You are a humble business pony, setting up shop in Canterlot hoping to make a living. Your plans are partially derailed when the Princess herself decides to pay you a visit. It doesn't take long for you to fall head over hooves for the goddess. Yet you are unsure if such feelings would ever be reciprocated. Taking fate into your own hooves you approach the Ruler of Equestia herself, to find out if a future with her would ever be possible.
My very first ponyfic I ever wrote. Rewritten and somewhat improved. If you don't like second person stuff than this fic is not for you, just saying right now.
Chapters (1)
Loved this story in the SFG collection. Glad to see it on here!
keep working on it:)
finally a celesia romance fic that isnt disturbing in some way
Unbelievable. A Celestia romance fic that isn't disturbing in some way.
543615>>544196
Yes, well I try.
Loved this back then (and the sequel i believe?) and always wished there was more like this, simple romance and not Molestia clopfics.
573481
There actually wasn't a sequel. Though another writer did reference it within his own fic, that may be what you are thinking of.
573539
then it was that yeah, or just a similar themed one.
Hate the fact that notifications to reply's are broken now.
I just loved it.
Congratulations author.
how 'bout sequel? (no clop)
This story is so much win, i want MOAR!
615110
Not sure what a sequel would entail honestly. Glad that you like the fic, but its pretty much a stand alone. Got enough fic work's on my plate as is that I don't really need to take on anymore.
hmm... okay, but remember about this fic, and sequel request, after you done with other work, okay?
P.S. sorry about grammar, English is not my first language
618872
Don't worry about grammar, English is my only language and I am still not all that great at grammar. I will keep your idea in mind but there is really only one other thing I would want to do with this fic. It would be when 'you' is dying of old age. Though I have another fic idea that deals with the same kind of topic but with Cadence and Shining Armor. So for now I don't really have any ideas on what to do with this one.
618900 i have been thinking about the whole cadence and shining armor thing..... how did she come about? and why would a princess (to which you dont know the country she hails from) be foalsitting twilight?
Okay. I'll be honest. For a first fic, this isn't the complete and utter shit I expected it to be. However, god help you if you dare to call it good.
You've got tense inconsistencies, word misusage, rampant grammatical errors, and annoying dialogue. The plot is extremely rushed, and I didn't really have enough time for it to fully register that "you" loved Celestia before they were making out hard enough for someone in the audience to tell them to get a fucking booth. The plot seemed largely glossed over, and was far too fast-paced for a fic like this.
It's a pretty common problem, but one that I hope you solve soon.
As for the narrative choice, well... you did "meh" on that front, especially because you rushed through the plot like Rainbow Dash on a fucking sugar high. One of the key principles of the second-person fic that most morons don't seem to follow is that there are three sets of characters involved. Firstly, you've got the shipped pony, in this case, Celestia. Second Tier is comprised of the Blank You, the pony or human that performs the actions in the story as dictated by the text. The last, of course, is the reader him/herself.
Blank You is the character that no one appreciates, because no one thinks to appreciate him/her. By most accounts, Blank You is simply an empty shell through which the reader is able to enter the written world. These accounts are all thought up by idiots. While it is true that Blank You exists solely to provide a link into the story for readers, he/she is a crucial part of the entire system.
Despite being the eyes for readers, Blank You is his own character, because we, as readers, are unable to determine what he/she does, and he/she is confined to actions allowed by the author. As such, we are unable to fully empathize with Blank You as a character, because not only is he/she meant only to be a window, but because he/she, that is, you, acts in ways that you, the reader, wouldn't act in his/her place.
Since readers exist outside the story, Blank You is the character that truly does the interacting, and as such requires just as much, if not more, characterizing than any other character in the story. Blank You must act not only as a representative of what the readers want to see, but as a character in his/her own right.
In this case, Blank You received very little attention, and at the end of the story I felt as though I didn't know him any better than I did at the start. He's an important character; don't forget about him in all the excitement and kissy faces.
619885
Personally, I think Cadence is less a ruler of a whole other pony nation and more of the official Ambassador of Equestria. It would help explain she might not be around since season 2 finale. Plus it wouldn't be too surprising to think Armor accompanied her as protection and such. Would give them an opportunity to grow together before the season finale and such.
As for when and how she showed up? I am not entirely sure.
620160
Half the reason it seemed underdeveloped and such was partly because of the thread on Ponychan in which it appeared. Every story that was a one shot was basically much the same. all the stories were more focused on the 'sensual' parts of the story rather than much character development. If I had taken this fic more seriously I probably wouldn't have gone with the second person fic and did more chapters to build up the whole deal. It was always intended to be a one shot so I didn't really put all that great an effort into it.
621541
Mhmm. Usually, I recommend doing well what you intend to do at all, but to each their own. *shrugs*
nice and quick and yet still a good read. have a like
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Edit... Also, may God have no mercy on the person who downvoted.
573481
who is your favorite doctor?
Short and sweet :)