Visionary

by Razorbeam

Author's Notes: Because Nobody Will Stop Me

Alright, so here we are again. Not sure if any of you caught my previous rendition of the 'author's notes' section in HoaD, but since it seemed to be well received, I've decided to start making a habit of it. As per usual, I intend to do my analysis of the plot first, and I'll try to keep you all from clawing your eyes out while reading this. If I'm entertaining enough, maybe you'll even enjoy these. There will probably be typos in here; enjoy that, because I'm not fixing it until my plane lands on the 22nd.

Alright, here we go!

WHY THE STORY WAS THE STORY IT WAS

I don't intend to cover the entire story, just some of the reasoning behind parts that I thoroughly enjoyed. Even so, we'll do that in semi-chronological order, so let's roll back to chapter one.

The entire premise of this story is Aurus. I'd like to take a moment and reflect on that, to better prepare us all for the discussion I'm going to have in the character section. The changeling people? Changing because Aurus is leading them to. Peace? His idea. An idea popularly shared, but his all the same. His character embodies quite literally every moral ideal this story encapsulates, at least in the early chapters. But in case it wasn't made clear, change is a major factor in this story, and so not even Aurus is static enough to remain the sole focal point of the story.

The council makes a point of going the 'want you, need you' route to get Aurus involved in the throne, and he seems to take it surprisingly well, despite his steadfast initial resistance. Though not explicitly explained, Aurus decides to bear the burden of kingship voluntarily because he believes he is capable of bringing about the future Korrick asked him to, or that at the very least it's his obligation to try. He is, of course, a miserable politician. Far too idealistic and big-hearted, doing whatever comes to mind or feels necessitated.

In my personal opinion, much of his confidence is actually an expression of inexperience. He acts readily, exploring the possibilities of his actions on instinct because he has absolutely no contradictory evidence in the past that his ideas won't work. He operates on the old adage 'you don't know until you try', and what many of your perceived as overzealousness, or maybe even overconfidence, I meant to portray as simple optimism and carefree spirit.

Stepping ahead, I absolutely had to use Derpy. Had to. I felt freaking great the entire rest of that chapter because of that little 'welcome to Ponyville' scene with her. The resulting 'no Derpy, no' scene with Twilight was equally fun for me, and together the two accomplished one major thing; they changed the tone of the story for the next few chapters. Using those two to sort of break the ice, I was able to migrate away from the thick of the politics and into a more comfortable setting as Aurus went about his quest for peace on a small scale.

More lighthearted goodness with the train scene, dragging Aurus kicking and screaming into the car. Hilarious, right? Good old slapstick.

Wrong, the poor guy is terrified of trains, and you sick people probably thought it was hilarious. Glad I'm not the only one. Anyways, aside from trying to flaw-out Aurus a little, this scene also served the purpose of introducing a small grim note, directly before the first assassin attack. An overused tactic, where things get just a little worse right before something really shitty happens, but effective nonetheless.

There's nothing much for me to really say about the spy hunt, other than that I enjoyed the living snot out of it. I used so many ideas I had just floating around, mashing them together until I had worked out an elaborate code for the silent communication stuff.

Nomination for best part of the story [pre-finale] is that freaking doughnut. God oh God do I love the doughnut stuck to Malik's head.

Time-skippy goodness, because all the stuff with Malik and Gerd later in the tale is covered in the next section. On to the training montage, which never happened. I didn't do a montage, but I actively split the scenes up so that things were constantly happening out of focus from Aurus. His training time was my cue to really start delving into some of the other characters, particularly Korrick, Chrysalis, and Gerd. The escape from prison scene was a really fun write, and for me it had a 'you have five hours to get out before the bomb explodes, but the room has no door' feel to it. One of those riddles that someone poses to you and you're like 'seriously, how in the bloody hell would I get out of this room?'

I ramble. But they're my author's notes, and if you're reading them that's on you. As the title of this chapter says, nobody is going to stop me.

