In the Dodge Junction town square, a tall, dark pegasus in a postal uniform was checking over his straps and buckles one last time in front of some admiring onlookers. His dark fur shone in the red light. A honey-colored mare came up to his side.
“Been a long time since I’ve seen a pony in uniform here,” she said. “My name’s Sugar Roll. What’s yours?”
“Tale Spin,” he said. “Two words.”
“I saw you dancing with some of the mares at the hoe-down last night,” she said.
“The mares of Dodge Junction have been very welcoming to this humble mailpony,” he said.
“You’re so brave,” she said. “Travelling through the waste, with all those raiders lying in wait for you.”
“Just doing my job, Ma’am,” he said. He reached up and straightened his cap.
“Well, Tale Spin,” she said. “Maybe next time you come, I’ll have a letter for you.”
Tale Spin lifted his head and gazed off stoically to the north. “I can’t say for sure as I’ll make it back, ma’am. Raiders and monsters at every turn, and all. But duty calls, and I answer. Now, my fellow carriers await me.” He snapped her a salute and flew off into the sunset.
“Damn fool can’t see a thing, flying into the sunset like that,” an old grey mare standing nearby said.
Sugar Roll sighed. “But it looks so fine.”
“Also, Appleloosa’s that-a-way.”
“Hey,” Sugar Roll said. “Why do we always call it the sunset, anyway?”
The grey mare blinked. “I don’t follow.”
Sugar Roll shaded her eyes with one hoof. “You ever think that maybe it’s a sun rise?”
.
.
Author's Note: The Mailmare took 7th place in EQD’s More Most Dangerous Game contest, 3rd in the Fallout: Equestria-inspired stories. I didn't read most of the stories that beat it, so I don't have an opinion on that. I'm hyper-aware of what I think the problems are with the story. But I think more readers are bugged by things I did deliberately.
There are only two kinds of stories about good and evil:
1. Stories in which virtue is rewarded and evil is punished
2. Stories in which virtue is not always rewarded and evil is not always punished, and a major theme of the story is angsting about this fact
There are only three kinds of stories with villains:
1. Stories in which the villain loses
2. Stories in which the villain is reformed
3. Tragic stories in which the villain wins
But Fallout: Equestria (F:E) is not any of those five kinds of stories. F:E is a story in which the hero and the reader gradually realize that the world didn't come with a guarantee saying virtue would be rewarded, and that when you're tossed into a world where ponies are being killed, the important thing is not to go around judging people and dispensing justice, but to stop the killing. Virtue is not rewarded and evil is not punished, and that's beside the point. The failure of the world to meet your childish expectations is no excuse for despair, nor a reason to angst instead of rejoice when you've stopped the killing.
Which brings us to Tale Spin. Tale Spin is the bad guy. Or is he?
Well, he is pretty bad. He wants to be bad; he's trying to play the part of a bad guy. But he's an actor first. He'd rather be the hero, but if he can't be the hero, then he wants to be the bad guy. What he really is, is a self-absorbed douchebag. Bad, but no worse than some people you encounter every day. I wanted to show that it doesn't take a black heart to do evil things. Just a warped sense of priorities, or stupidity, or apathy. The problem isn't in the pony as much as in the environment.
In the end, Tale Spin wins. He gets exactly what he wants: to play the hero and to be adored by pretty young mares. Derpy has used him and neutralized him, but not punished or reformed him.
I already compromised on that point by suggesting that he never actually raped or killed anypony, and by making him slightly comical toward the end. But I definitely wanted to end with Tale Spin no better than he was before, and for that lack of reform or punishment not to detract from the triumph felt at the ending. Derpy has gotten past her desire for revenge in order to do the important thing, which is to stop him and to use him to help other ponies.
(I'm not saying revenge or punishment are bad. Just that the real world, unlike the worlds we see in books and movies, doesn't make sure that you never have to choose between saving the world and punishing the villain.)
InquisitorM said that this story is very pony because the ponies don't save civilization by using the Magic Doodad, but through individual personal connections. I think that's right, but it has an unpopular twist to it: Moral progress isn't made by teaching ponies the magic of friendship, but by delivering the mail. Now, that mail wouldn't be as important if ponies didn't care for each other. But while love and friendship might be the most important things, they aren't great points of leverage for social change. For thousands of years, people have tried to improve society by teaching people to be nicer to each other. This is a good thing, but not as effective in doing good as ignoble economic development.
Historically, humanity's moral progress over the past few thousand years, though it has ebbed and flowed, has not been due to people getting nicer, but to technology. The Dark Ages were not ended by Christianity; they were ended by the horse collar, the loom, irrigation, three-field crop rotation, wind mills, water wheels, paper, trade routes, the invention of corporations, insurance agencies, banks, and all the things that made it more profitable for people to make stuff than to fight over the stuff they already had.
