*Looks at chapter title* Don't tell me what to do! hah, now to read it

ok their is some bad grammar but thats forgivable XD so far so good i'm tracking it

Okay, your story: Amazing so far, 5 stars and tracking it.

Your writing style: So good, so vivid and humorous, that it makes me look at my work with embarrassment.

All in all: Magnificent,  I'm definitely a fan now, this story better maintain the 5 star it currently holds.

>>2639526395

Hey kid, You can't skate here!

Um, Is all of the end supposed to be bolded? Or just her flashback?

>>2768727687 Sorry, first time submission! Anyone tell me how I can edit? Thanks for the comments everyone!

lol

Awesome! I'm really enjoying this fic, can't wait for your next chapter.

Dude, you are on fire with this. I love your pun-tries (Pun+country) and the humor remains constant. Buck yeah, can't wait for chapter 3!

This is wonderful and I need to read more of this. There are so many different ways you could go with this fic, and I feel you know what you're doing.

That said, I am going to pick on a few things. You don't need to take any of these suggestions.

1) You're doing a lot to make this a pony fic. By that, I mean that you're putting in a lot of slang, a lot of references, a few quotes from the show, etc. But... slow down? Saturating the early chapters like this makes it hardy to keep up that pace later. It also eventually feels like you're adding references just for the sake of it at time. Consider taking a way a few of these. This might just be personal preference. That said, I did love a few of them, and the story need not be devoid of them. The Large Fun Collider in Geneighva... and the cranberries.

2) I think you know what you want out of Princess Luna. Just don't swing between moods to fast. "We have obtained walnuts!" to crying to "We shall multiply our friendship at once!" was a bit jarring. Related, keep in mind that not all of your ideas have to go in one fic. It's great to give backstory, but it's easy for a reader to become disinterested when you're going into great detail about the history of Old and New Canterlot, or Luna speaking poetically for adjacent paragraphs about whatever issue. Keep the focus of this story in mind when writing this story.

3) You might want to read over this in a day or so with a fresh mind to check for small editing things. For instance: "I’m you’re new teacher.” misuses you're.

Aww. Poor Cherilee. I hope she wouldn't be beaten to pulp or humiliated... She's so nice

So Screwball is Bizarro, eh?

>>2929529295

I admit, the interest and mannerisms were inspired by her page in the fan coloring/activity book.

This is pretty damn funny, expecting more

In the movie version, Cherillee will be played by Drew Barrymore and Luna by Meryl Streep

But more seriously I'm liking the story

Having read a "Groundhog's Day" fusion, I am excited to discover a "High School High" fic ;)

Is Paleo's wife... and prereader. So I can also take some of the blame for missed grammar bits. No worries with him frying out or running short of puns. He's good like that. And, 80's music is blaring through the house as I type... so you can guess what that means... lol.

This reminds me of Stand and Deliver.

Yay more awesome references!

This would be so funny if I weren't feeling bad for Cheerilee

>>3253732537

It's always darkest before the 80's montage.

Red is awesome!  He's just like my science teacher.

Is this based off of Freedom Writers, cause I really like that movie!?

Excellent read. You have a natural talent for writing. Looking forward to more!

Bueno.

How will she reach these kids?

WE EAGERLY AWAIT TO SEE HOW SHE IS ABLE TO AIDE AND ASSIST YONDER CHEERILEE! ALL HAIL PRINCESS LUNA AND HER AMAZING ROYAL CANTERLOT SPEAKING VOICE! ONWARD, TO GLORIOUS BATTLE AGAINST THE MOST WORTHY OF ADVERSARIES! WORDS...

~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

You have a deep sense of humor, and you have an equally-deep appreciation for the characters.  Well written!

I'm enjoying the story very much.

Huzzah! A pony that always speaks in opposites! And the peasants rejoiced! (Trevor is LOVING all of the song and fic references throughout the chapters! XD like that story where that one colt 'caught' the moon to so win fair Luna's heart! Please keep it up! Trevor is intrigued as to where this is heading!

~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

>>3419034190 i can tell a story is good when i find you have liked it

Both funny and well-written.  I'm enjoying this story a lot...

...then again, I also enjoyed Stand and Deliver.

You grew up in the 1980s... didn't you?

Oh, poor Cheerilee!   I love the Screwball cameo . . . AND now we get Luna??

yay~

>>3433434334

Cameo? Trust me, she plays a big part in the story.

