There's nothing worse for a pegasus than falling.
[CHALLENGEFIC]: Under 3000 words, not about Twilight or the Princesses, and NO TALKIN'!
Featured on Equestria Daily, 7 May 2012.
If its by Device, there has to be some base level of quality behind it...
Reading later, have a favorite and a like for your convenience.
EDIT: Read it... and wut... still good..
6 likes and 1 read WUT
Masterful execution. not perfect,but good.
I'll just like it so the challenge can be over with.
Edit: I READ IT! IT WAS AWESOME! You need to write more stories like this.
Woot! Dashfire! One of my favorites...... I mean when I read romance stories.......
On the 'To-read' list
(No Twilight or Celestia? This must have been torture! Especially with the lack 'Twilight making out with Celestia' I imagine is in this /terrible sentence)
Raw emotion and excellent story
Deserves feature, will get it
YOU CAN DO THIS
Damn, I was freaking out for a bit there. BUT SHE LIVED!
>>534638534638 10 LIKES AND 1 READ WTF IS GOING ON HERE!
I think it takes a little while to start recording reads.
It was just posted, give it a minute
"Doesn't the sky understand that it was better to die than to be killed?"
I love your writing!
All this lack of talking must've really made it difficult on you, didn't it?
In before featured.
Dam you, you are too good.
Another good read. A bit hard to follow at times, but I can chalk that up to Spitfire panicking.
>All this lack of talking must've really made it difficult on you, didn't it?
Oh, this is just genius. Well done, sir.
This is going into the feature box only because it's the fic's purpose, not because of it's quality.
just a little difficult, huh?
please don't kill me
damn it. Quit being awesome :<
It means it's better to die on your own terms.
Great job here, device. Love the insight into a pegasus' mindset, love how you bleed the twin meanings of 'falling' through the narrative, and I love the complexity you managed to establish in such a short wordlength. Challenge: MET.
That really was an impressive story, It felt like I was there in the back seat listening to her problems getting a new perspective on a pony I thought I had figured. it was bittersweet but in the end I want to see what the skies are like for them in the future.
Interesting story. I kept wondering if Spitfire was falling physically, emotionally, or both. Was that intentionally left unclear, or am I just slow to get it? Nonetheless, thumbs up.
I think it had to do with physically falling from the sky and falling in love.
It's hard not to be as I am secretly a clone of lauren faust
Well done as always, no idea how he managed to pull it off, but DH did. Very well done. Deff worth reading.
My theory is that you made a 'Faustian' bargain for the sheer evocative impact of each story. Either that, or you're just really talented and put a lot of work into it all, but what are the odds of that?
Read a DH story before it was featured, without even realizing it was DH.
Feel so hipster.
Amazing read! I was feeling for Spitfire, and her betrayal...
This was pretty darn brilliant. I really enjoyed the little insights into pegasus psychology scattered throughout, and I am absolutely, bitterly, only-half-kiddingly jealous of your description of Dash's first Rainboom (from Spitfire's perspective).
Excellent use of imagery, and nice emotional content. Well worth reading!
Goddamit, another DH story.
Guess it's time to warm up the thumbs-up button...
Nicely done. This'll get a feature for sure. (Of course, it probably would anyways regardless of quality, but you still pulled it off!)
This was a confusing read. I read most words at least twice and I'm still not sure how it ended.
Spitfire hit ground go boom
It's more a description of her emotional state and the situation I invented to cause it than a "this happened, then that happened" story
Yes, I got that part, but then she seemingly still moved, which would imply that she didn't go boom all that much. That's the confusing thing.
Yeah no, she didn't like die or anything if that's what you mean
bounced off some clouds on her way down, sucked up some of her inertia
and ponies have been demonstrated to be pretty resilient to fall damage in-show, otherwise Rainbow Dash's favorite way to enter and exit the library (the second story window) would mean we only had five main cast members
Wow. You just gave a whole new point of depth and perspective to Spitfire. Maybe I should have waited to read it when I'm a little more awake, but I'm a bit confused as to what actually was happening around Spitfire when it wasn't focusing on her thoughts. What I picked up was that she flew away from Dash because she was upset (understatement, I know) and hurt her wing so she fell. And she actually hits the ground at the end, and Dash is there?
But even though I'm confused I still enjoyed it immensely. You should write more stuff like this.
