Please leave any feedback you guys can. Thanks!

Haven't even read it yet and i already found a typo

A young colt fond her near his home. should be "found"

This is cool, and really sad.

*facehoof*

Opening typo fixed...

interesting, but one question, why would anybody let a changeling into a school? based off the way celestia reacts after chrysalis reveals herself suggests changeling have been a problem before. Maybe i'm wrong though.

>>537551537551

Finding out all of these things is what makes reading the story fun!

>>537545537545

Yea, I have a tendency to write really depressing things. Especially when it comes to getting bullied. I write those parts based off of personal experiences ...

But life is good now!

>>537570537570 Yes bromigo, life is good now.

>>537586537586

Bromigo...

I like it!

An interesting take on what happened after the wedding

And what a traumatizing past we just witnessed

*Click click

Tracking

Thumbs up

Show me what'cha got

>>537595537595 You know, bro + amigo.

MOAR!!!!!

Another one, very great, another reedemer for Chrysalis. Good job with it

>>537599537599

Thank ya kindly

>>537648537648

"MOAR!!!!! " will come soon, but I prefer quality and quantity over time. Just remember that.

>>537603537603

I know, but the picture I tried to post didn't render, so it just seemed like I didn't know what I was talking about... Which happens a lot.

der fuhrer says:

Image: http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/115/a/f/thing_1_by_nikriontra123-d4xi3tn.jpg

>>537688537688

What? What does he say?

>>537686537686 Your welcome

Most of what I see for fics of Chrysalis is either clop or hearing her rage about her defeat but this... this makes her look back, and from what you wrote, really far back.

A fine orchestration to see her inner turmoil

I can expect to see more of her past yes?

>>537694537694

For the love of Germany -_-

>>537716537716

Indubitably... I actually plan to explain how she came to become Queen and how the changelings are made as well as the mysterious colt's past. Also, If anyone wants to try and name him, I haven't come up with one yet!

>>537719537719

Hey! I used to live in Germany! That's where I got a lot of experience for writing Chrysalis's dream sequence...

Place had good schnitzel, though...

>>537753537753

interesting. Here is an interesting song

When Celestia says,

"We is de master race!"

We HEIL!

HEIL!

Right in Celestia's face!

Not to love Celestia is a great disgrace,

So we HEIL!

HEIL!

Right in Celestia's face!

When Miss Luna says,

"We own the moon and space!"

We HEIL!

HEIL!

Right in Miss Luna's face

When Miss Twilight says,

"They'll never love dis place!"

We HEIL!

HEIL!

Right in Miss Twilight's face

Are we not the super mares?

Lovable n' pure supermares!

Ja we are the supermares!

Super-duper super mares!

Is this Equestrian land so good?

Would you leave it if you could?

Ja this Equestrian land is good!

We would leave it if we could!

We bring the world to order!

Heil Her own world to order!

Everymare of foreign race,

Will love Celestia's face,

When we bring to the world her order!

When Celestia says,

"We is de master race!"

We HEIL!

HEIL!

Right in Celestia's face!

Not to love Celestia is a great disgrace,

So we HEIL!

HEIL!

Right in Celestia's face!

So we HEIL!

HEIL!

Right in Celestia's face!

>>537753537753 Well a name is hard to give when we know so little of him, we know he lives out in the desert, a pegasus, knows a thing or two on medical treatment and potions......

This is a tough one

>>537760537760

Image: http://www.troll.me/images/bill-oreilly/ummm-the-democrats-thumb.jpg

>>537768537768

I know, huh?

>>537777537777

Image:  http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx5lqyG19e1qaa7gwo1_400.jpg

...We must have a chapter 2. wow now I know how it feels to be one of my readers XD crazy...it does suck waiting on the next chapter

Well, Transcendence has ended, and I DID need a new story to fill the gaping Chrysalis void in my life.

There is just one issue. I note with some curious dismay you have gone with the "children are, in reality, hell-spawned demon imps who will brutally murder their fellows and adults are powerless to stop them" trope. Even back in the '10s and '20s, when you could have photographs of grinning youngsters at a lynching, you didn't have mass gangs of both-sex thugs viciously beating their peers into the hospital. Even in the service of preservation of homogeneity they would have at least tried mockery and spite for longer than one encounter.

