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Union Jack isn't your typical teenager. His cutie mark is a goddamned petrol bomb, for Celestia's sake! This doesn't stop him from transferring from his old delinquent school to Ponyville High in hopes of a second chance. However, as he will find, even his trademark gas mask won't save him from the noxious fumes of high school drama.
Cover art by the amazing Liixa of Gaia Online.
>>532022 and that is why i offered help and yes i am on allot of stories i love reading and i love ponies so you can guess what happens next ANYWAY smaller paragraphs they can be the same idea as previous and future paragraphs but they should be more focused on a single thought. The starting a new paragraphs when a new pony speaks makes it easier to tell who is talking also. Good luck and Tracked
Right, like diabolic said, anytime you introduce a new thought or concept into the fray, you make a new paragraph.
for example, if I had a paragraph structured to be an example to help you understand, it would go here. wait...
"Nice try bro, but you forgot to mention that anytime a new character speaks you make a new paragraph" the mysterious gray blot paused. "Oh, and as long as it's the same character speaking, you can stay in the same paragraph".
And finally ending my rant before I say how totally awesome this is, you have to capitalize letters that start a text.
"Like this."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And ending, I would like to say that I LOVE this and will be watching it. Like a stalker. You have been warned.
*dubstep (no capitalization)
SIEG!
HEIL!
Also.
1.) Putting the word 'anarchists' into this context gives us the impression that it is a society, a brotherhood, which would be okay... if 'unity' wasn't the antonym of 'anarchy'.
2.) Anarchists and punks don't have good relationships with their parents and they sure as hell aren't optimistic. Ever seen Deep London art? Mm.
3.) Dubstep originated after the punk movement was undertaken by the garage movement, where grime and drum n' bass led us ultimately to dub, later dubstep. Dubstep then divided into spinoff genres of brostep (Skrillex), softcore (Flux Pavilion), and hardstyle (no artist comes to mind).
Basically, this story should be darker and more in-depth. Since it's evident that you didn't live the lifestyle, I encourage you to listen to the Gorillaz, research British punk art, and research anarchy and disestablishmentarianism itself.
Sources:
Deviant Subculture entry #89 - the Anarchists and Rebels of the late 80's, Europe
Early 90's Graffiti and Anarchist Art
Anarchist Lifestyles
Thank you for the constructive criticism. I'll start a little more research. and take the suggestions to heart. It always means a lot to me.
To answer the first, Union Jack is the only "anarchist" in the Outcasts, and he acts as sort of a Sixth Ranger. To put it in the words of the story, the Outcasts are a "bunch of ponies that were mismatched: A couple of punks here, a Goth there, a couple dressed in Victorian style clothing..." "...and what looked to be an otaku" They're not anarchists, they're misfits.
To answer the second and the third in one fell swoop, it's MLP. I tried to keep it as light as possible. I didn't want the story to descend into Grimdark territory. Like I said, I'll take your suggestions to heart.
I'll probably add a chapter where Union Jack discovers the actual connotations of the term 'anarchist' and learns that he isn't one.
>>554036 Not quite good at it. He failed at destroying La Cienaga. Arsonist, also not so much. He was before, but he's mellowed out.
But basically, everything you just said.
The description for this story is very apt when it said that Union Jack isn't your typical teenager.
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i know i was just...nvm
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