dis gun b gud

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png

edit

and i was correct !

i cant wait to see what the buck hes going to do

And so begins the review from the Gnome

The story is good and i thing it is an original concept as far as the hybrid concept goes i do however wonder why he was speaking Chinese i assume now he is Asian but the odd skin color could be from the changing half of him.  But i digress i would very much enjoy to see more of this story in the future.

And always remember a story is a painting of words,

>>522731522731

Ahaha, yeah. most of the changes were due to the Changeling half. Explanations and more to come in the next chapter.

And yes, Marco was based on me, and I'm Asian.

wow and your not surprised that i could tell it was Chinese writing didn't even have to look it up or nothing spend 4 years with Chinese exchange student pic up some stuff

not a human turnd changeling but a human changling hybrid story, well that dose sounds interesting if i might say so

i love it..... oh god i just did it!

>>523139523139

Wow...thanks.

Never knew feedback would be this positive.

amazing looking forward to more.

also good idea with the changeling human hybrid very different and original

A great and original story. There is only one problem... it needs more chapters!!

>>524357524357

Oh noes! I must go and fix that!

Next chapter may take a while, since I'm also preparing for my IGCSEs

>>525415525415  IGCSE? Whats that?

>>525456525456

Exams。

SOAWSOME!

Image: http://images.wikia.com/halo/images/1/1c/129923751541-MLP_I_see_what_you_d.jpg

With the preview.

Tofu...IT'S THE PERFECT REPLACEMENT. Anyways, this looks great! A few spelling errors here and there, but good nonetheless. I would say tracked, but the system's changed. So, on my ever growing 'Read Later' list!

>>542006542006

Thanks!

I think the "track" button is the star next to the Like/Dislike.

>>542021542021 Nice try, but that's the 'Favorite' button....Aw, what the heck? *Favorites*

>>542031542031

It also functions as the tracker, since it alerts you to the story updates.

>>542037542037 Heh, anything to get it favorited, right? But, that's good to know.

>>542047542047

Well, I would be lying if I fully denied it...

Anyway, I'm currently working on the next chapter. Hopefully I can release it before my exams start...

>>542056542056Honesty is the best policy! But like every policy, it has it's loopholes...

I say take your time. If you can't get it out before the tests, don't. It's better than a rushed/unfinished chapter.

Hmmmm.... Ok, you pass.

You have received achievement "got my attention"

I like the premise, but I feel the story could be fleshed out a lot more. However, since this is the only first chapter I won't bitch too much. We shall see... we shall see...

>>566673566673 by "fleshed out more",  you mean "go into more depth about the characters", or "get on with the storyline"?

Cuz' he's working on that.

>>567538567538

there is just less, hmm how do I say this... in cinema they would be called establishing shots.

For example, what was happening to our protagonist before he arrived in Equestria? how exactly did Twilight react to an alien creature unconscious on her doorstep? How DID he get to her doorstep? when did she call her for her friends? when did they show up?

so a little of both, But as I stated before, this is just the first chapter and this can all be added later if you so choose.

but the main thing for me, and this is just me. You really don't go into the characters thought processes, you will say what they think on occasion, but not WHY they think what they do. for example, if Twilight thought the human might be dangerous, why didn't she put it in a cage or have AJ hogtie him? Motivation is key, even for established characters like the mane six.

ya need the who, what, when, where, why and how. though it is perfectly reasonable in this case to withhold the "how" for the sake of the plot.

Of course this is just my opinion, it is your right as Author to take the story in any direction you choose, and write in whatever style you want. You by no means HAVE to do any of the things I have mentioned. I only bring them up because I personally feel they would make the story more immersive. Any way you go you still have one hell of a story.

I'm not trying to rag on you, just trying to give feedback. Sorry if I offended you.

>>567684567684 No, no. Why should I be offended by honest criticism?

In my opinion, the author should learn from his readers.

its.... AWESOME. moar please

I love the idea.  There are plenty of HiE fanfics, but VERY few of them are partial transformation ones.  I like the idea of the human becoming half changeling.  I look forward to the next chapter.

>>610006610006 Heh, thanks

Next chapter may take a while, since I'm currently swamped with exams.

>>610569610569 You're welcome.

Heh, that's O.K., since I'm currently swamped with other fanfics.

I know what exams are like.  I finished mine last week.

oohhhh this is gonna be goood

New chapter!! Yes!!!!!!!!!!

oh yeah!

round one fight!!!

