Rarity's Warming Eve

by Silver Letter

Scene 6

Rarity’s eyes cracked open. She had to tug as if the rims of her eyelids were made of ice. Makeup into black ice. She crawled at first then stood on her hooves. She looked outside. The clouds were so thick that it looked like smoke. The light added a blue haze to everything and her breath could easily be seen against it. She knew the fire was dead. Her tea had frozen over and the steam had turned into a layer of ice that coated the top shelf and the countertop below, gleaming like glass. She stumbled into the parlor. The whole place was otherworldly like she had gone to sleep for a thousand years and the whole world had forgotten warmth and love.

She remembered that Sweetie was gone. She rushed to the window and rubbed the condensation off to look outside. The filly was nowhere to be seen. How could she do that to her? Run off in such weather? Her frustration waned as she saw the ferocity of the winds. Even the trees bent from its immense power. She had never seen such an extreme winter since she went to the Crystal Empire. And her sister was out there, doing something foolish as usual. She should have done something to stop her instead of wallowing in her selfish pity.

There was no time for that now. She bucked the door and it groaned. Two more and it snapped off its hinges. She jumped out into the dense snow. A wave of icy wind flowed against the ground, slapping her hard. In the first five seconds, she barely dodged her own mailbox which was uprooted and flung across the yard.

She focused and concentrated her magic into her horn. She smelled something unique and refined. The gem her sister wore around her neck. Her special talent can find gems anywhere but not just through sight but smell too. Like Applejack can tell her what kind of apple she is holding behind her back, Rarity can track gems even at a distance. She can tell exactly where her sister went even without the aid of tracks.

She threw herself into the thick of the storm. She could barely see beyond the first hill but she didn’t need to. It all looked the same now. The roads were gone with nothing but fence posts sticking over the growing field of snow. She panted and it seemed even that release of heat was enough to melt some of the ice that clung to her fur. She could tell that the smell was taking her away from the road. Coco must have gotten lost. Caught in the sudden blizzard. It means they could be anywhere. She threw a grim glance at the distant forest. The trees seemed to wave like reeds. She hoped that Coco would be smart enough not to venture in there. Doing so would do little more than to teach her that the cold isn’t the only thing that can bite.

It wasn’t too late to turn back. She’s sure that Twilight would find some wisdom in it. After all, it was nearly impossible to see and all she had going for her was a faint scent leading her into places unknown. But she also knew that there was little place for wisdom in what she was doing. It was about two things: her family and if she’s lucky enough, the friendship she hopes still exists.

---

She gallops to the end of a long field. She slid down a bank and dropped onto a road. It curved around a hill and she came to a secluded bridge with a darkened canopy above it, an awning of bare wood. Between the streaks of light, two ponies leaned against the railing and peered into the frozen stream below.

Rarity walked slowly, letting her rhythm of her heart return to normal. Coco and Sweetie weren’t talking. They looked like they were counting the flakes of snow which drifted on the ice below. A part of the railing was devoid of it. It looked to have been swept aside. As Rarity walked around to the bridge, she saw a hole in the ice.

Her sister watched her walk close. “Rarity? What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I was just worried about you….both of you”.

“You didn’t have to come here. I had this handled on my own” Sweetie replied, a flair of her independence making itself heard. “She’s safe with me. You know that”.

Rarity had been in such a rush that she barely knew what to say. Was Sweetie right? If her generosity was truly a burden then she needed to hear it for herself. She needed to know if part of her entire life had been a lie. What other possibility could there be?

“I didn’t have to come but I needed to, Sweetie”.

“What do you mean”?

Rarity made sure that her words could be heard clearly even though it wouldn’t be hard with the trees and canopy naturally slowing the wind. She wanted them to reach Coco even if she pretended not to listen.

“Because being by a friend’s side is more important than anything else. Didn’t you learn anything in Manehattan? Maybe it was different than what I took with me. Maybe you just forgot it. I was like that once because it’s easy to overlook it when we’re alone. I won’t deny it now. If it wasn’t for my friendships, I wouldn’t be the mare I am now, standing in the middle of a snowstorm”.

“You’re right. I did forget” Coco said. Her face looked conflicted as if two sides of her had been pulling her in two different directions. “After you helped me get that job with the theatre, I was at the highest point in my entire life. Suddenly ponies that wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with me before were giving me the kind of attention I never had. Everypony wanted to be my friend and I guess I just forgot the value of it. I slipped into a familiar pattern, only much worse than before. I desired more than I could even handle. Honestly, I thought I could do the same here. That’s why I really came”.