Big time skip; avatar state fight with Gerd! Not an actual reference, mind you, just a convenient and overused state of being for untold power in any story. I first got the idea to kill Gerd with wild magic early on, and sort of designed Zarkoj around that premise. In the end it really helped to even the gem out, as I was worried after introducing it that I was going to write myself into a corner and be unable to stop it reasonably. But in the end it all worked out.

Killing Chrysalis was just sad for me. I actually liked her. She was snarky, rude, and rather unfriendly on the surface, but at the end of it all she was finally getting somewhere. Unfortunately, I saw very few ways to make her change apparent and powerful enough without offing her, and so I gifted her with a dramatic death that rocked the changeling history books.

And lastly, the reforging of T'rahk Enox and the destroying of Zarkoj. What a wonderfully fun scene to write, and though I know the decapitation of our villain was the climax, its that beautiful falling action that caught me in the heart. I enjoy bringing the desert sands back to life in such a pleasant, albeit it obvious, way. Also, it makes a nice springboard for what you've all been wanting me to say; sequels.

THE CHARACTERS WERE PRETTY NIFTY

Thanks for that, all-caps section header. You're right, the characters were very fun and helped to create a dynamic cast that really kept the story moving.

I'm going to start this section by apologizing, Fluttershy-style. I am very aware that many of the characters, particularly the majority of the Mane Six and Luna, did not get their screentime. I definitely could have made better use of them, but currently I'm pleased with who appeared how often.

Now, on to the main event:

Aurus: You know what's about to happen. I'm going to argue the ups and downs about how he either is or isn't a Gary Stu. Clearly I'm not in this to change your opinion, just to force-feed you mine. Here's my take on it; in the traditional sense, I do not think Aurus is a Gary Stu character.

Some of you are shaking your heads and rolling your eyes, and maybe those of you who forgot to take your meds today are throwing keyboards or something. Just relax and listen to my reasoning. My take on a Gary Stu is that he is a character designed for the sole purpose of being well-liked and all-powerful. Pretty standard, right? Boy, does Aurus ever sound like he fits the bill.

But in many places I make it known that he is not all powerful, or fearless, or sure of himself. For fuck's sake, he's afraid of trains, people. But I digress. While it's true that he had so much raw energy that he was basically 'unstoppable' even from the beginning, it was made very clear that he was clueless as to how to use it. Much of the story focuses on his growth in power, something a real Gary Stu doesn't need at all. His reliance on the other characters to teach him? That's standard character growth any hero in a halfway decent story undergoes. Best part is that if I had done that to Chrysalis or Twilight, nobody would be complaining, strictly because they're not OC. I can't help but feel there's a certain level of stereotyping going on here that OC's are generally Gary/Mary.

In defense of the 'but he's so freaking....grrr, Razorbeam, you know nothing of Gary Stu' people out there, he is abnormally well liked, and he doesn't exhibit a whole lot of hesitation or restraint. So what say we meet halfway, eh? He's not completely Gary Stu, but he could definitely use a personality nerf. Man this character section was long.

Gerd: Stereotypical god-complex villain with a righteous hunger for power that even curls Chrysalis' toes.

Wait...

Anyways, he was so very minor in the beginning, making his appearance not completely unexpected as the bad-guy, but not perfectly predictable. Once he appeared, most of you went 'that makes sense' or 'saw it coming', but the truth of the matter is that between when you last saw him in chapter two and when he finally comes back in chapter six or seven... admit it: you forgot all about him.

His reliance on Zarkoj was the obvious weakness, and all in all he was a wonderfully predictable bad-guy with a relatively unexpected and gory demise that made everyone happy because everything about this guy catered to the douchebag-hating center of your brain.

Korrick: I will say this right now; favorite character. Anytime he was involved he was either doing something boss, something clever, or something right. Honestly, he's more Gary Stu than Aurus at some points. He played the ever-necessary voice of reason and ready guide for the fledgling hero. He reminds me of a grandfather figure of sorts, and I'm excited to make use of him again in the future.

