and Bioshock Infinite.

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TUNNEL SNAKES RULE-
I mean...
TUNNEL STALLIONS RULE!

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Thanks, lol. Artist here, glad you liked it, thank Malta though for coming up with the character. As for Elvis theory, not to far off but really you should look closer to "West Side Story" for the inspiration for the character and design.

Thanks to the folder reorganization I'm finding all sorts of new FoE stories :pinkiehappy::heart:

And a little sumtin' sumtin' :rainbowkiss:

Finally found this fic. I'm feeling pretty excited to read this! :D

Oooh, I am running a tabletop in and around Baltimare 150 years after the bombs, and although I've already got most of it mapped out, what I see intrigues me, and I was hoping to find a story in that area anyway. The map on the wiki is interesting too, to see where we differ. Although great minds seem to at least share some similar threads.

I haven't read it as I'm writing a baltimare story, nut is this a cancelled project?

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