Can I just suggest separating the dialogue fro the paragraphs, it makes everything so much easier to read that way.

Interesting, I'll keep an eye on this.

>>798893798893

Thanks for the suggestion!

This has definitely caught my attention. Going to track.

P.S thansk for the like of my story.

>>802418802418

Haha, Thanks.

And I love Percy Jackson! How could I NOT track!?

It also helped that the 1st chapter was really well written!

This is going to my read later pile. I'll give feedback as soon as I can ok?

>>10170091017009

No problem, and thanks!

I liked it. It's easy to follow and has a denect writing style. The only tip I can give is to put each phrase in a dialog in a diferent paragraph.

Example: (“It says ‘Keep the changeling there. Shining Armor and I are on our way.'” Twilight gasped in surprise. "My brother's coming too!?"

Suddenly, the door flew open, and several armored ponies rushed in, horns glowing and swords drawn. “Stand down, changeling!” One of them barked “The Princess and Captain have arrived!”)

Instead of a single paragraph.

Oh and BTW... what asian language are you speaking there?

>>10238481023848

I'll keep that in mind, thanks!

It's Mandarin. I chose that instead of Cantonese (the language of Hong Kong-I don't really know other places that use it), because it is more formal, and my computer doesn't accept Cantonese characters.

HOLY FUCK AN UPDATE!

Its good to see another chapter from you! Can't wait to see how the story develops from here.

MOAR!!!! WE MUST HAVE MOAR!!!

Imitation of a flamethrower!

Hm. Could you perhaps revise it to reduce the number of guards?

Great chapter again. I am actualy enjoying this fic and the concept of a Pony-Changeling Hybrid is making me curious.

Good job keep going.

>>10853841085384

Ah, you think six is a bit too unbelievable?

>>10860521086052

Thanks! It's great that people enjoy my work!

And it's actually Human/changeling, although if he turned into a pony, it would be Pony/changeling...

>>10877271087727 For this guy, yeah. He's not exactly Tommy Oliver.

Edit: made changes to the third chapter, and reduced the number of guards I beat: I'm a 15 year old kid, not some MMA fighter.

>>10898501089850

You've got a point.

Done.

So...Are we going to be getting any fire-roasted changelings anytime soon?  I'm not saying to necessarily kill them, just burn them a bit.  (I picture a changeling pinching out fire at the tip if a flaming horn with its hooves.  Maybe with an unamused expression on its face.

>>10902251090225

Haha, it's certainly possible.

>>10877301087730 And I wrote a Typo again... god I hate my brain sometimes. Thanks I ment Human-Changeling not Pony. Anyways Thanks for the warning and thanks for the story.

Also sorry for not posting my chapter for so long but between finishing the last book of the Eragon series, starting another book, watching/playing videogames, hanging out with friends, sleeping (I do that a LOT) I have only written the chapter guide.

>>10935481093548

No problem, take your time.

>>10909661090966 Yay.

It just occurred to me that this guy is a Were-Changeling, meaning 'Changeling man'. I could go so far as to say, 'Homo mutator formarum', but, Were-Changeling sounds cooler.

>>11339621133962

, Homo Mutator Formarum. Interesting name.

Werechangeling...may work. Thanks for the idea!

>>11343691134369 Well, I was remembering Werehog Sonic and how the 'Were' part actually meant man, then I remembered this guy was half-changeling, half-human. Homo Mutator Formarum was me trying to use my poor Latin skills.

“Yes. But first, you must know that your species is perceived as a myth here.

That's O.K., where I'm from, your species is perceived as a myth.

In the past, Sister has encountered them onces, but she refuses to speak about it.”

Slight typo here, is should be, "once"

Great chapter.

Discord's little token of gratitude, not sure if want.

Um, excuse me Princesses, but you might want to stay out of Marco's mind, for the human mind is a scary place.  You don't know what you'll find in there.  You also don't know what Marco will spam you with.

>>12143231214323

Fixed, thanks for pointing it out.

Haha, I'm currently brainstorming ideas on what the "token of gratitude" would be.

Oh, the possibilities...

>>12145461214546 You're welcome.

It didn't seem to go too well for Pinkie when she received Discord's token of gratitude/gift for throwing him (or his statue at least) a party in the first few chapters of (I think it's) "Chaos and Laughter"  (Pinkie Pie is changed into a Draconequus).