In the end of this story, Tale Spin is just a harmless douchebag. He was never "reformed"; he was put into a different environment in which it doesn't pay to behave in his old ways. Millions of douchebags today might rape and kill to get what they wanted if they found themselves in a wasteland devoid of law and order. We don't kill them all, satisfying though that might feel; we build a society in which they can get what they want more easily by doing other things.
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Is the sun frozen overhead or something?
"Well, if it's in the west..."
"You ain't got no poetry in yer soul, you know that?"
In any case, an excellent tale. It was quite interesting to see how it diverged from the original plan. Thank you for this, and good luck in the judging.
Would love to see more stories in this universe that you've created Bad Horse.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and safe.
5557911
Yes. It was hinted at in earlier chapters.
-Sky66
5557809
I get it now that I've spent a while thinking about it, but yeah.
Anyway, because my comments have sounded negative: for the record, I really liked this story as a whole.
This was really good, BH. There are a lot of great instances of characterization and thematic elements, and it's all tied together nicely with the prompt. This just works.
The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be.
5558294 I didn't even know there was a movie until people mentioned it in the comments.
5558440
It has Tom Petty playing himself (his future self) as the mayor of a post-apocalyptic town.
It also has a somewhat different plot.
I've always been fond of The Postman because it was a post-apocalyptic thing set in Oregon. Possibly why I'm biased towards the first two Fallout games as well, even though they don't make much use of it.
Vote this comment down if you think this story should have the Dark tag, up if you think it shouldn't.
¿Did the sun just rise or was about to set when Canterlot and the Princesses got blown to bits? ¿Is the sun near the eastern or western horizon? If the Unicorns can figure out how to move the sun and moon like their ancestors, this world can have a night/day-cycle again. I like to think that the ones who attacked Equestria either roasted directly under the sun or froze in eternal night.
5558937
While it's really not that Dark and actually ends very hopeful, I would still say keep the dark tag because of the attempted rape and the contemplated suicide, since those are sensitive topics people oftentimes want some warning about before going into, and the dark tag provides all the warning necessary.
Also, I'm glad I gave the last four chapters a reread here; the extra polish was very nice, and I liked some of the surprise changes, like Corkscrew staying in Derpy's home, or all the little additions to Derpy's dialogue and actions when she rejoins the raiders, which I thought made her growth in character all the more standout.
5557911
The Princesses and Elements of Harmony are gone. Dead or vanished, don't know. Luckily for them, the sun was apparently low in the sky when it happened, so things didn't get insanely hot. And the moon wasn't up, so things didn't freeze to death.
Here's hoping for a sequel.
Really enjoyed this, and not just because I love the source materials. This, air, is a work of art. Best of luck in the contest!
I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.
This is my current favorite in the More Most Dangerous Game competition.
Wow, that ending.
Definitely think this is gonna win.
Good job, oh Bad one of the Equines.
“How you can sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can’t make out. You seem to me to be perfectly heartless."
"Well, I can’t eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them."
"I say it’s perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances.”
Equestria needs somepony like Derpy--not stupid, just terribly, terribly Ernest.
(Sorry--been on a Wilde kick lately
)
Heyo! I was right!
Delivering mail --> Hope --> Coupons --> Money --> Civilization restored = Return of Equestria
Flawless logic.
Really enjoyed this. Wasn't expecting it to end where it did, but it works very nicely. :D
A worthy take on a novel I like very much.
I never seem to be able to write satisfying comments on your stories, but I'll try it again with this one. First off, I do believe it's a story best read in one or two sittings, as opposed to the serial nature it was released. Maybe it's just me, but I found it to be a far more enjoyable read the second time around.
I think the thing I like most about this story is how it addresses the prompt. This world doesn't have a Gardens of Equestria or a fancy spell so that ponies can move the sun again. In this story, civilization is rebuilt in the same manner I imagine it was built originally: through trade and communication between settlements. The fact that you managed to portray it in a feasible way is what I believe to be a major selling point of the story.
I still don't really understand the point of the Everfree chapter. By the end of it we get a pretty clear picture of the contempt that Derpy feels for ponykind, but it never really feels like it leads anywhere. Her interaction with Summer Rain is far more visceral and effective. Beyond that great line about the difference between beasts and ponies, the chapter feels more like an aside than anything else. I don't find that the story would lose very much if it wasn't there.
