The Psychopath
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44w, 2dThe Writer's Group
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34w, 1dI Hate Equestria Daily
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54w, 5dThe World of Illogic
It had been an hour since the two new ponies had come to greet Twilight Sparkle, and everything seemed to have calmed down. Fluttershy needed to be dragged out of the library by Pinkie Pie due to a still infatuated situation. However, Twilight decided that the best way to relax was to read a good book written by a good magic-user, one less known than Starswirl the bearded (who still wasn't very known by anypony). It was a mare, one that helped Twilight shape up her own studies in magic. Her name was Pandora. The similarities of her name with an ancient object of mythology led the wizard to adopt the name of "Pandora Box" as her historical title.
A caramel colored pony with a very curvy green and brown tail and mane, with eyes as green as emeralds, and a look of strength and independence, she studied the arcane magics of nature and the possibilities of other worlds in any plane of existence.
As Twilight started to look through the books pertaining to her in the "Historical figures and arcane research" section of her library, she couldn't help but notice something weird. Not amiss, but more like something had increased the shelf size. Poking at what looked like an extra book, the lavender unicorn found herself being grabbed by the now living bookcase. This thing had long stick-arms and a red and blue book served as eyes, while several more books served as teeth.
"What in Equestria? Let me go!" Twilight yelled. She tried to activate her magic but nothing happened. "What? Something is blocking my magic. SPIKE! HELP!"
"What's wrong Twi-AAAAHHH!"
The little dragon hurried back into the kitchen and grabbed a giant fork. As the little dragon jumped up, he stabbed the thing in the arms continuously. The grunting and roaring of the bookcase stopped as Spike stabbed it. The little dragon soon stopped as well and looked up, confused.
"Did I get it?" he asked.
Turning around, Spike noticed that the bookcase was looking at him with a wooden board above its red eye lifted up to show a sign and curiosity.
"Uh-oh."
*WHACK*
Spike found himself being thrown far away from the shelf as it spat a book at him.
"Spike! HEY! You don't hurt my friends, got it!" Twilight growled as she stared angrily at the bookcase.
Looking at the unicorn, the bookcase seemed to have "opened" it's mouth, and threw Twilight down it's gullet.
"AAAAHHH!"
The pony's screams echoed through the pitch-black tunnel that she was sliding through. It was murky, and the "slide" seemed to be made of very old bricks. Whatever the case, Twilight Sparkle was sliding down an immense shaft that she never knew existed before, and she found herself going faster and faster as she continued down the slope. As Twilight felt speed pressure get to her, she was literally thrown out of the tunnel exit like a cannonball, suddenly slamming into some strange gelatin substance.
"Owww. What just happened? Where am I?" she wondered.
Suddenly, torches on the walls lit with a purple flame, revealing the place Twilight was in. It appeared to be an old temple of some sorts. One that was very old! Judging from the bricks covered in moss, Twilight could deduce that this place was at least seven hundred years old. Hesitatingly, she walked forward, every torch that she approached lighting up in a violent spark. Twilight turned around a corner and felt something on the floor. As she looked down, she screamed and jumped back.
It was the skeleton of a treasure hunter. It's equipment, now barely anything more than dust, still attached to it. Twilight wanted to run in the opposite direction, but a wall of purple flames kept her from back-tracking.
"Oh. Well, if forward is the only way..."
She crept forward and found a rather bizarre door. It seemed to twist and turn in every way possible. It even pushed outwards, much to the curiosity of Twilight Sparkle. However, as she slowly approached it, the door seemed to jolt and jitter, and eventually faded out of existence. The unicorn very big. It only had one book on it. And that book was very high.
"Hmmm. I know I shouldn't, but I might as well try and try and get that. Hopefully, there won't be any traps or anything like that. *moan* What can go wrong?"
Twilight's assumptions were correct. Absolutely NOTHING bad happened as she approached the bookcase and levitated the book down to her. However, the unicorn's pupils shrunk, and she started to gasp for air. It was the smile and eyes of Psycho right on the book cover. It was even written by Pandora herself.
"NO." echoed a very deep voice behind Twilight.
"What?"
"No!"
*BOOM.....BOOM....BOOM*
"What's doing thaaaAAAAAAA!"
It was a colossal golem, certainly capable of towering over the Apple Family farm. Twilight had her horn glow brightly, expecting a swift attack from the creature.
The golem was black, bipedal, and it's face looked sad. As it's long hands moved towards Twilight, the lavender unicorn dodged to the side and tried to run around the slow-moving monstrosity, hoping to get a clean shot at its back. The golem even followed the unicorn slowly, but quickly slammed it's other hand in front of her and grabbed the pony with its other and slowly lift her to its face.
"What do you want with me? Let me go!"
