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The man's eyes refused to open. There was nothing particularly unusual about this; after all, it was the man who was determined to keep his eyes from opening. The position he was now in was his own fault really. The man knew that if he were to take a nap on the couch, at this point in the day, he would be inclined to remain napping despite the fact he had work to get done. Something soft came down firmly onto the man's nose and with a complaint the man opened his eyes to gaze upon what caused this most recent discomfort.
A small white rabbit stood on the man's chest, tapping its foot impatiently. With a roll of the eyes the man began to rise to a sitting position as the rabbit hopped onto the ground, various small creatures, which had previously been napping as well, tumbled down from the man's stomach and into his lap. The man carefully moved the small animals onto the cushion next to him as he stood, the animals responded by clustering together into a small pile of sleeping bodies.
The rabbit made a small cough and, as the man turned to view what it wanted, motioned to its wrist then to a door of the house. The man simply tilted his head in understanding and stooped down to pick up a large bag that was seated on the ground next to the couch, he had clearly napped longer than he meant to. With a small nod of thanks to the rabbit the man turned towards the door with the intent to cross through it; he stopped, however, when he noticed something off. It wasn't anything apparent, just a small sensation one would only recognize if they had experienced it several times before. He had no need to even approach the door to know that the room had changed.
The white unicorn opened the door to her home and place of business, her saddlebags filled just short of bursting with the fabrics she had managed to secure at exceptionally low prices. The sound of hooves clopping across tile filled the air as the unicorn made her way around the main room, depositing each fabric in a location set aside specifically for it. With her first task completed, the mare calmly trotted to the back of her boutique; stopping only once, in front of a mirror, to ensure the purple curls of her mane were neither too tight nor the slightest bit out of their place. Conducting herself with poise and grace, as she strives to do in all things, the pony opened the door to the room where a majority of her work takes place only to let loose a blood curdling scream at the sight before her.
The man stared into the latest room, it was... odd, to say the least. The rooms thus far had always been swapped with their matching counterparts, so the man could only assume this was someone's home office; but, whatever they did for a living was near impossible to decipher from what he could see in the room.
The large amount of fabric and dresses at first made him assume they were some sort of fashion designer, then there were the weird statues. Like the horses you'd find on a merry-go-round only bleached completely white and without the pole coming from the top.
Perhaps the person who previously owned this room designed the parts for merry-go-rounds, or perhaps they were into some weird kind of horse-dresses, either way the man couldn't afford to let himself get distracted by such thoughts; for this time, he had a plan and it required action. The man cleared off a spot on an unusually short table and set down his bag to begin work.
At this point in time it is worth mentioning that the bag carried by the man is in fact a very important part of his day to day life. After so many incidents where the man lost rooms, and the items in them, he decided that he needed a safety net should something important be lost or if he were inside of a room when it went to wherever the rooms go. So, naturally, the man decided to carry a bag with him at all times and even to sleep with it beside him. Inside of this bag the man has a copy of every important document, passports, leases, tax information, and the like; a single gold brick worth two hundred and thirty seven American dollars; a change of clothes; a laptop; two water bottles; a book titled: Ways to Survive in Five Hostile Environments; seven small booklets of handy translations between English and Mandarin, Hindustani, Spanish, Russian and Arabic; two emergency credit cards wrapped in one hundred dollars in cash; and one x26c TASER, just in case.
The man felt adequately prepared for anything the universe could throw at him, aside from having a right arm that, after weeks of carrying the heavy bag, had become substantially stronger than his left arm.
The unicorn stared numbly through the doorway that should have led to the most important room of her home. It wasn't just the room where she did her most important work, it was the room where she could get away from everything and concentrate only on what she loved, dressmaking, it was the room where she could decide what was beauty and what was not, it was her most important sanctuary; but now, it was just some kind of sick joke. The dull brown work desk sitting in the middle of the floor, the oversized chair sitting behind the desk, the bookcases full of musty tomes lining the right and left walls, the large strange black box with lights and wires covering it sitting back against the wall, the dingy brown carpeting that was so bland a dirt floor would be preferable; it was all just so.. horrid. The unicorn fell back upon a Victorian fainting couch that seemed to conveniently appear where it was needed.
