Epilogue
Unity
Epilogue
Unity. With the cold of winter still in full force, people of all species were decked out in heavy coats and scarves as they braved the snow-covered streets, which were now made festive by Christmas and Hearth's Warming lights and decorations in windows and doorways.
A green and red scarf wrapped around her neck, Scootaloo trotted down main street, enjoying the yuletide sights. She had finally finished Super Mario Brothers, and was looking forward to trying her hoof at other games now that the arcade was fully powered. Though of course, the biggest concern on the filly's mind was hopes for the return of her hero; Hearth's Warming was in just two days, after all, and nothing would make a better present than the triumphant return of Rainbow Dash.
And so it was that Scootaloo, mind busy with such thoughts, was about to go in Bon-bon's shop to buy candy canes for her friends, when a man came running down the street shouting "They're back! They're back!" Curious, Scootaloo followed. She was soon joined by a large crowd, which ended up in front of Town Hall. Looking up, she saw a speck in the distance, growing larger, closer. A speck that soon resolved itself into the Harmony.
The crowds danced and cheered as Harmony descended, landing perfectly placed at the dock built for it. They fell silent and listened as Twilight Sparkle stood atop the boarding ramp and gave a condensed version of what they had found on their journey. Emotions were a volatile mix; Fear, in knowing there were indeed very dangerous beings out there. Happiness at the hope of new friends. Sadness that there was indeed no way home; joy, at being able to make contact.
The presence of Belle, and the news of new towns less than ten miles distant, brought perhaps the biggest cheers; The storm that transferred Sylph Hollow and the Yilane and Lyrick towns had been seen, of course, but prudence had kept anyone from investigating.
As Twilight finished speaking, a light on the beacon she still wore turned from yellow to green. To either side of the mare, appeared individuals very recognizable to the peoples of Earth and Eqqus: The American President, and Princess Celestia. When the cheers had finally died down, both leaders expressed their commitment to continuing to search for a way to return people home. "However," Celestia said, "It seems likely that this will be the work of several years. And, even when we succeed, we do not wish to simply bring everyone home and cut ties. No, we should remain in contact, as allies and trading partners."
The President said "Therefore, we have decided that while anyone who wishes to return to their own world once such is possible will of course be allowed to do so, Unity itself should remain either way. People of all species should be welcome there. What you have built and continue to build will endure, as a testament to what different peoples can do, when they cooperate."
The crowds cheered again, and Scootaloo joined in. Life in Unity was a mixed blessing; Fraught with the perils of a new and unknown world yet also blessed with the promise of new friends, new discoveries, and new adventures. But those are stories for another day...
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Hmm, that ending is a bit abrupt. And mostly tell, not show.
Sequel then?
Gah, not another story that ends with a unknown ending. But you said there might be more...
I'll wait and hopefully all of my prayers for Fallout 4 being a great game will be answered. Oh, and for not a long period between stories. That one too.
Well.
That was fast.
Anddddddd now we begin ranting below my comment, correct?
By the way, see you next sequel!
That was quite an awesome ride, even if a bit of a lurching halt.
Looking forward to more of the unity-verse.
Just had an idea, as the machine breaks down even more starts opening portals at random turning unity more and more like sigil with a race to the center to stop the machine once and for all
Being honest here, 600 word epilogue was a bit of a let down. Was expecting a the story to continue until the portals were opened to either world.
Still a good story.
Any idea on what the next sequel will be called?
Story status: Complete
Soo...
sequel?
6493691
6493681
Ponescape Torment, anyone?
Anyway, this was truly a good story and, as others, I too hope the abrupt ending means we will get a sequel in the future!
6493735
Yeah pretty much that, I would read that all day
Quick Google search there are handful of planescape crossovers that will check out
Edit
Too bad the ones I have found are incomplete and the authors have been offline for 100 weeks
6493631
I was waiting for someone to make a fallout 4 joke XD
That was indeed a bit abrupt; I'd have thought their return would be another full chapter rather than an epilogue. It's not a bad thing to leave the main goal (returning home) unresolved, but it implies that the sequel will continue that plot instead of just introducing a new conflict entirely. That makes an epilogue look a bit out of place, since it's usually something that ties up loose ends after the story is over.
Really looking forward to that sequel!
(Which I know hasn't been confirmed, but... after that ending...
)
This is quite anti-climatic, that much i'll say. But hopefully this is because you're going to write a sequel perhaps?
Many have said it, and I must agree: that ending tasted like the promise of a sequel!
