• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 18th, 2018

NorsePony


I am not a person, but I play one on TV.

T
Source

Two hundred years after a war that broke the world, a squad of soldiers travels across a blasted and hostile land on a mission for the future of Equestria. But they encounter a new kind of foe in the Wasteland that could endanger that very future.

Won tenth place in the More Most Dangerous Game Contest. Cover image courtesy of Carnifex.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 28 )

I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.

I liked the story quite a bit. When I read it a few days ago I found it to be one of the strongest pieces in the Fo:E section of the contest. Unfortunately, I'm finding that it doesn't remain a memorable experience. It's certainly a very well executed piece! But it lacks something needed in order to make it a story that stays. Maybe it's an issue with character development, since they didn't feel as distinct as they could and possibly should have been . Whatever it was, I think the biggest thing that was lacking was emotional impact. Boxer's death didn't hit hard, and the falling action, with its message of hope for the future, doesn't feel very inspiring.

I really enjoyed this story. The level of detail surrounding the world you created is pretty astounding, and it's all so very interesting.

I'm assuming these creatures are changelings, but it looks like the peons can't transform. So that leaves me wondering if the War had drastic effects on them as a species or if this is possibly meant to be ancient history and that the Equestria we know from the show develops from this world. The latter thought is further supported by the mention of that mountain that wasn't present before the war. It had crystal caverns. Canterlot has crystal caverns.

So if you liked this story, and I hope you did, there will eventually be more set in the same continuity.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.

This is a great fic so far, looking forward to more work from you Norse.

Wow, this was very interesting... might wanna slap on a alternate universe tag though.

Did you make any major changes between the contest submission and the story in its current form? I see that it's now being broken into multiple chapters.

5682247 I would if it was. : D


5682261 Nothing earth-shattering (no pun intended). The prose got a few tweaks and there are a few more character beats.

Hm. Interesting and imaginative, but might not be meeting its full potential. I, for one, am curious to see the 'more set in the same continuity.'

A few things that bother me:
For reasons difficult to articulate, it was difficult to get through the first few paragraphs. Perhaps you are beginning at not quite the right point with so many things going on at once; the 'hook' is somewhat lacking with the comparatively boilerplate description of the situation.

As mentioned above, if anything these characters are somewhat under-revealed; I have a decent impression of who each character was (for the most part), though some of the details were red herrings overplayed for a nearly one-off scene—the griffon, for instance. Similarly, while identifiable, the aspects of nearly all of the characters are fairly unrooted and unmemorable beyond a fleeting impression.

Structurally, I am somewhat underwhelmed. I can't really pin down any story arc, coming away with more a sequence of events. The conclusion is also presented in a way that demands more to be written, and not necessarily in the form of a sequel: the narrative simply feels incomplete.

What I did like:
The presentation of background information and details of the goings-on seemed very nearly spot-on. The expository asides were both timely and refused to drag.

The occasional subtle interplay between characters; one of the few things undeniably in their favor.

Rich imagination, particularly with regards to the nature of magic.

A number of well-crafted moments, including: "I searched her face, and had to look away. Now I knew," and "The truly dangerous creatures were the silent ones."

Hey, I wrote a review for this story. It can be found here.

Overall, I like the worldbuilding, but I got enough issues with it overall, that left me very unsatisfied. Still, I'd be interested in seeing more in this continuity.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

This is definitely one of the more interesting depictions of earth pony magic.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Creepiest. Gun. Ever.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Forgot to post a final comment. I very much enjoyed this, it's a really solid fic, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with the world. :D

5734699 Thanks, man. That means a lot to me.

My my my! Before all else, let me just say what a pleasure it was to read this.
The setting is brilliant, offering plenty of opportunity for action, interaction and introspection in equal parts. The characters are interesting and I can't wait to find out what other sorts of dangers they'll have to put up with. Like Present Perfect, I'm eager to know what else goes on in this vividly dreary world you've created and want to watch the ponies of our little gang grow.

Very well done, NorsePony. 10th was well-earned.

AIP§ :rainbowdetermined2:

P.S.: In the future, will you be updating this story or creating an entirely new one?

Wow, PresentPerfect was right. This didn't dissapoint one bit. Boxer's death with Bluebelle was definitely a favorite bit; I think only Skywriter has ever gotten me so well with quick-draw emotional involvement. The emotions were heavy in sparing but very tasteful descriptions and I love it when I find people who pull that off.
The story wrapped up everything it needed to in order to be complete, but you just left us so hungry to see what comes of it. I loved every bit and you definitely get a follow from me.

5755549 Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was pretty depressed for a while around when this story came out, and I only got back into the Fimfic swing of things a couple weeks ago, but by then I'd forgotten I had unanswered comments. My bad.

Thanks for the kind words, and to answer the question in your postscript, the main story in the Wasteland setting will be published separately. Eventually. One of these days. Furreal.


5780385 Same apology for the delayed response goes here. Sorry about that.

I'm glad you liked the story so much, that means a lot to me. : )

5733429

Actually, I can think of a better example. It's in this fic, and involves painful body modification.

huh i was really expecting them to discover that at some point, be it during the fight or during the night, at least one of them had been taken and replaced. kinda like a doppelganger type thing. never the less it was a good read

Hmm, intriguing. I gotta side with the changelings here, the soldiers are encroaching on their territory.

Curious how it'll unfold.

Cya
Raziel-chan

So... What happens to the creatures that live in the wasteland when parts of it are converted by the seeds?

And, maybe, it'd be nice to ask the clearly sentient creators whether they want their home converted.

Cya
Raziel-chan

So, they are just uprooting any creatures they now live in the wasteland how they see fit. Huh.

Cya
Raziel-chan

Damn, I was hoping that they'd die.

Well, good luck winning the east you Judy started. *waves a Team Changeling flag*

Cya
Raziel-chan

I sure hope they've put some stiff regulations in place once the technology gets back to Equestria. Because that would be the same as technology being created that would create an Space Jam scenario.

You know, the moment I saw one of them called Sarge, my imagined voices immediately went to those of the characters from Red vs. Blue. Sarge as, well, Sarge, Griz as Grif, and Teacup as Tucker. Was that intentional?

7423962 Haha, it wasn't. It's just an easy (AKA lazy) naming convention for someone with authority in a military story, so it gets used all over the place.

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