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CandleEyes

Joined July 2011
24 followers

Riot grrl.

Stories (1)

Blog Posts (24)


As night falls over Equestria, our gloomy cast reflects on their troubled lives and find happiness may not be so unreachable an outcome as they had previously thought.

Feedback appreciated.

First Published
1st Sep 2011
Last Modified
17th Feb 2012

Comments ( 45 )

#1 · Chapter 5 · 152w, 5d ago · · ·

(Okay... take two on attempting to comment, so hopefully I don't leave anything out...)

I think that the expanded scenes and the greater context has really added quite a bit to this story. It puts a lot of the action/emotion into better context than the ambiguities of the prior. Reinforces the apparent theme(s) as well... makes them a bit more obvious, for better or for worse, as well. Overall, though, I think its just become a lot more of an immersive story... doesn't have quite the separation that the original may have had.

Need to finish later-ish, but so far I don't see too much to crit on, only the odd bit of phrasing and I didn't end up seeing much past the first chapter. (immersion: it confounds criticism)

#2 · Chapter 8 · 152w, 5d ago · · ·

Not feeling a whole lot of change in Celly's and the Harmony part... at as far as impact is concerned. I do like the backstory from Celestia's part... there's something interesting about reminiscing about the long...long deceased with the caretaker and remembering being a jerk to them... more atonement, woot.

The additional backstory for Trixie's part though... yeah, that was a nice bit. The idea of recursion and pattern really works nicely. Certainly spins the title.

Anyways, I think a lot of the revisions worked out nicely. Certainly still an intriguing cycle.

Nice job and feel better. Hit them antibiot's n' such.

#3 · Chapter 9 · 147w, 3d ago · · ·

So is this story complete now?

#4 · Chapter 9 · 147w, 3d ago · · ·

What's this? Pinkie Pie, a sociopath? Looking back, I can see it.

And she's not running around murdering everypony in Ponyville?

It's nice to see my disorder portrayed without everyone always making exaggerated villianizations of it.

Overall, it was a very nice story. No critiques, sorry but the writer in me seems to be on vacation. Hell, even writing this turned into a chore. I hate it when I can't get my word to say what I want.

And now look. I'm rambling. Wonderful.

To wrap up; very fine story. Enjoyed reading. Would love to see a continuation, especially how everyone reacts to Pinkie Pie's reveal.

#5 · Chapter 9 · 147w, 3d ago · · ·

Dur, just remembered something:

Very nice use of the rocks from Pinkie's "episode". Especially that quote, "she ain't going no-wheres', chump". Manifestation of feelings of entrapment. Quite powerful. Can't quite bury the past.

#6 · Chapter 9 · 147w, 2d ago · · ·

>>17002

If all goes as planned, there's two more chapters coming up.

#7 · Chapter 9 · 147w, 2d ago · · ·

Were a few minor glitches here and there... no emotional transition in Luna's dialogue tag ("I'm not?" She chuckled. "I... don't suppose Amber is still around."), going a bit strong with Rainbow ("They weren't."), but otherwise this sets up some interesting territory with a pair of apparent confessions looming along with. Luna/Celly scenes were probably the most fun here.

I'm really curious how you'll be tying these ends up once everything is out there.

Nice work.

#8 · Chapter 2 · 145w, 3d ago · · ·

This is fantastic. A rather unusual interpretation of pinkie, but still an interesting one!  

Pinkie the melancholy... A side rarely seen. Though, I really like it. this idea makes her seem more... Equine?

Absolutly brilliant fic!

#9 · Chapter 5 · 145w, 3d ago · · ·

Awww...:fluttercry:

So cute, yet sad in places.  All of the chapters so far have been fantastic; they just get better and better! I really like this fic as it adds to the characters without contradicting them.

One of the best fics out there, it deserves much more publicity.

#10 · Chapter 9 · 145w, 2d ago · · ·

Love this fic. It is pure genius, exicuted with the highest skill.

I agree with understated hyperbol, the Luna and Tia scene at the end here is very fun. Almost seems like a flash-back to when they were foals...  Very sweet, very cute.

