Annnd Hilarity Ensues.

*snerk.*  Bwuaaaahahahahahahahahaha!

Hm potencial to be a good story. Now you had to write how twilight get out of this mess

This has potential.  I will be watching.

It's a decent idea, but it's littered with spelling and grammar errors, and some of the dialogue sounds strange. I'll send you a PM with some examples of what I mean, having taken notes through the first half of the chapter.

Keep it up, though. You're off to a better start than a lot of people.

>>630582630582 hey! are you coping me?

Good idea, but some errors exist. Still, keep it up. I want to see more from you.

I'm following this. Celestia-centered and potentially hilarious? Too good to miss!

However, if it takes a dark turn with Twilestia/Celesparkle unable to move the Sun and everything burning, I won't forgive ya!

(And, please, pleeeease keep the "troll" down. It's fun enough to have her in Twi's body, no need to make her mean.)

First of all, WOW. This took of like I never imagined. I should write while procrastinating more. I was supposed to be working on a 15 page paper on desert urbanization, but body switching, technicolored ponies pierced my brain and had to be removed. Also, I am saddened, as this fit of randomness, has obliterated the attention of my hard worked first story. It's like I trolled myself here. Wrapping up, I have three other ideas fleshing out, so check out my blog page if you care.

Oh and YOU GUYS ROCK! royal Canterlot voice.

>>630533630533

Oh don't worry, there will be plenty of nervous, confused Twilight.

>>630606630606

Thanks for the help so far. Taking notes like a true Twilight would.

>>630986630986

well, you can PM me or post errors here. Like the description says, "Tear this apart...I like criticism."

>>631454631454

There will be Twilight too.

There is no Dark tag here, so don't worry. As for the trolling, you did see the title right? I do see your point though. I would call what is going to happen mischief. Celestia is not mean, just board with bureaucratic garbage and this is like the ultimate vacation.  

>>631832631832

I believe in you then^^

And yeah, for some reason, posting a new story here summons a herd of fans xD

Did they swap bodies, or did Celestia possess Twilight?

in the short script, it said they will change body for a day. why not a week?

>>631868631868

Well I guess it's not a spoiler. Celestia was going to long distance teleport to Cnaterlot, but Twilight interrupted her channeling magic and they switched minds. That happened just before the spell cast.

Possessing Twilight is an interesting prospect, but then I wouldn't get to explain how Twilight copes with this issue. If you want me to write that one I think I could pull it of in another story.

>>631879631879

How long do you guys want this thing. I can conceive of a longer period, Celestia wants to enjoy freedom and Twilight gets a first hoof experience of the intricacies of government (maybe makes some changes), but I don't think they could pull it off for a week. maybe 2-3 days at most. Otherwise the mane six will look like oblivious dunder heads. Also, Luna is not that dense.

>>631832631832

She's my avatar for a reason.

>>630896630896

Nope.  Though now that I've read your first comment, I can see why you'd think so.

>>631888631888

At least 2 days.  Also, I think you should have Celestia send Twi at least one letter.  Preferably explaining how to send a reply letter, and that she should try and learn from current situation.  Otherwise I forsee Twilight completely losing it.

>>632230632230

Was I too subtle when It said “Go ahead and send that letter. I would like to write a personal letter to Celestia.”? As in, she wrote a letter and sent it with the mane six's letter. I edited to make this obvious.

Also I edited the description, so it could be any amount of time. The next episode is Nightmare night. I could have Celestia be there in Twilight's body?

Wait, wait, wait.

Bodyswap fic? That's actually good?

YOU KNOW HOW RARE THOSE ARE? I can think of Of Two Minds and its sequel. That's all.

Oh, this is track-fav'd so hard.

33 to 0 ratio? That's impossible... there's no way a fic can be good enough that no one honestly dislikes it, yet still unpopular enough for trolls to leave it alone.

>>632488632488

Oh, forgot about that, sorry.  I guess since you didn't show us what Celestia wrote, it didn't register in my mind.