The man sat on a small wooden stool, waiting for his laptop to boot up. The man was not a fan of slow machinery.
The white unicorn, after several utterances of 'woe-is-me' and a small amount of wallowing, righted herself back upon the floor and took a deep breath. Sure this is probably the worst thing to ever happen to her, but there had to be a bright side to it. She had just gotten plenty of fabrics for a very low price, so she had the materials to spend hours remaking everything she lost. Her little sister couldn't have possibly done this, so she didn't have to spend energy yelling at her. Positives, yes look at the positives. Perhaps some of these strange objects were worth something to somepony, maybe she could sell them to help make back the profits she was sure to lose because of this set-back in her work. The positives were getting harder and harder to spot. At this rate the unicorn- What kind of material is that!?
The mare had rushed to the oversize chair and was intensely scrutinizing the strange fabric it was made out of. It was so impossibly smooth and on close examination no threads could be seen. It was firm and held its shape, yet gave way easily to weight. It was magnificent. She would give just about anything to work with that material..
The man fidgeted on the wooden stool he had brought into the room. It was small and uncomfortable, but at least it was a seat. He leaned over his laptop and typed in the web address he had set up before hand. His entire plan revolved around the small fact that when his bathroom was originally swapped the new one still had running water. Hopefully all the rooms kept their utilities, not that it would make any sense, but when one's rooms are randomly being replaced there is no such thing as a solid bet.
After several seconds of staring at a blank screen and wishing he had the foresight to remove his leather office chair from the room before it had vanished, it was infinitely more comfortable than any other seat, the man noticed something odd about the screen, the load bar was full. He quickly came to the conclusion that the page he was trying to reach had in fact loaded but was simply blank. That was not suppose to be. Naturally there is only one method for dealing with an issue such as this; the man began to repeatedly press the F5 key.
The unicorn sat comfortably in the oversized chair, enjoying the feel of the material on her body. White hooves carefully squeezed the chair arms, it gave her a feeling she could barely identify. It was a feeling of.. power, yes that's the right word. The kind of power where others should listen to whatever you say. Power over all things within your sight. She was in charge and nopony would- The unicorn slipped out of the chair and onto her snout.
With a groan the mare with the alabaster-like coat rose back to her hooves. Deciding that power trips were too painful to take she telekinetically pushed the chair away from herself; the movement of the chair brought the unicorn's attention to a small red light that was previously blocked from her view. Carefully she moved towards the light to discover it was actually a circle sitting below a small lens of glass and outlining a single word: Power. Perhaps one more trip wouldn't be too much for the day. The unicorn pressed a hoof to the word.
Almost immediately the black rectangle came to life with a great rumbling as the light changed from red to green. The whirs and groans of the beast caused the unicorn to back away in fear before turning to dive under the desk, her hindquarters sticking out from the cover. Clearly she had angered something that she should not have.
The man held his head in hands. It was simply not working and that was beginning to frustrate him. With a groan of contempt the man raised his head to push the button one final time... This produced a single dialogue box: User name and password?
The man grinned broadly, it was working! Quickly he typed 'Password' into the user name box and 'Admin' into the password box, when he came up with that he felt so clever it hurt. In response the screen produced two options: 'View Feed' and 'Log Out', the man clicked on 'View Feed' and leaned in closer to the screen.
The screen produced a single image for the man to view, it was.. it was.. a horses rear? The man blinked dumbly at what he was seeing. Why would the camera be viewing a horses rear? The gears in the man's head began to turn. Unless someone was doing this to him and they had discovered his plan! This was them mocking him! They were calling him a.. a.. Well! He'd show them!
Angrily the man slammed his laptop shut, just as the 'horse' was beginning to turn around.
The man would not take this insult quietly! He would come up with some method to discover how this was being done to him and he would make the one responsible pay!
