Clueless in Equestria

by David Silver

24 - Humanway

Rough Draft walked alongside David the next morning, "So if you want to stabilize a dying pony..."

"You make a kindness check, DC 10," replied David, "with a +5 if you have a caretaker or doctor related cutie mark."

Rough nodded, "You're quick with rules, just like me. I think you're ready. I'll be there, don't worry." Rough nudged open a door leading into a wide open gaming area. While some ponies were busy playing card games, many seemed to be waiting around an empty table. Those looked up at David and Rough and began applauding with hooves together and against the ground. "You're on."

David cleared his throat, tightened his grip on the rule book Rough had gifted him, and went into 'sales mode'. Concealed behind the protective screen of professionalism, he strode up to the table and took an available seat, "Alright, who's ready to die today?"

Many eyes went wide at his bold question and necks craned as pony looked to pony. The first volunteer wasn't a pony. "I am," came a deep voice a moment before a minotaur sat himself at the table, "Hit me with your worst, human."

David set his book down on the table before clapping his hands with a resounding noise, "Alright, our first victim! But he needs companions if he is to even have a chance to survive. Who," His eyes swept over the crowd of intimidated ponies, "Who... Surely someone is brave enough to stand at his side against all odds. The chance of glory awaits those willing to risk it all."

"Me, I will!" Came the reedy voice of a very nerdy looking pony, his glasses as thick as his nasally voice, "I'm ready!" He plopped down across from the minotaur.

Lyra pushed through the crowd, "I'm ready and I'm bringing fire!" she announced as she sat down to the left of the minotaur.

Bon Bon soon sat to the left of Lyra, "I'll heal her after she gets herself mauled."

David barely controlled a snicker. Girlfriend playing the cleric, classic. "We have room for two more brave souls!" A colt and a filly took up the last remaining spaces. Though young, they looked eager and had their own humanoid miniatures already prepared for action. "Alright. It looks like we have a well balanced party. You may yet have a chance." He thrust up a hand, fingers curled like claws as he spoke with thickly over-dramatic tones.

"The party has received word from the local King," David paused to glance over the crowd, "That's like Princess Celestia, but male, and human." He resumed the narrative, "He is desperate. The scouts have reported that an overwhelming number of diamond dogs are on the march. The kingdom will fall if they face them with the army they have at the ready. It will be an utter slaughter, with those not slain outright put to shackles and enslaved to dig the dogs' mines for the rest of their miserable lives." He slapped the table top, "Which is why he has called you, his last, best, hope. If you can slay the diamond dogs' pack leader, the rest will fall to infighting, and the invasion will be delayed. That is all the King needs, but this is no simple task. Diamond dogs are not stupid."

"Darn tootin!" came the rough voice of a diamond dog in the audience, crossing his arms.

David hesitated a moment. Huh... He wasn't expecting a diamond dog to be there, ah well, "The enemy commander has surrounded himself with his fiercest, loyalest, warriors. And they say he even paid a unicorn enough coin to turn her horn against the humans and the wizard trots alongside them."

The minotaur pushed his figure forward, a dwarf with a two handed maul, "I say we mash them to bits!"

The colt thrust up a hoof, "Maybe we can talk them out of invading."

The nerdy stallion shook his head, "That's very unlikely. Diamond dogs on the march are not known for welcoming diplomats."

They argued and strategized among themselves, and David let them, just listening to their ideas and thoughts. Some of them had particularly good ideas and twists, which he made mental note of to throw against the party later. Why plan ahead when the players will give you material for you? When they had settled on a plan to get through the marching army and approach the leader, David continued.

"As you sneak through the ranks of the sleeping soldiers... give me a generosity roll," David asked, bringing faces of surprise across his players.

"Generosity? What for?" asked Lyra even as she tossed her die onto the table.

They called out their results, with the filly wearing the biggest grin. A natural 20 sat on her die. David nodded softly, "Very good. You notice that many of the soldiers you slip past are malnourished. They look like they haven't had a good meal in weeks. Before you can contemplate that too heavily, you happen on a patrol of guard dogs. They raise their maces and flails, 'Intruders!' they shout and charge at you with angry barks and deadly intent."