But that is the only issue. All the rest is good.

>>538040538040  As drastic a thing that is, it happens, much to frequently. During my elementary school days I've seen a kid pick another kid up and snap their leg against the corner of a building like you might a stick over your knee, and the attackers "punishment" was suspension for a week which is nothing more then a vacation to kids in reality. It happens...and sometimes in groups which is usually much worse of an outcome.

Can't wait to see more and I also have a question. Does Chrystalis look how she normally does, or what I would assume is normal. Or is she different due to her powers being drained. You never said either way so I'm assuming normal.

the pic kinda makes me wanna hug chrysalis...

I hope you have a unique perspective in which to take this, because Transcend, as well as a couple other stories, have used the whole 'Injured Chrys' thing, so I'm hoping to see something new! (Sorry if that sounds insulting.)

>>538110538110 I think she still looks normal, if the pic was visited as a flasback then we can assume that was her original form in this fic.

>>538122538122 Here ya go

Image: http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133587770690.png

this looks promising, looking forward to the next chapter, which i hope you update soon!

Yes, been waiting for some more storys like this. Chrysalis was only trying to feed her people so why is she the bad guy in FIM?

>>538960538960

If she had stuck to only trying to feed her people, she wouldn't be. Heck, I'm reasonably sure that if she'd simply gone and asked Celestia for help, the latter would have been perfectly happy to assist so long as said assistance didn't in turn endanger her subjects.

But nooo, she had to go and do the whole cackling groom-stealing succubus going "today Canterlot, tomorrow THE WOOORLD!!!" routine on top of providing for her swarm...

>>537786537786

Image: http://i1142.photobucket.com/albums/n613/bombermanpyr/Doctor%20Who%20Reactions/tumblr_m2mz76tbct1r9n0z3.gif

Image: http://i1142.photobucket.com/albums/n613/bombermanpyr/Doctor%20Who%20Reactions/DavidTSmile.jpg

I demand more. Failure to comply will get you a big heap of Love and Tolerance!

>>539295539295

And maybe not, I don't think they would take kindly to another being that acts as a parasite. Who's to say she didn't already try that?

Damn these adorable Chrysalis pics...they drive me to sad. I must flee! FLAME-THROWER TANK, AWAAAAAAAY!

Edit: After reading through this, The Psychopat has grown a disdain for Chrysalis' attackers., as have I. He tells me that he will track them down and use his..."special" pranks to teach them a lesson.

BTW, this a very good story. I DEMAND MORE! FEED ME!  Ah'm bigger den yu. Ah'm higher on da fuud chain. GET IN MAH BELLEH!

we desire more

>>539616539616

Well, it really comes down to how redeemable one wants the changelings to be. If there's honestly no way they physically could peacefully coexist with ponydom, well, then that's not going to happen how much either or both sides may wish otherwise. Conversely, if the only thing preventing the changelings from pursuing a more properly symbiotic relationship with the ponies is simply a matter of attitude -- again, on either side or on both --, then that excuse goes away and the whole issue becomes simply one of diplomacy and public relations.

At both of which, mind you, Chrysalis seems to kind of suck. Or maybe it's just that she considers that approach beneath her. We can be pretty sure that she didn't even try, at least not in Equestria, because if she had her eventual attack would have come as less of a surprise than it quite obviously did.

Fudge monkey, this is awesome. I am following, or tracking, or whatever it is. This is amazing.

Thank all of you for the compliments and comments. While I cannot answer all of your questions right now, I am going to promise you that all will be worked out soon. Hopefully the next chapter will be done in the next few days, but I can't promise anything quite yet. Senior Exit Project is being quite the female diamond dog.

Glad to see you getting the recognition you deserve for one of your stories, also glad to see that I'm not one of the only people to read it and comment on it, which is a little discouraging to know that I now have competition on first comment... Oh well, I will just have to pay more attention to my inbox.

>>541498541498

Hahaha! Too right!

U could name him desert dune. Tumble weed. Sandy mirage. Dry oasis. Camal toe xD jk. Sand storm. Maybe these will help if u havent come up with the name yet that is.

U could name him desert dune. Tumble weed. Sandy mirage. Dry oasis. Camal toe xD jk. Sand storm. Maybe these will help if u havent come up with the name yet that is.

