After another failed attempt to get their cutie marks, the Cutie Mark Crusaders stumble upon a wagon in the woods with a familiar unicorn showmare inside. In awe of Trixie's presence and her tales of travelling across Equestria, they decide she may just be the unicorn to help them get their cutie marks - in stage magic! And it may just be the most difficult trick Trixie's ever attempted.
Pre-readers: RTStephens, The Albinocorn, and Cerulean Voice.
Cover art made from vectors by Acer-Rubrum and thatguy1945
Featured on Equestria Daily
Chapters (13)
Amazing.
This has terrific potential. Go on, by all means.
Neat start. I'm looking forward the updates.
Please continue this. I loved every word of it.
The cmc are kinda jerks in this story...thankfully, Trixie is trying to be as nice as she possibly can be.
I've got a story with a comparable premise, and I'm amazed at all the little details that are shared between that and this. You and I seem to think very much alike.
Looking forward to more.
5905014 Thanks for pointing out the typo, I'll fix it immediately.
Well Im liking your story so far but I just have a very minor complaint:
After season 3 I got the feeling that the cutie mark crusaders were not in such a big hurry to get their cutie marks like they were in season 1. Nowdays it seems that their attempts to to get their cutie marks are just a way to play around like kids with getting their marks as a secondary objective.
This is more obvious when Diamond Tiara teases them about it again during "Flight to the Finish" and they are completly unnafeected by that and considering that this story is after "Twilight Time" I just find the cutie mark crusaders a little bit OOC due to character development in the show.
5905326 Hm, fair enough. That is a good interpretation, though from my end I didn't get that. Differing views aside though, thanks for reading and hope you enjoy it moving ahead.
5905373 Dont worry, you are giving me the cutie mark crusader and Trixie in the same picture, which is awesome.
I particularly like how you write Trixie, the way she doesnt cuddle them and it is not afraid of insulting them in such a direct manner is pretty refreshing. Sometimes I wonder if they need an adult like this in the show that interacts with them.
Is Saddle Arabia in Equestria? Considering they host a different species as inhabitants, wouldn't it make more sense for it to be outside?
5905373
What is the last one?
5925902 I'll be discussing that sort of thing in later chapters.
Why do I get the idea that Trixie just kidnapped the CMCS? If she did she's in for quite the headache.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did Apple Bloom just come clean right away? Did she decide, for whatever insane reason, to not attempt to foist off responsibility onto the available scapegoat? Did the sister of the Element of Honesty decide to be honest? How utterly, refreshingly, counter-hijinks-y!
(No, really. That was so against the cliché, I couldn't help but sit up straight, feeling the breath of fresh air.)
And the finisher on the chapter was excellent. Very promising. You've really captured Trixie well here. I definitely want to see what comes next.
6005810
I love your take on Trixie and how she has overcome her jealousy on Twilight... or maybe not.
6006064 Trixie is a master of deception and trickery, indeed.
6006086
I imagine
aren't going to be happy about this.
This is gong to be so amazing when Trixie royally screws this up. or the CMCs.
I wonder what mayhem the four of these ponies will cause when the town sees Trixie teaching the three most destructive fillies in all of Equestria to do magic. I do like how clever it was to put what the CMCs learned from Twilight into her teaching method.
*Snerk*
Lot of "clearing the air" with the characters this chapter, but it looks like we're now getting into the meat of this one.
A much more subdued Trixie here, but with what she's been through, it's understandable. Now to see if that attitude lasts with three fillies to teach.
6006086 There is one pony who is always fooled by Trixie's deceptions... (Trixie herself)
Seems like Trixie has a soft spot for kids.
Just this one phrase from Twilight...
img0.joyreactor.cc/pics/comment/full/Deus-Ex-Human-Revolution-%D0%BF%D0%B5%D1%81%D0%BE%D1%87%D0%BD%D0%B8%D1%86%D0%B0-%D0%98%D0%B3%D1%80%D1%8B-751438.jpeg
Somehow this pic also captures Trixie's face, as I imagine her sitting at the table.
The CMCs find Trixie...
Damn, karma, that's just mean!
Haha! Well of course kids do know how to blackmail each other. Isn't that common?