Rarity frowned. “And I was just trying to help, maybe teach you what I knew”.

“I know now. Your sister found me here. We talked for a while”. When she looked at the filly, it was as if the Manehattan mare changed somehow. The cold of Ponyville, instead of insulating her from friendships and empathy, had brought out the purity that was just kept frozen inside. Sweetie blushed but flashed a brilliant smile.

“You can’t deny yourself, Rarity” Coco continued. “You’re not just a friend. You’re a teacher too. It’s the generous nature that shines within you. Never give that up”.

Rarity flicked a tear from her eye before it would fall and freeze on her cheek. “Thank you, Sweetie Belle”. She put a hoof around the filly, holding her close.

“I’m sorry for what happened” Coco said. “You’re not Suri and neither am I. There’s no reason why we can’t be close. Don’t you still have much to teach me”?

“Well yes, but only on one condition” Rarity declared. “Our friendship must always come first”.

Coco grinned and sat next to her. “I am certain of this more than ever”. The three of them shared one huge hug and they talked and laughed for an hour until the wind died down and they walked through the snow back home. It was the best trek through an icy field that Rarity has ever had.

---

Sometimes when two ponies, even if they’re friends, try to work together, they might not see eye to eye even when it seems they’ll be a perfect fit. It doesn’t always work out in the end. Some friendships don’t even survive when two ponies start to see each other as rivals. I’ll never let that happen between me and my friends. I’ll always be willing to give as well as take. Because that’s who I am.

“Rarity! C’mon”!

Rarity turned around and saw Coco wave her over as she pushed a row of costumes into the building where the Hearth’s Warming Eve play was to be held that evening. Sweetie was telling the workers where to take the armor. They had done it with no time to spare. It was just like she imagined it would be. She put a new marker into the friendship diary and hurried backstage where her friend was waiting.

THE END

Comments

[spideremblembrony]

Okay, it might be my naivety talking and I’m probably the last person who should be talking to you about this, but I’m seeing some tense issues. Again, this could be me, but they are just things that stand out in my mind.

There is nothing that can’t be bettered with a little comfort.

She can’t be certain who would be there, judging her craft. Maybe it’s nopony special but she can hardly take the risk. She can just imagine some celebrity designer coming unexpectedly, hidden away in the crowd, catching her off guard. It’s not completely out of the question. It would be far more damaging to work half-heartedly and be written off than to try her best and not get noticed. Perfection is a must anyway, so deeply engrained like a code of conduct, something personal that must be upheld no matter the cost.

Again, maybe it’s supposed to be the style. Maybe it’s supposed to be more of an exception rather than a rule. But these things certainly stood out in my mind and was interested to hear what you thought. Again, I’m probably not the person who should be calling you out on something like this.

What I really like about this story is how much depth Rarity is given. There’s a lot of subtle thoughts and movements that really add to Rarity’s character in this.

There are a lot of moments where I’m thinking ‘Are these supposed to be inner thoughts and I’m just not getting it?’ The issue, at least for me, is that it isn’t really distinguishable from the rest of the text. I know that this is all coming from Rarity’s point of view, but I feel like at some point there is a tad confusing between the tenses and that’s the only reason I can fathom that it would be like that. Like in this sentence.

Sweetie better not ruin it with her silliness. It’s not like the fillies with their emblems and little red capes aren’t cute but maybe she thinks she’s too old to think of her club like that anymore.

Is this a thought that Rarity is having? If so, I couldn’t tell at first because there was nothing that really distinguishes them from the narrative. Again, probably not the guy who should be telling you this, but just something that I thought of as I was reading.

Maybe this is a personal thing for me but the scene with Coco whistling getting on Rarity’s nerves is a tad unjustified.

I realize that Rarity is getting frustrated at Coco for not being as effective as she would like, but the whistling thing was kind of a stretch for me.

Also, Coco’s outburst felt a tad unjustified. I know she’s sensitive, but it feels like it’s really abrupt. I would have liked to have seen more of the tension between the two. I know that it goes into great detail with it, but to me it feels like it comes out of nowhere.

