Greetings! I come from the farthest reaches of the Internets to share my mediocrity with you all!
“Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful TRIXIE!” A blue arm suddenly emerged from behind the patched, threadbare curtain and tossed a hoof-ful of confetti onto the ground. Seconds later a blue unicorn in a wizard’s hat and cape burst out into the open, emerging from the curtains that hung tied to the overhanging branch of a tree. She wore an enormous smile as a small cluster of foals gave a half-hearted round of applause.
“Thank you, thank you!” the unicorn said as she gave a dramatic bow, “Now, watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs feats of magic never before seen!” Trixie’s hat hovered over her head as her horn began to glow. There was a bright flash and a fizzle as a bouquet of roses appeared in her arms. She looked out at the crowd again with an eager, slightly idiotic look on her face. They looked back with half-closed eyes, some holding pity, others holding mocking mirth. The magician, however, did not seem to notice the crowd’s overall lack of enthusiasm. Instead, she tossed the flowers up in the air, and let them fall all over her as though she were being showered with the roses once thrown at her by adoring fans.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie will now shock and amaze you with enchantment beyond your wildest imaginations!” cried the unicorn as she raised her front limbs in self praise. Her horn glowed once more as a rope snaked its way out from behind the curtain. Trixie levitated it and manipulated it to form a very crude image a pony. She turned out to the crowd with the overly fervent smile on her face. She was met with silence. Sompony coughed off to the right of the stage.
“Now watch in amazement as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most bold and daring of tricks! Trixie shall make a member of the audience disappear!” She looked out at the audience, waiting for the forest of volunteers’ arms to spring up. Several minutes passed before a young Pegasus colt in the front of the crowd raised a hoof.
“Yes, you!” Trixie cried a little too quickly and eagerly, “Come on up on stage!”
“But there is no stage…” the Pegasus muttered innocently. Trixie yanked him out of the audience and sat him down on a stool. His smile became a nervous frown as he watched Trixie melodramatically circle around him, her cape swishing with each step.
“And now,” she announced as she spread out her arms, “The moment where I, the Great and Powerful Trixie make this colt disappear right before your very eyes!” There was a sarcastic cheer from the voice in the back of the crowd as Trixie made a series of exaggerated gesticulations towards the little Pegasus. True to her word, he disappeared in a pathetic little wisp of smoke. The show-pony turned back to her crowd, still smiling, but now with a slightly pleading glimmer in her eyes. Nopony clapped except for the colt’s parents, and even they seemed to be faking enthusiasm.
“Thank you!” Trixie said with a bow, “And now, the Great and Powerful Trixie will make him reappear!” Trixie repeated the same motions at the stool. With a quiet crackle and a dim spark, the colt materialized back on the stool. He looked up at the magician with a rather bored look on his face.
“Can I go now?” he asked dryly. Trixie gave him a rather forceful shove back to his parents and addressed the crowd once more.
“Wasn’t that amazing and spectacular?!” she asked, “Just one of the many tricks the Great and Powerful Trixie is capable of!” She proudly basked in the nonexistent praise of her audience. “And for her next trick, The Great and Powerful Trixie will need another volunteer!” Again, it took quite a long time for somepony to raise their hoof. This time it was a purple unicorn. The moment she laid eyes on the volunteer, Trixie winced.
“I’ll do it,” said the purple unicorn.
“Trixie thanks you,” the magician said with a slight nervousness in her voice, “And…what is your name?”
“Twinkle Sparkling.” Trixie’s eyes became very wide when she heard this, and she froze up for a moment. The park grew quiet, except for the sound of Trixie’s teeth grinding together.
“Alright,” she finally said through her teeth, “Come up on stage!”
“But there is no--” Trixie pulled the mare up in front of the audience. The show-mare disappeared behind the curtain for a second, then returned levitating a large, rectangular box with a coat of blue, badly chipped paint, and two sawhorses. A feverish grin slowly crept onto her face as she set the box onto the sawhorses and opened it.
“For her next trick,” she shouted to the crowd, “The Great and Powerful Trixie shall saw a mare in half!” Her volunteer suddenly looked hesitant, but before she could voice her thoughts Trixie began shoving her towards the box. Once her volunteer--or now, as it appeared, victim--lay in the box, the cheery magician slammed the lid shut as hard as she could. Twinkle Sparkling looked very uneasy about her predicament, especially when Trixie reached behind the curtain and pulled out a ridiculously huge saw. The unicorn looked out at the crowd. Everyone was watching her. This made her feel happy, as they were now finally paying attention.
“And now we begin!” cried the Magician as she brought the toothed blade down on the box. There was the loud twang of metal embedding in wood, and then a sharp crack. Trixie looked down to see that while she still held the saw’s handle in her hoof, the blade was lodged in the top of the box. Twinkle let out a sigh of relief and let herself out of the box as the audience began to snicker. Trixie stood and stared at the handle in her hoof for roughly five seconds before looking back at the crowd with a sheepish, but much calmer smile.
“Behold!” she proclaimed, “The Great and Powerful Trixie has sawed a saw in half!”
“You suck!” said a voice from the back of the crowd. Some of the crowd murmured in agreement. Trixie suddenly snapped out of her seemingly delusional state, and scanned the crowd for the pony who dared to comment negatively of her performance. They locked onto a green Pegasus, who in turn looked back at her.
“So,” sneered the unicorn, her voice saturated with derision, “You dare to say that I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, suck?”
“Yeah, I do,” replied the Pegasus, “I’m just saying what everypony’s thinking. You suck.” Trixie let out a contemptuous guffaw.
“You clearly have no idea who you’re talking to! The Great and Powerful Trixie is the most amazing, most stupendous, most remarkable unicorn to ever grace Equestria!”
“That’s not true!” came a young filly’s voice, “My mommy is the bestest unicorn in Equestria!” The filly’s mother blushed a little, but was obviously flattered by her daughter’s complement. Trixie, on the other hand, looked as conceited as ever.
“Ha! Silly little filly, the Great and Powerful Trixie is famous all over Equestria!”
“Then how come we never heard of you?” asked the green Pegasus. For just a brief moment, Trixie’s face screwed up in a demented grimace, and her left eye twitched noticeably.
“Trixie is famous!” the unicorn exclaimed, “Trixie is renowned worldwide! Trixie is celebrated by all who lay eyes upon her!” She shot a near-manic grin at the Pegasus. “And who are you? A nopony, that’s who you are! Not like the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
“The ‘Great and Powerful Trixie’ can go take a hike,” said the green Pegasus, not at all put off by her words, “Don’t quit your day job.” Trixie gave him a gimlet-eyed glare as he turned and walked off.
“Well I won’t,” she called after him, “This is Trixie’s day job!” She turned back to her crowd with the slightly desperate smile on her face. “And now the Great and Powerful Trixie will astound you with the true might of her power!” She rose up on her hind legs and spread her arms out again, “Watch as I--” She suddenly noticed that the audience was dispersing. The unicorn’s mouth went open in shock.
“Where are you going?!” she shouted indignantly, “The Great and Powerful Trixie hasn’t finished yet!” No one even reacted to her. They just kept walking away, leaving Trixie in the middle of a park next to a tree with an old curtain tied to it. For a second her face took on that peculiar grimace again, but then it was gone.
“Fine,” the mare said with a little too much cheer in her voice, “If they don’t want to see the most famous unicorn of all time, that’s their loss. They’re simpletons anyway. Trixie doesn’t need them.” The unicorn turned around and untied her curtain from the branch. If they wouldn’t watch her show here, maybe they’d watch it on the other side of the park.