Dust Devil's second appearance is also somewhat disappointing. He transitions from being a terrifying symbol of how dangerous and depraved Equestria has become to almost being comedic relief. Suddently the Wasteland feels a lot less dangerous when a buffoon like him is seen as one of the greater threats of the post a apocalyptic world.
At any rate, I can't say that they are major impediments to the story. I really like how you found a way for Derpy to create a sense of normalcy in Equestria, with her basically (re)creating industries. This story easily shows the recovery portion of the prompt better than the other entries.
Folks will say this was based on a David Brin novel. But I know better:
I'm not one for apocalyptic fiction usually, but this was an excellent story. I would like to see a sequel, but this is still great on its own.
I have read and I have liked this collection of words.
Seen the movie and I agree with your assessment of it.
This reminds me somewhat of Going Postal (a Discworld book and direct-to-TV movie), although the mail in this isn't nearly as late and the world here is far more dire.
5643229 I find this interesting because at first glance the short chapter gave me pause. I haven't looked into the comments in detail as I'm not planning to review this until Monday, so I can't be sure if this is what it being discussed, but short chapters rarely work well for me, yet experience dictates that you rarely do anything storytelling-wise without due consideration.
I am looking forward to this.
5705102 I don't think of online chapters as being the same sort of thing as book chapters. Short stories don't have chapters at all in print; they have section breaks, and I think of online chapters as being closer to section breaks.
I have an ulterior motive, too: With short chapters, I can see better where readers stopped reading. That helps me identify problem spots. For this story they're chapters 2, 5, and 9. I don't know why, though.
5709298 I take it as kind of a fifty/fifty thing. You right in that they're not the same, but the principles are still in play, just modified by a different framework.
Here, they mesh nicely with cut-aways, essentially reaffirming scene locations and time-hops without ever having to say a word on the subject. Further, each chapter is a sufficiently complete entity as to not feel stilted by such a structure. Usually, this is where short-chaptered stories on FimFiction go wrong; chapters are short for reasons other than the demands of the narrative itself. This is mostly why it was no matter to keep an open mind going into this story, I had no reasons to suspect such naivety from you.
As for the story overall, I certainly enjoyed it. Considering how much shorter this is compared to most of the other winners, you managed to cover a lot of ground and introduce several disparate concepts without it getting cluttered. I was also quite taken with the deft hand you showed in raising the stakes without resorting to any cheap pot-out resolutions, especially the end of chapter three. I'd definitely hold this up an an exemplar of how to pace a story.
This was a refreshingly good read. Fimfic is desperately starved of this quality of writing, and this thoughtfulness. All too often you just see the same ideas rehashed, or worse, shambling like zombies. I'm tired of self insert human in equestria fics, I'm tired of dark fics that are so self brooding they might as well be singularities, I'm tired of clop, so much shit.
Little things like this make all that searching worth it though, a taste of fresh air for once.
Why, Bad Horse, you're improving... you made something that could almost qualify as a happy story. Y'know, if you forget about all the wanton violence and random death and attempted rape. Why, that ending was even downright hopeful.
On a more serious note, as far as critique goes: the scene of Derpy's revelation with her daughter's letter felt very rushed. It was building up to something with her tantrum, but then it sort of glossed over what she was feeling in favor of what she was doing, something that I personally didn't feel worked well for such an emotion-centric moment as a revelation.
That would be all I can think of at the moment.
5720577
Thanks for being specific. I'll think about that. At the moment I can't think how else to do it.
5722112 The whole story is in third-person limited. I don't think there's any switch there. Maybe you mean "she cried for a long time" sounds like something an outside observer would say? Hmm. It does, doesn't it?
I thought you meant the lead-up, Derpy getting ready to burn the house down, went too quick. Often when someone says something goes too quick, the problem is that the previous chapters don't lead up to it.
That's a lot more specific. It is the pivotal moment, so I should pay more attention to it. Frankly, I didn't spend much time writing it, because I was afraid I couldn't do it right. I know that makes no sense, but it's true.
200 likes, you more then welcome
I've heard your name, but I think this is the first of your works that I've read. This is really good. It's shorter than I normally read; however it lasts just the right length. Thought provoking as well. I like that you have the author's note at the end, explaining the concepts you want readers to take away from the story. I'm not the most insightful of readers, so it's nice to have clarification. I also like your characterization. Even without too many details, you established solid characters. The one thing I might have liked to see was an second interaction with the Flowers, or the delivery of Sun's letter. Still though, a very solid story which I thoroughly enjoyed. Congratulations on your placement in the finals, and for sharing your creativity! -Justin
5813781 Thanks for the specific feedback! Interesting idea, to come back to the Flowers. Possibly I could work that into the last scene, though honestly I'm not likely to now.