The ending was a little abrupt after so many chapters that where so much longer, but the hoped for sequel lets us know that the story is not over yet!
As far as i know theyll be asequel from im hearing hes working on two short stories first then he may get around to the sequel on a side note id like to see a unity verse group like side stories alt. Universe fics fanmade sequels by other writers .....if we have permission from the origninal author first i think theres a lot of ideas i think other writers can create im hoping we dont have to wait long for the next story to this i dont know if hes got a release date for it it just depends on how long those other storie take hey if we could wait through the season five hiatus we can survive this
Everyone has said it, I'll add onto it.
This epilogue tastes...
*lick lick lick lick*
Like a sequel...
*lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick*
Yep... straight sequel being planned.
And I cannot wait for it! I have no doubts it'll be one hell of one, hehehe.
Awesome job dude, this was fantastic!
Keep it up!
6493861 I'm guessing slice of life side story, but my taste buds aren't very sensitive...
Good ending and a great story. I'm hoping for a sequel or just other stories set on the same world.
6493893
I detected some faint traces of Slice of Life 
my tongue knows all!
6493904 Maybe you're tasting the people who licked the story first?
6493908 Mmmmm, other people's tongue stuff
6493980 This is starting to sound like one of those STD awareness ads; when you lick a story, you also lick everyone else that story has been licked by...
6494037
lol, it does...
*scrubs tongue*
Please at least make a one-shot about those "other days".
What wull happen to the nazis?
6494263 They got eaten and that's all there is to that.
Omg a new chapter! Which chapter is it?
"Epilogue"
*Closes the tablet.*
*Silence*
...
Sequal? sry but this is way too awesome to just be left here.
SEQUEL!! SEQUEL!! SEQUEL!! SEQUEL!!
Sequel bait... ACTIVATED!
Concept: A
Humans meet ponies is hardly original, but the reason for that is that the storyline is inherently compelling. Putting the meeting place in a completely different setting makes the comfortable old plot fresh without sacrificing its inherent charm.
Plot: C
In execution, everything fell apart very quickly. Unity is a patchwork of ideas, more like a series of episodes than a unified story. In the first chapters that was okay, as each challenge got enough detail to be interesting, but as the story drags on each ministory gets less and less time and leaves more and more threads dangling. There are several chapters where "what is going on?" can be answered most accurately by "stuff." The actual plotline isn't too bad, it just tried to do too much and suffered because of it. More on that later.
With such a chopped up plotline, you wouldn't expect much of a climax. You'd be right. The amount of exposition neatly sucks the energy of the story dry (not that it had much left) as the setting's mysteries are finally revealed. But hey, at least the resolution doesn't disappoint. There isn't one.
Characterization: C+
A character that gets focus in a scene usually gets written okay. But the author falls into a common trap: too many characters. The mane six is already a fairly large crowd to deal with, and the author makes a habit of using them as a unit. Then to get them all involved, he gives them lines more or less at random. Probably the most jarring moment is when somepony needs to give a history lesson with some rather technical language mixed in on the nature of magic. It would have been perfect coming from Twilight, but he gives the lines to Rarity.
Then he adds the human cast and puts them all in the same flying boat.
New Characters: C
The human cast suffers from the same issue as the ponies, but since they're not iconic characters they become very forgettable very quickly. The author avoids most cliches and subverts a few others, but he manages to create two memorable characters: a level-headed survivalist and a twitchy policeman. The first embraces the survivalist nutjob stereotype towards the end and the other was shoved off camera and died surrounded by nazis and aliens. On the B list of characters you have a fairly generic sheriff, a bunch of kids, and a girl that decides to get romantically involved with a pony. Because what this story really needed was a romance subplot on the pile of other subplots.
Setting: D
One of the businesses named in the prologue is The Spoony Bard Diner. I decided instantly that I loved the characters that owned it.
Almost everything in the setting is cribbed from some videogame, novel, or other work. It gets old fast.
If you like Final Fantasy references, the setting probably will be pretty decent. If you think Final Fantasy should have stopped with 6, well, you probably won't get most of them anyway. I sure didn't.
The concept of the setting waits until the very end to fully reveal itself. And that's pretty much all that happens. There's no real resolution to the issues that made it necessary to hunt down the mystery in the first place and any conflict is handled off-screen. Having a mysterious figure walk right into town handing out answers and candy would have about the same level of deus ex machina.