Dang, dude. This was another work of art, Heretic style. Surprised you actually survived the "no dialogue" part of the challenge. Actually, scratch that, I'm not really too surprised. I figured you'd be able to pull it off somehow. Also, I'd like to just say how much I loved how you attributed the sensation of "falling" to so many different things so well. You're just built for this deep(er than most) writing stuff, aren't you?
Those are some loooow-hanging clouds
> and ponies have been demonstrated to be pretty resilient to fall damage in-show, otherwise Rainbow Dash's favorite way to enter and exit the library (the second story window) would mean we only had five mane cast members
but I guess you have a point here. But yeah, I expected her to die.
This is actually the first DH story I have read. And I must say, it was well executed, and I was really digging the emotional parts. (That is, the whole thing )
Bravo. I'm new to the fandom, haven't really been around this site much, so I have no idea what challenge you were talking about. But under 3000 words and no talking? Don't think I could do that as masterfully as you.
>low hanging clouds
Lots of those in Equestria. Behold:
Spitfire breaks the conventional wisdom and lets the newbie (== Dash) do the closing trick for the finale of their show, because sonic rainboom is just that awesome. Dash fails, blames herself, Spitfire can't face her to tell her she expected her to fail, runs out, hits the storm. Dash being there at the end points out to her runnig out as well to chase Spitfire, but it's not explicit.
Well, we've seen Dash hanging out on clouds as low as 20-30 feet in the air. So is it that really surprising for there to be some low clouds in a world where the residents choose where they go? They literally manufacture the clouds in their cloud city and then place them accordingly.
But the storm wasn't manufactured, at least not directly. Otherwise someone as experienced as Spitfire wouldn't have hit it head-on.
Okay, cool. Thank you!
Well done. The subject of "falling" was a really good choice for the challenge; an intense, ongoing action during which you cannot talk, but you have a lot of time to think and reflect upon your life and impending death.
...this is not challenge completed. This is challenge obliterated.
If this doesn't stay featured until the end of the day, I'll be shocked.
So. She... wanted to fall... but didn't want to fall? And then she didn't want Dash to.... not save her?
>> except come home with me tonight
>> they could be friends now
So... is it platonic, or are you referencing shipping? I'm not sure what you're trying to say with the entire story. I'll admit you had your boundaries, but I'm disappointed after the mind-bending, realistic, beautifully written Temptress story.
Youre a great writer, but you're like Skrillex. He's still excellent, but people hate him more now because he's become all mainstream and brosteppy. Plus, like you, I have not seen humility from him once. I like humble writers, like a lot of people. You're basically in power here, and win great power comes great pride. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. Just keep in mind that you're awesome, but don't let it fucking go to your head.
Whatever anyone does or says, I must be emerald and keep my color.
~ Marcus Aurelius, 24 BC
OH HO HO, A STORY THAT I WON'T READ!
I must congratulate you.
Spitfire hit ground go boom.
Oh God, excellence.
and you've been
"So. She... wanted to fall... but didn't want to fall? And then she didn't want Dash to.... not save her?
So... is it platonic, or are you referencing shipping?"
Is it you who is confused...or the main character?
HUZZAH! Heavy has successfully claimed the 60th Comment.
> would mean we only had five main cast members
Also, how the hell do I get a proper ">> device heretic" thing going? Is "Reply to this comment" not good enough?
EDIT: Thanks, Moon Leaves.
His stories are filled with characters being knocked down from their self-deceptions and being humbled. What more of a message do you need?
It is green.
And I'm confused. It's deep, bro, but it sure as hell is confusing.
So, is Spitfire gonna be okay, or is she dying?
>>535237535237 Wait....*Recounts* GOD !@#! IT! FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
At this point, I think it is rather credible if his ego is about the size of France. He is an amazing author, and more importantly, often people only get any kind of actual emotional support from people they only know as a virtual presence. So fucking what if he isn't humble? He does toss flowers around skipping and singing I'm the best (well... not very often), he just takes a understandable, if slightly irrational, amount of pride in what he does.
She's gonna be okay. She crashed, now the only place to go is up.
>>535123535123 Then why comment?
>He does toss flowers around skipping and singing I'm the best (well... not very often)
I don't think I have ever said, "I am the best."
Definitely thought it a bunch though
I kid, I kid
This name really wants me to think of AC/DC...
Ah hay...I'll give it a shot
It's enough, you just need to refresh the page after posting.
