Groups
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24w, 3hThe Writer's Group
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34w, 3dThe Changeling Federation
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19w, 5dVillains of Equestria
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22w, 5dWorld-Building Alliance
“There she is! Grab her!” The black mare looked up to see a stallion standing at the end of the alley pointing a hoof at her. Within moments, a few more ponies rounded the corner of the alley and charged her. She tried to stop them, but they were far too fast. She felt a quick blow to her head, and then everything went black.
When she awoke, there was a brown sack placed over her head and she could feel herself being dragged along. Through the small fibers of the burlap, she was able to see the two ponies dragging her along as well as bright floodlights and bedrock.
She tried to speak, but found herself gagged by some kind of rag. She started to thrash about, trying to break free or at least slow them down. However, her struggling didn’t even deter the two stallions holding her. Eventually, they reached the end of the hallway, and a door swung open. From there, she was thrown into a chair and strapped down by her legs and neck.
The black mare continued to struggle, but the restraints were far too tight. All that her struggling managed to do was choke and cut herself on the rough material. Suddenly, the brown sack was torn from her head and the bright white light blinded her, causing her eyes to clamp shut. As her eyes adjusted, the mare could start to make out the figures of a group of ponies.
They were whispering amongst themselves, discussing their plans as they watched the black mare strapped down in her chair writhing and lashing out, just trying to break free like a wild animal.
One of the figures stepped forward enough for the black mare to see that he was not a pony, but a large griffon.
"Now then," he said. The sinister tone in his voice sent a chill running down the mare's spine. "Shall we begin?"
With that, one of the creatures that had captured her pulled a lever beside her, and the black mare heard a burst of steam as the chair she was strapped to began to descend. The griffon walked over to her side, holding one of his claws near his beak as he whispered something into it. With his free claw, he reached over to some unseen table and picked up some kind of needle.
"I will not lie, little one. This will hurt, and it will hurt a lot." With one deft move, the griffon injected the toxin into her shoulder. She could feel it slither through her veins like hot lava.
Chrysalis let out a bloodcurdling scream as she shot upright. A cold sweat poured down her brow as she breathed heavily. For nearly ten minutes, she just sat there staring at an indiscernible part of the wall, catching her breath. Finally, she wiped the sweat from her face and decided to get out of the bed. Taking extra care to not put much weight on her bad leg, she walked over to Caduceus's work bench and drank the glass of water he left sitting there. Her hooves shook as she set it back down.
"What was that?" Chrysalis wondered aloud. Her mind was sending commands to her body that it couldn't process. She wanted to break down and cry, to just scream and scream until her lungs collapsed, but instead she just sat there, unable to do anything.
It was just a dream, right? It didn't really happen... she tried to reason. Then why did it feel so real? She instinctively raised a hoof to the spot on her foreleg where that nightmarish griffon injected the serum and caressed the area where she had felt the needle penetrate her skin. As she traced her way up her leg to the point, she found nothing strange until she got near her shoulder joint. There, she found what felt like a thick, sprawling scar that seemed to trace its way down her veins for an inch or so in either direction.
So it wasn't just a dream...
The realization caused her body to tense up. She felt breathless, as if she was falling from the highest point of the Hollow. Try as she might to catch her breath, it was futile. Her mind was racing a thousand miles a minute while panic and confusion infected her conscience.
Her head pounded as images of her incarceration began to flash through her mind. She could almost hear the ice cold voice of that evil griffon and the fiery sting of the hypodermic needle as it pierced her skin. However, she wasn't able to remember anything clearly and the lack of knowledge frustrated her. Those thoughts gnawed at her, begging for some kind of answer, making her feel even more enraged. Scanning the room, her eyes landed on the pillow resting on the bed.
Chrysalis roared at the top of her lungs as she threw all of her energy into one final punch. As her hoof connected with its intended mark, it let out a thud that shook the small hut and cracked some of the adobe behind it. She held her hoof there, allowing herself a moment's rest as she let the satisfaction of her actions sink in. She was breathing hard and sweating furiously.
