Ace Lightning and The Mane 6 have been arrested for being suspects in a theft from Princess Celestia. The guards accuse the Applejack, but she denies it. Will they be able to escape?
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- Member Since 23rd Jan, 2015
- offline last seen Nov 7th, 2016
Ace Lightning
I am a brony to the core! I also have a YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJr8Ry5gQQywsL1v37aR1Lw check it out if you want!
Ace Lightning
Joined 23rd Jan, 2015 ·
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Um...
FIMfiction has a story rule about that stories can't be separate chapters, and that's basically what you're doing.
Eh... I like it. There are a few problems (grammar,pacing ) but its a start. It gets a like.
This fic..........
onisiondotme.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/tumblr_m8s5mtj1381qffn6mo1_500.gif
i keep an eye on this
Never start a story like this. Ever.
Yes, because all pegasi have the same job.
None of them do anything other than weather jobs...
Now would be a good time to tell us
how badass your OC iswhat your self-insert looks like.Her dialogue needs to end with a comma.
"Sorry, can't be bothered to explain the contrived set-up for the story! Just roll with it!"
You know that nobody calls them that in-universe, right? That's only a fandom term.
"They're"
...and it hasn't actually happened, as long as
your waifuDash is free.This is never going to be explained, is it? Also, the word you want is "possibly".
"passed"
Cool storyThrilling chase scene, bro.What the hell kind of prison is this with seven prisoners per cell, and a male mixed in with females?
For the sake of a contrived story, Twi -- don't expect logic. Also, there needs to be a comma after "asked".
One pony steals, so they lock up seven? Did you even think about this as you wrote it?
And don't even get me started on how you keep switching back and forth between past tense and present tense. In short, this isn't very good at all. Also, as someone else pointed out, any continuation of this story needs to be posted as part of this story, not as a brand new story.
5945113 Thanks man.
5948262 Thanks for some of the helpful tips.
Ok, not offending anyone and im not saying that your all mean, but please refrain from being rude. (not saying anyone has yet, but in future time.)
5945064 Are you saying that i have no reason to be here?
5945050 Yes...but these aren't separate chapters. It's separate parts of the story. So its not splitting up chapters, im splitting up the story into this and a sequel of the story.
5951795 i think hes saying that your OC has no reason to be in the story. I think.
5954285 If that's the case then shouldn't he have said "His OC has no reason to be here..."
And another thing guys, its my first fimfiction so cut me some slack.
5955041 I understand
5955340 Dude come on now. He did better then my 1st fanfic. And it was when I was 1st trying to learn English.
5956074 A valid point but still. Look at the bright side. Atleast he did better then my 1st try.
5956281 Whoa I wasn't saying your completely wrong. I get what your saying. I really do. All I was trying to do was cheer him up. I am sorry if I angered you my any means. That was not the point I was trying to make.
5955340 Logic is a thing i will agree but you should have INDEED explained that it was my OC and not me myself. cause some people may get the wrong idea...
5956317 Thanks man. It really didn't upset me much i just found it a bit offensive. I'm one of those guys that can get offended if i look at something the wrong way. thats why i said "are you saying I have no reason to be here?" as a question instead of accusing that's what he meant and getting mad right then and there. but everyone's 1st fanfic isn't the best. you get feedback from other's so you can learn from your mistakes on the previous (or 1st) and you can improve that on the next one. (like if you agree or dont. it doesn't matter)
5965690 I do not need to be in the comment. I'm just saying someone may get the idea that you are talking about them. I'm not saying that you dont have to but could you at least try to put in the section that "He" is referring to the self-insert? And like i said, cut me some slack please. It's my 1st.
5965686 Thanks for the watch and while I agree with Durpy (somewhat) don't let it stop you from trying. There are people who cannot please in this world. I learn that the hard way but again if you keep trying, you get far. If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask. Here's a watch. I hope to see great things from you.
5965924 Thanks man.
5955068
*sigh*
Here goes my usual "that's not really an excuse" spiel.
Have you read any stories on this site? I have. I read many before I ever published a story. I learned what was good, and what was bad. It doesn't seem as if you did this. The comments people have posted on other stories like yours are public. They can be seen. They're posted every single day on stories like this. Have you not seen them?
If you fail to read the advice given to those before you, it is your fault, plain and simple. There is no excuse.
PS: This story doesn't seem bad, except for the self-insert OC. And also deleting comments. Deleting comments is always bad.
6009534 Thanks for the advice. And i'm putting this out, there will be ONLY A FEW stories will a self inserted OC. not many. Part 1 and Part 2 are 2 stories will self inserted OC.