If I Could Catch Fuzz In a Bottle

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Movie Night

"Ooooooh!" Pinkie Pie sat on the edge of her seat, drowning herself in two gigantic barrels of buttery popcorn. "Mrmmmff—Oooh Oooh Ooooh! This is the best parrrrrrt!"

"Pinkie Pie, please," Rarity hissed from the next seat over. The flicker of the movie theatre's overhead projection accentuated the purple gloss in her well-kept mane. "Keep it down," she whispered. "A modicum of decency would do you wonders."

"Awwww give it a rest, Rarity," Applejack said, sitting back lazily with her lower legs propped up on the chair in front of her. "We're the only ponies in this here show! Let Pinkie gab all she wants!"

"Still, it'll detract from the experience!" Rarity rolled her tongue, then blinked brightly at the large screen ahead of them. Eyes quivering, she leaned forward and barked, "No, you despicably-garbed plebeian! Don't open that door! The monster went in there two minutes ago!"

"Hah hah hah!" Applejack tilted her hat back and grinned. "I rest my case." She looked towards her right. "Y'all doin' okay, Fluttershy?"

"Mmmmm...!" The poor pegasus was curled up in a tight yellow ball atop her seat, covering her eyes with shivering wingtips. "Wh-why did you invite m-me to this movie? It's terrrrrrible!"

"Awwww... come on, now, darlin'!" Applejack leaned in and side-hugged the mare. "It's all in good fun! Movie magic'n all that hogwash!"

"I don't care!" Fluttershy sniffled, shaking her head with clenched eyes. "I hate it when horrible things happen to good ponies!"

"Well, it seems like a whole lot of build-up for nothing," Rarity muttered, waving a hoof at the big screen. "There was nothing inside the abandoned hotel room after all."

Nervously, Fluttershy popped one eye open, then the other. "R-r-really?"

Just then, the theatre's speakers roared with the sound of a priming engine.

"Hah!" Pinkie Pie laughed through a muzzle-full of popcorn. "What did I tell you?! The chainsaw fetlock makes a comeback!"

"Eeeeeep!" Fluttershy shrieked, clamping her hooves over her eyes. "I'm n-never going to a m-movie theatre ever again!"

"Oh Fluttershy..." Applejack patted the mare's shoulder, comforting her. "It's only a chase scene. Look! She's gettin' away!"

"I don't care! I'm not opening my eyes!" Fluttershy gulped. "J-just tell me when it's over..."

"Nyeaaaaauuuuup..." Rainbow Dash yawned long and hard, leaning her fuzzy chin against her hoof while she sat slumped and bored in her chair. "If you guys ask me, this should have been over about an hour ago. Total waste of seven bits, I swear."

"Rainbow, surely you jest!" Rarity leaned over to glance past Applejack and Fluttershy. "Can't you argue that this movie's cinematography has paid its due on artistic merit alone?"

"Artistic merit my bodacious blue butt," Rainbow grunted. "I've watched elementary school plays with more excitement than this slow-burn Japaneighs horror garbage." She looked to her right. "Ya feel me, Twilight?"

Twilight Sparkle sat dead-still, her muzzle frozen in mid-bite of a chocolate bar. Her features paled while her glazed eyes reflected a mare's melodramatically shrieking face, followed by several quick flashes of spinning chainsaw teeth. "... ... ..."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She reached a hoof over, tapping Twilight's shoulder. "Yoohoo... ground control to Major Twi."

"...!" The unicorn jumped. The chocolate bar flew from her grasp, and she juggled the thing a few times before clamping two jittery hooves over it. "Uhhh... Uhhhh..." Sweating, she gulped and jerked a panicked expression in Rainbow's direction. "...huh?!"

Rainbow smirked. The projection's glow cast a sheen over her fuzzy blue cheeks. "You're getting really freaked out by this, aren't you?"

"Oh... uhm... well..." Twilight gulped, fidgeting in her chair. "I have to admit, I'm usually too busy reading books to ever bother with good cinema, much less that of the 'horror' or 'thriller' variety. Give me H.P. Lovecanter anyday, and I'd be fine. But..." She took a side-glance at the big screen and winced yet again, her lavender ears folding back. "...I-I'm not all that used to jump scares and gore..."

"Pffft..." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "...as if we've had much of those over the last two hours." She smirked again. "I don't get it. You've fought Nightmare Moon, Discord, and—heck—even a bunch of changelings just last month! How come a silly horror movie is enough to scare you?"

"Well, it's n-not like I have much control over it," Twilight said, shivering. "I s-suppose that's the charm. When you watch a horror movie, you're forced to endure visual stimuli that evokes the most primal sensations of fear from deep within the equine subconscious—"

"Yeesh, Twilight, I know I'm bored but at least I try to enjoy this kind of schlock."

"Huh?"

Rainbow muttered. "Just stop overthinking it." She grinned. "Sit back, girl, and wait to be thrilled!"