I am really liking the sections with pinkie, Luna and Tia and dashie and scootaloo. Not sure about the scenes with trixie though...  They are still well written, yet they are just not as interesting or believeable.  

But the whole fic is fantastic; I eagerly await the next chapter!  :rainbowkiss:

#11 · Chapter 4 · 145w, 1d ago · · ·

LoL, silly little scoot.

#12 · Chapter 9 · 143w, 1d ago · · ·

With all these emotions,

Its like an emotional smoothie! :derpytongue2:

#13 · Chapter 10 · 139w, 4d ago · · ·

Yay! I like the new chapter lengths, you should stick with this. Also, there's no reason this has to end so quickly, I'd like to read this for a long time. 50 chapters and then maybe I'll let you stop :twilightsmile:

One thing though, Dash's scene's final paragraph is utterly butchered. It looks like you kept trying and trying to salvage it and now it's a complete mess. Just throw it out and rewrite it :pinkiehappy:

#14 · Chapter 10 · 139w, 3d ago · · ·

Keep writing this.

Keep writing FOREEEVVVEERRR.

It's just too good.:twilightsmile:

#15 · Chapter 10 · 138w, 4d ago · · ·

Good so far. I hope you'll update a little sooner than last  time though. Keep up the good work.

#16 · Chapter 10 · 138w, 2d ago · · ·

Liking it so far.

Pov switches can be a bit jarring, but I think that is sort of the point. :derpytongue2:

Also, too many named OCs. If you don't have to drop a name for it to make sense, don't.

Glad that you're getting into the meat of what everypony thinks/feels. I'm interested to see where this is going.

4/5 is fair, I think.

#17 · Chapter 10 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

I love this.

Trixie's story in particular has sparked my inner muse, but unfortunately I have horrible skill in putting thought to paper.

Things are not always how we imagined them to be, and endings are truly not the end. I believe this is a reiteration of you description, but a concept I enjoy immensely.

With my tired eyes that have been open for the past 18 hours, I saw one mistake in this chapter, with Rainbow Dash.

Short chapters, but I numerous, and I hope this story continues to expand further.

  -Delta-

#18 · Chapter 11 · 136w, 6d ago · · ·

I just stumbled back upon this after not having read the last two chapters and I have no idea why I didn't track this, this a great story, keep it up!

#19 · Chapter 10 · 136w, 6d ago · · ·

In the sentence "Ot meant she didn't just feel the need to push herself when near her mentor." I think you meant "It"? Just letting you know, also I usually get turned off by longer fics, but this one is too good to stop. :pinkiehappy:

#20 · Chapter 12 · 130w, 4d ago · · ·

The best story I never tracked. It's been great watching all of these characters find their way again. They've all gone from crapsack life to, well, something a hell of a lot better. Fantastic character development and plot. Definitely a five out of five, ten out of ten, all that jazz.

#21 · Chapter 6 · 130w, 2d ago · · ·

:raritycry:

#22 · Chapter 12 · 130w, 2d ago · · ·

>>235647

Mission accomplished.

#23 · Chapter 12 · 130w, 2d ago · · ·

>>235700

Imagining Trixie being driven to prostitution breaks my heart

I can't read any of those stories. I cry every. single. time. :raritycry:

#24 · Chapter 12 · 130w, 2d ago · · ·

It's been so long!

I don't remember what happened, but I suppose that's an excuse to read it all again.

A wonderful ending, with many wonderful interconnected stories.

Trixie's in particular is giving my head ideas.

I look forward to seeing more of your work.

    -Delta-

#25 · Chapter 6 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

Why is it called blood?:rainbowhuh:

But:raritycry::raritydespair::applecry:

#26 · Chapter 7 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

Wow.:ajsleepy::fluttercry:

And more latin. Well:rainbowderp:

#27 · Chapter 8 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

Somehow I feel connections to Envy. Have you read it?

#28 · Chapter 12 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

>>247244

Latin? That's French. Er. Prench. They speak that in Prance, you know. </brony_puns>

>>247252

I actually have no idea what you're talking about! I shall seek this fic of which you speak and pray it isn't too similar to mine.