Chrysalis: A nasty little devil-turned-saint that made my writing life interesting. I did my best to redeem her without actually redeeming her. She never realy regretted what she had done, but she wasn't afraid to change moving forward, and that in my opinion shows more growth than what happened to Malik, who completely regretted his life.

Malik: Then again, he was a murderer and she wasn't. He was a fun little character, playing the worm in the apple and relaying the much needed 5W's to Aurus and keeping him posted. The redemption of such a wayward soul was really a turning point in the story where it became clear to not only the reader, but also that characters that Aurus' quest for peace had meaning. He acts well as the 'man who's soul is cleansed' character, and every time he appeared I felt great enjoyment.

I'm not going to hash out any of the Mane Six or minor characters, sorry to say. Last thing I need is to write a 10k word 'author's notes' that you all feel obligated to read.

THE PART I ACTUALLY LIKE WRITING

This is the part where I thank every last one of you for reading and bearing with me on this little adventure. It is also the part where I do this, so that people will stop asking me:

Yes, for the love of Christ yes, there will be a sequel. At least one.

Maybe if I bold it, people will see it.

I love writing for you guys; it's a blast every time I post, waiting for your reactions and watching you all share the same enjoyment reading my story that I get out of writing it. It warms my heart to see you all so pleased and happy, and I hope that the rest of my writing career, both for this marvelous community and the rest of my life to come is just as wondrous and enjoyable.

Every word, smiley, or warm wish I receive from my readers absolutely makes my day. For all of you who want me to continue writing, who keep urging me on to be the best author I can be: thank you. From the bottom of my heart, your support means more than you will ever know. I will always be writing, and I hope that you glorious and supportive viewers will always be reading.

I'll be seeing you again soon. Thank you, for everything.

Regards,

Razorbeam.

Comments

[That_one_guy]

you magnificent bastard

[Br2nd66]

[img]dis-gon-b-gud[/img]
dis gon be good and

A SEQUAL ALTIGHT

[Serisium]

So awesome!

[Tie RoamingHooves]

I will follow you into the hell if I have to.

[That One Guy]

I agree wholeheartedly with my name-doppel~
Now to eagerly await whatever you happen to think up next

[Literature]

You just made an authors note longer than I usually make chapters.
How I envy you.

[Grado]

Favorite story on the site...... about Changelings

[Razorbeam]

909561
Yeah, I was editing and then I forgot to save.

[Shtormovoi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qb_mxoTV0A

[Rareitor]

That was very enlightening. I have to say that while I liked the story as a whole, and it had a few predictable points, they were mostly intelligent and didn't make the overall quality drop. Personally, both Aurus and Chrysalis could have been handled better as characters -they're alright as they are- but I feel pieces of what developed them as characters did not completely fit the final product or logically lead to what became of them; it is confusing to explain.

On a final note: are you now by chance The Mask?
If so then, I am out before it is too late:

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/328/957/498.png

PS. Did I mention I really liked your story?

[StachePony]

Your welcome, for everything.
Now if you'll excuse me I must celebrate the coming sequels.

[Razorbeam]

909703
Well, I actually approve of the use of the phrase 'man'. The series uses terminology like boys and girls, ladies and gentlecolts. But changelings aren't colts or stallions, and so I went with something a little more familiar. Anatomically correct? Probably not. But I find it permissible, so please forgive my terminology.

Glad you enjoyed it, my friend! I feel the same way. Glad but sad. Looking forward to the next.

[thewookie1]

Will there be a sequel?

Aurus is a regular character with Gary Stu sized powers at his disposal, well kinda.

I still want Old Ben's voice for Korrick, make it so!

[Leviathan Splash]

Awesome! Good luck!

[Arcane Howitzer]

Let me just say thank you, Razorbeam.
Thank you for writing this masterpiece of fan-based literature.
Thank you far promising a continuation on this story.
And most of all, thank you for keeping it up until the end, because you have no idea how many awesome stories I've read that just stopped updating.