"Mmmm... yeah..." Twilight sighed, sitting comfortably back in her seat as she finally nibbled on the end of her candy bar. "I suppose you're right—"

"Here it comes!" Pinkie Pie opened her smiling jaw wide as the screen before the flashed. "Here it comes!"

Rarity blanched. "Good heavens—!"

The speakers crackled, issuing forth an audible mosaic of screams, bone snaps, and splattering noises. The entire theatre was bathed in bright crimson light.

"Ha ha ha ha haaaa!" Rainbow Dash grinned wide, her eyes sparkling. "Hooooo-yeah! There's your 'M' rating right there, buddy! Wooo!"

"AAAAAAACKIEEES!" Twilight Sparkle dropped the candy bar altogether and dove to her left, eyes clenched shut. She shivered all over, covering her eyes as she buried her face deep in a warm sea of fuzz.

"Whew..." Rarity squirmed in her seat, fanning herself. "'Tis a good thing I didn't have that full a lunch earlier today." She managed a weak smile. "If you ask me, that teenager got what was coming to her. Who on earth wears sparkling heels when trotting through an abandoned hotel?"

"Heeheehee!" Pinkie Pie grinned at the other ponies. "Did I tell you or did I tell you? I'd say this was totally worth seeing twelve times in a row!"

"Yeah, well, speak for yerself, Pinkie," Applejack drawled, then leaned over to give Fluttershy another reassuring hug. "There there, darlin'..."

"Irefusetolook! Irefusetolook! Irefusetolooooook!" the mare squeaked.

"Even if you did, ain't no thang," Applejack murmured with a smirk. "Looks just like somepony threw in a fake ol' bucket of syrup and pig slop over the screamin' actress."

"Applejack!" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Whoops. Eheheh... sorry."

"Nnnnnngh..." Twilight Sparkle continued shivering, eyes clenched shut as her breaths came out in hyperventilating little spurts.

"Uhhh... Twilight?"

The unicorn's trembles didn't cease. She coiled tighter against a warm, fuzzy cushion—until that very same cushion started to move, and breathe. A swath of silk-soft feathers coiled around her. At last, Twilight's eyes fluttered open, and she realized just whom she had chosen to curl up against. She looked up.

Rainbow Dash gazed down at her with a sly grin. She had a wing wrapped around the mare. Nevertheless, she snorted, "I know you're an egghead, but that doesn't mean you gotta crack so easily." A wink flickered between them.

Twilight Sparkle gulped, frozen in place.

"You okay, Twi?"

"Erm... yes..." Twilight sat up, shaking her mane straight and exhaling with a shudder. "Yes, I'm fine." She breathed in and out, in and out, in and out. "That was a most... educating experience."

"Heheh..." Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I bet." She looked to her far left. "Hoof me some of that popcorn, Pinkie."

"Oki doki loki!" Pinkie heaved a bucket over three mares' heads. "But the movie's almost over, Dashie!"

"Pfft!" Rainbow caught the bucket and stuck her hoof in, quickly munching a mouthful of kernels. "Like I care! Mrmmmff... I got my money's worth!"

"Ungh..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "Yer sick, sugarcube."

"You know it." Rainbow Dash belched and munched on some more popcorn. "Mrmmmf... come on! More!" she chuckled with a mouthful. "More blood for the blood goddess!"

Rarity and Pinkie Pie giggled. Even Fluttershy, who had her hooves over her eyes, managed a light chuckle as her tail flicked.

In the meantime, Twilight Sparkle sat in her chair, staring up at the movie screen... although not entirely invested in it. She took a deep breath, reaching a hoof up and stroking her other forelimb. At last, her ears folded back as she gazed aside with a thoughtful expression.

Comments

[Aurora Dimmet]

No. Bad Skirts. Dashie cannot be a Khornate cultist. D:

[Imperator Chiashi Zane]

5683548 Why not? Kharn was loyal to his men (the ones he didn't stab in the back, or avalanche surf, or...You know what, nevermind. Kharn was an asshole).

[Piecemeal Pony]

Pone diabeetus from too much adoracute.

Its real.

[TheAuthor]

Artistic merit my bodacious blue butt

I don't know why but this made the chapter for me. Well done. ^^

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

Very cute and funny.

[deli73]

5692949 Agreed. Also, I'm impressed that Rainbow Dash knew what "bodacious" means. I didn't even know what it meant until I looked it up . Glad I did, though; the statement seems much more fitting with the knowledge that it's just the right level of narcissistic.

[MidnightFMare]

5683548 I serves tzeench, and we of the unspoken words shall win this great war!

[Gregious]

Cuwt, I prefer a more Of Mice And Men style of speech for AJ though. Just personal preference though and I do love Rarity's speech.

[OmniFox]

And this is why Twilight will never get a boyfriend.

[metalsky]

blood for searo!!