>>542062542062

All excellent suggestions!

>>538738538738

CURSE YOU!!!

SHE'S TOO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTEEEEEEE!!!

CUTENESS LEVEL OVER 9000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

>>543044543044

Image: http://newsimg.ngfiles.com/87000/87515_over9000ry4.jpg

I love it! Can't wait to see more... ;)

I'm liking it so far! Please, continue.....

Love it, can't wait for more!

>>550740550740

Well, you won't be waiting for long.

Posting chapter 2 now... After a few last minute perfectionist corrections

Oh my god oh my god my god oh my god>>550747550747

Alright, everypony! Now is the time to submit your names for the stranger caring for Chrysalis! I will start writing the next chapter tomorrow evening so I need all of them in now!

>>550847550847

Dusty.

caduceus?

keep up the good work

>>550922550922

Really digging that one, but he still needs a last name that hopefully goes with it...

Also, thank you.

>>550847550847 Did you just have her turn into alicorn Lauren Faust?

Hmm, a name...

...........................

....................................

I'm still thinking

Cliffhangers! You troll!

>>551006551006

You caught me! Congratulations!

>>551021551021

Image: http://www.deadgamerz.com/facebook/images/logo.png

>>551029551029 Yaaaay!!!

Whatdo I win?! what do I win?!

I know the feeling. I've left my story at cliffhangers too, but, if I may say so myself, waiting on over twelve stories for updates is infuriating.

>>551034551034

THIS!

Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/0c25f44d35418b61cf784171da75efa8/90983%20-%20animated%20artist%3Amammoh%20lauren_faust%20oc%20spinning.gif

cyrus

I love your story.

>>551043551043

Image: http://images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2249-67326_-_Sweetie_Belle_manly_tears_reaction_image.jpg

Thank you, thank you so much

his name is now Alch Chemy

>>550954550954

Caduceus could be his last name, like Dusty Caduceus, Barren Caduceus, Gentle Caduceus, or Stormy Caduceus (just suggestions/placeholders). Filthy Rich went by Rich so it could work either way. Ponies names are frequently an adjective followed by a noun. Big Macintosh, Filthy Rich, Pinkie Pie, Silver Spoon, Fancypants, Shining Armor, the list goes on.

Clap clap, man I just want to know more!, damn cliffhangers. As for names..... Got nothin sorry, just Tomb, Clyde, Bleu, storm, Ossa, Suna, Houseshoes, and flight.... Sorry

awesome so far, really let you sympathize with poor little chrysalis

for the name I would totally go for an Arabic themed name, it would fit and enforce the exotic vibe the mysterious stallion give out!

and you could totally exploit the significance of the name :D for example Hisham mean Generosity or Haris means Guardian, protector

>>551390551390

Twilight Sparkle? Yeah not seeing that one

Rainbow Dash

Sweetie bell

Apple-jack

Poor Chrysalis... HUGS 4 CHRYSALIS! My name idea- Scortched Earth... That's the name of one of the antagonists in the story I am currently writing but it seems fitting. :)

I'm really hate your cliffhangers!  Damn you. MORE!!!!  

The dream sequence wasn't "too long".  

I suck at pony names but ...  Gallant Caduceus... Caduceus Gallantry

Please keep writing.  

>>551390551390

>>551747551747

Thank both of you for your help with this. It means a lot that you guys would come and explain the name game to me!

To everyone else, after re-reading the chapter, I have noticed a few flaws that I will be correcting shortly... Sorry!

winds

hard winds

or something

>>550847550847 Benign/Benignant

>>551995551995 I agree. In my taste, the dream sequence could have been longer.

In her condition, changer her entire anatomy could cause quite a few… complications.

i think that should be changing

>>551840551840

I said frequently, not always. Also Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Bell still follow the pattern in context.

>>552771552771

Thanks for spotting that! Change has been made.

Crap! I forgot to favorite this so I didn't know the chapter already came out!

Oh well, great chapter anyway, even though I read about 3/4 of it beforehand.

Also I like Caduceus, but it could probably work as a last name, for the first name I've got nothing, it took me half an hour to make two of my only used once OC's, so you should probably just go with one of the already listed ones.

