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Rainbow Dash learns exactly how strong friendship really is, and how loyal her friends really are to the Element of Loyalty.

A brief tale of love and forgiveness; A true "feelgood" story. I'll be very sad if you don't tell me what you thought of it. :'(

First Published
3rd May 2012
Last Modified
3rd May 2012
#2 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

>>536665 YEEAAAUUUH! LOL! Three people already favorited this! :pinkiehappy:

#5 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

>>536727 :unsuresweetie: I'm gonna reread this like 9000 times tonight now... lol

#7 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

Pretty standard for stream of consciousness stuff (certainly a lot better than I do when I try to write stream of conscious...but then I tend to edit as I go)

Anyways you wanted comments so here I am.  I hope this is helpful...

We have about half a story here.  Rainbow on the cloud should be about part 3 in a four part structure, with Twilight's forgiveness of her as the final act.  The hypothetical part one would start with Rainbow at the top of her game and end with the crash.  Part two would be the aftermath with the entire town angry at her, which drives her to the cloud in the first place.  Without Rainbow as her usual arrogant self earlier in the narrative, the sadness has no meaning.  Without the town angry at her, Rainbow's sadness has no point.  We the audience and fans know that Rainbow is generally fairly upbeat and therefore can presume she will be back to her old self by the fic's end, so what we need to see is what brought her to such depression in the first place.

#8 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

>>536899 :ajsleepy: I see I didn't convey the flashback very well, hm? Sad face. Well, it was a one-sitter with absolutely no editions, so I should've anticipated something like this.

My hope for the story as soon as I typed the last letter:

1. Rainbow Dash is sad, and the reader is wondering why.

2. Flashback where Rainbow Dash hits Fluttershy and immediately flees the scene to her cloud because she doesn't have to heart to face her friends. The reader now knows why Rainbow Dash was feeling guilty and ashamed.

3. Twilight comes to Rainbow Dash.

4. Some stuff happens.

5. Rainbow Dash wakes up, and it was all a dream.

I didn't reread it at all, so I don't even know if I left out entire paragraphs or details. Perhaps you missed something in reading it, or perhaps I missed something when writing it?

:trixieshiftright: I think I'll reread it, now that it's been up for awhile. :twilightsmile:

#9 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

I broke 107 views. I am satisfied. :eeyup::twilightsmile:

#10 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

I commend you Brony. Good job for a one sit in. I'm just a little lost at the story all together. I'm sure a re-readx1000 will help solve that problem. Good job Brony.


#11 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

>>537325 :twilightsmile: The comments I write these stories for. :fluttercry::pinkiehappy:

#12 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·


Hmmm, guess I missed the "it was all just a dream" portion...sorry about that. :applejackunsure:

Also I think one of the points I was trying to make with the above (that somehow got lost in my "I'm helping" fervor :derpytongue2: ) was that flashback is not the best means of relating this part of the plot.  I wanted to see Rainbow Dash go from the rush of adrenaline that she lives off of to the crushing realization that everyone hates her and then get to her wrenching sadness upon the cloud of woe.  Just telling us what happened before from the cloud of woe robs the story of impact.

But your idea is your idea and my idea is mine.  And what you were going for works.  I was just too much of an idiot to notice it.

#13 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

>>537350 :twilightsmile: I understand now.

That was actually my original intention once I started writing, but I decided not to risk doing so, because I haven't been able to develop my skill in live-action writing yet.

Perhaps you've read one of my other stories? "Defiance" is a lot more... "Active" of a story, and it got some good ratings, too. :twilightsmile:

#15 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

>>537436 It looks like I have to write a clop story next...

My first featured story had no description and no picture originally, and it got featured in less than two hours.

Clop your way to victory is the key on this site, I guess. :rainbowwild:

#16 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·


#18 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·


I'm actually going to do a side clop chapter for mine too....I'll post it as a stand alone chapter because I don't want to change the rating on my story...

#19 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

It was a good story I really enjoyed it.

#20 · 155w, 2d ago · · ·

I really like your writing...I didn't mind the flashback like others are saying, it wasn't that bad (but I admit it would be better if it wasn't) you should do something that's not a short story...do something long...if you're going to do something like that then I'll give you a watch :pinkiehappy: but I'm not a fan of one-shots, I only came here because I was bored :rainbowwild: I'm not dissapointed though.

