Chapter 9: Facing Her Demons.
"I just don't understand," Twilight shouted, throwing a small yellow book at a nearby wall. The book she had thrown had been a copy of How To Know if She's the Right Mare For Idiots, and it wasn't exactly very helpful. Then again, the 100 other books she'd been reading on the subject of love.
"Another dud?", Pinkie asked as she walked into the study of the loft they'd been sharing. She was carrying a pan of fresh cookies, one of which she threw to her purple compatriot. They'd been doing this for weeks now, Twilight would look for answers in a new set of books every day, with Pinkie telling her that it was a useless and that she should just pick one answer or the other. Now Twilight was beginning to believe her.
"I can't believe I'm about to say this, but what use are these books." Twi took a bite of the cookie and frowned at the large pile of books she'd created, she'd have to clean that up. Pinkie smiled at her friends revelation, throwing the pan out onto the table haphazardly.
It had been a month since they'd left Ponyville now, and she was nowhere near an answer. It was late in the day now, and Twilight decided it best to simply watch Celestia's sun set. Luna's moon would take its place in the sky soon, bringing the night to the land. A sudden knock on the door of their loft caught the residents off guard.
"I'll get it," Twilight said, trotting to the door and pushing open. She gasped once she saw who was on the other side.
Rainbow Dash, her mane and fur rough and tangled and her body riddled with sweat, her eyes full of tears, stood in the doorway. She and Twilight stood looking at her, the latter fearing the worst outright. After taking a moment to comose herself, Twiliight motioned for the cyan pegasus to come in. Upon seeing Rainbow Dash's condition, Pinkie picked up a traveling cloak and walked towards the door.
"What are you doing Pinkie?", Twilight asked, watching her pink party pony friend.
"I know what this is about, and I'm not staying here while this story gets told Twilight," Pinkie answered, shocking the mauve unicorn with an unusually serious tone."I'm going out to the clubs, you too can have your little talk here."
With that, the party pony walked out the door, out onto the streets of Canterlot. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle merely stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Twilight was confounded at the cyan pony's appearance. She knew something terrible had to have happened for her to come crying to her the way she was now.
Finally, Rainbow Dash broke the silence, turning her head away from the unicorn in order to hide her tears. "I need to clean myself up Twilight, could you tell me where the shower is."
Twilight nodded toward a door behind Rainbow Dash, who muttered her thanks and made her way toward the room. Twilight stood stock still as the sound of water rushing from the shower head reached her ears. If Dash's appearance had surprised her, the tone in her voice downright terrified her.This was the worst she'd ever seen of the cyan pegasus. What had happened in Cloudsdale to bring a side of Dash out that not even Discord himself could summon.
The sound of Rainbow Dash turning the shower off threw Twilight out of the trance it had coaxed her into, and she found herself sitting upon the couch she'd been reading her books on. Rainbow Dash returned to the main room of the loft and stood in front of Twilight. She was only a tad bit less of a mess than she had been before taking the shower. Her mane was slick with water and fell all over her head, somehow not covering her eyes. Twilight wished Dash's eyes had been covered however, for the sorrow she'd noticed in her friend earlier was still there, burning even worse than before.
"What happened?", Twilight asked, scooting over to make room for Rainbow Dash on the sofa. Dash decided not to take the space she'd opened up, and instead placed herself on the small portion of the cushions that was left in front of Twilight. The unicorn wrapped her front legs around the pegasus in response. At the feel of Twilight's legs wrapped around her, Dash whimpered and snuggled her entire body closer to the unicorn she loved.
"Twilight," Rainbow Dash started, the tears returning to her eyes already,"there's something I've never told you, about my past, and I think it's about time you knew my secret." Dash wiped the tears already in her eyes away with her hoof, she felt so weak, crying in front of Twilight like this.
"What is it?" Twilight asked, resting her maw upon Dash's wet mane in comfort. She noticed how easy it felt to talk to the cyan pony. Even here, when the pegasus was on the verge of breaking down over some untold secret, it felt so natural sitting with her like this.