The combat was thoroughly embellished with gruesome details of every exchanged blow. It seemed violence was a much rarer thing in Equestria, and David's descriptions of the battle kept the room captivated. "With a thunderous blow of Chris's maul, you cave in the last of the guard's skulls, his blood and brains decorating the ground like a macabre painting. The camp goes quiet again, as if in a moment of silence for the fallen."

Some of the ponies in the crowd couldn't take it, and departed looking a little green, but others took their places, eager to see the game continue. Lyra raised a hoof, "OK, so, the soldiers all look starving, but they still fight good. What do we do?"

"Don't look at me," replied David, gesturing around the table, "That's for you to decide."

They resumed debating their options, eager and fierce in their logic. Sure, their noise probably should have woken up half the camp, but David decided it was worth overlooking to let them hash it out. The nerdy stallion had the idea they went with, "Lyra, you have a high magic score, so do I. If we work together, we can make enough food for a lot of dogs and they won't be so eager to fight."

Soon they had created a vast pile of meats. "The dogs begin to stir at the smell of fresh meat, waking from their fitful slumber to the surprising sight of a bunch of humanoids standing beside a great pile of food. One of them rises with a spear in hand, 'What you doing?! You're not supposed to be here!'"

Bon Bon cleared her throat before speaking, "We are here to help you, friend diamond dogs. Take freely, eat and recover from your travels. There is no need for battle between us."

"Make a friendship check," asked David with a nod towards Bon Bon's dice.

Bon Bon took the die in her mouth and gave it a toss against the table. It bounced around before settling on sixteen. "Twenty five," she declared with a smile.

"Not bad," replied David, "The dogs seem unsure, but their hunger calls to them more strongly then than any battle lust. They are soon swarming over the pile, tearing and rending the meat in a great mess to satisfy their bellies. The more that come, the more that are drawn. As most of the camp awakens, a great voice bellows, 'What is going on!' The leader's large tent opens, flap tossed out of the way as a group of six dogs step free, a unicorn just behind, 'What madness is this? Get away from those intruders! I'll kill any dog I see not killing them!' comes the furious voice of the apparently leader, a real bruiser of a dog wielding a sword larger than himself. 'A hundred coin per head, and double rations!,' shouted a dog beside him, 'Sic 'em boys!'"

The battle became a furious free for all. He made mention of the dogs that shied away from the battle, which made victory a possibility as they struggled against the waves of soldiers.

The filly's hoof thrust into the air, "I want to sing a song!"

A desperate ploy, but, of course, this Equestrian game had song magic that could turn things around if done properly.

"Alright, mark two points of harmony off and let's hear it," David beckons, "And may the forces of harmony smile on your efforts."

The filly rose up, standing on her chair and looking around nervously. Another reason for the song being desperate is that the player had to actually sing the song, and its reception went a long way to determining how effective it was. She opened her mouth.

Look to the desperate fight,
Moon shining over the night,
Blood shed for no good reason now,
Can't we all be friends somehow?

The nerdy stallion stepped in with his own words.

We stand side by side in arms,
We don't want to bring more harm.
The magic of friendship rise,
Angry fall before the wise.

Lyra clopped her hooves together as she conjured her lyre from nowhere, playing it to the seven syllable beat. Bon Bon sighed and raised her voice to join the others.

Even if I have my doubts,
We remain the king's own scouts.
We will save the innocent,

Bon Bon paused, looking uncertain a moment on how to rhyme with innocent before she she continued.

Mercy to the ignorant!

The crowd clapped, stomped, and clopped at the song as David nodded, "Very well, let's see that harmony roll."

The filly let loose her die, 8. "Uh, 12," she announced a little morosely.

"Fortunately, your singing gets that to a solid sixteen," announced David. "Most of the dogs back off, unwilling to continue the battle and only pausing long enough to collect their fallen and haul them away. You are left with the head dog, fuming and gripping his weapon hard enough to turn his knuckles white through the fur. He doesn't look amused at your song."

The battle resumed, with the heroes against the fearsome diamond dog warlord. Lyra's attempts to incinerate him were foiled by the traitorous unicorn's counter spell, but the unicorn didn't return fire, instead just neutralizing Lyra's attempts. The more martial members of the party closed in, trading blow for vicious blow. The minotaur slapped the table heavily as his dwarf was struck down, looking quite upset. The nerdy stallion's character went down next, then the filly. Only the colt and Bon Bon's characters were on their feet, with Lyra still unable to cast any spells without being countered. "What will our heroes do," said David in an ominous voice, "It seems the tides of harmony have turned against them. They're against a wall, and that dog means business..."