I need some more water, she decided. She released the pillow she had been abusing for the past ten minutes and let it drop to the ground. Walking over to what she presumed was the kitchen, she opened the ice chest and found a large pitcher of water next to some other assorted liquids of different colors.
Curiosity getting the better of her, Chrysalis lifted the lid off one of the containers and took a short whiff of its contents. She instantly fell backwards, trying to fight the urge to vomit as she tried to shield her muzzle from the stench. The only way it could be described was like the putrid odor of an old campsite latrine filled with spoiled broccoli and horseradish boiling in the hot sun surrounded by a pack of angry skunks.
The worst thing about this was the realization she still had the lid in her hooves. Using her magic, she levitated the lid and tried to maneuver it back onto the container. However, she couldn't see into the ice chest, so she had to go back over there, peer into the chest, and close the container.
Chrysalis dry heaved just thinking about getting that close to it again, but it needed to be done. Otherwise the toxic fumes would fill the room and gas her out. Even now the potency of the stench was increasing at a rapid rate, causing her head to spin.
Chrysalis took the casing off the poor, defenseless pillow and wrapped it around her muzzle, just as she had watched Caduceus do, and took a few deep breaths through the cloth. The moisture from her breathing dampened the makeshift gas mask and created a weak scent seal around her nostrils. Thankful for the slight relief from the assault on her senses, she then proceeded to approach the ice chest. As she got closer, the air almost seemed to become thicker, almost as if the foul abomination had gained a mind of its own and was pushing her away, trying to keep her from achieving her goal. However, Chrysalis was determined to defeat this foe, and with all her strength, she put the lid on and closed the container.
Slowly, Chrysalis removed the pressure she was applying to the lid, hoping that the jar would stay shut. Once she was confident that the container would not explode, she slumped down and heaved a sigh of relief, removing the cloth from her muzzle. She proceeded sprawled out on her back and smiled triumphantly. After all, she just saved the entire land of Equestria from that abomination. She deserved a medal for her valiant efforts, but being able to just lay down in peace was reward enough.
"Congratulations, Ma'am."
Chrysalis's head shot up from its position on the ground and turned in the direction of the voice. Through her legs, she was able to see Caduceus, walking out of a dark corner of the room trying to stifle his laughter. Her face completely flushed, Chrysalis twisted her body and jumped to her hooves. Unfortunately in her embarrassed haste, she landed wrong and put too much weight on her bad leg twisting her ergot and folding like a cheap tent.
Just as she was about to hit the ground, Caduceus reached out and caught her. "Easy there, Killer. No need get another injury for me to fix," he joked, helping to stand her up.
She quickly pushed him away and hid her face, trying to keep him from seeing her deepening blush. "H-how long were you standing there?" she asked.
"Long enough to know that I'm going to need new pillows."
Chrysalis shrunk, reprimanding herself mentally. Oh no! He saw everything. Even my reaction to that foul concoction he has brewing in there! Not only that, but he saw me in that undignified position! Me, the Queen of the Changelings! What was I thinking?!
Her humiliation slowly turned into anger. "How dare you spy on me! Why did you sneak in?"
"I didn't sneak in," he said with a hint of humor. "You were just too preoccupied with beating the stuffing out of my pillows to notice me walk in."
This only made her more distraught, "Then why didn't you show yourself?! Why did you stay quiet?"
"You had a lot on your mind. Figured it was just one of those things you had to work out of your system. Although I was a little worried you would hurt yourself with that last punch," Caduceus remarked in a very soft and caring voice.
"Wh-what?" Chrysalis was taken aback by this. She was expecting anger, frustration, impatience. Not compassion and worry.
Caduceus walked over to her and removed his glasses, "I know that you like to keep a lot to yourself, but what got you so worked up?"
"It-It's none of your concern," she said, her gaze dropping to the floor.
"I know, but I am concerned. Just, talk about it. Let me help you."
After a few minutes of bickering, Chrysalis finally decided it would be best to tell him about her horrible nightmare and the chilling discovery of her strange scar.
