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Union Jake

Joined April 2012
14 followers

Just a small time writer from the humble Wasteland State of Arizona. I spend most of my time writing stories or playing video games. That's all that really describes me.

Stories (3)

  • Anarchy in the Equestrian Nation
    A young pony by the name of Union Jack is transferred to Ponyville High. This is his daily life.

    32,241 words · 877 views · 30 likes · 3 dislikes
  • The Campus Is Burning
    A continuation of Anarchy In The Equestrian Nation that follows the exploits of Union Jack and a new cast of friends in freshman year at Seaddle University.
    1,294 words · 97 views · 4 likes · 0 dislikes
  • Paycheck
    Five "thieves" plan the biggest heist in history: The printing plates of Canterlot's Roy
    2,639 words · 262 views · 6 likes · 3 dislikes

Blog Posts (120)


Union Jack isn't your typical teenager. His cutie mark is a goddamned petrol bomb, for Celestia's sake! This doesn't stop him from transferring from his old delinquent school to Ponyville High in hopes of a second chance. However, as he will find, even his trademark gas mask won't save him from the noxious fumes of high school drama.

Cover art by the amazing Liixa of Gaia Online.

Now has a sequel, The Campus Is Burning!

First Published
2nd May 2012
Last Modified
18th Sep 2013

Comments ( 147 )

#1 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

DEAR GOD MAN SMALLER PARAGRAPHS

also a new paragraph any time a new pony talks

#3 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532008 Whoa. It's you. I've seen you on stories before.

That aside, I'm still starting off. I don't really know much about paragraph structure. In most of my writings, the paragraphs blend together.

#4 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532022 and that is why i offered help and yes i am on allot of stories i love reading and i love ponies so you can guess what happens next ANYWAY smaller paragraphs they can be the same idea as previous and future paragraphs but they should be more focused on a single thought.  The starting a new paragraphs when a new pony speaks makes it easier to tell who is talking also.  Good luck and Tracked

#5 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532038 Thank you good sir.

#6 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532054 just trying to help

#7 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

my eyes are bleeding

#8 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532215 Too much paragraph, I know. I'll tone down the paragraph size in future chapters.

#9 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

  Right, like diabolic said, anytime you introduce a new thought or concept into the fray, you make a new paragraph.

  for example, if I had a paragraph structured to be an example to help you understand, it would go here. wait...

  "Nice try bro, but you forgot to mention that anytime a new character speaks you make a new paragraph" the mysterious gray blot paused. "Oh, and as long as it's the same character speaking, you can stay in the same paragraph".

  And finally ending my rant before I say how totally awesome this is, you have to capitalize letters that start a text.

"Like this."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  And ending, I would like to say that I LOVE this and will be watching it. Like a stalker. You have been warned.

#10 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

ANARCHYYYYY!

And ponies.

And dubstep.

Now I'm gonna read it.

#11 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532225

Actually some fucker stabbed me in the eyeholes.but you're right those paragraphs are long.like my dick.

#12 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532233 Thank you so much. You have no idea how much constructive criticism means to me.

#13 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532237 Where did Dubstep get mentioned?

#14 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532251

see its funny because-*gets stabbed again*

Fuck!

#16 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532299 Fine, have it your way.

When did dubstep get mentioned?

#17 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532256

Also.

1.) Putting the word 'anarchists' into this context gives us the impression that it is a society, a brotherhood, which would be okay... if 'unity' wasn't the antonym of 'anarchy'.

2.) Anarchists and punks don't have good relationships with their parents and they sure as hell aren't optimistic. Ever seen Deep London art? Mm.

3.) Dubstep originated after the punk movement was undertaken by the garage movement, where grime and drum n' bass led us ultimately to dub, later dubstep. Dubstep then divided into spinoff genres of brostep (Skrillex), softcore (Flux Pavilion), and hardstyle (no artist comes to mind).

Basically, this story should be darker and more in-depth. Since it's evident that you didn't live the lifestyle, I encourage you to listen to the Gorillaz, research British punk art, and research anarchy and disestablishmentarianism itself.

Sources:

Deviant Subculture entry #89 - the Anarchists and Rebels of the late 80's, Europe

Early 90's Graffiti and Anarchist Art

Anarchist Lifestyles

#18 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

*Dubstep has roots in punk rock and grime.

#19 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

loving this, keep up the good work.

#20 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532339

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I'll start a little more research. and take the suggestions to heart. It always means a lot to me.