[taco234]

its midnight here...
i'm tired...
I skimmed the authors notes...
Nearly missed the bold...
Yay sequel...
I'm gonna go black out now...
I have been up for a while now... a long while...

[Oddend]

I do gladly await a sequel...I'm calling dragons for the neighbor creatures to the south...and I do want to see more Korrik because he was a cool dude...Thank you for writing this awesome anyways...now onward to a new beginning!

[NeonEclipse]

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/18347684.jpg

[Jirodyne]

909889 It better be coming... if not...
i3.photobucket.com/albums/y86/Kekewey_Saew/ponies/130555255385.png

[Razorbeam]

chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-mother-of-celestia.gif

There's just... so many. This is reaching the point where not even I, with all my extensive practice and superior willpower, can reach all of the comments. I can't believe I have to do this, but I'm just going to have to apologize to everyone who commented on chapter fourteen... If I didn't get back to you before now, you are doomed. The comments for the finale have piled up so high that going back is now an impossibility. You will be remembered fondly.

In all seriousness, it's time for another episode of 'Watch the Author Fail' here on FimFiction, so without further delay, watch and be amazed as I poorly reply to your comments!

908241
I'm glad you're feeling the good feels, friend. I wanted to end this tale of extreme struggle with happiness and hope. And of course, the possibility of a sequel.

908352
The end of time is a long time, dear viewer. Thank you for your high praise! I too felt the timing/pacing was well done, always a hard line to walk in an epilogue. Thanks for reading!

908362
I'm excited to announce that there is indeed a sequel planned. Thank you for your avid viewership. I'm always happy to see the story enjoyed so thoroughly!

908400
Thank you for such a heartwarming comment! I'm glad that you've... incurred awe-related injuries? I don't know, that actually sounds pretty awful. My condolences? I'm not certain how to react, this hasn't ever happened before.

Well now I just feel terrible. I suppose I could cover the expenses... I am the faulty party, after all. Sorry for your jaw, and I wish you a speed recovery!

908506
You... you're on pretty much every single chapter. Talk about your avid reader!

Thanks for keeping up with me, Lunar. It's guys [or gals, hard to say] like you that make this all such an amazing community to be a part of. I look forward to writing for you again in the future!

908607
Oh, we're coming back... Don't you worry. But we're certain to see our dear friends in T'rahk Enox poking their noses into my other works... Perhaps I'll even cross them into the sequel of HoaD when I produce such a thing? Who's to say what the strange mind of Razorbeam has in store for this new fanverse? Thank you for reading, Cyber!

908625
Zigg... you magnificent bastard. Your comment is currently taking up a vast portion of my screen.

I regret nothing, making you tear up for Chrys. I did too, but then I'm an emotional sort of guy when I get into my writing. I too loved the little sendoff poem that I wrote. The niftiest part is that, without even really trying to, every line in the poem has eight syllables. Talk about luck!

I love sending this particular story out with warm feels. I don't think I could have handled a bittersweet ending myself, and so I'm glad you found the d'aww acceptable.

And of course, as for those corrections, they will be made post-haste! Thank you kindly for your review of the final chapter!

908698
Talk to knighty, see if he'll make an exception.

There will most certainly be more stories, and so perhaps you can settle for faving those in Visionary's place? Either way, thank you for your kind words and for your viewership!

908715
Oh if only I were a changeling. What a badass I would be with all this love!

908721
1.) Oh, it will be beyond comprehension.
2.) I know. The irony is tangible.
3.) Terraforming is the business of champions.

All of your questions will be answered in the future expansions of this story!

908756
It's not every day a reader enjoys an OC, so I'm pleased as punch! Sadly the fiction doesn't share your wise and logical militaristic point, so the gem got merked.

Thanks for reading!

908766
You again... Well, it was only a matter of time before someone asked this particular question. I really should have made a point of it in the epilogue, but for the sake of expediency let's just say that definitely didn't happen. The water steered clear of any inhabited areas.