"May I see it?" Caduceus asked, which earned him a questioning look. "I just need to see something." He added, taking his medical journal out of his saddlebag. His hoof gently traced up her arm to the spot of the injection. His soft touch, although innocent, made her blush lightly. Carefully, he applied a slight pressure to the scar and scanned over his notes, mumbling to himself.
"Well that's strange..." he mumbled.
Chrysalis cleared her head as her ears perked up, "What is it? Is something wrong?"
Caduceus tapped his chin, checking over his notes again. After a few moments, he slid the book back into his bag and turned back to her. "Do you think you would be able to make a trip into town with me?" he asked.
"I-I believe so. Why?"
"Because there is somepony there you need to meet."
Comments ( 63 )
So here it is! Sorry it took so long. Life has a way of kicking you while you're down. If I missed anything or if something doesn't seem right, feel free to let me know ASAP so I can fix it before too many other people read it.
Also, still looking for some new art should anyone would want to...
Pony - Up!
*Ba-dumm tss!*
I wonder how many people so far have congratulated this author on getting featured in the five story box of toppiness!
Also, I haven't read the story at all. I read Visionary by Razorbeam and after that I'm ... moderately reluctant to see what other people do with the changeling race, I guess?
Who knows!
truly this is a miraculous day for love everywhere! thanks to the valiant efforts of queen chrysalis the deadly Neurotoxin of dastardly doom is sealed back into it's contained of pure, unadulterated diamond. This likes of which nothing can pierce, saving the lives of millions of people, without chrysalis whom would've suffocated under the stench of eeevil!
Either that or caduceus is cooking up drugs in his house! I mean it's not like he'd cook up any sort of medicine or anything, don't be ridiculous
>>990047 And how do you justify portraying her in such a light? She was clearly the "bad guy" in the season two finale... you know, kind of acting rather evil... downright evil. So I guess what you're saying is her evilness is at heart, lighthearted? I'm confused...
But I think I'll just read the story and determine my reaction from that.
Still, if it got featured, it must be pretty decent.
Here's to optimistically hoping for a pleasant surprise!
liked the eurythmics reference at the title of the chapter. keep up the good work.![]()
Welp, just finished reading all six chapters in one go. Whew! Anywho...thoughts, um...I really....like...her mane!
But seriously, I'm enjoying this. It's not something I think I'd normally read, however, this is a very interesting take on Chrysalis. Continue my good pony, please do continue. ![]()
>>990828 you should lead your story into a more concrete goal, like what will chrysaly do after healing?, will she seek her subjects? , well i don't know.
i like how you flashback so much to set up the context of crhrysalys life, but it its somehow a nunciance to the progress of the story, as you basically do flashbacks for every 3 or 5 mundane acts of the story, winch up to now is nothing but two popy love materiel healing and falling for each other.
so what i recommend is for you to turn on the things a little bit, you know the back story can wait for a bit, or at least after something mean full has happened in the story not just someone breathing...
by the way do you speak Spanish i do so.. do you?
>>990828 Any tips? Uh...keep writing, don't stop. Suggestions? Post the next chapter soon. My criticism: That there aren't more chapters for me to read. ![]()
....I know, I know. It's not very helpful but hey, as someone's grandpappie said somewhere at some point in time: Don't fix what ain't broken.
Granted, there are some grammar mistakes here and there and there are points that I would have written differently but it's your story. You should be writing it for your enjoyment primarily. Entertaining us comes second. ![]()
DARN YOU CLIFFHANGAAAAAAR![]()
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Excuse me while I go kill someone.
*meanwhile*
Me: hey, hey you!
Man: what
Me: RUN.
This gets five mustaches and a Chrysalis ![]()
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Cauddy's recipe is the basis of superdrug Stampede in Fallout Equestria. Yep. That must be it!
Why do so many of you confounded crazy ponies comment before you even read stories!??! Why? HAVE YOUR PARENTS TAUGHT YOU ALL NOTHING?!?!?!