You might want to alternate between Celestia & Twilight each chapter.  So next chapter would be from Twilight's point of view, then Celestia's the chapter afterwards, and so on, and so forth.

This is some seriously good story though.  I eagerly await MOAR!!!

>>631888631888

maybe 2-3 days at most. Otherwise the mane six will look like oblivious dunder heads. Also, Luna is not that dense.

I think Celestia is clever enough and knows Twilight well enough to fake it for at least three days. You're absolutely right about Luna, though. She's a thousand years old or more and, while socially awkward, is very clearly not stupid. I don't think Twilight could go one minute in a conversation with Luna without the Princess of the Night becoming highly suspicious, let alone a day or three.

Idea, actually: you should incorporate Luna's suspicion into the story. It's inevitable that she'll see something wrong, so you may as well have fun with it. Perhaps she starts investigating and trying to figure out who this "Celestia" is and what they've done with the real princess. It could lead to some fun confrontations and possibly even a mini-climax of sorts wherein Twilight is forced to admit everything and beg her not to tell. Of course, it can get a lot more complicated and/or crazy than that, or you can ignore my idea altogether; it's just something that sounds like fun in my own opinion.

>>633886633886

I'm writing a Luna thing right now actually and I found a way to make twilight seem less conspicuous. more or less.

>>632230632230 it was a joke

I fond a writing error:

“Were the same age, AJ,” said Rainbow Dash

The right one is this:

"We are in the same age, AJ," said Rainbow Dash

Shining, not Shinning. Other than that, I'm looking forward to more

Lol Spanner! Congrats on making the feature box. I'm going to thumb this baby up and favorite it.

Ah yes, the best time to write a fanfic is when your supposed to be working on a project. Work pays off over time, laziness pays off now.

>>655472655472

I made feature box?

I want to say 'bricks have been shat', but that doesn't apply to anything in this fic yet. However! Thy have gained another follower.

>>655603655603 Sure did boyo!

>>655620655620

I...I...* faint*

“Bro…Shinning Armor, your blinding me with you magic.”

you're, and your

"“Today I learned, not to touch Celestia’s flank.” The alicorn started to breathe easier, as it didn’t look like Celestia would be sending her to the moon. I guess she can’t right now anyway, letting out a short, hysterical giggle. "

I think the italics shouldn't be on all of the third sentence. I got confused there.

"Eeep! Twilight yelped."

quotes necessary

Good so far.

>>655640655640 Congrats man, I hope one day to make that darn feature box myself!

Well the inevitable dislike occurred around 66 likes.This has grown well beyond expectation. Thank you and future viewers.

>>655463655463

Fixed!

>>655475655475

15 page paper on deserts or this? Is the choice that obvious?

>>655614655614

Why are bricks shat and by whom? Thanks for the follow.

>>655643655643

Fixed, mostly. Thanks for the comments they all help.

>>655654655654

I think I'm okay now. You will make it and you deserve it!

>>632896632896

Are body swap fics rare and bad or common and bad? I actually had not come across one yet.

>>660839660839

Thanks man. This was most surprising.

>>655764655764

Whoops, I missed one.

"“Today I learned, not to touch Celestia’s flank.”"

no comma necessary.

Thanks for making the corrections though!

>>655764655764 Thanks for your confidence in me and my story but I doubt I will ever make the feature box. But a pony can dream can't he?

Oh on a side note did you get that message I sent you yesterday?

I like it, i can't wait to see more!

Well the world is doomed shall we get to looting? Or do we wait for a building to blow up?

Love a bit of Trollestia in the evening! Can't wait for more, especially since you've got so many readers offering help and pleading with you!

Oh, I'm one of them! More please!

God job. keep it up

Pretty self-explanatory oh-shit moment. Find yourself in the body of a sun goddess? Yeah, that's a good time to start panicking.

Cnaterlot? Is that some new place in Equestria?

