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GodOfBBQ


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T

It was late at night, it seemed like a normal, everyday night for Twilight. But when she hears a knock on her door, she is met with the once arrogant and boastful Trixie who is now the sad, drunken Trixie. What does Twilight's unexpected visitor have to say?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

Sad, but great story. I have to admit I was praying Twilight would save her. You might want to add a tragedy tag though, unless somepony does end up saving Trixie.

"You were showing off! You were flaunting your powers! Challenging others to make yourself seem more great and-" Twilight was cut off.

"What's wrong with doing that!? Everyone here in this little town you call your kingdom does the same! They lie about themselves to make themselves seem more amazing or more important. Last time I checked, your friend Rainbow Dash does the exact same thing. The only difference is she doesn't challenge others."

:heart::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::twilightoops::yay::yay::yay:

I really think, she was just challenging them and they accepted, they lost against Trixie, and after that the Element´s of revenge wanted....well revenge. Okay it is not that bad, but even if she was not nice i think it was okay, because they accepted her challange.

5410850 Well yes, i didn´t needed a suicide Trixie in this one-shot, but i liked what is happen. A Tragedy warning would be nice that´s right, i can handle it, but i would still have avoided something like that, because i just don´t feel like reading a tragic story.

I couldn´t decide, but i guess i change my down vote into a up vote, because i somehow liked it, i actually only not like it, that Trixie had to die after she said something what i thought was right.

5413351 Look I would respect your critique and and I would understand it but the problem is that you're speaking gibberish. I don't understand your jumble of words.

5413382 which part do you not understand? it wasn´t the most complicated stuff i had written till now, but i know i have not the best grammar.

While i know some people who understand my more or less poor english (german), i try to make it simple, that way i can´t mess up that much with the grammar.

I didn´t liked it that Trixie had to die, but i like the story.
It is rare that i like one-shots, and normally i am not that fond of tragic stories.
I think Twilight Nigthmare is right and it maybe should have a tragedy tag, this way i could have choosen, if i wanted to read something like that.

I don´t know how it looks for people which have english as their main language, but i think i can only get the order of the words wrong. I don´t really know why it have to be gibberish, but maybe i am positiv and negative about the story again.
If could tell me what you didn´t understand it would be more helpfull, it always sounds a bit more nice than just saying it is bad.

5413472 I apologize, I didn't mean to offend you by not being able to understand your typing.

See coming from an American reader I didn't fully understand what you were trying to type. I kind of understood what you wanted to get across, I just couldn't piece together the words since they seemed misspelled or jumbled. Do you see what I mean?

But I do not see what you mean, the Tragedy icon is on the story main page. I added it when I got Twilight Nightmare's comment which I'm to assume he read before you did correct?

But from what you wrote, and I quote

"I didn´t liked it that Trixie had to die, but i like the story.
It is rare that i like one-shots, and normally i am not that fond of tragic stories.
I think Twilight Nigthmare is right and it maybe should have a tragedy tag, this way i could have choosen, if i wanted to read something like that."

you liked this story, but there were still aspects you didn't like correct? You didn't like the fact that Trixie "Killed herself" But see, many people fail to understand or possibly this is my fault for not being a better writer that I ended it off when Trixie ended her prayer, I never wrote about her actually committing the act. So in turn it leaves the reader to create his or her own ending.

I can't fav this story. I can't even like this story. You had me until Twilight threw Trixie out after she poured her heart out about having to abort a foal. I figured Twilight would have a little more compassion. Yes, Twilight has had to put her neck on the line many times to save the world. However, she never had to sell her body in order to live another day. Yes, Trixie showed up to Twilight's home to rant and make someone else miserable (misery loves company), but I think, deep down, she came there hoping to find someone who cared.

Now we come to the end. I have nothing against any religion nor those that don't believe in any. That said, I always thought of the 'God' of Equestria was female, Whether it be, Celestia, Faust, or the originator of 'My Little Pony'. Granted, we have no idea how religion works in the show (even if there is any at all). Honestly, I don't feel that this particular prayer fit in with that universe.