908811
Now that's some high esteem right there. I know there are other stories out there better than mine, so here's hoping you find the next great story out there in your search! Thank you for reading this one, and for enjoying it so thoroughly. It's always a treasure to share my love of writing with others!

909608
Every road has hills and flats, sometimes you can see ahead and sometimes you can't. Sometimes predictability is unavoidable, but I'm glad to hear that you liked it all the same! I agree that there is some shiftiness regarding Aurus and Chrys that probably wasn't adequately hashed out, and so I hope you can forgive the holes in their personality development.

At any rate, last I checked that title still belonged to Ipkiss, so I think you're safe. Thanks for reading!

909800
I will never stop updating. I am the juggernaut of FimFiction, the unstoppable writing force that is Razorbeam, steamrolling my way through fic after fic. There will be more, and the work will be ceaseless... after my vacation.

909889
As always your picture posts please me. Enjoy that alliteration, Neon. You earned it.

Jeez I'm terrible at this. Again I apologize to everyone I missed. But now it's time to go and pack my stuff up for my trip out west. Gonna go see some family and whatnot, have myself a wicked good time. In the meantime, take a load off and relax while you enjoy the silence between this and my next tale!

Regards,
Razorbeam.

[Truth_Seeker]

You've done really interesting things with the Changeling race, and I can't wait to see your take on griffons (or dragons, or whatever talon-wielding creature you choose to write).

When I think of an Allied Equestria and T'rahk Enox at war with a third party, I think of Changelings as the spear and Ponies as the shield. But somehow I don't think your story is going to come to that. Friendship and all that.

[zanthimos]

Celestia be praised! A sequel yay! I look forward to it! Thanks again for a truly wonderful story! It was so perfect: not too dark, not tragic, not too sad, and you kept gore down to a minimum and was not ashamed to put some actual humor in there as well. Too many fanfics are just in a ridiculous gore-fest to see who can make the darkest nastiest, most tragic blood pile ever. Thank Celestia you don't go to the extremes except to make this extremely wonderful to read. You deserve to have the Internet named after you or something hehe

[ImChangingmynameforreaso]

Well, I skipped everything that wasn't bolded. So yes, I did see that there would be a sequel.

[Tempname10732]

So, I wasn't aware you wrote HoaD until the author's notes. And I loved that. Almost as much as I love this story. Sequel? Meh, idk. Sometimes they're good, but unless you have something monstrously unexpected planned, I wouldn't kill you if there isn't one. Now, if you do have a new plot line for a sequel, and can make it work, you are better than every movie director out there. On that note, I love the story, I love you, and I love Aurus.

[Raydner]

The perfect thing to read on a summer morning: A Razorbeam fic. People should really print out fanfiction, most of the time, it's better than some of the stuff I read (Ms. Rowling, please put down the rolling pin, I didn't say you were bad.) and the writers always could use a few extra bits to spend. Moving onto the general review of the story:

This fic was literally an extremely enjoyable thing to read, the characters, the plotline, Aurus being a boss, a bit of shipping here and there, it just felt. . . perfect. One thing I felt that I should mention. Aurus isn't the typical 'peace is gnarly' type of pers-...changeling...but he seems much too...untouchable, physically and as a character in general. The entire time, everything he did was justifiable and he never did anything to harm a person without reason, it was like he was a true pacifist. It goes so much against the changeling way, and it endears the reader to him.

He truly became a Visonary.

Congratulations are in order.

[Thespurgin]

910631 Rather inspiring. Almost enough to make me write a poem, but I think I'll refrain from that.

On another topic, Razor I only just read what you said about not reading old posts, but please go back to 15 and read that one at least? I don't really want to reiterate my long-winded list of suggestions for sequel material. Summarized however, I can just say that this is awesome, and I want to see more of AJ and Aurus in the sequel, but in addition to that, I'd like to see more material for the other mane 6. Suggestions and thoughts on that are listed in the post I mentioned.

You truly are an impressive writer good sir. Congrats.