>>659622659622

Ha ha ha. Fixed. Thanks for the pointer.

>>631832631832 Good job getting featured! PARTY!!!

.

..

...

Image: http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/54e/f48/ca3/resized/mlp-meme-generator-happy-birthday-where-s-the-party-f90a3a.jpg

to change the text size you click on the dropbox next to where it says what font you are using

If I were to offer some additional constructive criticism at this point, it would be that your chapters are too short for the amount of information they attempt to convey! Try to offer a bit more in the way of description and narration between major events. The second chapter had Twilight confronted by guards, getting something from the library, hiding things and then fighting with Luna, and reading multiple letters from Celestia, and it did all of this in just over 2000 words; honestly, this could be expanded with better descriptions of what's going on, making things a bit more vivid. Getting straight to the meat of the events is cool, but you have to have some side dishes in there too, or else it isn't quite a meal.

I'll be awaiting the third chapter!

>>665389665389

Don't worry, this is sort of the second prologue. The first day hasn't even begun yet and its two more days to nightmare night.  

Interesting concept. Enjoying this rather playful tale so far, looking forward to more.

It's funny what when you wrote:

You feel beat at you own game, by a bunch of armatures

I couldn't work out if you misspelled amateur, or you were actually relating her own feeling of inability by comparing her to actual armatures.

"You feel beat at you own game, by a bunch of armatures.”

Heh. I cant imagine being beat at applebucking by a bunch of clocks feeling very nice.

I may have to implement my own plans along with this plan. The Carrot family is going down.

Oh.  The hilarity doth ensue already does it?  Continue post haste.

I'm starting to like Trollestia

Wait? A Troll in a Park?

Image: http://www.glogster.com/media/1/1/95/89/1958954.jpg

Image: http://collider.com/wp-content/image-base/Clubhouse/F/Funny_Pictures/slices/slice_star_wars_stormtrooper_facepalm_01.jpg

"Not again..."

You said Tia woke her up, I think you mean Luna.

Oh the carrot farmer called the Princess of the Sun a pansy and a weakling? Who is the rule rand who is the peasant!?

>>756547756547 thats exactly what i thought of when i read the title!

Rather...

The Nostalgia Critic's review of that film is what came to mind

His review of that movie was flippin priceless!!!

good work. don't mind some waiting. a good story will take time to writhe. any way, good job, keep it up

Armatures? There were machines, but there weren't any weapons in that episode.

*edit*

any robots in that episode.

*edit*edit*

any nice chairs in that episode.

My mind's in a wierd palce right now.

It's CMC- Cutie Mark Crusaders, not CCC

And.. poor Carrot family, they may deserve it, but I it won't be pretty

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png

See, Vinyl? If you just showed Twilight where the noise came from, then she would be interested in the technology. You gotta let ponies in the loop once in a while. They may surprise you!

Oh Applejack, why are you surprised? You know Twilight is defensive of the Princesses! Maybe the Carrot Family knew that'd make Twilight stay. (Various episodes show that Twilight doesn't like any badmouthing towards The Royal Sisters.)

>>756581756581 So I'm not the only one who thought of that when reading the title!

I like where this is going.

Even though she's in a mortal's body Celestia still has her own natural intelligence and her countless eons of wisdom...I don't envy whoever has to clean that mess up.

the first thought through my head after seeing 'showed up by Armatures' was 'the Geth have been helping out at the orchard?'

Fixed stuff

Tia has been waking me up lately and the guards had done it since about a hundred years ago.

CCC

Shouldn't Tia be replaced by Luna and CCC by CMC

Not only is Princess Trollestia stealing Twilight's screentime, she's also stealing...Rarity's catchphrases!

(Note: there really needs to be an emoticon of abject terror...maybe one of Lily making her "the horror" faces?)

I love the idea of the ultrasonic cleaner dishwasher that uses wubs. I wonder if if songs such as "going to the car wash" "talk dirty to me" or other ironic songs work better or just the nature of the music, in this case the loud and rythmic sounds of wubstep.