The man stormed out of the room to begin plotting.
The unicorn slowly backed out of her hiding place and turned to face the beast that had become so quiet. The rectangular monstrosity was simply sitting there, doing little aside from looking hideous. The mare approached the rectangle once more and swiftly tapped the word she had touched before, watching as the green light went back to red. Pleased that she had fixed whatever it was she had done, the mare trotted around the desk to leave the room; perhaps it was best she not disturb anything else in the room until she could get somepony with a good deal of knowledge to help handle it. Shortly after the unicorn vacated the room a light blue aura surrounded the chair and dragged it out of the room then shut the door, no point in leaving good furniture behind.
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Are you kidding?
This was definitely the funniest one so far.
The man's preparedness and password, along with Rarity's love of leather and 'power trips' were hilarious.
He was so close to talking/seeing Rarity!
Image: http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/7/31/8b410a68-07f5-433f-b823-217601ba805c.jpg
Image: http://data.whicdn.com/images/27969252/not-bad-obama_large.png
Don't say that it was a great chapter! I really like how you worked in Rarity's quirks like the fainting couch and "The. Worst. Possible. Thing.", and they were just so close to contacting one another! If only the man didn't think the universe was calling him a you know what. But yeah this is one of my favorite fics out there and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with Applejack so keep writing!
Hah! I love the trouble comparisons! Poor Rarity's many dressworks have been lost, and she then tries to find many ways this room could provide help in her recovering from this bizzare setback.
We then pan to Man, and his greatest problem is the laptop booting slowly.
Image: http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRTi4y7WadG3OAeUTIqqOym3-gQjoUiLl3AqDKzwGFZ4J6C5_00And nonsense dude, this chapter was very good! Many lols were had with this instillment of laughter as well.
I must confirm that chairs such as that one do indeed give you a feeling of power.
And it can overwhelm the unprepared.
Good to see he's taking this so well.
Needs sticky notes or a labelmaker.
LABEL EVERYTHING.
"To whomever finds this: STOP TAKING MY STUFF!"
Hehehehe, plotting.
Wait, what is she do-
*GASP*
Not his chair!
There better not be an antique car in his garage.
Something happens to that and, using what I know about car people, he'd storm the gates of heaven/hell to get it back and get his pound of flesh.
>>1036010 It just wouldn't make any sense if they did. Leather is the skin of dead animals... usually cows. Cows are SENTIENT in FIM. The implications would be pretty fucking GRIM if true leather were a common material in Equestria. The best thing it could be is if you could volunteer yourself as a donor in Equestria, so your body is recycled in the event of your death. But even so, that's grim shit for a children's show.
Unless it turns out that AJ's hat is LITERALLY all she has left of her parents —though I'd have preferred an urn, personally— I'm going to assume that hat is comprised of some sort of cloth.
Own worst critic indeed. This is now among my favorite chapters. The webcam plan was brilliant, and it was SO CLOSE to working! All he had to do was stare at Rarity's ass for a few more seconds. *nods* And I love how Fluttershy's animals just sort'a live in harmony with Protagonist now, lol.
These stories are so damn good!!!!!!!!!!!!
And this guy, THIS GUY!!!! He just keeps raising the level of "I dont give a shit" higher and higher!!!
Loses his bathroom to one from three centuries ago and far to small. He says "Eh, what the hell." and trys to clean and brush himself anyway. And when it switches back he doesn't assume he imagined it.
When his kitchen and bedroom are replaced he doesnt go "Well screw this shit, my house is obvisouly haunted" and go move somewhere else like a reasonable person. He instead goes "Ahhhh, fuck it, they work well enough and moving is a pain in the ass" and decides to just roll with it and use the rooms that replaced his.
The most imporatant room in his house is taken, (they took his tv!!!
) and is replaced with an animal filled sitting room. He dosn't call animal control, the cops, FBI or even some paranormal linvestigators. He just makes nice with the animals and signs an armistace!!!!
And NOW, he is so used to this ungodly strange shit that he just, o so casually, carries around everything he thinks he would need if he ever got switched somewhere!!!!!!!!