>>3429334293

January 1980, guilty as charged.

>>2890528905

It's got the sad tag, but not the Grimdark tag. She's not going to get beaten or shot in the classroom.

"They’ll come back embarrassed in a half hour with thoughts of state-mandated revolution gone. Remember, every time they want to rewrite society, you interrupt them.” The aged councilor walked off. “Trust me, boy. Lifespan of stars, attention span of a gnat.”"

I want the sisters to upset. His. World.

>>3334833348

yep, i won't lie. He's my favorite. Just like my own fave science teacher, maybe with a dash of the 10th Doctor thrown in? And yes, I am terribly biased, and can't wait to get home from my trip to read whatever he's got new... lol

A bizarro pony!   Awesome~

I usually don't comment, But I'm gonna recommend this to my friends purely because of the LotR reference there made by Luna.

...I give her a week until she brings an air horn into class...to "help get their attention"

You don't need to have her get beaten by the student body anyway... everyone in this school is already dead inside.

ME GUSTA

>>3458834588 WHICH ONE?

o and great work

this is so full of references that i spend half of the time reading looking stuff up!

i love it! keep up the good work!

Oooh, a "Progress" refrence, nice~

>>3458834588

Nice LOTR catch!

“I know not how Prince Blueblood was produced from the mighty stock that first gazed upon Nightmare Moon. I worry that the race of ponies is failing. The blood of Dream Valley is all but spent, its pride and dignity forgotten. “

  I hoped someone would notice that.

dude i love this, its like oc city

and the best part?

you write the ocs well, and with good references to classic 80's movies!

but alas i am a child of the 90's and so only have a limited knowledge of these movies and popculture references, but the writing alone is good enough to keep me coming back.  

Huh? I see people have commented on chapter 4 and I saw a notice about the story updating on EqD, but at the moment I can only see three chapters? Did you take it down?

>>3652536525

There was an aborted first chapter, unpublished and blank. I haven't been able to figure out how to remove it, so it throws all chapter numbers in the comments off. BUT...I am polishing off ch. 4 to be uploaded by tomorrow morning!

I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to be using Luna's “WE HAVE COME FOR THE TRAIL MIX! WE ARE HOPING FOR THE CRANBERRIES!” line whenever entering any place that sells food when I'm with my friends, if that's ok with you an all *squeak*

I'm loving the references! Especially the one of my favorite song by the Police! Keep it up!

>>2639626396

Oh, the irony. Or perhaps hypocrisy. Maybe even both.

This is on my to-read list. I've heard only good things.

>>3748337483

Good things! There are people somewhere saying good things!

"Over an hour had past."

Should be: "Over an hour had passed."

>>3749437494

Got it! Thanks!

>>3749837498 simply godly, i love this story

no one, ever, writes for Cheerilee. i applaud you for it

not to mention that its a good fic either way

“All my friends go dancing with me or none at all! You should be able to dance if you want to.  If you want to dance and my ‘friends’ won’t dance then they’re no friends of mine.  Let’s take you home.”

I love you.

Unless it was signed in triplicate lost found again inquired and then buried..  I saw that reference

I'm liking this! Keep it up!

YOU SIR HAVE A VERY INTERESTING STORY

it reminds me of that movie Stand and Deliver

bravo on catching my attention

heres the movie link if you want to see it

http://www.putlocker.com/file/470RKFIN1BQCSW0K#

>>3761037610

Oh yes, we watched Stand and Deliver this last week, because I had never seen it. lol. I foresee us watching several 80's movies and high school type movies from this. I know if nothing else, the music he's been playing while writing has put me in the mood for it.

Might want to lower on the horse puns. Some are rather uncalled for(Philhorsemonica), while others are just pushing it (Crazy Mane, Roan).

Words like Philoharmonica and Train don't need to be switched out for puns. After all they have harmony(and therefore harmonics, considering the etmology) and y'know trains. Granted, Equestria is probably in the middle of a coal shortage, explaining why ponies pull the train in the show.

I'd suggest only using horse puns for things like place names, unless you can manage a bison, dragon, griffon, or canid pun.  (ex: Alamoo, Cowarado, New South Scales, River Flames, Hawkasaki, Mt. Griffonmanjaro, Albarkuerque, or Guy Fox(Okay, so this one isn't a place, but I couldn't resist.)

Safety Dance!

CODE MONKEY REFERENCE!! CODE MONKEY BY jOHNATHAN FUCKIN COULTON!!