"Twilight, a week after I got my cutie mark, I went to a Wonderbolts performance, a big one-probably one of their best-but I'll remember that day for a much different reason." The tears were flowing uncontrollably now as Rainbow Dash shifted around in order to face Twilight."That day, Soarin, the colt I looked up to the most in this world, raped me."
The world seemed to turn inwards on Twilight at Rainbow Dash's words, and the pit of her stomach twisted and turned viciously as tears started to flow from her eyes as well. She hugged Rainbow Dash close to her, letting the cyan pony cry freely into her shoulders. Rainbow Dash felt so terrible, she'd been crying so much lately, and she hated every tear that fell.
"That's not even the worst part," Dash continued through sobs,"I tried telling everypony what had happened, but not a single one of them believed me. They were all so caught up by his charm that they thought he could do no wrong. The only ponies in Cloudsdale that believed me were Spitfire and Fluttershy, and they couldn't do anything to help. Fluttershy ran away because she couldn't stand to see me in the pain I was in, and Spitfire couldn't say anything without being scolded for supporting me. Even my parents were so dazzled by Soarin's fame that they accused me of lying. To make matters worse, I was pregnant."
Twilight could only imagine the pain the pegasus she was holding must have felt, to have that happen, and to have barely anyone believe you. She shuddered to think about it.
"I ran away from that place after that, found myself in Ponyville. Then one day I was outside, just on the banks of the river that flows from Everfree Forest, when it happened. I went into labor, a nice bouncy baby boy." Rainbow Dash's voice was filled with venom now. The tears she'd once been crying had apparently been dried out as Twilight felt none upon her fur. "I hated that little baby, everything about it. It felt like it was mocking me, laughing at me. Everything about it reminded me of him. So I took it's head into my hooves and. . ." She trailed off, but Twilight understood. An image of a young Rainbow Dash holding the child she hated so much and squeezing the life out of it crossed the unicorn's mind. She couldn't say she wouldn't have done the same.
They sat there in silence now, listening to the sounds of the bustling city outside. It felt so wrong, all those people going about one their merry way, not knowing the terrible truths about life.
"Gilda was there when I killed it, helped me bury the body and everything. It took every bit of my strength to keep her out of that floating city once I told her why I killed it. She told me how sorry she was, not that she needed to. She told me that I needed to be strong, to keep my dreams of joining the Wonderbolts alive. Not because it was my childhood dream, but because I had to prove to myself that I was stronger than him, that he wasn't going to control my life. After that, I met AJ and we started dating, and then it's just old news." Rainbow Dash sighed. She felt so belated now, after getting all of that off her chest.
"What made you tell me this?" Twilight responded, leaning her head back to look into Dash's eyes.
Dash smiled at the unicorn. She planted a small kiss on the Twilight's lips and hugged her close. "When I was in Cloudsdale, I ran into him. He wasn't supposed to be there, but he got there on early. I thought I was ready to face him, but I lost it. All I could do was cry and run away. When I ran away though, the only thing I could keep thinking about was how much I needed you."
Twilight was about to respond when the door to the loft suddenly swung open and a familiar pink pony entered the room. Twilight looked at the clock on the nearby wall,it read 12:00, she hadn't realized that she and Dash had been alone for so long.
"Looks like you've told her," Pinkie stated, looking Dash in the eyes and smiling.
"Yeah, I told her everything Pinks," Rainbow Dash answered, stepping off of the sofa and smiling. She felt so relieved now for some odd reason. It was like all the weight of the month before just vanished.
Pinkie walked over to the table she'd left the cookies on earlier and threw one in the air. "Looks like you've made your decision as well, huh Twi."
"Huh, Twilight, what's Pinkie talk-" Rainbow Dash was cut off by a sudden kiss from Twilight. After the initial shock of her lips meeting Twilight's own, the cyan pegasus deepened the kiss, wrapping her front legs around the purple unicorn.
"I'm taking a leap of faith, Rainbow Dash, that's what." Dash smiled at her own words from a month ago, and nuzzled close to her unicorn marefriend.
"I love you, Twilight Sparkle." Rainbow Dash said, her voice soft and light.
"I love you too, Rainbow Dash." The words hung in the air like a brightly lit candelabra, filling the room in a happy glow. All was peaceful for the two once more.