"The world of Illogic. The book. Pandora Box." it said slowly, seemingly gasping between words.
"How-"
"Up. The Illogic shall not wait. Join it, or destroy it."
The golem's hand suddenly thrust up violently into the roof. It kept Twilight in a "caged" palm, where the fingers were plowing through the dirt and protecting her. The pressure was so intense that she was literally being crushed by the amplified gravity. Finally, the hand popped up right behind Twilight's library. Before the unicorn could react, the hand threw her through a window, just before disintegrating into nothingness.
The lavender unicorn broke through the window and slammed hard onto the floor of her house.
"Owww. My head. I don't even know what just happened." she said as she rubbed her head.
"Twilight? You're alive?" Spike shouted as he went and grabbed Twilight tightly.
"Yes. I'm okay Spike. That was...weird."
"Miss Sparkle, you seem to be doing just fine. Your friend here told me that you were eaten by a bookshelf?" said a familiar pony.
"Tempest? Crimson too?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Your little lizard here told us of your predicament, so we came to help. There was nothing weird about this bookcase as far as I know." Crimson snapped.
"Anything happen?"
"Well, I ended up in some weird place and I found this book." Twilight said as she showed the very old piece of hidden literature." I don't know why it was hidden there, but I'd rather not go into any more detail about that short-lived experience."
"I understand." Cloud said as he nodded once. "So...what's in that book?"
"I don't know. Lemme open it up first and-"
Twilight was cut off by the sounds of yelling. Everybody looked around to try and discern the source, until Rainbow Dash crashed through the roof and onto the group.
"Ow. Why do I have to go through so much pain and weirdness today?" Twilight screamed aloud as she pulled herself out of the debris.
"You think you have it bad? M-m-m-m-my wings are gone! Look!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she hopped out of the crash site.
"What are you talking about Rainbow Dash...wow." Twilight said as she stared in shock.
"MY LIFE IS RUINED! I'LL NEVER GO OUT IN PUBLIC AGAIN!"
Crimson was amused by her pains for some reason. She couldn't fly either, but the site of someone losing that ability forever gave her a sense of satisfaction.
"How is that even possible? Tell me, my dear, HOW did this happen exactly?" Cloud asked gently.
"Well, I was flying like I usually do, and then I see something pink bouncing on the clouds. I thought it was Pinkie Pie, so I went towards her, asking 'what are you doing up here Pinkie Pie?' I thought you had cast a spell on her like last time, Twilight.
So, as I went closer, I saw that it was just some earth pony with a really weird look."
"How weird?" Cloud asked quickly and seriously.
"Umm. I don't exactly remember everything, but I think he had swirly eyes."
The pupils of three ponies in the room shrunk in synchronization.
"So, like I was saying, he told me that I should join the 'World of Illogic' or something like that, saying that I could become the fastest flyer in Equestria! Of course, I refused, and he said that he could beat me just by walking. I accepted his challenge and we were going to race for five minutes.
As we started, I blasted off with a huge burst, like I usually do." she said smugly, ” I looked behind to see that he hadn't moved yet, and kept going, but I passed him again and he just waved to me. I was confused at first, but just shook it off and kept going. I saw him again, but this time, he was literally walking next to me. What kind of pony can just walk next to me when I'm flying?!
So, anyways, he said something and laughed then walked faster forward, and suddenly stopped and stuck a hoof out. I ducked, but I heard something rip. That's when I started to fall. I noticed that my wings had disappeared, and he even just appeared right next to me and used them like feathers for the hole in his hat. And, well, I fell right here. I don't know where he fell."
"Poor Rainbow Dash, I don't know how I could help you."
"Is that him?" Crimson said as she looked at the hole in the roof. The weird stallion was looking through the hole with a smile on his face.
"Yeah, that's him. GIVE ME BACK MY WINGS!"
The stallion saluted the pegasus and threw the wings back onto her back so hard that she slammed against the floor with a loud "THUD".
"HAHAHAHA!"
"WE GOT HIM!" Cloud yelled as he used some sort of hook and hung onto the hole before lifting himself almost immediately to the top.
Crimson bolted out of the door and chased after the stallion as well.
"C'mon Twilight, we've gotta get him!" Spike shouted.
"No, Spike. Don't. He's...special."
"But, he stole Rainbow Dash's wings."
"I know, but this book seems extremely important."
"As much as I want to kick his butt, Twilight's right. He's weird, and I think that, if we couldn't deal with Discord's abilities, we won't be able to deal with his own."
"See?"
Spike crossed his arms in annoyed acceptance of the situation.
"Okay then. I don't know what's so special about that book Twilight, but I can see that stallion's face on there, so even I want to see what it holds."
"Okay then."