Im sorry about all the shouting but I just love Code Monkey. Hold on, I need to get this out of my system, ahem.

CODE MONKEY LIKE FRITOS!!

CODE MONKEY LIKE TAB AND MOUNTAIN DEW!!

CODE MONKEY VERY SIMPLE MAN!!

CODE MONKEY HAVE WARM SECRET HEART!

CODE MONKEY LIKE YOU!!&    &

Sorry, I REALLLY like Code Monkey.

and you end it with a 'Planes, Trains, and Automobiles' reference for your next chapter.

You sir, are awesome

I love this story, Cheerilee stories are diamonds in the rough, and this story is a diamond,

Don't stop believeing!

<screwball>

This story am terrible! Me no like it at all! Cheerilee is worst pony!

</screwball>

Definitely loving Screwball, but is that her 'dad' showing up?  Hope not, Cheerilee has enough on her hooves without a chaos bringer adding to it.

Poor Glare, guy can't catch a break can he?  At least Screwball likes him, so hopefully that'll give him some points.

I know blaming everything on him is a bit much, but it seems to me that hitting Placeholder over the head and locking him in a closet somewhere wouldn't leave the school any WORSE off.  He really needs to wake up and get with the programs since it should be glaringly obvious from Luna's actions that she's not letting the school close.  

Did I also see a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference in the last scene?

>>3789337893

I did indeed compare Placeholder to a Vogon bureaucrat.

>>3769337693

Kamineigh, you have inspired me. At some point in the story there will be a reference to Rover James Dio.

>>3794937949 It must be hard to do this: \m/ with hooves.

Awesome story.

Hello!

I like your story so far, you have chosen a very interesting theme here. Seems that not all of Equestria is nice, peace and happiness and the school for disadvantaged youngsters is quite a controversial topic.

Oh and I like Screwball at least when I figured out how she talks ^^ (reading the scene with the origami, was she implying to be… Discords daughter or something like that o.O )

I really like to now how Cheerilee will handle her new pupils and how this works out (with all the hints towards music I think of some Sister Act reference here ^^’ )And it’s definitely nice to see something about Cheerilee at all here and I’m very interested in, but I do have one concern.

It’s incredibly hard to read >.<

This could be because I’m not a native speaker, but usually I don’t have problems to follow a story at all, even if I have to look up words in a dictionary some times. But some parts I’ve read so far are simply confusing, the words don’t make sense, like something is missing (missing words?) or the order is wrong, or missing comma to give a sentence more sense.

I’m by no means a grammar nazi, heck I’m probably the last one who should complain about grammar (it IS really my weak spot with English) but I DO want your story to be presented to a wider spectrum and if something kills a otherwise good story is bad grammar and confusion induced to wrong choice of words, incomprehensible arrangement of them or missing vital parts of a sentence.

The story itself is most entertaining! But it’s no fun to re read a paragraph several times again to get the sense out of it :/

I don’t know what others think about it, or if my English is just too bad to understand you ^^’

Besides that I really did enjoy reading your story so far, keep it up and maybe improve on it a little bit more ^^

Awesome.Although my friend isn't a brony,I'll have to use this on him...

WE HAVE COME FOR THE TRAIL MIX!WE ARE HOPING FOR THE CRANBERRIES!

Great story! I haven't seen a Cherilee fic in a long time, and this one looks awesome. Great comedy and humor.

Definitely tracking this one.

The references. Do not stop them.

Taking time out of homework, because I love me some good ponyfics.

I'm not entirely sure how to remedy this, but it's pretty hard at the start of a scene to figure out where it is in time, or who the characters are. This was less present in this chapter than the last one, I guess, but it still took me a while to understand what was going on, partially because of the abundance of OC.

“Don’t get your hopes up, Reddy.  She’s from Ponyville. You know what they say about girls from Ponyville, right?”

Everypony is lesbian in Equestria?

Colty Hart? Haha, nice! I'm guessing the name of his biggest hit is "Blinders at night"?

i honestly only started reading this for the first chapter, because i thought it would be worth a laugh. i'm not usually one to enjoy a bunch of references, nor am i trying to fill up my tracked list. but after four chapters of this story, i'm clicking the track button. good job.

>>3278132781

I am stealing this. Like, forever.

Also, I love these references. "YOU ALMOST BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE!"

Safety Dance reference has solidified this as one of my favorites.