This story certainly holds a great deal of promise, and the writing is engaging and subtly detailed.
Missing a period at the end.
Trixie's advice to the CMC about stage names and the presence that goes along with them reminds me a lot of the professional wrestler Mercedes Kaestner-Varnado. Outside of the ring, she's this sweet, lovely woman who does all this charity work and loves her fans...
But in the ring?
She is Sasha Banks, the Boss. She's better than you, and you, and especially you. She doesn't take shit from anyone. You wanna mess with her? She's gonna break your fucking spine and then choke you to death. Banks is probably the best example of someone 'becoming' their character as soon as the camera is on them. It's an important skill to have in show business.
This is less a grammar thing, and more a style one. Right now, these paragraphs are formatted:
I would change it so that the dialogue for a character goes with their descriptions. In other words:
Does that make sense? It makes the paragraphs flow smoother, and makes it easier to see who is doing/saying what.
6069185 Check on that, thank you for the tip, and for the error in chapter 2. Your help is appreciated.
Interesting beginning. Trixie, be firm with them!
5904833 Yeah, very irritating and simply not getting that the BASICS MUST BE LEARNED! Then again that's par for the course with them.
You know... I am so hoping that when the CMC do their possibly-inevitable magic show, Trixie asks Rainbow Dash, "Well, aren't you going to heckle them?"
Interesting. I loved the end, there. I really hope Trixie manages to give some back, too.
That was adorable x3
You did an excellent job of tying together some tiny unrelated details from the show, and the ending cracked me up when I finally realized Trixie's motives -- thought she'd changed, but nope! Same old Trixie!!
xD Great work!
Very nice.
I'm laughing at the cover art itself
Lugnut is best pony.
Very entertaining read! It's well-written, nicely paced, and the characterization is spot on. Especially Trixie, who people tend to write either as utterly humiliated and desperate or no different from her earlier braggart personality. You managed to make her humbled from her experiences in Magic Duel without taking away her bravado or charisma. You get a thumbs up and I'll be tracking this one!
Another great lesson from the G&P Trixie. Entertaining as ever!
Gemstones huh? I know the pony and dragon for the job.
Hostility? Zecora is pretty much the one character in Ponyville who has no reason to be hostile.
Actually, after readin' through the rest of the chapter, ah feel like "hostility" is too strong a word for how Zecora acts. Did she just say it for the sake of the rhyme?
Eh, least she's not on that horrible 5/5 meter...
6163994
I found that odd in Magic Duel too, where Zecora said she'd be insulted if "the likes of Trixie" could out smart her. When she had NEVER MET Trixie!
Trixie is best teacher! And I feel Zecora was justified in not trusting her at first. Glad she got over it quickly though,
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!! YOU'VE JUST GOT BURNED!!!!!!!
6164710 Yeah, it's also weird that at the beginning of this chapter, Zecora ID'ed Trixie visually, when as far as we know they've never met before. Maybe Zecora has visited other towns in the past, before she built her hut? Maybe she was passing through Hoofington to pick up some potion ingredient or rare book, and got challenged to some sort of alchemy contest by a brash stage magician?
6170525 I'm presuming Zecora saw her at the end of Magic Duel, either during the duel or during the fireworks.
I saw apricorns and instantly thought of Pokémon.
What a great chapter. I didn't see any mistakes either. Glad you overcame your block.
6172510 Yeah, I need a punny name for a fruit or plant based on unicorn and that was all I had. Then I realized when the chapter was done "oh yeah, Pokemon."
I guess that means Zecora is a Pokemon Trainer.
Loved the update! I Feel Trixie is well on her way to mending her bridges so to speak with the populace of Ponyville. I look forward to seeing what happens next. I would also like to see Celestia and Luna's reactions to Trixie taking on the CMC as apprentices.
An imaginary moment:
Looking out upon the devastated land that had once been Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle knew in her heart that she was beaten. Her voice was dull with despair and fatigue as she removed her crown and handed it to Trixie. "Here. You win. I'm done."
"Trixie did not do this." The showmare handed it in turn to Sweetie Bell. "Trixie will leave you now." There was a pause. "As soon as Trixie finishes washing off this tree sap."