The colt waved a hoof frantically, "I use halfer's luck!" He tossed a die, "Yes!" Critical.

"The great dog slips on the blood of one of his fallen minions, crashing to a knee with an angry curse," announced David.

Bon Bon nudged her figure towards the fallen, "I call on the light of Sol, goddess of the sun!"

With Bon Bon's healing, the party got to their feet even as the dog regained his own. The table had turned again. They soon had him surrounded and disarmed.

"The unicorn," said David, "bows towards Lyra and suddenly turns away, walking off into the darkness. With the war leader at your mercy, the attack has been brought to a screeching halt, for now."

The nerdy stallion nodded, "We should broker a deal. The diamond dog nation obviously has a problem. If we supply them with food, they could trade and we'd all be better for it."

The others nodded in agreement and David let them chit chat about the long term plans for a time before he slapped the table gently, "Heroes! You have done well this day. Carry your heads high and proud, for you have won to tell the tale. Thank you for playing Humanway."

The crowd quickly clapped and applauded in their own ways before it began to disperse back into the convention as a whole.

Author's Note:

Nothing like a little roleplaying to get the blood pumping, amirite?

It was hard hearing everything with all the whispering and rattling dice, let me know if mistakes happened.

Comments

[harts fire]

I may have to look in to this game? or not still deciding.

a good chapter still kind of wondering ware or should I say what David is thinking when he ask Luna if he code father a child with lyre?

[David Silver]

5662549 It is the pony equivalent of Ponyfinder, of course, with stats like kindness being used instead of charisma, stats like harmony, and, of course, a song system.

[harts fire]

5663554
sounds interesting I mite look it up at some point.
right now I am really involved in modded minecraft.

[Cursed Quill]

the dog's mines

dogs' mines

diamond dog's pack leader

dogs'

give you the material for you?

give you material?

He tossed a dice,

a die

[Phoen1x]

The magic of of friendship

of of

[David Silver]

6830141 Such old typos, put to rest.

[Shadow Lance]

6830165 i think that any logical black man would want his normal legs back,

[David Silver]

6876244 I'm not sure what that has to do with one's flavor of humanity.

[CaramelDrop]

6876244 Your carefully thoughtout racist remark can take it's self elsewhere, for it is not welcome here. Such a comment is normally frowned upon by many. Be glad it's only me.

[Vutava]

As most of the camp awakens, a great voice bellow,

bellows,

[David Silver]

7126842 Fixed!

[DOOMRIDER]

Okay first and foremost that was fantastic I am gigantic D&D nerd. I just bough the 5th edition starter and I would love to see a full cast reading of that game.

[David Silver]

7343591 This is a divisive chapter, I've found.

[Lancerlot]

6876267
Indeed... Though my personal philosophy is a simple one, it carries the motto:
"Matters of race matter only to racists."

[erictheblue]

Another reason for the song being desperate is that the player had to actually sing the song, and its reception went a long way to determining how effective it was.

reminds me of a spell in early D&D: the "wish" spell, which could do anything...BUT the GM would try to mess it up...for example, if a player Wished for his own castle, the GM might make it appear high in the air, and crash.

[N1kolai007]

The others nodded in agreement and David let them chit chat about the long term plans for a time before he slapped the table gently, "Heroes! You have done well this day. Carry your heads high and proud, for you have won to tell the tale. Thank you for playing Humanway."

Think it should be lived to tell the tale?

[deadmemes]

Can't we just launch DOGs at them? I WANNA SEE MORE BLOOD

[Ziper Ace]

That was nice
Also that Diamond 💎 Dog 🐕 in the HumanCon
Was great!

[FridayPie]

7714051
- I wish a sword +6, unbreakable mithril chainmail. and+4 amulet unholy might +5.
- Fine, all that is marching in your direction.

[The Real Lamp Shady]

"What will our heroes do," said David in an ominous voice, "It seems the tides of harmony of turned against them. They're against a wall, and that dog means business..."

“It seems the tides of harmony have turned against them. They’re against a wall, and that dog means business…”

[David Silver]

11074185
About 5000 people have passed by, and you are the first to notice it.