>>756498756498 >>757163757163

So I edited that, but now I wonder if armatures is better? The geth huh? That is tempting, but no. My crossover Idea is a league of legends crossover.

>>756514756514

Did you like it as armatures? Because now I think it's pretty funny.

>>756521756521

In due time my friend, in due time. But yes it will ensue.

>>756542756542

Starting to? Just like the cover art thought bobble says "You know you can't resist."

>>756547756547

What film and what NC episode? I must see.

>>756577756577

Fixed and I don't even know what Celestia is up to.

>>756623756623

Thanks, I stayed up till three in a hotel room, keeping this a secrete from my family.

>>756660756660

I fixed it, but maybe it was better that way.

>>756745756745>>757295757295

Fixed. Though Equestria could use a civil conservation corps. I don't even know what Celestia is up to.

>>757657757657

lol. I hope I don't break the fourth wall at some point, but I have no control over Celestia's intent.

>>758285758285

If it existed I would buy it. I want to invent this. Also just wait till you see what else vinyl has been working on.

>>760335760335

A Troll in Central Park, Nostalgia Critic

I know you apparently have an editor, but you need a new and better model.

That said... this is really fun story!

>>760335760335

Heh. It gave me a laugh, but it's a bit obvious as a typo to really be funny.

>>761439761439

I jump the gun and usually re post after my editors look at my stuff so its my fault.

I ALREDY

I already.

can’t…breath

breathe is the verb, while breath is the noun, as in "last breath." Correct me if I'm wrong.

Good and fun. I wanted to see what Twilight was doing though. Cliffhangers!

>>763959763959

Well the next chapter is Twilight again.

>>761541761541

True.

This will be fun. *Grabs popcorn*

wait what?

another changeling invasion threat…

hum..... you know.... unless you're saying that episodes 51 and 52 happen BEFORE episode 3 in the series chronology.... this is impossible

I'm pretty sure Tia and Twi wouldn't have stayed switched for that long or if they do, it wouldn't have taken months for Twilight to learn how to move the sun

>>809889809889

Fixing now!!!

Everything is prior to Lesson Zero so I fixed the time traveling.

Keep with the one-character chapters. While it would be nice to see a bit of either one each chapter, their individual parts would be too short in my opinion.

*reads description*

L-l-lesson z-zero?! *shudders*

I have nightmares about that Twilight.

>>630606630606 I concur with this person. I desperately want to like this fic, but the grammatical errors and stilted dialogue are killing it for me.

>>810091810091

Agreed.

Also wonder if Twilight took the monetary expenditure of some of those into account like the dam and plumbing modernization even though they do seem like good things to do.

Huh? Discription no make sense.

I would highly suggest rewriting some of the dialogue in the Twilight-Servant and their respective thoughts exchange.  It is extremely difficult to follow who's saying/thinking what.

Don't get me wrong, this story is good stuff.  Body swapping Twilight and Celestia is great.  Just get the dialogue to flow a little better please.

>>810177810177

Lightweight, i have nightmares about Party of One Pinkie (Pinkamina). That's actually threatening... Lesson Zero Twi's only interested in learning something about friendship, while Pinkie has absolutely nothing she can lose or gain, she's just doing it 'cause she can. Which makes her unstoppable, or pretty much so. Luckily her imaginary friends didn't have enough time to fully turn her to the dark side...

Imagine a serial killer who can materialize and disappear at will, who can follow you wherever you go... and you have Dark Side Pinkamina. Sweet dreams...

>>810265810265

Read Lez Ponies, you get a nice taste of some fantastically creeptastic (and yet, remarkably natural and canon-style) Pinkie behavior.

>>810265810265

Nincompoop. Pinkamena was just talking to herself. That's not scary at all.