#29 · Chapter 12 · 129w, 4d ago · · ·

>>247252

I don't. :rainbowderp:

#30 · Chapter 12 · 128w, 5d ago · · 1 ·

Yay, finally got caught up with things... sort of... well, caught up with this anyhow.

Anyways, pretty nice conclusion here. It was nice to see you work in the longer chapters.... they actually flowed rather nicely considering how shifty the perspective was (that was a ton of tiny scenes). Think you've tied up quite a few of your threads pretty nicely, though some of the conclusions seemed fairly open to interpretation and there were some moments where you seemed to toss in a new element so close to the end that it couldn't possibly be wrapped up in the end.

Oh well, was a nice fic anyways.

Nice job, Waxy.

#31 · Chapter 12 · 128w, 5d ago · · ·

I planned on reading a chapter a day. I read chapter one, then took a break for a few days. I came back and read the entire story in one sitting.

Good emotions. I'm glad I decided to read it.

#32 · Chapter 4 · 124w, 3d ago · · ·

I like this one, it's got a really happy ending

#33 · Chapter 12 · 124w, 3d ago · · ·

"Oh no, that's okay. I've got my own place. We all do. For instance, those party hats belong in the trash."

"Then let's show them the way."

"What's a mare to do without books?"

"What's a library to do without them?"

I love those lines so much. Definatly keep on writing, even if the chapters are shorter they're still awesome

#34 · Chapter 12 · 124w, 3d ago · · ·

>>393049

Sorry to ruin your fun but... it's complete now.

#35 · Chapter 12 · 124w, 2d ago · · ·

>>393060 Nothing is ever complete if I continue it in my head. IMAGINATION ACTIVATE!!

#36 · Chapter 12 · 123w, 4d ago · · ·

Im so sorry i only finished reading this now , its amazing!!!

Thank you for your effort.

#37 · Chapter 6 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

:twilightoops: Tr-Tr-Trixie you didn't. Yuo couldn't have.

:trixieshiftleft: ...

:trixieshiftleft: No. Comment.

#38 · Chapter 12 · 102w, 17h ago · · ·

Magnificent.

#39 · Chapter 1 · 82w, 10h ago · · ·

You shouldn't hide your depression, Luna. Most likely, poor communication was at the heart of your corruption a millennium ago, and if you don't learn from your history you will almost certainly repeat it.

#40 · Chapter 2 · 82w, 9h ago · · ·

I find it hard to believe that Pinkie is all a mask. She's too consistent; for example, were she pretending for the sake of being a better party pony she would better restrain herself from when she pushes "random" into "annoying" by being so overwhelmingly Pinkie.

#41 · Chapter 4 · 82w, 9h ago · · ·

Dash is great like that. Say what you will about her pride, but as long as she can't let anypony down when it counts because she knows she can do it and nopony else can, I'll call it a plus.

#42 · Chapter 6 · 82w, 9h ago · · ·

Wow, 250 bits for a "show"? Seems like self-respect is the only thing standing between Trixie and a lucrative career.

#43 · Chapter 7 · 82w, 9h ago · · ·

What does Iris know about loss? What do you know about loss, Tia? Loss is the domain of the mortal. You can just seal yourself away, tell yourself you feel nothing until it becomes true. Eventually, even the immortal forget, and it will be safe to emerge from your shell. Even if you cut yourself off for centuries, what have you lost? A grain of sand in the ocean of time you have available; a cost insignificant beyond the power of conventional mathematics to express. Loss is only meaningful to the limited; you may be capable of feeling for longer, but you cannot feel as deeply. Luna may be irreplaceable, but to you she is unique in that regard. In eternity, what matter is the death of a mortal? No pony is superfluous to those who can have only a finite number before they too depart.

And what do I know about loss? Nothing? Everything? Less than you? More? I doubt any could truthfully claim to know for sure.

#44 · Chapter 7 · 82w, 9h ago · · ·

>>2007098 Don't listen to this guy; he just likes being a contrary know-it-all. I can see that the pain of loss is surely far greater when it is somepony you never expected to lose as long as you lived. None but you have ever had the luxury of a millennium of wondering why they didn't act sooner, while the situation could still be salvaged.

#45 · Chapter 6 · 28w, 3d ago · · ·

lol

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