Especially all you wackos out there who are like "I LOVE THIS STORY IT IS THE GREATEST AND I AM FAVORITING IT, ACTUALLY I DON'T HAVE TIME AT ALL TO READ IT RIGHT NOW SO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I REALLY THINK OF IT x DAYS FROM NOW!"
Do you all take in movies and games this way too? Seriously, that is nuts! ![]()
Also she wasn't THAAAAT evil, more like powermad and lovedrunk and a bit too gloaty. She's up there with the campiness of a Power Rangers baddie, or at least one of the main baddies. The MMPR baddies who betray their bosses are always the only ones that are actually sinister while the seasonal villains are just plain funny and would seem nonthreatening if they couldn't cut mountains in half.
Also there's the fact that she and her subjects consume love, but consume it by taking the place of another pony. This implies that it can't be forced, meaning they have to get or at least trick the other pony into liking them. ![]()
Can't just walk up, put their hooves on someone else, and drain them into a dry lifeless husk.
>>989944 I've got this one problem with the chapter, let me go find it again...
Ah, yes.
"Do you think you would be able to make a trip into town with me?" he asked."I-I believe so. Why?"
"Because there is someone there you need to meet..."
You see, after this part, there's something that should be there, but isn't.
Don't know what it is? Here's a hint.
More.
Fascinating... A story obviously inspired by Transcend, following a very similar plot so far, and yet... Not a mess of terrible grammar and plagiarism. This may be interesting.
Eh-Wha?
Ah! Now I'm too scared to write more!
I probably do, but what exactly do you mean? I'm just not sure what you have in mind. ![]()
Actually, that would have been the first one
but I think I am going to keep with the song theme, unless someone else has any good suggestions.>>993940Well, while the are clearly bonding in some way, they are still complete mysteries to each other, and these secrets must be exploited for them to better understand one another and make a meaningful relationship.
Example: Chrysalis=Former queen of changelings. Cant really keep that hidden.
I cant explain any better than that right now. Im on painkillers and my brain is derping about.
If you dont understand its fine because the story is awesome and you are doing an amazing job already!![]()
>>993990 Interesting... You know, I was almost gonna accuse you of blatant plagiarism. Now the only thing you're guilty of is dereliction of duty. That's right, punk. It's your duty as a brony to read the best, and only the best, pieces of fanfiction available. That's why I read Transcend. And now this story. If you don't wanna spend the rest of the summer in the brig, I recommend you move your flank over to Anonymous Pegasus's page, because your Words Read counter is 45,000 short.
Even tough a while ago I tould you this was a good story, Now it seems I'm the only one who's not gonna reward you for this new chapter. ![]()
It's not bad, but I'm getting the feeling that this isnt's going anywhere at all. It's chapter 6 and Chrysails hasn't even been able to go out of the house... So far you've done a good job revealing episodes of her past, but none of the flash backs/nightmares have explain properly why did she became evil or Queen, for that matter. And I felt really forced the fact that she went to being tortured by the cops (or captors) right away, without a trail or anything. And now she's having nightmares from thing she can't even remember? And the stinky soup part felt like a complete filler. I mean, Chrysails doesn't even question Caduceus about what the hell was that thing.
Next chapter looks promising. But you need to develope more your characters. And I mean, develope. Not just make flash backs that they are not even gonna share with each other, making us build their past like a puzzle.
Ah, it is as if you peaked into my diary of doubts and splayed its innards for the world to read! How did you figure out the twenty-nine digit combo?
Anyway, that is why I wanted to end this chapter with them finally leaving the hut and preparing to venture out into the nearby settlement. While on the road, there will be some development and more information on Chrysalis's royal status and Caduceus's past in Zebrabwe. Most of these will not be in flashback form, but a few will have to be. I can guarantee you, however, that everything up to the invasion will be covered. As for her lack of questioning of the contents of the container, you must look at the mentality and nature of the changelings themselves.