The story is written well for a lot of it. Like I said, really liked the way the inner thoughts and movements Rarity had in this story. I thought it was very well done. She felt really damn arrogant in this. Not that it was a bad thing. I can kind of see where that was coming from. I do like that she kind of lets her pride and her knowledge of things kind of get in the way of what is important.

Coco was a tad confusing on the other hand. Like I said, for me, Coco snapping at Rarity seemed a little out of place. Maybe there could have been more of Rarity getting on Coco’s case about the perfection that she desires. I realize that it is implied in the story, but it also says that she pressed on. So, the outburst really feels like the first time they had actually confronted one another.

Again, this could be just me.

The ending was a cute little ending. I don’t think that Rarity would allow Coco to leave into the snow like she did. Even less Sweetie Belle who, we established very early on in the story, was protective of. I feel like Rarity would have demanded she go with her sister rather than her going alone. And Sweetie must have been gone for a long time if she had time to talk with Coco before Rarity caught up to them.

Overall, I think a little more tension between Rarity and Coco would have added a lot to it. At least to me. It’s written very well. A few tense issues that, maybe, are an issue, but I’m no expert as you’ve probably already guessed. Like I said, I like Rarity’s portrayal in this. I really like Rarity’s character in this. There is a lot to her. In her thoughts, in her movements, in her own little arrogant but still very kind and generous nature. I really enjoyed that.

Overall, a little story that was had some pretty enjoyable moments. Don’t know how much help I was, but enjoy the review and I’ll catch you later. Until then, take care.

[Silver Letter]

5445885
Thank you. With such a huge document, I had not noticed a few errors in tense. I reviewed that paragraph and edited it at once.

As with the subject of narrative and character thought, yes that was Rarity's thoughts. I was using a concept called "Free Indirect Style" where a character's thoughts sort of blend in with the narrative. As long as it sounds like a thought, it probably is. I'm still learning the fine details of this so maybe I didn't do it right. It's hard to say. If I didn't then I do apologize.

I can see that it sort of comes suddenly with Coco and Rarity but if you notice it does skip two days between her arrival and that day. I did that because it probably wouldn't be that interesting to read about those two days while they were working. Assuming that Coco was annoying her in secret the entire time with her quirky manehattan personality, the two of them would be working together in some measure of difficulty. Coco wanted Rarity to let her design dresses as she pleases. Rarity wanted to have Coco come so she can teach her more about the craft. Coco had learned about Generosity before but in her time in manehattan, her unexpected fame gave her a sense of arrogance and the lessons she learned were forgotten. But it's hard to bring any of that up since I don't switch points of view. We don't directly see what Coco is thinking at any time.

With the final scene, I was going for a kind of quiet shock for Rarity. The idea of losing a friend doesn't come easily and everything was turning into a haze. With the icy scene at the beginning of scene 6, this was meant to reflect her heart becoming colder. Like how the wendigoes froze the world in the legend of Hearth's Warming Eve. Conflict brings division to a friendship. It wasn't really real. I mean, even the tea turned to ice with the steam frozen in time.

Anyway, I liked your review and thank you very much for taking the time to write one. It was obviously very helpful and I hope to improve how I develop characters, dialogue and so much more. I have another more simple tale called "Angel Bunny and the Knights of the Round Stump" up on my stories list. It's incomplete but it's an adventure tale. Maybe check it out if you like?

[spideremblembrony]

5446094 Of course, I'm glad I could be of any help.

I will certainly check out your other stories when I find time. Also, if you would like (but you have no obligation to), I welcome you to check out more of my stories and give them the proper review that they deserve. I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts and opinions on them and more to come in the future.

[Batbrony]

A cute story indeed, and lovely addition to our Hearth's Warming Eve contest. I definitely think it was a significant improvement compared to your last entry, namely in the sense that it was a lot less ambitious. Story was much more limited in its scope, and I appreciated that very much.

[Silver Letter]

5491244
Thank you for your comment. I believe it was a step up and I hope I can do even better for next contest.

[Batbrony]

5492305
It was, like I said, it most definitely was a step up. I will say this; you had some very nice descriptions of the scenery, but in a story this restrained as far as its action goes, you don't always have to try so hard with every description. Scenery can still be beautiful, but it doesn't have to sound like it's the most incredible sight ever when it might be something like someone just enjoying their front yard covered in snow on a winter morning. Simple descriptions for simple scenes makes for simple beauty. Just for future reference.

[Silver Letter]

5492659
That is excellent feedback. Thanks.