To answer the first, Union Jack is the only "anarchist" in the Outcasts, and he acts as sort of a Sixth Ranger. To put it in the words of the story, the Outcasts are a "bunch of ponies that were mismatched: A couple of punks here, a Goth there, a couple dressed in Victorian style clothing..." "...and what looked to be an otaku" They're not anarchists, they're misfits.

To answer the second and the third in one fell swoop, it's MLP. I tried to keep it as light as possible. I didn't want the story to descend into Grimdark territory. Like I said, I'll take your suggestions to heart.

I'll probably add a chapter where Union Jack discovers the actual connotations of the term 'anarchist' and learns that he isn't one.

#21 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>532380

The point of that is that anarchy is total individualism. You wouldn't call them goths or emos, and you certainly wouldn't give a name to their motley crew. It's a loss of establishment.

#22 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>533032 I worked around that. I eliminated any references to anarchists in the story and just had Union Jack be a punk. Problem solved right?

#23 · Chapter 2 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>533254

Will reread.

#24 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

LOL another good chapter

#25 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 20h ago · · ·

Next chapter ple- wait, why am I being polite? NEXT CHAPTER CELESTIA DAMMIT! Also, I love the story.:scootangel:

#26 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 17h ago · · ·

>>541177 I'm kind of juggling this and two other fics (My Little Bloodforge and A Story In Which There is Knights, Romance and Hilarity, the latter of which is on hiatus) so I'm having a hard time managing.

#27 · Chapter 4 · 121w, 5h ago · · ·

LOL i cant wait

VIVA LA REVOLUCION

#28 · Chapter 4 · 120w, 6d ago · · ·

Damn the two people who gave this thumbs down.:scootangel:

#29 · Chapter 4 · 120w, 6d ago · · ·

>>545171 It's nice to know someone likes this story that much.

#30 · Chapter 4 · 120w, 6d ago · · ·

Yep. I can totally relate to him. I made a bomb once and destroyed an old tractor trailer. True story.:pinkiecrazy:

#31 · Chapter 4 · 120w, 5d ago · · ·

>>545248 Whoa. You get eleven out of ten mustaches. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

#32 · Chapter 5 · 120w, 4d ago · · ·

SO we have a bipolar arsonist who is very good at basically destroying a country

dear god

#33 · Chapter 5 · 120w, 4d ago · · ·

>>554036 Not quite good at it. He failed at destroying La Cienaga. Arsonist, also not so much. He was before, but he's mellowed out.

But basically, everything you just said.

The description for this story is very apt when it said that Union Jack isn't your typical teenager.

#34 · Chapter 5 · 120w, 4d ago · · ·

Yay! New chapter!

#35 · Chapter 6 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

dont let blackwing see this :rainbowlaugh:

#36 · Chapter 6 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

>>655631 Ha ha! I got his permission first. Besides, it outright states in the description of Griffin the Griffin that he's rude and sarcastic.

#37 · Chapter 6 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

>>655644 lol ya but you can say stuff about yourself and be ok but when others say it you think them mean

#38 · Chapter 6 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

>>655653 Like I said, I got his permission.

#39 · Chapter 6 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

>>655660 :facehoof: i know i was just...nvm

#40 · Chapter 6 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Characters don't need flaws to be compelling. They can just be downright F*cking stupid, which for the record is NOT necessarily a flaw.

#41 · Chapter 6 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

>>655672 Well, I was always taught that a compelling character has both good and bad qualities. Thank you for pointing out that a good character does not always need flaws.

#42 · Chapter 11 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

you ended the chapter perfectly fine. at least you ended it better than i could. alot better. keep up with the awesome chapters :moustache:

#43 · Chapter 11 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

>>702960 Thank you. I haven't gotten any comments since Ch 6, so it was nice to see at least someone was reading.

#44 · Chapter 11 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

>>703018  Thanks and you can expect i will still be reading this until its complete. you can bet on that! anyway i hope you have a nice day/week

#45 · Chapter 13 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

What chapter did Bell cheat on Jack i dont remember it =(

#46 · Chapter 13 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

>>705658 Chapter 12.

#47 · Chapter 13 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

>>706009 i mean what chapter did he see her do it

#48 · Chapter 13 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

>>706078 Between chapters 11 and 12.

#49 · Chapter 11 · 115w, 1d ago · · ·

Man, I have stayed away from this fic far too long. :rainbowwild:

#50 · Chapter 14 · 115w, 1d ago · · ·

Damn. Wish I was that lucky. Great story so far!

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