Twilight, however, demonstrated the will to sow discord and destroy emotional bonds, the fact she can teleport INSIDE things smaller than herself and then destroy them (maybe a pony?), and the toast of it all... the WILDLY abusive and VASTLY overpowered Want it Need it spell. Mass mind control.

>>810091810091

Thanks

>>810177810177

She's so adorable though.

>>810203810203

I'm sorry about that. The funny part is they are one of my editors and did a great job on my first couple chapters. They are just super busy lately. Sorry it upsets you. If you would be another editor, then that would help a lot.

>>810207810207

WOW! Somepony noticed the staggering bill this would create. I was hoping they would. You sir are win!

>>810239810239

What about it?

>>810247810247

Is this better? I re did it. Like I said before, more editors would be great! You could also just PM me once, all your complaints and I will fix it. it is also easier for me to write Celestia's dialogue, because she and Ponyvillians are less amnic.

>>810265810265

Let me put it this way. Pinkie can hold 1-2 knives/weapons and be any ware. Twilight can levitate hundreds of or very large objects/weapons, can teleport, cast spells and is now interested in pony anatomy.

>>810321810321

Does the above help your case?

>>810434810434

Thank you! Not to mention as of the Royal Wedding, we see that all the fanfics of Twilight with combat spells and war magic were right. Twilight is a SCARY girl. The most powerful mortal spellcaster in Equestria, second only to the deific avatars of the heavenly bodies. If she loses her mind, we lose our lives.

>>810493810493

The scary part is Twilight has the authority of the Princess and the vast knowledge of stuff and Celestia has eons of knowledge and Twilights very magically capable body. The threat has been doubled.

>>810321810321

I think you're overselling it a bit by saying she "demonstrated the will to sow discord and destroy emotional bonds".  Twilight's plan was to offer three little girls one super cool toy, and then when they started arguing about who got to play with it she was going to step in and teach them about the importance of sharing.  Yes, it was executed with maniacal behavior, but that's still as sinister as her plan got even at her most crazy.

The problem of course was they somehow didn't see Smartypants as being one super cool toy (Inconceivable!) and so she tried to get over that little hurdle with a "Want it, Need it" spell, which, as it happened, turned out to be *way* more powerful than she expected.  This is nothing new for her though... Pretty much every time Twilight's magic misfires it's because the spell comes out way more powerful than she intended:  from the runaway plow during Winter Wrap up to the attempt to alter the Parasprite's diet to Smartypants becoming so desirable that an entire town would fight over it.  As Celestia laid out, Twilight's problem is that she's freakishly powerful and needs to learn how to control it all.

But her intentions are pretty pure.  Hell, I know plenty of parents who think that one toy for multiple kids is a good exercise in learning how to share.

I like how each chapter is separated, but it would be nice to know what happens to Twi and Tia in the same chapter, so I am a little split on the choice (I would be happy either way just as long and it does not feel rushed and the reader knows what character they are following).  It is kinda funny reading what each is doing and how the personalities are not matching up with the bodies.  I would say it is similar to knowing you have two weather systems slowly moving together to create an awesome shitstorm.  

>>810434810434

I really have no clue who would be scarier, Pinkie you just can't get away form and can't touch unless you are shoving a hoof in her mouth, though she is limited to smaller tactical strikes.  Twilight on the other hoof can cause mass destruction on a level Pinkie can't match, she however can get hit (mainly by pianos and anvils); though I feel were she more aware, magical shields would prove to be difficult to bypass.  And don't get my started on the other four.

Seems like a genuinely interesting idea, could use some proofreading but the average reader can still tell what you intend. This should be good.

>>635139635139

actually all it was missing was an apostrophe.

"Were the same age, AJ" works but could be improved

"Were in the same age, AJ" "in the same age" is a grammar error

"We're in the same age, AJ" down to the most hyperactive grammar Nazism possible

Wait, CURSES!!! Apologies. I meant

"We're the same age, AJ."

