A Dangerous Sparkle

by David Silver

16 - Meanwhile

Back in the magical land of Equestria...

A somewhat haggard Celestia sat upon her throne. What had she missed? Did she not treat Twilight with the proper respect and driven her to run away, or is some dark force at work that has dragged her away to nopony knows where? These thoughts tumbled through her head as a supplicant went into excruciating detail on why the price of mangos was entirely unreasonable in Baltimare and why she should take direct and immediate action.

She gave the applicant soft nods at appropriate times and promised she would investigate with 'all due urgency'. Even while her plans crumbled around her ears, her ponies deserved her time and support. When the mare had left the room, she let out a slow sigh before calling out, "Summon my sister."

It was early in the day for her to be awake, but she had to have seen... something. The doors opened to admit the mistress of the night, who looked like she could use more sleep herself. "Whyfor doth mine sister summon us?" She had slipped into her old fashioned tongue. A soft blush overtook her face as she turned down the volume and tried to combat the old dialect.

Celestia gave a sympathetic smile, "Have you seen her, in the dream world?"

Luna shook her head slowly, "I have not. It is as if she were gone entirely. I am afraid, sister mine, that I should have seen her at this point. She is simply not there to be found."

Celestia's wings flared, disturbing the hanging banners behind her, "She can't be gone! Is she hiding? Is something else concealing her?" As the spike of the moment passed, she sank into her chair and began to sob softly, "My faithful student, where are you..."

Most of the guards silently departed, allowing their ruler her moment. Her sister approached, draping a wing over Celestia, "I do not think she would hide from us. If she was angry, she would tell us." A soft smile overtook her dark face, "Loudly, with pie charts to explain her points."

Celestia giggled amid her crying and sat up to lean against Luna, thankful for her presence. "There has been a lot of pressure on her, now that her princesshood is not in title alone."

Luna frowned, "She would not run away. You know this. At worst, she would panic. We would still find her then. Something has gone wrong, and it is not an anxiety attack."

The sun patterned ruler whispered, "Is she... dead?"

Luna squeezed Celestia tightly, "No! We must not allow such thoughts. Her castle still stands, the tree of harmony is healthy, and the land unbothered. I do not think an enemy of Equestria has moved against us."

"Recently," spat back Celestia, raising a hoof to press against her temple, "We've already had to fill in for her absence once."

Luna nodded slowly, looking thoughtful before she raised a hoof, "Perhaps we should use the other elements."

"They are not the elements any longer," reminded Celestia, "But they are still bound to Twilight." She slid down from the throne and out of her sister's embrace, pacing around the throne room. "Send Pinkemena. She has done the impossible before, and approaches magic in ways we cannot understand. I am certain Twilight's vanishing is no mundane act. If any of her friends were to find her, that would be the one."

Luna gave a salute before snorting at the gesture, "You cannot order me that way, my sister, but I will do as you please." She moved up and brushed against Celestia's side, "Because we are sisters. And I love you."

They spent a moment together, drawing strength from one another before the larger of the sisters returned to her throne and Luna vanished in a dark flash of almost black.

"We will get you back, Twilight," muttered Celestia before she shouted for the next supplicant to enter.

Author's Note:

A short episode, but a required one. Alas, I am being called away, so no more time for typing today! Expect more tomorrow, and leave comments, flood me with typo reports and thoughts!

If you want to support me, check out the Patreon.

Comments

[Sun Dial]

As a lover of Celestia, and a hater of the fandom Demon Celestia that she's so often portrayed as, I'm picky about my Celestia characterization, and I feel as if your character isn't Celestia. Celestia doesn't whine or worry, she teaches or finds out. She looks into a problem she's worried about, not sit and fret. So you could use a better much stronger Tia, the one who goes, now that I know your plan, I will save my ponies.

[David Silver]

5498655 But she does not know the plan. Twilight is just gone. The pony has been failed to be saved. She is a mother sick with worry.

[Nightingalehound]

Crap, so we're gonna get a pink demon now. great.

[David Silver]

5504029 There is no escape!

[Magical Trevor]

Sorry, I uh, don't tend to comment when I'm busy voraciously reading a fic, trying to catch up to where they last updated, so I'll be a 'normal' reader. It's certainly very interesting!

[harts fire]

bring on the pinkie.
but witch will you get?
pinkie or.
pinkie Diane pie
let me introduce you all to Diane pie.
warning may contain death ok a lot of death.

[David Silver]

5797865 Pinkie will not be denied!

[Seeking Dusk]

Didn't Dawn have that message trick that can traverse the plains? I suppose it just slipped Twilight's mind that she could possibly use it to sent a brief message back home.

[David Silver]

5851506 You have to know the target. Twilight does, Dawn does not, and Dawn was the one casting.

[Spiritus Arcane]

Warning, incomming crazy pink bard!
(Because of course Pinkie will be a bard.)

[Seraphimus]

"Did she not treat Twilight with the proper respect and driven her to run away, or is some dark force at work that has dragged her away to nopony knows where?"
This is another example of what I mentioned last chapter, with using too many words.

"Had she mistreated twilight and driven her to run away" Shorter, and sounds more natural whilst conveying the same idea. Also, "Or is some dark force at work that has" should be "or Was some dark force that had" and if you leave the first part alone it should be drive not driven

"I do not think she would hide from us. If she was angry, she would tell us." A soft smile overtook her dark face, "Loudly, with pie charts to explain her points."

Nothing wrong with this line, It's just brilliant. Both a comment Luna would honestly make and a True description of Twilight and also hilarious.

"You cannot order me that way, my sister, but I will do as you please."

Ask would fit here better than please. I know you're going for Luna still struggling with modern dialogue, but the dialogue still needs to sound natural and the use of please over ask... I dunno, doesn't.

Other critique for this chapter... I dunno, Celestia and Lunas dialogue as a whole just doesn't sit right with me. More-so Celestias than Lunas. Celestia just seems to be too formal throughout the thing, Things like calling Pinkie pie, Pinkamena. she is a princess yes, but has consistently shown throughout the show that when with close friends (twilight and the gang) and out of the limelight, she prefers to act and speak more casually I would imagine that would include her sister. And while Lunas more formal tone suits her personality it still felt like a couple times it was just a bit too much if only because of the nature of the situation at hand and her sister being emotional at a couple of points it made her feel almost... Detached? I think is the word I want.

That i think though is more me being nitpicky than anything, But you've said repeatedly you want honest opinions and critique and It seems for the most part others have been silent.

Also, Sorry if these start to get excrutiatingly long

[albedoequals1]

5868337
Pro tip: Identify quotes with the ["] button and highlight the errors you wish to call attention to.
Example:

"Had she mistreated twilight and driven her to run away" Shorter, and sounds more natural whilst conveying the same idea.

is shorter

[Vutava]

5797865 Happily, I don't think we'll be dealing with Pinkamena.

Unless somebody threatens her friends, of course.

[Shadow Lance]

5852136 logic dictates that thy are still the elements as thy are still in the shape of their cutie mark and now they wield a power stronger than the elements of harmony

[Autumn Maize]

6759377

Pinkamena Diane Pie is Pinkie's name. Since Princess Celestia is unlikely to follow fandom memes, that's all it means to her.

Not saying calling her that isn't odd, just that it doesn't have particularly dark implications.