Twilight gulped and took a deep breath as the others leaned over her shoulder in anticipation, just watching the cover fold over filled them with excitement.
As Psycho was being chased on the rooftops of the buildings in Ponyville, Black Cloud was chasing after the stallion with equal speed. The black pony would throw what looked like tranquilizing darts of some sort, and The Psychopath kept getting hit by them. Yet, the effects these projectiles had gave the exact opposite effect intended. The swirly-eyed stallion seemed to become more and more hyperactive with every shot received.
Suddenly, a giant bird came out of nowhere and attempted to slap Cloud off the roofs, only to fail as he jumped above it and activated his own trap.
"You aren't the only one who knows about traps and tricks, Psychopath."
The stallion found himself on a yellow pad, being powerfully electrocuted. Once the shocking stopped, he swayed from side to side before falling off the roof and onto the floor below, where Crimson awaited him. She put a hoof to his neck, but Psychopath swiped it off and bounced back up, hopping on his side-legs once again. Crimson Gaze tried to intimidate her target with her scary looks and the performance of martial arts.
The Psychopath took his hat off and smacked it hard, only to have music start to come out from it. He smiled widely, then frowned and took a strange stance.
"Hooo?!" Psycho shouted. He performed different moves as well, then said "My Kung-Fu, better than your kung-fu. We do battle now. Ho ha, hai ho!"
Surprisingly to Crimson, this crazy stallion was capable of countering her every technique, of course, she still managed to land some hits, but he was insanely good with martial arts. Suddenly, she stood on one of her fore-hooves and used her triple-segmented pole-arm, and used it to smack Psycho into the air. The Psychopath noticed her readying herself, and he looked around for his own weapon. Ponies all over came to watch these two fight, and a great amount of confusion came to mind as Psycho grabbed two chickens and tied them together with some string. He then proceeded to swing them around himself like nunchucks.
"What the...how are you even going to attack me with that?"
SMACK*
"OOMPH!"
Much to the amusement of Cloud, who was lying down on his stomach and peacefully watching the scene of seeing Crimson getting beat by chicken-nunchuks. Every time she'd try and grab the target with one of the segments of her weapon, Psycho would dodge and chain her with several smacks by his chickens, followed by a swinging round-house buck to the face.
"That's enough of that." Cloud said as he jumped down from the roof, using his wings to fly down safely. "I'm pretty sure you can't deal with both of us at once."
"Hmmm..."
Psycho spun around and wielded the two chickens like a projectile weapon. He even shook them, and a *Ka-click* was heard. Worse, was his way of talking:
"This town ain't big enough fer the three of us."
He proceeded to squeeze the chickens, which started firing eggs without any interval between them. Finding themselves covered in yolk and eggshells, the two looked at themselves in disgust.
"HRNH! Release me at once!" Crimson shouted.
"No can do. By the way...you said that you liked to trap?" The psychopath said as he slowly walked around the two trapped agents." Well, pranking consists in traps and surprises, so I'm good with that too!"
*BAM*
Two large objects sprung out of the ground and smashed the two ponies in their clasps. The agents were now both covered in an even stickier orange substance, and were dazed by the force of impact.
"And for the finale, a game of golf." Psycho said as he pulled out a long golfing club from his hat.
Everypony around mumbled about what he meant, and, as he slowly approached the two with his golf putt, he stopped after a sudden realization and pulled out a very tiny pink vial from nowhere.
"Here you go maddy-magenta. This should cheer you up!"
To the astonishment of everypony around, a huge waterfall of pink liquid, which looked as thick as syrup, poured all over Crimson, and only her. The substance also seemed to slither around Cloud, who was completely shocked by what he was seeing.
"There we go. Now then...FORE!"
*WHACK*
"AAAAAH!"
"Aw yeah. That ther be a good'un. Now ah gots ta get outta here."
The Psychopath took off his hat and stood on his hind legs. As he put his hat to his chest, the sounds of an alarm resonating started to come out of the object as Psycho somehow started to sink into the bubbling ground while moving slightly forward. Psycho then started to talk with a Scottish accent first, then to a normal one.
"Cap'n, the submarine is submerging."
"Good. Make sure. That. It's going to. Haveproperairpressure."
"Will du cap'n."
*Bloop Bloop Bloop*
The surrounding crowd stared at his place of submergence. Some even hit the ground where he sank into, noticing that it was as solid as the surrounding land. This left them all baffled. However, the sound of something crashing into a building broke them all out of their trance.
As "Chief" was working in his office in Disirva, he felt that something happened to his agents, something bad, something painful. As a tense atmosphere started to fill his office, and his eyes started to squint, he suddenly relaxed, letting the atmosphere flow back to normal. Then he shrugged, returned to looking over his paperwork, and said:
"Meh."







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