I accidentally put "in" in the correction again, as well as forgetting the period.

as to your question on whether it's ok to change the perspective between twilight and celestia within the same chapter:

I dont see anything wrong with it. However, my logic states that If I say no, then you might be convinced into splitting it up into two chapters. these chapters may need additional writing to justify them as chapters. with this in mind, my greed says no.

>>810849810849

Don't worry the later chapters are being fixed now.

>>810621810621

"If I can't FIND a friendship problem, I'll MAKE a friendship problem."

I shouldn't have to explain it any further after using her own words. Regardless of intention, she had gone insane. And don't undersell the potency and abusive power of the WINI spell. Regardless of the fact Twi made it too powerful, it subverts the viewer's own willpower into the designated effect of the spell. I wasn't saying Twi was evil, I'm saying Twi is -scary- when she snaps. Far scarier than Pinkamena, who only sat there talking to herself in a fit of sheer depression.

twilestia stikes! good job, keep it up.

>>811819811819

I have no problem admitting that that picture makes me feel uneasy. Veeeeery uneasy.

>>811341811341

I'm not terribly convinced, as the phrase "a friendship problem" doesn't exactly send chills up my spine.  Especially so when the most she intended was to have a group of kids all want to play with a toy at the same time, and then immediately step in and teach them how to share.  You can cackle like a mad man, but if the scheme you relay while doing so is a plan to intentionally jaywalk it just doesn't cause the same concern.

I'd be far more spooked if one of my friends was stewing in anger and started holding conversations with disembodied voices that were telling her that I was no good, against her, and that things are better because I'm not around.  That is legitimately unsettling to me.

That said, they're both sweethearts, and I'd trust either of them without hesitation.  

>>810872810872

OBJECTION!

How can you be IN an age? that doesn't make sense, unless you're speaking about eras.

I propose the proper wording would be "We're (we are) the same age, Applejack."

-Phoenix Write, Ace Grammar Nazi

>>810629810629

Agreed, she does SEEM scary, but it's not at the same level as Pinkie. First, she's not aiming to maim, kill, destroy, etc. anypony or anything. She's only trying to cause some mischief that will allow her to write a letter on time. Besides, she's obviously distressed about what she's done after casting WINI, because she makes sure her friends don't look at the doll and wonder how she's going to fix this mess. And then the princess pulls Deus ex Machina.

Pinkie, on the other hoof, is downright psychotic. The voices in her head, left long enough, could very well have turned her against her friends to such a point where she actively seeks to harm them, possibly even cupcakes style. Adding in her Pinkie Sense and Reality Warping, and you have yourself a neigh-unstoppable bringer of death. Did I mention she has easy access to the Cake's kitchen knives, and likely has knives hidden all over for a knife emergency? Like eyepatches and balls? Yeah.

>>811341811341

I agree that, in general, Unicorns are a larger threat than Earth ponies or Pegasai. However, Pinkie is the obvious exception. Her Pinkie Sense tells her, much like Spiderman's Spider Sense, when something's afoot. Which means not even small tactical strikes can take her by surprise.

>>812162812162

Agreed.

It seems I've started a slight divide among the fanbase, due to what (i hope everyone realized) was essentially some lighthearted teasing. I'm not out to make enemies, and if I've upset anyone, I hope you won't hold it against me... please...?

Only way to make this better is if Twilight's ocd is not only a part of her personality, but is a part of her very body as well, forcing Celestia to suffer from it as well (possibly freaking her out and causing mild to severe insanity), until the mind swap gets reversed.

>>810872810872 yea, yea. Laugh it out. I'm not good at english

>>812311812311

I will admit your point that Pinkie has the faster train to the looney bin, but I think Twilight if pushed hard enough can have a large snap ("If I can't find a friendship problem, I'll make a friendship problem" isn't far from "If I don't have a world to end, I'll make a world to end).  Also her quizzical nature and scientific background only mean she is a hop, skip, and a jump (just move your little rump) from asking the questions that lead to vivisection.