Edit: As a footnote, there has GOT to be an artist out there that would be interested in doing fanart of Gerd and demon-Gerd. Seriously, that kind of depiction is just too good to pass up on.

[Crisis]

910632

My work here is done.

[Muhanoid]

I will post this image and if needed face consequences!
2.bp.blogspot.com/-LO4qcGPBLbs/Twyx68HezFI/AAAAAAAAak0/_o7mHmjgaiU/s1600/110087+-+artist+zlack3r+artist+zlacker+book+crying+filly+sad+twilight_sparkle.png

There. But as much as it is sad to see ending, it is still great story.
Great. Epic. Flowing and Promising!

When reading last words of last chapter (not notes), there was a feeling of closed book.
And the big rune was something between and

Also. "Green enough for you?" is...

[PieisGood4U]

This been some nice good stuff to read.
I think his could belong in my top list of things I have read.

Let me give you a Symbolic moustache since I shaved mine of. Therefor to make up for it I am making it a bit... Bigger
8bitalliance.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/world_beard_moustache.jpg

[Glyph255]

I've resigned myself to posting when stories end or certain chapters make me feel exceptionally emotional. Your ending is both an ending (duh) and leaves me fairly emotional. Mind, I'm happy that it ended so well (and for the promise of a sequel, cuz dammit, you are an amazing writer) but sad I can't see the actual marriage of AJ and Aurus.

Should you decide, I think the marriage and subsequent spawning of lil' colts an' fillies would be wonderful. No clop mind you. . . a good portion of us wouldn't want you to sully your name and/or writing like that, and we've plenty of imagination for that. . . (again, mind that there is nothing wrong with that) But just knowing that they did have children would complete that lil' circle of complete love that the two have for each other. (least for me.) And make an already happy ending even happier.

[Fury of the Tempest]

I find the author notes rather interesting tbh.

[Rainbow Sparkle]

910214
First, that is an awesome gif. Second, were you expecting less? With how well loved your story was, not to mention how awesome the finale chapter was, you were going to get swamped.

[captain_n00b]

Awesome.

I won't say anything more. There are too many words to say, so I just got the one that stood out the most.

[Squarepony]

First let me say I really enjoyed the story! Also this A/N's section is cool, more writers should include such chapters with their stories.

As for Big A being a Gary Stue, I think a changeling is already a difficult starting position, since they can use magic AND fly like an alicorn. Also he is the all powerfull King who can go super sayan, but more importantly he has all the right ideals which really makes him ultra-likable(not a good thing per se). However -in my oppinion- he gets away with it because he and the story are well written.

Bottom line: your story is good, and you should feel good.
Line below that: yes! sequal!

[Dead_Page]

Yay for sequel.
I must say, when you said at least one sequel, I had a flashback to every awesome series I have ever read, played, or watched that overextended it's resources. I beg this of you, please do not make the mistake so many others have made. Know the limits of a good idea, do not drag this amazing piece of literature on a plot line so long the story gets stale and pointless. But what the hay, you might just be awesome enough to pull it off. You have earned a fan in me and no matter what the next story or ten turns out to be, I'm still reading it.

Also, a leaked song at Bronycon referenced a new species called Crystal Ponies. No background info or even images as far as I can tell, but the history books Twilight went through might have mentioned them... -le wink-

Before this rant gets any longer, I will say it again, awesome story and I cannot wait to see what you come up with next.

-Onyxjew944 Signing off

[QuickFix]

I guess i'll jump on the bandwagon and say that I have the utmost respect towards you for A. finishing the story while giving frequent updates, and B. promising a sequel. Now, with that out of the way I just want to say how much I appreciate you as a writer and want to thank you for doing something that I haven't seen anyone else do with Changelings much less with an OC Changeling. Your writing styles always keep me totally encaptured in those 5-7000 word chapters and it's never a dull or "slow" moment. I will be keeping up with you and reading the next story you come out with. Thank you again, whole-heartedly.