I love how Cheerilee thinks in 80s song lyrics.

You need more Royal Sisters interludes. Or to write a fic about them. Theis is my favourite chapter of the whole thing.

"His level of attention suggested the letters in the cream spelled out the missing clue to solving a murder. "

Ha! Deadly Premonition? Definitely my favorite reference :)

>>2639626396

I laugh at your irony

I love it! Bring on the next chapter!!!

>>4235742357

He'll probably be upping the next chapter today...

Oh Celestia.... Even I know the song that you're referencing at the end! Dont know the name..but I think it was by Journey.

Hold on, I'll check my cd's. Yeah, it's by Journey. The title of the song is worn of the disc though.

Alright lets get the awkward part out of the way first...

"I -CAN- all the way from Cherry Lawn in Ponyville to teach you." -can- was supposed to be -came- ?

“That’s what old myths are all about all about, class; clopping and killing.”  one too many 'all abouts'

"It was the pony with the singing canary cutie mark she had -SCENE- in the market one day." you meant -seen-, right?

Now, sorry for the grammar Nazi thing, really dislike pointing stuff out like this   And sorry of any of those were false alarms, not having English as my native language sometimes makes me miss out on some of the more advanced stuff and mistake it for a.... well... mistake.

Now that that's dealt with, may I say how great the fic is and that I enjoy every single bit of it?

And that your Screwball characterization is simply fascinating

>>4269042690

Nope, you're right on all accounts and fixes have been made. Thanks!

Don't think you can hid that "hot for teacher" reference from me!

Loved the referance to Thomas Dolby's She blinded me with science... ahh what I would give to have been born in the 70's and lived through the 80's... much better than the rubish 0's I had...

So many referances!!!!! Take all my Fluttershy!!

Holy... A Journy referance and a Talking Heads one... This is vastlly becomeing one of my favorate fics!

FOR THOSE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND THE REFERENCE:

Just a small town girl

Livin' in a lonely world

She took the midnight train goin' anywhere

Just a city boy

Born and raised in south Detroit

He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

A singer in a smoky room

A smell of wine and cheap perfume

For a smile they can share the night

It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting

Up and down the boulevard

Their shadows searching in the night

Streetlight people

Living just to find emotion

Hiding somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill

[- From :http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/journey-lyrics/don_t-stop-believin_-lyrics.html -]

Everybody wants a thrill

Payin' anything to roll the dice just one more time

Some will win, some will lose

Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the movie never ends

It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting

Up and down the boulevard

Their shadows searching in the night

Streetlight people

Living just to find emotion

Hiding somewhere in the night

Don't stop believin'

Hold on to that feelin'

Streetlight people

Don't stop believin'

Hold on

Streetlight people

Don't stop believin'

Hold on to that feelin'

Streetlight people

o and great chapter, this is easily my fave oc fic

Impressed with the subtle reference to the cutie mark of a miner with the canary cage.

Dr. Ocsid? I see what you did there.

aaarg, I only know the title of 2 of the songs, and one of them is for chapter 6 which isnt released yet , why is it contest always have to be about something I don't know anything about, next time let's try video game references, ok? (interesting fic btw, enjoyin the read thus far)

>>4293842938

Don't forget, if something looks like a song lyric throw it into Google; you may find out its lyrics!

Fallout Equestria references to the max.  :D

You rule.

Loving this story so far. It had me laughing the whole time but when I hit the Fallout: Equestria reference I nearly died. Calamity is the best companion. And a good karma fillyfooling techy unicorn? So much win. Glare is hilarious and kind of adorable too with his well meaning destructiveness. Can't wait for the next update.

-ahem- SPOILER ALERT BELOW!

Dr. Oscid...DISCORD! Granted its so obvious maybed I shouldn;t spoiler mark.

Probably won't get most of the song refs, but definitely spotted the Fallout: Equestria refs this chapter!

And seriously...Placeholder: Buck to the head, tossed in closet, preferably a basement one...

No Cheerile, don't give up!

Dont stop believin Cheerilee!

Hold on to the feelin that you can get through to them!

The Luna Armor that your referencing is Luna's skeleton that the Alicorn was wearing near Luna's room isn't it? I dont think that there was any armor in Fallout 3 that was alignment dependent. BTW I love that you made Little Pip the Lone Wanderer in here. I still cant believe that Kkat gave FOE:Puppy Smiles a small blessing by making the Rock of Destiny official.