As to the handling of the MLP setting, we have an entire chapter dedicated to explaining how magic is science, why the princesses don't really move the sun and mood, and a handful of other things that don't impact the story at all. Be sure to have a space on your desk or wall cleared out to bang your head against before reading. Also, later on good changelings show up. Because reasons.
Pacing: F
I have nothing good to say about this story's pacing. Nothing.
I've already discussed how the plot is broken into ministories. What is truly painful is that after a solution to the crisis de jure is found, the problem never resurfaces. Giant alien predators we can't kill effectively? Drive them out of town and they'll never bother us again. Even when a bunch of unarmed newcomers traipse through the forest that is their hunting ground for a day or so.
The splinter groups from Unity manage to be even worse. They make a few token appearances, never do anything of consequence, and are eliminated by their own stupidity. The characters involved with the groups show none of the conviction of opinion that led them to break away in the first place and the main cast had little to do with their dissolution.
The other alien races in the setting are probably the nadir when it comes to pacing. An all-out war with a nearby settlement takes as much time and as many lines of story as trick-or-treating does later.
The conflict doesn't escalate. The storyline goes nowhere. The one time that a sense of urgency is imparted, the result is another Final Fantasy callout and some truly horrifying logical failures to create an airship which still manages to find time to get embroiled in a few sidequests along the way.
Overall: C+
Unity is a unique story that promises a new kind of challenge for your favorite characters and some charming new faces...right up until about chapter eleven. The next ten chapters fail to deliver on the promise of the setting. The last ten are just sort of there while you wait for the story to end. Get an editor to cut the story length in half, remove about two out of three characters from each scene, and tone down the constant references to something a bit more manageable, and this could be a great story.
Welcome to Unity, capital of the united realms.
I like this story, and will be looking for a sequel.
I will say that the ending is way too abrupt, and does not resolve all the plotlines that are open.
While I do enjoy this story I kind of feel like this was not really planned out too much in advance.
If there are going to be multiple plotlines with a variety of subplots with many different characters then you have to have some kind of pre-planning along with an outline.
I know that the planning portion is not nearly as fun to write as the actual story, but if you do it right it makes the story exponentially better and makes it much easier to connect the subplots to the main plot.
You have a great story here, and we look forward to more of your work.
Anyone else think that the germans are not completely wiped out?
6495175 me
Also here are my thoughts on what cities should be transported to the general location of Unity: The city or cities that Canterot High and Crystal Prep Academy are located in. And Inkopolis and Octo Valley from the game; Splatoon. The Inklings and Octarians along with any others that came with them should also be able to survive begin completely submerged in water, they just hate getting wet and aren't good swimmers.
6493755
It wasn't a joke. Even though I'm agnostic, I'm praying to every religious icon I know of to make Fallout 4 a good game.
6495241 Me too.
And so it ends. This was a wonderful story, and at the risk of your other readers lynching me, I don't think a sequel is really needed. It ties it up well. Not every story gets to go 'And now we've reached Heat Death of the universe and everything is done' but just ending the main story and saying 'Life goes on but this story is over' is perfectly fine.
What a gem. Congratulations.
6495404
Christianity, Buddism, the church of Godd Howard...
6496795
Exactly
6496983
all aboard the hype train, CHOO CHOO MOTHERTRUCKERS!!!
I haven't started reading this yet, might get to it later today seeing as it's listed as complete now.
I noticed a lack of cover image, and since I read these things on my Kindle I do like having a cover for each book, I grabbed a couple images on the net and used photoshop to make what I thought would work, based on the premise (and title).
Cover Image
Original Image Credits:
Ponyville: http://boneswolbach.deviantart.com/art/Ponyville-Road-View-320722001
'Small Town America': http://pointsnorthatlanta.com/daytrippin-in-the-most-beautiful-small-town-in-america/
It's nothing too fancy (especially since all I really did was google a couple of appropriate images and add some photoshop effects and the like), but better than nothing I think.
A good end to an O.K. Story.
Waiting for sequel.
Waiting...
WAITING
6496795 dont forget the great spaghetti monster
6494602 Wow you are long winded. But anywho I like the story as most seem to have.
6498286 It's a 130 thousand word story I've been reading and enjoying for months. The author's earned the effort to make a detailed review.
6498561 If you say so. But I bet it would not be from someone with five stories have less combined up votes then this one story. Just saying.
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVEIT LOVEIT!!!! this is a great book, too all those who are reading this comment but hasn't read the book yet, Please, for the love of life, read this book!!!
sequel... sequel... sequel... zequel... SEQUEL!!!