>>12153151215315

Haha, oh no no no. I have something a bit more...subtle planned.

But Chaos will be guaranteed, just not in the form you know it as...

>>12153441215344 I never meant to imply that I thought that Marco would be changed into a Draconequus, what I meant was that sometimes Discord's gifts are things that people wish that they could send back with a label of "Return to Sender"...At least at first.  Subtlety is good.

I look forward to viewing Chaos in its new manifestation.

Oh, come on... Disco-breath? Really? And the godmode rocket launchers thing was annoying.

>>12297151229715

*shrugs* Eh, you win some, you lose some. Looks like you can't please everybody.

Wait...godmode? Not really. It's like firing an RPG at a concrete wall. Swords wouldn't be able to pierce it, but explosives can.

>>12318541231854 You said spells too.

>>12323651232365 Well, unless they use spells instead of dynamite...

Anyways, it's a extract from a tome- you know how stories can become exaggerated over the years.

>>12145461214546

Heres one why not make him uncharectisticly lucky but by being lucky he creates choas

>>14890831489083

Hm… Not a bad idea.

>>14891261489126

or maybe he causes bad luck wherever he goes

>>14891391489139

Haha, now that would be fun! I'm sure being a creature born of chaos, the human would certainly make life very "interesting".

Also expect Discord to come up sooner or later…When I find the time to get back to writing. Currently swamped in IB work.

>>14891701489170

DAMNIT you reminded me i have homework  *sigh*

I'll do it tommarow

A glowing green hand the size of a minibus (Toyota Coaster- for size reference) slammed into the bug-like creatures from the side, and pinned them against the wall.

如來神掌？

Nah, that's impossible...

Or is it?

Not bad although you repeat "from her" two times before Duties in the 2nd sentense in the part where the narrative shifts to Celestia.

>>18227151822715 Fixed, thanks!

Another update! Glad to see your still working hard.

yaaaaay! an update!

Maybe I’ll head to Ponyville, celebrate my release at a party, catch up with my favorite mares, and maybe meet the honored guest. After that…” The avatar of chaos smirked. “Well, I’m sure you’ll find out. Ciao!”  

Translation: Incoming shitstorm.

Just letting you know, chaos is actually a part of harmony, I think that it was order that you were thinking of when you said that humans have merged their natural chaos with their harmony.

"Just as the day needs night, so too does order need chaos for harmony to rise."

>>18374071837407

More or less. I mean, we did refine the art of war with strategies and rules.

>>18378281837828 Yeah.

FYI for those of us in America "candy floss" is cotton candy. For some reason English people can't speak English jk

>>18386661838666

THE Shirotora viewing my work!? I'm honored!

>>18387471838747 I didn't realize I was "The" shirotora yet. Thanks for the ego boost

Lol neighponese. Silly silly that's Chinese :D. Finally something useful comes from my 9 years of Chinese

>>18435031843503

CORRECT!

I found out about Kanji (which uses some chinese characters) a few years ago when I went to Japan with my family.

What? Um... Do you watch Doctor Who?

Martial arts doesn't exist in Equestria.

Rainbow in a black belt.

Oh, you.

>>18458461845846

DERP! Forgot about that!

>>18457451845745

Only 1 episode during English Class. Hong Kong doesn't broadcast Dr. Who, I'm afraid.

But I think it's a great show!

Will this story be finished or is it going to be forgotten like so many others?

>>19647641964764

It will be finished. I'm just overloaded by IB Diploma (English School), meaning that I won't be updating frequently...

Oh, ok. If that is the case, I wish you luck and look forward to the next part

Wow...This is a really fast paced HiE!

Not sure about my opinion yet....so....I shall read on!

Instead, he towered over the ponies by standing on hiss hind legs,

Instead, he towered over the ponies by standing on his hind legs,

Ugggghhhh...Stupid education getting in the way of ponies!

>>21257022125702

Fixed, thanks!

Ah man now feel guilty sending you my chapters to edit. It takes away your time.

Anyway good luck with your school work and story. Just let me know if you don't have time to edit my story anymore, I completely understand.

>>21257352125735

agreed

“Celestia snickered. “Believe it or not, his attitude’s far better now, compared to last year. Back then, you had to have the emotional level of a rock in order to tolerate him.”

extra quotation marks.

Just letting you know, I'm probably going to do this while reading the rest of your story)

The wandering Grammar Nazi,

Delta.