By nature, Changelings adapt to survive in their environment in more ways than one. Not only do they change forms to feed their hunger, but their mentality has to be ready to jump in at any time and not question why they are expected to do something to avoid being suspicious. Chrysalis, in this instance, finds things around the house like the jar of foul liquid, her own medicine, the water, etc. What she has learned is that he is a medicine man of sorts and mixes different herbs and potions together to create solutions for a wide range of uses. It is safe to assume that what she found is some kind of potion he has saved for a different reason (I actually have a plan already set for it).
As for the flashbacks and nightmares, Chrysalis has Retrograde Amnesia due to all of the terrible things she has survived (to be honest, wouldn't you be a little bucked up if you were hazed, had accidentally killed someone, and were tortured for an unknown amount of years?). Also, in my world, Chrysalis is not some heartless, tyrannical dictator bent on world conquest. Why she invaded is still a mystery (to you anyway), but do know that she tried other methods. In fact, in "Game of Names: Part 1," I state that invasion was the only option she had left. In fact, it was her last resort.
Oh, and those "ponies" who grabbed her were not by any means "Cops," more like the *SPOILERS* spies of a fanatical nation who had seen the incident and brought her back to the doctor for experimentation. When she was captured (in fact, up to the Royal Wedding), people forgot who or what the Changelings were, so it is safe to assume that they were curious how she could absorb the life force of a living creature.
I really do hope that this answers most of your questions. If not, just message me anything I left out.
>>991481 Well SORRY. I was editing the first few chapters! I do like it so far; my pretentious misgivings were entirely unfounded, and I beg your forgiveness, Volkova. I've enjoyed the story thus far, but the chapters seem just a bit short. Then again, that's most likely due to the fact that I've just been reading SS&E (shortskirtsandexplosions), whose chapters are 20k+. Anyways, nearly done. So I will here post any errors if I find them.
>>1013121 Checking chapter 6 now... moment.
The moisture from her breathing dampening the makeshift gas mask and creating a weak scent seal around her nostrils. -- dampened
'On no! He saw everything. -- "Oh no!" You used on instead of oh! Oh dear!
Figured it was just one of those things you just had to work out of your system. -- why the two justs? How about "Figured it was just something you had to work out of your system." ?
Aaaand that's all folks! Excellent chapter. I look forward to the next one!
You have no idea how happy it makes me to come back after so long (it felt like so long!) and have this in my inbox. Thank you for ending my day on a high note. And as always, I can't wait for more! But I will. ![]()
Chrysalis let out a blood-churning scream as she shot upright, waking from her most terrifying nightmare yet. A cold sweat poured down her brow as she breathed heavily. For nearly ten minutes, she just sat there staring at an indescribable part of the wall, catching her breath.
I honestly think "bloodcurdling" is the more common term, but I guess you get points for originality.
as for "indescribable" I think a more fitting term might be "indiscernible".
She instinctively rose a hoof to the spot on her foreleg where that nightmarish griffon injected the serum instinctively and caressed the area where she had felt the needle penetrate her skin.
Delete second "instinctively" please. It's an affront.
As her hoof connected with it's intended mark, it let out a thud that shook the small hut and cracked some of the adobe behind it.
its
The moisture from her breathing dampened the makeshift gas mask and creating a weak scent seal around her nostrils.
Drat, my bad. I missed that the first time. Sorry! Should be "created"
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Changes made
Working on it! Also, I have started to read your new fic. If you give me a day or so, I will have feedback
* Throws apples at the author *
Hey! Are you alive?! The public likes this story and wants more!
I'm up! I'm up!
*Yawns loudly and rolls out of college cot*
Yea, sorry it is taking so long guys. This has actually been the first day I have been able to get on this site since I moved in, and forget being able to write anything in that time! all of the people in my hall get drunk more than Berry Punch and are twice as loud as Vinyl with their music
.So yea, just got back, and I am going to update my blog shortly so you all know what is going on.
Y u no write more?!
In the meantime I'm going to kill somebody.
Me: hey, you!
Man: yes?
Me: STFU and go die!
*BANG!*
in this story of chrysalis's past is even more proof that monsters are made not born
lowly, Chrysalis removed the pressure she was applying to the lid, hoping that the jar would stay shut.
"Slowly"







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