#21 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

>>538337 :ajsmug: My motivation to write is improving greatly, as well as other areas of my life at the moment. Perhaps I'll pick up one of my stories in progress just for you, eh? :duck::twilightsmile:

The title is "A Battle of Quills," and it's big, so I've been rewriting it like crazy 'cause I want it to be good. I'll be thoroughly shocked if it isn't at least 7,000 words. My current prediction is 10,000 :pinkiehappy:

#22 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·


What's it about? I can't seem to find it on your stories and if you really want to do something just for me...Appledash or Twidash! :derpytongue2: but nah...you don't have to do a story just for me :ajsmug:

#23 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

>>539420 Darr.... Check my blog list for the title? If it's not there, I'll PM you later. SCHOOL BLOGGING FTW :twilightsmile:

#24 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

>>539420 Ah-ha! Nah... A TwiDash is inevitable anyway. :D

#25 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·


Yay Twidash! I'll give a watch just for that....also...I love your blog posts...is it bad if I have some of those same pictures that I can see, in my folder :trixieshiftright: however I still didn't find that story you were talking about

#26 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

>>540737 Ah... I'll give you a little synopsis then. (I WILL get to that TwiDash story eventually. My writing is insanely unreliable, but it will happen.) :twilightsmile:

A Battle of Quills: A story whose present day is one week after Twilight Sparkle develops an obsession for poetry. After many tireless nights, Spike eventually ends up helping her to bed and leaves a flier next to her once she falls asleep. In the morning, Twilight discovers that the flier is about an event in Canterlot that she's never been able to fully participate in before: The Equestrian Art Festival. The EAF is a three day event where athletic, cullinary, musical, literary, and every other kind of art are displayed in Canterlot, and the whole of the city is magically converted to a convention that is bigger inside than it is on the outside.

I hope for it to total out for a comedic/sad/touching poetry recital competition at the end of it. A spectral discord will be competing, Trixie, Doctor Whooves, perhaps Cheerilee, perhaps Rainbow Dash... Also Spike, and some other ponies. Big Mac will be writing, too. :twilightsmile:

It's going to be big... :twilightsmile: I'll PM you the prologue if you ask. Just don't share it with anypony :trollestia:

#27 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·


I'd love that! And I won't share it with anyone :scootangel:

#28 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

So that was all a dream huh? Was she dreaming about Twilight because in her subconscious she wanted to be with Twilight? Is there a slight Twidash ship in this story? Will there be a sequel?

So many questions. So few answers. :ajsleepy:

#29 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

>>542143 Ah... :pinkiesmile: Well, my headcannon for Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash is that Rainbow secretly sneaks into Twilight's house once in awhile and they just read... And Twilight doesn't tell anypony because Dashie is really shy about it.

Although, once I feel that I'm equipped to write romance, I am going to attempt a TwiDash shipping story. It might be clop, but if it is, the clop aspect won't be the main point of it. It will be kind of like that one brief sex scene in a chick flick or something. Not sure yet, though.

Anyway, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow dash are, in order, my two favorite ponies, and my headcannon goes great for shipping, so... I'll have one out some time or another. :)

#30 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·


Awesome. Twidash has always been and always will be my favorite shipping. They just go perfectly together.

Can't wait for that twidash story. In the meantime, I'll be tracking you and reading your other stories. :twilightsmile:

#31 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

>>542210 :fluttercry::pinkiehappy: Thank you for that...

This story got more than 6000 views while it was featured, and people loved it. It's my biggest success, but [url=Sparkle]>>this<<[/url] is my personal favorite. I wish more people had liked my friendshipping AppleTwi story. :unsuresweetie: It's a feelgood one... :twilightsmile:

Edit: The first story now has over 9000 views. xD

#32 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

>>542210 Obviously fimfiction is being a plothole. HERE is my favorite one.

#33 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·


Yea, I was about to ask what happened up there. Fimfiction does that sometimes.

#34 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

very good one-shot, and reminded me that I was supposed to be sleeping now, anyways

#35 · 155w, 1d ago · · ·

I rate this story thumbs up! Although you might wanna edit a bit. Error at beginning. Passed only passes lyra and bon bon

#36 · 154w, 3d ago · · ·

Very good fanfic. I like the way how you describe Rainbow Dash eyes.

#37 · 154w, 3d ago · · ·

>>542513 :ajsmug: Fixed... I think :twilightsmile:

#39 · 149w, 2d ago · · ·

>>741096 I'll bet you eight bits that image made me smile more than my story made YOU smile. :rainbowlaugh:

#41 · 149w, 14h ago · · ·

>>744970 Your avatar.

I NEVER go for humanized... But holy shit... :twilightblush::eeyup::trollestia:

#43 · 139w, 1d ago · · ·

Awww. Nice. :rainbowkiss:

#45 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

First story I ever faved on the site. Now having more than 20 pages of favorites I decided to look back upon my beginnings in pony fanfiction. I find it sad that this story, being so great, has so few likes in comparison to ones written far worse. Thank you for helping me come into pony fics and I wish you future luck (wherever you might need it)

:heart: from a fan

#46 · 119w, 2d ago · · ·

Sorry ever time I see you and your Avatar I have to say this

Lyra Eat That DAMN Bannana already,,

#47 · 103w, 2d ago · · ·

This is really nice :twilightsmile:


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