5819756 If you do, and if you don't mind posting a blog linked to this story, then I'll read it.
5821319 But how will you read the blog, since you're not following me?
5821366 Ah, tricksy users these days, checking their followers.
That's why I said to write a blog linked to this story. I have the story in my library, which is set to post associated blogs to my feed.
But that's not the answer to the question you were asking, was it?
5821841 It is the answer to the question I asked, which is in fact the question I was asking.
I didn't get a notification that you added the story to a shelf.
I wouldn't ask why you aren't following me, since the answer is presumably some kind of brain malfunction.
5822187 I plead the fifth.
I just finished reading this story. I really liked it, and like the "Who needs justice? Rebuilding is more important" message. But that said...
5709298
Speaking as someone who stopped reading halfway through and only came back to it a few months later, here's a theory: Chapters 5 and 9 were the chapters in which Derpy made major decisions that the reader might not agree with. In chapter 5 she gives up on the only obvious path towards exactly the ending that the story ends up with, and in chapter 9 she tries to recruit "the bad guys" of the story. The reason I stopped reading halfway through was because of her aimlessness after giving up in chapter 5, contrasted with her sense of purpose before. (The chapter 9 decision I liked but I imagine some might not.)
As for chapter 2, well, that was the chapter where it became clear how dark the story was going to be. Attempted rape tends to do that.
Of course, the aspects of those chapters which seem like stopping points to me are vital to the story and couldn't be written out while keeping it the same story. Maybe the chapter 2-3 darkness could be toned down but only by weakening the villains (which you said you already compromised on).
Truly masterful. I think that if this was adapted into a more generally consumable medium, it would get some serious attention.
Writing: 5 / 5 (far above average)
Plot: 4 / 5 (above average)
(there should probably be a teen tag though)
6351952 Thanks!
There is.
I really like this story. It's a little shorter than I'd like, but I can't really fault it for being what it is. And what it is is a pretty cool story about mail, personal connections, and a one-note sleaze called Dust Devil who probably died of syphilis or vagina dentata.
I think my favorite part was the bit where there's another mailpony somewhere out there. A really good 'you are not alone' moment.
6422346 THE SEA MONKEYS ARE A LIE
So... if you're in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and you're wearing any kind of uniform, have a legitimate and useful job to society, and are young and good looking, you're prolly going to get laid.
Latrine cleaner? :B
5620975
I guess it's meant to be representative of how much of a threat Derpy sees him as. Like, he's this hyper murder rapist who laughs like he's a whole murder of crows, a massive threat, to a dick lizard who gave Derpy a letter that tells a dragon to eat her on the envelope as a stupid prank; Derpy's worked up the courage to see him as he is, a dick lizard of the wasteland, rolling around sand dunes and dirt like a dong snake or whatever the hell. Earlier, she was terrified of him despite her actions not fully revealing it, but not anymore.
I think this may have been one of those conscious choices by BH.
That being said, I liked Dust Devil's first appearance. He's the closest to being evil, if it weren't for that second appearance. It's rather spine tingling how menacing he gets, eh?
Liked this story. Surprising how pony this turned out. Only in Equestria would the postal service thrive at all, and it's all due to the inter connectivity ponies have with each other. Heh, if anything like this were to happen in the real world right now...
6422368
They won't be a lie because of the Equestrian Postal Service, though. They'll make sure that coupon gets to the right place. The sea monkeys will be a lie simply because that place was in Canterlot. And it won't be because of whatever hellfire scorched the city. Oh no. It'll be because some depraved nobility with a rich appetite for caviar ran out and decided pouches of sea monkeys were meh close enough and had their servants cash in all the sea monkey coupons months before the fires to feed their gluttonic desires to buy expensive (edible?) crap.
It'll be one of those shit outta luck moments and there'll be this one spot in the Canterlot cremation bin that's accumulating this massive pile of letters, all with coupons for free sea monkeys, forever remaining unanswered, collecting ash. It will be a monument to the cruel sins against sea monkeydom.
There's something just unutterably sweet about one mares quest to keep civilisation alive in the form of something as small as the post. So many post-apocalypse stories focus on staying alive, it's nice to see one a story about something worth living for, a tangible reminder of a lost world.
6422935 Actually, I'm fairly certain this was inspired by 'The Postman' by David Brin, which was a similar idea, though in that the titular postman was a drifter, who only took the clothes of a long dead postman for warmth, but ended up being a force for restablishing civilisation in a post apocalyptic Oregon, as the people of the various villiages are desperate to believe that he is a real postman, and that civilisation is returning. He ends up taking the mantle at first just to barter for food and supplies, but eventually 'becomes the mask'.