I say your challenge was met and passed. Good show. I love this kind of story, where these multiple meanings and multiple scenes bleed into each other. It really does convey the mentality of shock (and possibly that kick to the head)
I am annoyed at the ease at which you surmount this challenge.
Oh well, I'll take another well-written piece by DH.
On a completely unrelated note: "The problem with being the best is that everyone tends to think you're pretentious."
Challenge met, indeed!
That was, quite simply, awesome.
>>535284535284 BECAUSE IT'S BUCKIN' FUNNY!
Why is there no Spitfire emotes?
Great story, by the way!
DH is best pony
I can't tell if Spitfires love for Dash is regular love or platonic love.
I wonder if she can tell either
Man, that description of the Rainboom was delicious. I seriously got chills there. You totally earned this during Eternal, by the way, so it's a little late, but I'm proud to present you with the prestigious and exclusive* Shellsh0cker Award for Excellence in Prose.
*Actually exclusive, not actually prestigious.
The Man Who Fell From The Sky - Candlemass
A device heretic story deserves more than the cursory "hey this has the same title as a song, lets go with that" treatment.
Also, when did you take over from DongleKumquat?
You did it! You survived your challenge! +1000xp!
A little hard to follow the time shifts sometimes, but the raw emotion from Spifire is, well, an outstanding portrayal and really captures her fear of falling and failing.
Interesting choice of word, but for me, the excess repetition makes it lose the effect it could have had, if you'd placed it more carefully, the impact of the word could be greatly increased.
Otherwise, a terrific insight into the psyche of pegasi.
I loved the look at the emotional impact of falling on pegasi. But my favorite part was, for whatever reason, the part about Dash doing everything 110% -- even napping. Also:
It was the simple joy of being in her that made Dash so fascinating.
An excellent example of italics-for-emphasis being not only stylish, but necessary for proper understanding.
I'm going to Hell.
This was very well executed and, as usual, worked on many levels. Congratulations on rising to the challenge, eh!
I wish this story could be continued, even though I know it's just a one-shot.
DH tends to make the most 'daww' inducing stories ever, and this one was no exception. So, even though it's a one shot and a challange fic, I do hope he gives the story a possible second chapter. Or maybe even turns it into a multi-chapter fic.
> I'm going to Hell.
I vaguely remember a blog post about So Be It that said something about proving, once again, that you were the best.
Of course, I also remember that time when Feynman asked for my advice on a problem involving the equation of state of a neutron star.
>I vaguely remember a blog post about So Be It that said something about proving, once again, that you were the best.
SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP NOT HELLLPPPINNNNGGGGG
Oh good I'm not crazy!
Well, I'll be perfectly honest.
Not a fan of this one.
You seem to project that philosophy and relationship building are your forté, however it suffers dramatically without the usual intelectual character (typically Twilight/ Celestia) and dialogue. I'll admit, you had quite the handicap, but it simply wasn't a favorite (guess it wasn't supposed to be!) Don't get me wrong, I simply adore Eternal, but this fic isn't similar to it at all, so I really shouldn't be reading it. (Darn featured box, tricking me again!)
Anyway, carry on.
holy crap you did it i didn't know you could write a short good story granted well the more you know err i
This one's got a very different sort of style to it, for sure.
I bet if it were 10,000 words and had dialogue, it would seem more familiar...BUT NO
This is an excellent story, Device. Let's get that out of the way. I got lost a little in the middle, but soon figured out the sequence of events, and it's an interesting layering of imagery with reality.
However, I'm not certain you succeeded on the "No Talking" front. The flashbacks to Spitfire saying things to Soarin' or Rainbow Dash would technically count as talking, I'd say.
(On the other hand, I believe the challenge was originally phrased as "no dialogue," and there's certainly no dialogue in this story, so there you go.)
Am I the only other person who had that song playing in the back of his head when he was reading this?
Certainly. It's easily understandable that it isn't that kind of fic, due to the challenge.
I wonder though, did this get featured from the story's merit, or the author's?
I can easily say that I do like a lot of the work you do (yes, that includes The Wayward Night, wherever it went.), but I wasn't aware this story was up until FimFic flashed it in my face. Interesting how that keeps happening.
(Completely unrelated: Why is there no Luna emoticons? WHY?)
>I wonder though, did this get featured from the storie's merit, or the author's?
As to that, all I can say is that I didn't half-ass it. I wouldn't have uploaded it if I didn't want people to see it...I think it's a fine story for what it is.
I would have done it differently if my format wasn't constrained. That I will say.