Regards,

QF

[LunarEclipse77]

Do you like death/torture threats () that will occur unless you continue to write?

[ImmortalScientist]

908632 Nice. I dont really follow EqD much anymore, so I have to rely on others telling me whats on it!

[djthomp]

A sequel, yes!

[Theharm0n]

unbeknownst to me, the comments I have put on the more popular chapters, my extensive and well thought out/witty comments, will never be known to the general populace

But fear not, I shall put what I remember here

First off... I present to you X ∞
That's right...an infinite supply of 'em

Now I imagine Gerd wearing a monocle before and during his self proclaimed rise to god status.

Aurus I imagine being british sounding for some reason, and wearing a bow tie. (what? Bow tires are cool)

So yeah that's all I can remember and I'm sure people are getting annoyed at my ranting.

[AppleTank]

"Mr. Blue Sky" seems to be a nice soundtrack for the Author notes.
"Black Mesa Source Extended" for the Epilogue.

[Perteks]

Damn, just one. It was freaking awesome to read.
I read it all day from start and i can't say that day was wasted :)

Great to hear there will be sequel but damn heh i will miss Chrysalis in that one, she was great bonus to that team :)

[Spectrumancer]

Will there be a sequel?

Actual comment:
This story was a very good read, enjoyable character development and a very satisfying end (splat goes the villain). I also love your author's notes afterchapters, it's very engaging and adds that personal touch some writers lack.
All in all, a 5 star fic. (due to star shortage, please accept these fluttershys as substitute )

Cannot wait for the sequel, keep on writing!

[CompleteIndifference]

A wonderful end to a wonderful story
Can't wait for the sequel!

[Always Breakfast]

Very fun story. Yeah Aurus was a little Stu-ish, but you wrote him so darn well it's all good. I think the main thing to remember here is that what makes Aurus's OP-ness work is that it's a natural result of changelings on the whole. His defining trait was just being a decent guy...which in the context of changelings, happens to make him ridiculously powerful when politicians turn him into a well-timed and self-fulfilling viral messiah figure.

Basically, Aurus is an astroturf king.

Once more, I kinda wish the Manes would have been a bit more critical during the last fight -- Applejack in particular, since not only is she rather more involved with stuff, but she could very easily make the leap in logic from "he absorbs all magic" to "buck him in the face!" Actually, come to think of it Dash's save might've worked better thematically with AJ.

Let's see, other minor gripes. You did a lot of using "man" instead of "stallion", and various other un-pony choices of word, but it didn't disrupt things much.

[Bob The Brony]

I'm thinking a spin-off involving the orgins of the crystal that Gerd used would make a descent story, it could make an intresting read.

[Fuzebox]

Just gonna say what several people before me have said, GREAT FREAKING JOB. This is a story that centers around a borderline "gary-stu", and could have easily fallen into the vastness of "horrible self-insert fanfic", but it doesn't. It had an interesting premise, believable character-arcs, logical plot progression, well written dialog, a love story that was important but not overbearing, descriptive scene writing style, great humor bits, sad bits that brought me to tears (the Malik scene when he has his change of heart actually had me in tears), dramatic build-up, predictable yet still leaving me wanting to know what happened next style of forshadowing (I knew Gerd was going to be the big bad in the end as soon as he showed up), accurate character portrayal of official characters, really good pacing...man I could go on about this is a well written fiction but I leave it at that. This was an exceptionally well written story and while there are certain stylistic choices that you made that could have easily written you into a corner, it works well and provides a great experience.

I can't wait for any future installments or sequels you have planned, you are that good.

[Avellon]

As much as you love writing it I love reading it. Carry on Love the story a lot

[Verdant Sea]

Since you brought up the Avatar: The Last Airbender near the beginning of the note I couldn't help but think of Korrick as sort of being like Iroh from that series when I read that part.

[Combatf0rk]

Wonderful. applause.gif
I also do like how you don't use "everypony" and similar constructs. They're cute but I'm sure they must be a huge pain in the syntax.