(hopefully at least his switch can be benifictial, because he might find some of Raritys gems, and i'm willing to bet that they're worth a LOT more here then they are there.)
This guy is so cool in any situation it's a miracle the blood doesn't freeze in his veins.
I highly applaud you for writing these short stories and hope the continue on for a good long while.
Can't wait for more.
Do you know who the man is? I do. Only one man in he universe could have all this happen to him and yet take it in stride like this. His name is Arthur Dent.
And your style is remarkably like Douglas Adams'. I may have to reread Hitchhikers now that this has reminded me of it.
Hilarious! Great concept! I loved how you've explored it so far! Given Twilight's ability to return her own bathroom to herself in such a miraculous fashion, I would say, this has potential to segue from comedy into drama (that can still stay funny) if you so choose.
>>1049107 The alternative of that, of course, is for this to morph into a HiE fic.
I can't tell you how happy I was when I remembered this fic and saw that it updated. This was another great chapter, and I love how completely unfazed the guy is to everything going on. That said, I really hope it doesn't take another couple of months for a new chapter to come out.
I do have one (or two I guess) issue(s) with the story, and this chapter in particular. First, how have neither of them figured out what the other is? There is simply no possible way I can believe that none of the rooms had pictures or anything else which would give it away. I think you mentioned the guy seeing a picture of the ponies in an earlier chapter (can't remember which), and while I might have been willing to accept the idea that he would connect the dots right then, I can no longer do that by this point, since everything should already be pointing to them being ponies. On the other hand, the ponies would only need to see a single picture, or really anything else, for them to know the creature that lives in that place. Yeah, they wouldn't know that he's human, but they would at least know what he looks like.
This leads to my other issue, mostly with this chapter. The guy finally sees the pony in his room, but he still can't connect the dots? I can't even begin to accept that, but for the sake of this post, I'll just pretend I do. That still doesn't change the fact that he didn't even bother to stick around and watch what it does. Seriously, he finally, finally gets to see whatever it is that lives in the place his room was taken to, but he doesn't even bother to see what it does. That's just insane.
That said, I love this story. The concept behind it is one that I never could have thought of, and I'm loving every chapter that comes out (however long that may be). However, with all the clues both sides should have by now, and this final clue in this chapter with him actually seeing Rarity, I can't even imagine how they could remain completely clueless even for a single chapter longer. In other words, if somehow that guy still doesn't figure out that ponies live in those rooms, then I'm just going to call it pointlessly drawing out the suspense even when it no longer makes sense to do so.
Realistically if you knew nothing of MLP in the slightest and you are somewhat sure that the Human race is the only sentient species on the planet how likely are you to jump to the conclusion that your rooms were being replaced by those of multiple sapient equines rather than a single horse enthusiast who takes their love just a little too far?
As for the camera feed he mistook it for a still image meant to call him essentially a 'horses ass' for attempting to see who was getting his rooms.
Not likely at all. But like I said in my comment, that's assuming that there's absolutely nothing even hinting that in any of the rooms. Yeah, seeing an earth pony would just give the impression of someone taking things to far by coloring them (although this by itself is ignoring that they don't really look anything like real life ponies), but when you're looking at anything in those rooms pointing to pegasi, unicorn, and all the stuff related to them, it gets to the point where you really can't help but consider the possibility. There's also the fact that the rabbit itself seems sapient with how it has no problem interacting and reacting to talking to it, and how it has no trouble reading over and signing peace treaties . So that means pictures, strangely intelligent animals, entire rooms switching with the new ones all dealing with ponies.
Anyway, I still think this story is hilarious, so I'll just ignore it and keep reading. I mean, even I know that I take things way too seriously even if it's just meant to be funny.
. The guy is awsome, but he shoudln't have to be.
When this guy finds the ones responsible for the room-switching, he'll beat them into the stone-age. With the nimbleness of a rabbit, strength honed from years of bag-carrying,
and endless rage. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGrray3ii98
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