Now, as for readers picturing their own ending to this, unless a Dues Ex Machina of some type occurs, there is only one ending for Trixie.

5417219 Well I can understand that you don't agree with the prayer scene since most gods/goddesses on the Equestrian fan lore are either Celestia, Faust, or the original creator but I pictured an actual God. As in Christian god, now I'm not saying Christian god is an actual god and the others aren't I'm just saying that I kinda feel as if the Christianity religion has a more heartfelt prayer. You understand what I mean right?

But you know, this is all coming from a Christian writer, nowadays Christians can't even sneeze without having a problem with atheists or other activists.

Now discussing why Twilight rejected Trixie's plea or however you perceive it. I wanted a more realistic scenario. Now you might say.

"Oh, if it were a normal person or me I would let her stay with me in my place!"

Well, then what kinda story would that be? Now yes originally I was going to have Twilight have Trixie stay in the palace, but still have Trixie commit suicide.

Now going back to God being a girl or female in the Equestrian world. Well, how I perceive god is a gender less energy. Also you say Trixie never had to sell her body to live another day.

Tell me, who's writing the story? Who's lore is it? Who's the person behind the story line and the plot? Not to be rude but it's my story I'll have Trixie be a terrorist if I want to. I wanted to break away from the giant cliche that occurs in stories like this.

Trixie goes to Twilight and pours her soul out, Twilight lets Trixie stay, Trixie becomes a better pony then happily ever after. Well, I wanted to depict a darker more depressing version of the cliche. I wanted to step outside the box. I apologize if this reply seems most disrespectful but I'm going to defend a story that I worked hard on.

5417267
Like I said, I have no problem with religion. If this is how you wanted to portray it in your story, so be it. Secondly, I never said anything about Trixie not selling herself. I said, "Yes, Twilight has had to put her neck on the line many times to save the world. However, she never had to sell her body in order to live another day." I was talking about Twilight throughout these two sentences. You never said Twilight sold herself, so I didn't either. Third, like you said, this is your story. You wrote it because you wanted to write it. However, as with all stories by all authors, you are not going to please everyone. Everyone has different tastes and dislikes.

So, keep writing your stories. I wish you the best of luck. If you write another story that catches my interest, I will read it and comment on it. You are a good writer and the story is well-written, which is why I won't down vote this story either.

5418278 well I can't argue with that. And no like is better than a dislike so there's that.

"Th-think you're better than Trixie? Think you-you're better than her? With y-your... Doors! And your pretty little crown and princess label! You don't know what it's like! She doesn't know what it's like! I know she doesn't know what it's like, that's why we're here!"

First she didn't trust wheels, now its the doors.

Sequel please?

a short review of the story.

I think I like the story as much as "too late" by gutovi. the trixie in this story is just as tragic in rainbow dash from too late, the only difference are the scenarios.

I feel bad for trixie here, :fluttercry: yeah boath twilight's problems are understandable, but I hope it's safe to say that I think Trixie is a lot more understandable than twilight. twilight fought many villains of Equestria and was rewarded with a castle, while Trixie was trying to be an entertainer, to have some fans, but ends up getting treated like crap with no fault of her own even after the alicorn emulate incident. the scenario in this story is actually pretty accurate to the real world, that once you make a mistake no matter how bad it is, the world wants you to kill yourself, no redemption, no mercy, no nothing. and that is just tragic that the world can be that violent. :fluttershysad: and I say Trixie, is mutch more relatable than twilight (and yes I do find twilight relatable.)

as for the ending, I was not expecting that!:pinkiegasp: the suicide scene is also accurate, but I thought that maybe trixie would problebly move on with her life as a hermit and for her to live alone either on a beach, or to live happily with her new daughter to teacher not to fall under the same path she went through or all of the above, that is the ending I would look up to, and it would make a bitter sweet ending. but the suicide scene works too :raritywink: and accurate to suicide in real life.

I give it a 9/10, the realism is accurate, trixie's scenario is sympathetic and done very well, and I think anybody would like this story. :twilightsmile:

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