Oh my gosh, this really tugged on my heartstrings and I'm still trying to figure out why. Not that it's not good; it certainly is! But when she went back to her memory of being bullied I really just felt it and it...I don't even have the right words to explain how it made me feel. This is an amazing start, one that I will definitely be keeping track of. Your flow is very nice and THANK YOU for not head-hopping. So many fanfic writers don't know how to not do that. You started with Chrysalis and you stayed with her, and I'm so glad.

Now to the two things that stood out to me most. Dunno if anyone else has mentioned them so if they did, feel free to ignore me. You said in her memory that someone stepped on her arm. You might consider changint that to foreleg. And the other thing was a small one as well - him chuckling maniacally. Why? Though we've just been inroduced to the situation it just seems really odd and out of place. This could also possibly be what you were going for to lend more into the story later, but I just thought I should point it out.

Looking forward to reading more!

>>560644560644

Okay, with the first issue, it was an anotomical habit of mine to refer to it as "Arm" so it will be changed momentarily. As for the second issue, it was supposed to be a means of him trying to joke with her and make her stay in bed more fun. One of my doctors did something very similar to me and it helped make me more comfortable around him knowing that he was cool enough to play around with me and help entertain me. However, I can delete that word if you think it helps make it a little less strange.

Thank you for taking the time to read my fic as well as commenting on it. It means a lot.

>>560776560776 I totally hear that. It took me awhile to get my brain to translate shoulders to withers, so on and so forth. Not an easy transition if you ask me! The second part...I don't know. I understand it more now with your explanation but without it, it seems a little awkward. Maybe if she could see the humor in his eyes as he did it but he's still got his sunglasses on - something that already has my mind jumping at theories - so I don't really know. No one else seemed to pick up on it and maybe I was just being nit-picky.

I saw you already have another chapter up, so I look forward to reading it tomorrow!

the name of the station will be dustytrails!

much love friend!

>>561032561032

Being nit-picky is a good quality for great writers. My problem is my perfectionist point of view. If I am passionate about it, it will be...

Image: http://th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/100/9/6/__everything_must_be_perfect___twilight_wallpaper_by_bluedragonhans-d4vp4rz.png

Also, yes, his sunglasses are still on and yes it plays an important role of his character development. At least, that's how I've planned it...

Anyone like a good government conspiracy?

Aww, that was good =) A tad sad, but good!

How much do I love this story, let me count the ways!

I vote 'Sand Storm' for the colt's name.

I must blame this on someone RIGHT NOW!!!

I KNOW WHO!

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhcvpcLz9a1qaor4q.gif

alexander anderson

a cool name from a cool guys who was an ass

nah jus kiddin

I dunno mon

>>574754574754

YES

Image: http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkcij00xzy1qjpza4o1_500.gif

GOD DAMNIT LABORIN

no not a cliff hanger! wait..i know!

I just borrow billions from the government and spend years upon years perfecting a time travel machine, then i'll travel back in time to give it to my younger self, allowing him to skip ahead to the chapters release, then he'll come back, i'll travel back to my time, patent it, and make millions!

hey, a story doesn't have to be on EqD to be good. Even if it doesn't make it, dear author, I still say this story is just fine as it is.

Seriously, at the end of the day, it's just a blog and nothing more. A famous blog, but a blog none-the-less.

Other than that, this chapter was fine, I enjoyed it.

Couple things to point out. First when "Maíz laughed hardily" it should be heartily.

"I'm almost bigger than you know!" I assume you wanted to say now and not know?

His bones fell to the floor but if they were outside I think saying they fell to the ground might sound better.

"I don’t remember anything accept waking up..." Accept should be except

I think I love this story so much because it makes Chrysalis seem...well...human, for lack of a better term. So often we read her raging out of control, being ridiculously evil, power hungrry and everything else under the sun but vulnerable. You're doing an amazing job with this and I may or may not have let out an actual squee of delight when I saw this updated tonight. Just sayin'.

what about claudandus (pronounced: cloud-and-us)  Caduceus? call him cc or claud for short

>>575013575013

Thanks for catching those. The issues have already been addressed and edited.

>>574942574942

I know, but it wold be nice to say I got something up there!

Thank you both for your kind and helpful words. It really helps!

Image: http://i.imgur.com/kOYdb.gif

Curse you cliffhangers!!!

lol damn cliffhangers, and i really like this, you better update soon!