After an afternoon at Zecora's, Twilight encounters a young filly wandering the Everfree Forest. A brief chase and a confusing discovery leads to a last-minute rescue mission. But, who actually needs rescue?
Submission for EQD's writing contest, The More Most Dangerous Game, based on the "Past Sins" prompt.
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This is one of the best first time fics I have ever read! And from this point you'll only get better, keep writing, you're really good.
You have made a nice, episode-like story. A favourite from me! I thought the characterisation was accurate, the wording concise but not rapid, the pace easy but not tedious, and the story itself had interesting ideas.
I especially like reading lines that do not come with any particular fanfare but obviously come out of the author's own interesting thoughts.
I wonder if the first character in that exchange seeks power to excess because of some insecurity, but I am also hesitant to encourage Twilight's view which seems to be that one should be content with only having the necessary power and not really worrying about going for more.
Great job! I hope you win a prize in the contest.
The sentence finishing with 'fair arrangement' needs a closing quotation mark.
>>PartyponyXD
Thanks for the encouragement! It really is appreciated. It feels good to finally publish something. Again, thanks for the kind words, and to everyone who spent the time to read it, thumbs up, down, and unmarked alike.
>>Hat
Thank you so much for your thoughts and criticism! And thanks for the quotation catch, I'll add that right away.
Admittedly, Twilight's words of encouragement there was written using the power of procrastination panic, eh heh. There was a little of myself inserted in there, even if I hadn't worded it exactly how I liked, but you have a point. Twilight would also never encourage another pony to better themselves at the expense of another, but she very much would support any pony to continually learn and better herself rather than settle for "their current best." I also think that Twilight has learned that even with the power and responsibilities of a princess, there are some challenges in which friends make them surmountable when all the power in the world would not have sufficed otherwise (e.g., S4 premiere).
Thanks for the well-wishes! I don't suspect I'll win anything (there is some serious talent here!), but really it just feels good to finally have something published.
Very well written. You're off to a very good start and I wish you well in future writing endeavors. The story was perhaps a little rushed and you could have described more, but the setup was pretty solid overall and the pacing was steady, if hurried.
The story felt a lot like the classic 'genie in the bottle' stories, where the protagonist realizes nothing good comes of their hasty wishes and they spend the last one to undo everything. The dryad didn't feel too alien to the setting, given how the show (and the comics) like to throw in mythological references all the time anyway. You managed to show Trixie as more than the two-dimensional foil she's usually depicted as in these stories, and instead gave her some emotional maturity - without sacrificing her core personality. The whole 'learning what's truly important' is often so overlooked.
I think I'll Follow you. I'm curious to see what else you'll come up with.
Pretty neat idea, this. :)
5552442 Thanks! (And apologies for the long overdue response). I appreciate the criticism and the praise; I'm glad to see that I accomplished some of what I tried to do, and have a new perspective of things to work on for next time. I've been a bit preoccupied with non-pony projects since the contest, but hopefully I'll have something new here soon!
5740103 And thank you, for the comment and the review!
i"m not good at critism so i'll just say what I say.
I liked it and it was cute and fun to read.
5843123 Thanks!
You think Trixie would just need to decide what she wants to do with herself again to get her mark back. Then again this story follows the determinism path of the mark. (Debated in the freakin' latest IDW comic!)